Children who grew up in dysfunctional families. Summary: Children from dysfunctional families. Working with children from socially disadvantaged families
A child's behavior is a kind of indicator of family well-being or trouble.
The roots of trouble in the behavior of children are easy to see if children grow up in families that are clearly dysfunctional. It is much more difficult to do this in relation to those "difficult" children and adolescents who were brought up in families that are quite prosperous.
And only close attention to the analysis of the family atmosphere in which the life of a child who fell into the "risk group" passed, allows us to find out that well-being was relative. Outwardly regulated relations in families are often a kind of cover for the emotional alienation that reigns in them, both at the level of marital and child-parent relationships.
Types of dysfunctional families in modern society
By dysfunctional, we tend to understand such a family in which the structure is broken, internal boundaries are “blurred”, the main family functions are depreciated or ignored, there are obvious or hidden defects in education, as a result of which the psychological climate in it is disturbed and “difficult” children appear.
Taking into account the dominant factors that have a negative impact on the development of the child's personality, we conditionally divided dysfunctional families into two large groups, each of which includes several varieties.
first group make up families with a clear (open) form of trouble: these are the so-called conflict, problem families, asocial, immoral-criminal and families with a lack of educational resources (in particular, incomplete families).
A distinctive feature of families with a clear (external) form of trouble is that the forms of this type of families have a pronounced character, manifested simultaneously in several areas of family life (for example, at the social and material level), or exclusively at the level of interpersonal relations. Usually, in a family with a clear form of trouble, the child experiences physical and emotional rejection on the part of the parents (insufficient care for him, improper care and nutrition, various forms of family violence, ignoring his spiritual world of experiences). As a result, the child develops a feeling of inadequacy, shame for himself and his parents in front of others, fear and pain for his present and future.
second group represent outwardly respectable families whose lifestyle does not cause concern and criticism from the public. However, the value orientations and behavior of parents sharply diverge from universal moral values, which cannot but affect the moral character of children brought up in such families.
A distinctive feature of these families is that the relationships of their members at the external, social level make a favorable impression, and the consequences of improper upbringing are invisible at first glance, which sometimes misleads others. However, they have a destructive effect on the personality formation of children. These families are referred by us to the category of internally dysfunctional (with a hidden form of trouble). The varieties of such families are quite diverse.
Among outwardly dysfunctional families, the most common are those in which one or more members are dependent on the use of psychoactive substances (alcohol). A person suffering from alcoholism and drugs involves all close people in his illness. Therefore, it is no coincidence that specialists began to pay attention not only to the patient himself, but also to his family, since this is a family disease, a family problem.
Alcoholism can adversely affect not only at the moment of conception and during pregnancy, but throughout the life of the child.
Adults in such a family, forgetting about parental responsibilities, are completely immersed in the "alcohol subculture", which is accompanied by the loss of social and moral values and leads to social and spiritual degradation. The life of children in such a family atmosphere becomes unbearable, turns them into social orphans with living parents. Living together with a patient with alcoholism leads to serious mental disorders in other family members, the complex of which is designated by specialists with such a term as codependency.
Codependency arises in response to a protracted stressful situation in the family and leads to suffering for all members of the family group. Children are especially vulnerable in this regard. The lack of the necessary life experience, a weak psyche - all this leads to the disharmony reigning in the house, quarrels and scandals, unpredictability and lack of security, as well as the alienated behavior of parents, deeply traumatize the child's soul, and the consequences of this moral and psychological trauma often impose deep imprint for the rest of your life.
The most important features of the process of growing up of children from "alcoholic" families are that:
Children grow up with the belief that the world is an unsafe place and people cannot be trusted;
Children are forced to hide their true feelings and experiences in order to be accepted by adults; they are not aware of their feelings, they do not know what their cause is and what to do with it, but it is in accordance with them that they build their lives, relationships with other people, with alcohol and drugs;
Children carry their emotional wounds and experiences into adulthood, often becoming chemically addicted. And the same problems reappear that were in the house of their drinking parents;
Children feel emotionally rejected by adults when they make mistakes due to indiscretion, when they do not live up to the expectations of adults, when they openly show their feelings and state their needs;
Children, especially older ones in the family, are forced to take responsibility for the behavior of their parents;
Parents may not perceive the child as a separate being with its own value, they believe that the child should feel, look and do the same as they do;
Parents' self-esteem can depend on the child. Parents can treat him as an equal without giving him the opportunity to be a child;
A family with alcohol-dependent parents is dangerous due to its desocializing influence not only on their own children, but also the spread of a destructive impact on the personal development of children from other families. As a rule, whole companies of neighbor children arise around such houses, thanks to adults, they become attached to alcohol and the criminal-immoral subculture that reigns among drinking people.
Among the clearly dysfunctional families, a large group is made up of families with violations of child-parent relationships. In them, the influence on children is desocialized and is manifested not directly through patterns of immoral behavior of parents, as in “alcoholic” families, but indirectly, due to chronic complicated, actually unhealthy relationships between spouses, which are characterized by a lack of mutual understanding and mutual respect, an increase in emotional alienation and a predominance of conflict interaction.
Conflicted marital unions such families are called in which there are constantly areas where the interests, intentions, desires of all or several family members (spouses, children, other relatives living together) collide, giving rise to strong and prolonged negative emotional states, incessant hostility of spouses to each other.
Conflict is a chronic condition of such a family.
Regardless of whether the conflict family is noisy, scandalous, where raised voices, irritability become the norm of relations between spouses, or quiet, where marital relations are marked by complete alienation, the desire to avoid any interaction, it negatively affects the formation of the child's personality and can cause various asocial manifestations. in the form of deviant behavior.
Conflict families often lack moral and psychological support. A characteristic feature of conflict families is also a violation of communication between its members. As a rule, an inability to communicate is hidden behind a protracted, unresolved conflict or quarrel.
Conflict families are more “silent” than non-conflict ones; in them, spouses exchange information less often and avoid unnecessary conversations. In such families, they almost never say “we”, preferring to say only “I”, which indicates the psychological isolation of marriage partners, their emotional disunity. And, finally, in problematic, always quarreling families, communication with each other is built in a monologue mode, reminiscent of the conversation of the deaf: everyone says his own, the most important, sore, but no one hears him; the answer is the same monologue.
Children who have experienced quarrels between parents receive adverse experiences in life. Negative images of childhood are very harmful, they cause thinking, feelings and actions already in adulthood.
Children often experience an acute shortage of parental love, affection and attention due to the official or personal employment of the spouses. The consequence of such family upbringing of children quite often becomes pronounced egoism, arrogance, intolerance, difficulties in communicating with peers and adults.
V. V. Yustitskis in his classification singles out the family as “incredulous”, “frivolous”, “cunning” - with these metaphorical names he denotes certain forms of hidden family trouble.
"Distrustful" family. A characteristic feature is an increased distrust of others (neighbors, acquaintances, workmates, employees of institutions with which family members have to communicate). Family members deliberately consider everyone unfriendly or simply indifferent, and their intentions towards the family are hostile.
Such a position of the parents also forms in the child himself a distrustful and hostile attitude towards others. He develops suspicion, aggressiveness, it is increasingly difficult for him to enter into friendly contacts with peers. Children from such families are most vulnerable to the influence of antisocial groups, since the psychology of these troupes is close to them: hostility towards others, aggressiveness. Therefore, it is not easy to establish spiritual contact with them and win their trust, as they do not believe in sincerity in advance and are waiting for a dirty trick.
The "frivolous" family. It is distinguished by a carefree attitude towards the future, the desire to live one day, not caring about what consequences today's actions will have tomorrow. Members of such a family gravitate towards momentary pleasures, plans for the future are usually uncertain. If someone expresses dissatisfaction with the present and a desire to live differently, he does not think about it seriously.
Children in such families grow up weak-willed, disorganized, they are drawn to primitive entertainment. They commit misconduct most often due to a thoughtless attitude to life, lack of firm principles and unformed strong-willed qualities.
In a "cunning" family First of all, they value enterprise, luck and dexterity in achieving life goals. The main thing is the ability to achieve success in the shortest way, with a minimum expenditure of labor and time. At the same time, members of such a family sometimes easily cross the boundaries of what is permitted. Laws and moral standards. To such qualities as diligence, patience, perseverance, the attitude in such a family is skeptical, even dismissive. As a result of such “education”, an attitude is formed: the main thing is not to get caught.
Consider some more types of families related to hidden forms of family trouble:
Families focused on the success of the child
A possible variety of an internally dysfunctional family is the seemingly perfectly normal typical families, where parents seem to pay enough attention to children and attach importance to them. The whole range of family relationships unfolds in the space between the age and individual characteristics of children and the expectations placed on them by their parents, which, ultimately, form the child's attitude towards himself and his environment.
Parents instill in their children a desire for achievement, which is often accompanied by an excessive fear of failure. The child feels that all his positive connections with his parents depend on his success, he is afraid that he will be loved only as long as he does everything well. This attitude does not even require special formulations: it is so clearly expressed through everyday activities that the child is constantly in a state of increased emotional stress only because of the expectation of a question about how his school (sports, music, etc.) affairs are. He is sure in advance that “fair” reproaches, edifications, and even more serious punishments await him if he fails to achieve the expected success.
Do you dream of your child becoming rich, successful, prosperous and happy?
Do you want your child to have:
Own reliable family with strong family traditions?
own rich , beautiful and cozy house ?
own business, which can be inherited?
Create and develop family traditions: “Happy family”, “Our home is our fortress”, “Own business”, “My destiny”, etc.
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Pseudo-mutual and pseudo-hostile families
To describe unhealthy family relationships that are hidden, veiled, some researchers use the concept of homeostasis, meaning by this family ties that are restrictive, impoverished, stereotyped and almost indestructible. The most famous are two forms of such relations - pseudo-reciprocity and pseudo-hostility.
In both cases, we are talking about families whose members are interconnected by endlessly repeating stereotypes of emotional mutual reactions and are in fixed positions in relation to each other, preventing the personal and psychological separation of family members. Pseudo-reciprocal families encourage the expression of only warm, loving, supportive feelings, and hostility, anger, irritation and other negative feelings are hidden and suppressed in every possible way. In pseudo-hostile families, on the contrary, it is customary to express only hostile feelings, and reject tender ones.
A similar form of marital interaction can be transferred to the sphere of parent-child relations, which cannot but affect the formation of the child's personality. He learns not so much to feel, but to “play with feelings”, and focusing exclusively on the positive side of their manifestation, while remaining emotionally cold and alienated. Having become an adult, a child from such a family, despite the presence of an internal need for care and love, will prefer non-interference in the personal affairs of a person, even the closest one, and emotional detachment, up to complete alienation, will be elevated to his main life principle.
Researchers involved in the study of family psychology also identify three specific forms of family dysfunction: rivalry, imaginary cooperation, and isolation.
Rivalry It manifests itself in the form of the desire of two or more family members to secure a dominant position in the house. At first glance, this is the primacy in decision-making: financial, economic, pedagogical (concerning the upbringing of children), organizational, etc. It is known that the problem of leadership in the family is especially acute in the first years of marriage: husband and wife often quarrel over which of them should be the head of the family. Rivalry is evidence that there is no real head in the family. A child in such a family grows up with the absence of a traditional division of roles in the family; it is normal for a child to find out who is in charge in the “family” at every opportunity. The child is formed the opinion that conflicts are the norm.
Imaginary cooperation. This form of family trouble is also quite common, although at the external, social level, it is "covered" by the seemingly harmonious relations of spouses and other family members. Conflicts between husband and wife or spouses and their parents are not visible on the surface. But this temporary lull lasts only until the moment when one of the family members does not change his life position. Imaginary cooperation can also clearly manifest itself in a situation where, on the contrary, one of the family members (more often the wife), after a long period of doing only household chores, decides to get involved in professional activities. A career requires a lot of time and effort, therefore, naturally, household chores that only the wife did have to be redistributed among other family members and they are not ready for that. In such a family, the child does not form an attitude to cooperate with members of his family, to find a compromise. On the contrary, he believes that each should support the other, as long as it does not go against his personal interests.
Insulation- a fairly common form of family trouble. A relatively simple version of this difficulty in the family is the psychological isolation of one person in the family from others, most often it is the widowed parent of one of the spouses. Despite the fact that he lives in the house of his children, he does not take a direct part in the life of the family. No one is interested in his opinion on certain issues, he is not involved in the discussion of important family problems, and they do not even ask about his well-being, as everyone knows that "he is always ill." They simply got used to it, as to an interior item, and consider it their duty only to make sure that it is fed in a timely manner.
A variant of mutual isolation of two or more family members is possible. For example, the emotional alienation of spouses can lead to the fact that each of them prefers to spend most of their time outside the family, having their own circle of acquaintances, affairs and entertainment. Remaining spouses purely formally, both rather depart than spend time at home. The family rests either on the need to raise children, or out of prestige, financial and other similar considerations.
Mutually isolated can be a young and parental families living under the same roof. Sometimes they run the household separately, like two families in a communal apartment. Conversations revolve mainly around everyday problems: whose turn it is to clean public places, who and how much to pay for utilities, etc.
In such a family, the child observes a situation of emotional, psychological, and sometimes even physical isolation of family members. Such a child does not have a sense of attachment to the family, he does not know what it is to feel for another family member if he is old or sick.
This typology can be supplemented with another variety, which we conditionally called the family of a “borderline” character, since its transition from the category of prosperous to its antipode occurs imperceptibly, and a sharp change in the psychological climate is detected only when relations in the family turn out to be completely disordered and emotional disunity spouses often end in divorce.
Families with disabled members. A special category in this group are families with disabled members. Among them, in turn, one can single out families with disabled parents or chronically ill adult members of the family group. The family environment in such cases becomes stressful, destabilizes the interpersonal relations of the spouses and creates a specific social and psychological background around the child, which cannot but affect the formation of his personality.
Families with disabled and chronically ill children. A peculiar psychological climate develops in such families, which determines their classification as unfavorable. The stay of such children in the family creates many difficulties, which can be conditionally divided into two groups: the first is how the family affects the condition of the sick child; the second is how the condition of a chronically ill child changes the psychological climate in the family.
Families with violation of the structure of family roles d - one of the varieties of "border" families. In them, the structure of family roles is violated, and they become pathological.
In the event of the emergence of pathological roles, mainly associated with a violation of the relationship between the family and its social environment, relations with neighbors, with other families, relatives, state institutions, etc. change. There are such varieties of family groups as “family-fortress”, “family with anti-sexual ideology”, “family-sanatorium”, “family-theater”, where the border between well-being and trouble is barely perceptible in the initial period of the functioning of the family.
However, over time, family troubles become so obvious that neither the members of the family nor its social environment have any doubts about this. At the center of the "family-fortress" is an individual with neuropsychiatric disorders, which are expressed in a tendency to paranoid reactions. He uses his influence in the family to induce other members of the family group to accept his idea that "everyone is against us", "we are attacked - we defend ourselves." This inevitably leads to a restructuring of relations in the family: interpersonal roles of the "leader" and his "comrades-in-arms" arise.
Family with "anti-sexual ideology" most often appears under the predominant influence of an individual with impaired potency. After the family accepts the point of view that depravity reigns in the outside world and that it is the duty of people to fight it, the behavior of a family member with sexual potency disorders begins to look like commendable restraint.
Similarly, the situation can develop in the “family-theater”, which devotes its entire life to the struggle for demonstrative prestige in the immediate environment. Typically, families of this type arise under the influence of an individual who has certain psychological problems in the implementation of self-esteem.
The listed forms are not exhausted by the varieties of family troubles. At the same time, each of the adults, consciously or unconsciously, seeks to use children in a function that is beneficial for themselves. Children, as they grow older and become aware of the family situation, begin to play games with adults, the rules of which were imposed on them.
Especially clearly the difficult situation of children in families with various forms of psychological distress is manifested in the roles that they are forced to take on at the initiative of adults. Whatever the role - positive or negative - it equally negatively affects the formation of the child's personality, which will not be slow to affect his sense of self and relationships with others, not only in childhood, but also in adulthood.
In addition, family well-being is a relative phenomenon and may be temporary. Often a completely prosperous family goes into the category of either explicitly or implicitly dysfunctional families. Therefore, it is necessary to constantly carry out work to prevent family problems. This is a constant concern of the psychologist and social pedagogue.
But even in well-to-do families, children can experience psychological discomfort. This may be due to the peculiarities of family education, forms of relationships between parents and children, methods and means of pedagogical influence, options for parental behavior. You know them well, I'll just remind you.
parenting options.
1. Strict - parent
2. Explanatory - parent.
3. Autonomous - Parent
4. Compromise
5. Co-parent
6. Sympathetic parent
7. Indulgent is a parent
8. Situational - parent
9. Dependent - Parent
The internal pedagogical position of parents, their views on the upbringing of children in the family are always reflected in the manner of parental behavior, the nature of communication and the characteristics of relationships with children.
The following styles of parental behavior stand out:
"Commander General"
"Parent Psychologist"
"Judge"
"Priest"
"Cynic"
Parenting styles that experts refer to dysfunctional families, children from which are most often in "risk groups":
condescending style
Demonstrative style.
Pedantically suspicious style.
Rigid authoritarian style
Persuasive style
detached and indifferent
Education on the type of "family idol".
Inconsistent style.
The psychological comfort of the child depends on how the family satisfies his basic psychological needs. It is the family that should provide the child with a sense of security, selfless love, conditions for personal development.
Ministry of Education of the Russian Federation
PSLU
Course work
in psychology on the topic:
"Children from disadvantaged families"
Full-time 3rd year students
Faculty of English 301 groups
Kiseleva Olga Viktorovna
Scientific adviser: Shavoleva N.M.
Pyatigorsk
I Introduction
II Types of dysfunctional families
one). Alcohol family
2). Criminally - immoral family
3). Immorally - associative family
4). conflict family
five). Pedagogically unsuccessful family
III parenting mistakes
IV Psychological help for children
from disadvantaged families
We are accustomed to consider the family as a center of peace and love, where a person is surrounded by the closest and dearest people. However, upon closer examination, it turns out that this is not the case. The family more and more often resembles a theater of military operations, an arena of fierce disputes, mutual accusations and threats, and often comes to the use of physical force. For a long time it was considered: all these things are delicate, inside - family ... But the consequences of such violence are too painful and extensive. Too broadly and deeply they respond to the fate of adults and children, so that it could remain a "private matter" ... The number of children living in dysfunctional families is unknown, but there is reason to believe that it is large.
As a result of the increase in the number of divorces, more than half a million children are left without a parent every year. The number of lawsuits for deprivation of parental rights is constantly growing. Today, 15,000 parents are registered with the police and have a negative influence on their children. The results of sample studies show that domestic violence, including sexual violence, has recently become widespread. According to the Arbsky Center for Social and Forensic Psychiatry, children aged 6-7 are especially often affected. Of these, 70% lag behind in mental and physical development, suffer from various psycho-emotional disorders. Every year, ten thousand children under the age of 14 die from injuries and poisoning in the country. Children from disadvantaged families were found to be 7 times more likely to have supicide attempts, 3 times more likely to be placed in an orphanage or similar state institutions, 2 times more likely to get married early, 2 times more likely to have mental illness , 2 times more likely to have delinquent behavior. Many children leave home and become homeless. It is one thing when a homeless child is 16-18 years old, i.e. he is able to make decisions and evaluate his own actions. And it is quite another thing when parents drink deeply, they themselves wander and the child is left to himself. Does he want to live on the street, sleep where he has to, steal or beg so as not to starve to death? My answer is clear. Obviously, part of the problems can be explained by the system of education in the family. And it seems to me that today we need a state program that would allow saving children.
We are talking about children from dysfunctional families, i.e. about children, about dysfunctional families, about what happens to a child if he ends up in a dysfunctional family. What is a dysfunctional family? It is impossible to answer in one word. After all, everything in the world is relative - both well-being and trouble in relation to the child. But after all, children are all different: some are more enduring, others are not, some are vulnerable, but all react, and others are all tryn-grass, you can’t get through them. Therefore, to talk about a child from a dysfunctional family means to say:
1) . What are dysfunctional families?
2) . What are the children with their psychological and psychopathological problems, defeated
over-regulation of family ills.
3) . How does family trouble affect a child who is prone to an aggravated response to all sorts of adverse factors.
4) . How a sick child can disturb the peace of the family, cause irritation, anger, impatience, etc. in parents. those. turn the family into a dysfunctional one, and the latter, in turn, can further aggravate the mental state of the child.
5) . What should teachers do to help the child, because it is not his fault that he lives in a dysfunctional family.
A dysfunctional family for a child is not a synonym for an antisocial or asocial family. There are a great many families about which nothing bad can be said from a formal point of view, but nevertheless, for a given child, this family is dysfunctional. Of course, the family of a drunkard or a hooligan will be unfavorable for any child, but in most cases the concept of an unfavorable family can only arise in relation to a specific child who is affected by this unfavorable situation. There are different families, different children meet, so that only the system of relations "family - child" has the right to be considered as prosperous or dysfunctional.
The family may be incomplete. It may be complete, but with a contradictory upbringing or with an upbringing that suppresses the child, or with organized conditions, etc. Sometimes an incomplete family is more useful for a child than an incomplete one. Although complete (let's say the father is a drunkard who terrorizes the family, then he finally leaves the family, the family breathes a sigh of relief, peace reigns in it). There are outwardly good relations in the family, but parents, overly busy with their production affairs, pay little attention to the child - this can also lead to bad consequences for the vulnerable soul of a small person.
Divorces also affect the child. Parents get divorced and do not think about the fate of their children, their warped childhood and warped spiritual life. Children will grow up and, remembering how their parents behaved, will continue their path. Or become cynics, or lonely, or some other, but in any case - unhappy. Defects in upbringing are the first and most important indicator of a dysfunctional family. Neither material, nor everyday, nor prestigious indicators characterize the degree of well-being of the family or trouble - only the attitude towards the child.
Trouble in the family to one degree or another almost always leads to trouble in the mental development of the child. Not in the sense of stupidity or some other violations, for example, of the intellect, but in the sense of disharmony in the maturation of the emotional-volitional sphere, i.e. predominantly human nature. And what is the character, such are the relationships of a person with other people, such is his happiness.
One of the most powerful unfavorable factors that destroy not only the family, but also the mental balance of the child is the drunkenness of the parents. It can be cancerous for the baby, not only at the time of conception of the fetus and during pregnancy, but throughout the life of the child.
Whatever aspect of the problem of deviations from the normal psycho-physical development of a child we touch upon, we are almost always forced to talk about the pernicious influence of parents' drunkenness. Because of this ominous phenomenon, the child learns bad examples, because of this there is a general lack of any education. , because of this, children lose their parents and end up in orphanages, etc.
The vast majority of the negative examples that we give, one way or another, have their cause in the drunkenness of adults. When they talk about the harm brought by drunkards to their children, it seems to be difficult to surprise here: people seem to have become accustomed to this ugly phenomenon. They just got used to it in vain, put up with it in vain. The whole world needs to fight against drunkenness, which inevitably cripples children.
Drunkards not only liken themselves to children and adolescents who, due to their immaturity, cannot resist pernicious traditions. Drunkenness is the cause of many neuroses and behavioral disorders in family members of drunkards. In the vast majority of cases, various mental disorders in children are caused by the drunkenness of parents, their social degradation, hooliganism, and poor self-control. If because of drunkards - fathers children become neurotic, then from drunkards - mothers are often born mentally handicapped children. But while scientists are arguing about who is more to blame - drunken fathers or drunken mothers, or all together, it is necessary to fight everyday drunkenness and its consequences by all means. - alcoholic disease.
Psychological characteristics of children:
Children know that people condemn drunkenness, blame them for being bad parents. Therefore, the children strive with all their might to hide the shame of the family. Children cannot speak frankly about their family either with friends or with teachers. The habit of hiding makes it necessary to ignore reality. Secrecy, subterfuge, deception become the usual components of life. As a result, everyone becomes suspicious and spiteful. Lessons learned in childhood are reinforced by the fact that family members never honestly discuss what is not going on. And open communications cease to exist. Secrets invariably give impetus to envy, jealousy. The more secrecy, the more confusion of guilt, struggle, fights, separation of family members and isolation, loneliness.
Death is very common in an alcoholic family. Just as drunkenness must be hidden, quarrels must also be kept secret, because it was their fault. Quarrels both at the verbal level and accompanied by physical aggression have not only a traumatic effect on the child. Constant observation of how parents provoke each other, argue, make noise, leads to the fact that children learn a similar style of relationships between people in general."Moskalenko"
In alcoholic families, both the ill and non-ill parent often do not keep their promises. One disappointment, then another. All this depresses the child. And true to family traditions to keep everything a secret, children never tell their parents about their difficult feelings. And as adults, they continue to anticipate disappointment, distrust in both casual and intimate relationships. The passionate desire to have constant care for themselves on the part of their parents remains for a long time with children from such families. They may remain infantile, immature in relationships with peers."Moskalenko" At the same time, children in such families are forced to quickly become adults. Children feel responsible for younger brothers and sisters. Drinking parents need their physical and emotional support. Children have to listen, approve their parents, make their life more or less convenient, comfortable. Indeed, children become the parents of their parents. Children cover up the disorganization of family life. And later they have a vague feeling that they missed something that they were due, that they deserved, and they continue to fight to return their share of attention. , children's joys . They do not understand frivolity, liberty. Such people do not know how to enjoy life.
Lack of care and attention to the child can also be a parenting style in an alcoholic family. Such an attitude towards the child is only part of the rules that reign in the family. A drunken father, lying on the floor, the children step over him, as if not noticing. Or the mother may suffer from alcoholism herself, or be absorbed by her husband's alcohol problems, spend all her energy on them, and at this time the children live without her attention. Children do not bathe, do not brush their teeth. The lack of care is only the beginning of the general neglect of the child."Moskalenko"
If children constantly hear in the family that the father should earn money, not drink, they may begin to confuse money with love and attention. When friends need attention, such children can get rid of them with gifts.
The emotional needs of children in alcoholic families are also not given due attention. And children will not learn how to enter the state of another person. They also do not learn the elementary duties of parents, which makes it difficult for them to adapt in their future life.
noah family."Moskalenko"
"Sexual Insult". So, if a girl is forced to increasingly replace her alcoholic
If a mother is in the household chores, in taking care of younger children, then one day it may happen that she will replace her mother with her father in his sexual harassment. Often the husbands of alcoholic women are also alcoholics. In the event that the father is not ill with alcoholism, his thoughts and feelings turn to the "female half of the house", to the daughters, if the mother is sick and absent physically and emotionally. Then the father seeks friendship and recognition from his daughters. Close relationships with daughters can slip into the realm of sexual relations."Moskalenko"
Sexual abuse is understood not only as explicit rape, but also as a covert encroachment on free sexual development.
Overt and covert sexual aggression towards children is a fairly common occurrence in families with an alcoholic. Even in the absence of physical contact, the actions of an adult that disrupt the development of the child's sexuality, interfere with the acquisition of one's own experience in this direction, can be regarded as subtle, hidden sexual aggression. It is believed that the consequences of both covert and overt sexual aggression are always severe and long-term. The nature of the consequences is compared to what alcoholism itself leaves behind: feelings of worthlessness, loss of control over one's life, and an overwhelming dependence on this absolute and greatest family secret. Guilt, shame, self-hatred, despair, depression, the role of a victim in all life situations, passivity,
promiscuity - this is not a complete list of what may be associated with an act of incest, or with a hidden sexual abuse that took place in childhood.
If you were a victim of incest, then it is very important for you to tell someone who inspires your confidence about what happened. If he doesn't believe you, find someone else who can help you and your family. If you don't want your abuser to get in trouble, remember that telling the truth is the first step in not only stopping sex crimes, but helping the perpetrator."Moskalenko"
Children and adolescents who have experienced sexual abuse have a particular behavior, and if the psychological characteristics of such children are known, adults working with children might assume that the child may be experiencing abuse. It should be noted that these signs are not specific
logical for sexual violence, however, according to both foreign and our researchers, children who have experienced sexual violence demonstrate the following features:
Preschool children
- tormented by nightmares;
- fears;
- they suddenly start behaving like younger children;
- play sexual games with themselves, peers or toys;
- engaged in open masturbation;
- prone to neuropsychiatric disorders (including enuresis and encopresis);
Children of primary school age
- experiencing difficulties at school;
- close in themselves, fenced off from adults, including parents;
- their relationships with peers worsen;
- role behavior changes;
- they fantasize excessively;
- sometimes behave sexually;
- for no apparent reason suffer from pain in the abdomen;
High school children, teenagers
- fall into childhood;
- run away from home
- they have low self-esteem;
- engaged in prostitution;
- make suicide attempts;
- consume alcohol and drugs;
- demonstrate defiant, sexual behavior;
- for no apparent reason, they develop various diseases: allergies, abdominal pain, headaches.
Oddly enough, but most of the little tramps have parents - both a mother and a father. Usually these are drunkards and alcoholics, against whom proceedings are initiated for the deprivation of parental rights. How else? Mom and dad are not only not engaged in raising a child, they simply do not notice him. Sometimes staying at home poses a direct threat to the life and health of children. Drinking parties (and even dens) are constantly arranged in the apartments. Not only do children see all this debauchery, but often they themselves become participants in it. In childhood, as you know, an idea of a way of life is formed. It develops gradually, but over the years it becomes so stable that it is almost impossible to remake, change it. Suppose a child is severely beaten at home. He runs away from home and thus escapes from regular beatings. The subconscious immediately distinguishes this: it's good. Or, parents drink everything on drink and there is not even a crust of bread in the house, and on the street you can steal or beg for food. The child's subconscious again fixes a positive emotion. The same thing happens at school. The child is lagging behind, does not learn the material, they laugh at him - this hurts painfully. But in his environment, in the basement, in the attic, he is a king, enjoys authority. In a word, the fates of little runaways are stories about how children could not cope with the life problems facing them and found, so to speak, workarounds. In any case, initially the blame lies with the parents, because they either did not want to help their son or daughter overcome the difficulties that had arisen, or by their behavior they themselves created unbearable conditions for the child. Most of the children. Falling into shelters from the street, sick. Mental retardation, oligophrenia of varying degrees are common diagnoses. Almost without exception, pedagogically neglected, their vocabulary is limited, because no one studied with them. Among twelve - thirteen year olds, there are often drug addicts, drug addicts.
These children know more about life than other adults. Too much they had to endure and experience. Here they brought one girl and she turned out to be pregnant. And she's only twelve years old. And this is no exception.
Every child who has taken a sip of independence needs help. Some need a doctor, others need a psychologist, and others just need a good attitude. The main task is to give boys and girls the right idea about life. But this problem must be approached differently, according to age. Until the age of twelve or thirteen, it is still possible to influence the children's consciousness, but as practice shows, it is almost impossible to change the older ones. Although... finding themselves in a normal environment and forced to behave decently, even the most inveterate scammers gradually forget their past "merits". There was one girl who should have been more accurately called a little woman. At the age of 13, she could no longer live without a man. But after a while, it became enough just to look at her more strictly: “Like, what’s the matter?” and all, she took herself in hand.
It is clear that the future of these guys largely depends on where and to whom they end up. In most-
In most cases, they need to be dragged, that is, to help with the choice of profession, housing, and arrangements in life. If they are left to themselves, then many will certainly face a rather difficult future. They are too unstable. They have lost too much and important period in their lives. It is difficult for them to be like everyone else, and then society puts pressure on them with a vengeance.
"Buyanova"
Given the rather large number of reasons for the functional failure of the family, there are very diverse approaches to the typology and classification of such families. As a system-forming criterion in compiling a typology of functionally insolvent families, I use the nature of the desocializing influence exerted by such families on their children.
Families with direct desocializing influence demonstrate antisocial behavior and antisocial orientations, thus acting as an institution of desocialization.
These include criminal-immoral families, in which criminal risk factors predominate, and immoral-asocial families, which are characterized by antisocial attitudes and orientations.
A family with an indirect desocializing influence experiences difficulties of a socio-psychological and psychological-pedagogical nature, expressed in violations of marital and child-parent relationships, these are the so-called conflict and pedagogically incompetent families, which more often, due to psychological reasons, lose their influence on children.
Criminal and immoral families pose the greatest danger in terms of their negative impact on children. The life of children in such families due to abuse, drunken brawls, sexual promiscuity of parents, lack of elementary care for the maintenance of children is often in jeopardy. These are the so-called social orphans (orphans with living parents), whose upbringing should be entrusted to the state-public
no care. Otherwise, the child will experience early vagrancy, runaways from home, complete social vulnerability both from abuse in the family and from the criminalizing influence of criminal formations."Belicheva"
Considering the acute social disadvantage and criminality that characterize these families, it is advisable to entrust social work with them to the employees of the juvenile affairs inspectorates, imputing to them social patronage and social and legal protection of children from criminally immoral families. Moreover, the criminogenic danger of such families of such families extends not only to their own children. Around such houses, as a rule, there are whole companies of neighboring children who, thanks to adults, are introduced to alcohol, vagrancy, theft and begging, a criminal subculture.
Here are a few examples of a criminal-immoral family:
Nikolai F., despite the fact that he is 13 years old, has been studying in the 3rd grade for more than three years, is registered with the JP for systematic absenteeism, vagrancy. For the last two years, he has practically not studied at school, appears at home sporadically, spends time in the company of street friends. In this case, the family only has a negative impact on the child. Parents believe that since they have three classes of education, then this is quite enough for their son. Mother and father are alcoholics, they work as janitors, the house is completely unsanitary. The house does not have the necessary furniture, dishes, bed linen, often there is no food. Parents periodically suffer from hard drinking, the mother, during drunken sprees, regardless of her husband and children, brings strangers into the house or herself disappears from the house for a long time. In addition to Nikolai, the family has two younger children. All measures of administrative and social influence on the family in this case turned out to be ineffective, one thing is necessary - the removal of children from such an obviously pernicious situation and transfer to state public care. Neither the inspector nor the commission on juvenile affairs took these measures, the only possible ones in this case, in a timely manner. The inspectorate was waiting for an initiative from the school, the school - from the inspectorate. As a result, time was lost for Nikolai. The same with such indecision awaits his younger brothers.
Here are more examples of criminal and immoral families in which the further stay of the child is also not possible.
Alexander T., 12 years old, studies poorly, systematically plays truant, wanders, commits petty thefts. The mother has died, the teenager lives with his father, who is not involved in raising the child. Recently, my older brother returned from prison. Either the drunken company of the father or the brother's friends constantly gather at the apartment. It is clear that such an environment is a dangerous criminal environment for both Alexander and his friends. However, the issue of transferring Alexander to a boarding school for the same reasons was resolved within two years.
Dima N. 9 years old. Parents drank heavily, debauched-rily, the father was convicted, the mother constantly does not work anywhere, leads an immoral lifestyle, lives at the expense of frequently changing cohabitants, often and for a long time leaves home, leaves the child unattended, in the care of neighbors or an elderly helpless grandmother . The boy does not have the most elementary conditions for life and study, and often remains hungry. The decision on the issue of transferring Dima to a boarding school was also unjustifiably delayed."Belicheva"
The examples considered allow us to get a fairly clear idea of the criminal-immoral families and the measures of preventive action necessary in relation to them. Timely and decisive measures taken in relation to such families could significantly reduce their dangerous criminogenic influence on their own and other people's children. However, this does not happen, since the prevention authorities do not have a clear idea of which of them should primarily deal with such families. Not only are the bodies and social institutions whose competence includes the social and legal protection and support of children who have lost parental care due to the moral behavior of the social degradation of their parents not clearly defined, but the legal framework for the protection and protection of childhood has not been sufficiently worked out. As a rule, we resort only to the last resort - the deprivation of parental rights, while less painful for children and more effective in influencing degraded parents would be measures for the temporary removal of children from immoral families with their temporary transfer to be raised in other families, or in orphanages. Other preventive measures should be applied to families in which functional failure has other causes. So, for example, asocial-immoral families, which, although they belong to families with direct desocializing influence, nevertheless, in accordance with their specific socio-psychological characteristics, require a different approach.
In practice, asocial-immoral families are most often classified as families with frank acquisitive orientations, living on the principle of “the end justifies the means”, in which there are no moral norms and restrictions. The external situation in these families may look quite favorable, the standard of living is quite high, but spiritual values are replaced by exclusively acquisitive orientations with very illegible means of their achievements. Such families, despite their external respectability, due to their exclusively moral ideas, also have a direct desocializing effect on children, directly instilling in them antisocial views and value orientations."Belicheva"
The family of Natasha K. (15 years old, 8th grade) can serve as an example of an asocial-immoral family. Natasha is registered for depraved immoral behavior, was repeatedly detained by combatants in a drunken state in the company of the same drunken teenagers.
She studies poorly, is extremely rude to the teacher, classmates, cruel, arrogant with her friends, beats her peers. He lives with his mother, a trade worker. Mom is one of the people who "know how to live", at home - full prosperity, carpets, crystal, expensive things. Mom broke up with Natasha's father, because he did not approve of her moral promiscuity,
and she, accordingly, attributed him to the number of losers, called him "loose", etc.
Natasha's mother is characterized by a cynical attitude towards spiritual values and moral qualities of people. All the virtues of a person are determined by the possibilities to get, to have, etc.
The daughter has surpassed her mother in cynicism, has no authority, is very rude to her mother, who has lost all opportunities to influence her daughter's behavior. He resorts to extreme measures, beats his daughter, locks her in the apartment with a key.
The point of view of those who consider it necessary to remove children from socially immoral families is hardly justified. Despite the negative impact that such parents have on children, there is no formal reason for making a decision to remove a child from these families. In relation to such parents and children, corrective methods based on the principles of “reverse socialization” are most applicable, when through maturing children, who quite clearly reflect the internal appearance of their parents, parents rethink their own positions. However, a significant drawback of reverse socialization methods is their belatedness; insight often comes too late to significantly change something in the personality of a teenager. A different approach is required by families with indirect desocializing influence - conflict and pedagogical insolvent."Belicheva"
A conflict family in which, for various psychological reasons, the personal relationships of the spouses are built not on the principle of mutual respect and understanding, but on the principle of a conflict of alienation.
Conflict families can be both noisy, scandalous, where raised tones, irritability become the norm of relations between spouses,
and “quiet”, where the relationship of the spouses is characterized by complete alienation, the desire to knock down any interaction. In all cases, a conflict family negatively affects the formation of a child's personality and can cause various asocial manifestations."Belicheva"
For example, the family of Edik F., aged 15, who has been registered with the JN for the third year, studies poorly, is impudent to teachers, fights with kids, takes money from them, started smoking early, drinks, and is difficult to re-educate. Outwardly, his family looks quite prosperous, a good apartment, full prosperity, parents lead a sober lifestyle, good production workers, take care of children. Mother works as a department head in a department store, father is a foreman at a factory. However, the relationship between the parents is very alienated, like a hidden chronic conflict. The mother accuses the father of the inability to live, the father, in turn, suspects his wife of adultery. In all skirmishes he prefers to remain silent, stays late at work and comes home only to spend the night. He practically does not talk to his children or his wife. There is a painful, oppressive atmosphere in the house, which has a hard effect on children, makes them "prickly", immune to the pedagogical influences of teachers, public educators, enshrined in the JDN.
Here is another example - the family of Dima L., 11 years old, is registered for systematic absences, neglect of studies, vagrancy. Father is a driver, mother is a housewife. The family lives in a workers' hostel. The usual way parents communicate is scandal. The initiator of scandals is the mother. She turns to screaming for any reason and without reason, She does not hesitate to tell her neighbors about all the duties of her husband, she is dissatisfied with him. Dima literally does not have a quiet moment at home to prepare lessons and relax. He prefers to spend time on the street where he runs away, also from school in the event that he does not learn his lessons, which naturally happens to him quite often.
As you can see, in conflict families, the desocializing influence does not manifest itself directly through patterns of immoral behavior or antisocial attitudes of parents; here there is an indirect desocializing influence exerted due to chronically complicated, unhealthy relationships between parents.
In working with families where the relationship of spouses is chronically complicated and is actually on the verge of collapse, a teacher, a social worker, a practical
chesky psychologist, in fact, must perform psycho -
therapeutic features. That is, in a conversation with parents, it is necessary to carefully listen to both sides, try, if possible, to repay the displeasure of the spouses with each other, show the reasons that lead to an aggravation of relations, consolidate the relationship of the spouses, primarily on the basis of the interests of the child.
Among the families of adolescents registered with the JN, the most common are pedagogically incompetent families in which, under relatively favorable conditions (a healthy family atmosphere, leading a correct lifestyle and caring parents), relationships with children are incorrectly formulated, serious pedagogical miscalculations are made, leading to various asocial manifestations in the minds and behavior of children."Belicheva"
A pedagogically untenable family, like a conflict family, does not have a direct desocializing effect on children. The formation of antisocial orientations in children in these families occurs because due to pedagogical errors, a difficult moral and psychological atmosphere, the educational role of the family is lost here, and in terms of the degree of its influence, it begins to yield to other institutions of socialization that play an unfavorable role.
A pedagogically incompetent family first of all needs a psychological and pedagogical correction of the style of family education and the nature of the relationship between parents and children as the main factors that determine their indirect desocializing influence. These families first of all need the help of a psychologist who can help parents analyze the situation, adjust their style and the nature of their relationship with the child."Belicheva"
In practice, pedagogically incompetent families are the most difficult to identify the causes and adverse conditions that have a negative impact on children. In order to identify the unfavorable factors of family education in such a family, it is necessary, as a rule, to get to know each other for a long time and to establish trusting relationships with both children and parents. A generalization of long-term observations that were carried out in the process of individual socio-pedagogical work with such families made it possible to identify the following most typical, incorrectly developed pedagogical styles in functionally insolvent families that cannot cope with raising children.
condescending style , when
parents do not attach importance to the misconduct of children, they do not see anything terrible in them, they believe that “all children are like that”, or they reason like this: “we ourselves were like that”. In such cases, it can be difficult for a teacher or psychologist to change the complacent, complacent mood of such parents, to force them to seriously respond to problematic moments in the child's behavior.
All-round defense position , which can also be occupied by a certain part of the parents, building their relationships with others according to the principle "our child is always right." Such parents are very aggressive towards everyone. Who points out the wrong behavior of their children. Even the commission of a serious crime by a teenager in this case does not sober up moms and dads. They continue to look for the perpetrators on the side. Children from such families suffer from particularly severe defects in moral consciousness, they are deceitful and cruel, and it is very difficult to re-educate.
Demonstrative style when parents, more often a mother, do not hesitate to complain to anyone and everyone about their child, talk at every corner about his misdeeds, clearly exaggerating the degree of their danger, declare aloud that their son is growing up as a “bandit” and so on. This leads to the child's loss of modesty, a sense of remorse for his actions, removes internal control over his behavior, and there is anger towards adults and parents.
Pedagogical-suspicious a style in which parents do not trust their children, subject them to offensive total control, try to completely isolate them from their peers, friends, strive to absolutely control the child's free time, range of his interests, communication activities. So, in this regard, the example of the behavior of Dima S.'s mother, who is registered for stealing a bicycle, is indicative. Dima is in the 5th grade, he is very closed, taciturn. Mom is concerned about the fact of registration, strives not to let him out of her sight for a minute. After school, the boy must go to her work, where, under her supervision, he prepares lessons. Then they return home, the mother does not leave her son in the room, even alone with the teacher assigned to him. She is always present during their conversation, she herself answers all the questions that the teacher asks the teenager, forbids any of her friends from entering the house, and does not let Dima go outside. The boy grows gloomy, looks frowningly, resembles a hunted animal, does not love anyone, does not feel affection for anyone, is embittered.
Rigid authoritarian style inherent in parents who abuse physical punishment. The father is more inclined to this style of relationship, striving for any reason to severely beat the child, believing that there is only one effective educational method - physical violence. Children usually in such cases grow up aggressive, cruel, tend to offend the weak, small, defenseless. Representatives of prevention agencies should protect children from parental cruelty, while using all available means of influence - from persuasion to administrative - -y head compulsion, protected the child from cruelty.
Persuasive style . Parents show complete helplessness in relation to their children, they prefer to exhort, endlessly persuade, explain, not apply any volitional influences and punishments. Children in such families, as they say, "sit on their heads." In this case, the social educator needs firmness, exactingness both in relation to the minor and his parents.
Aloof and indifferent style arises in families where parents, in particular the mother, are absorbed in the arrangement of their personal lives. Having remarried, the mother does not find time or spiritual strength for her children from her first marriage, she is indifferent both to the children themselves and to their actions. Children are left to their own devices, they feel superfluous, they tend to be at home less, they perceive with pain the mother's indifferently detached attitude. Such children gratefully accept the interested, benevolent attitude from the elder, are able to become attached to the boss, educator, treat them with great warmth, trust, which helps in educational work.
Helping a Lost Child:
1). It is necessary to let him feel that he belongs to a class, a group, that he is not rejected and occupies a very important place in the team and corresponds to this place.
2). If the child is included in a group, emphasize that this is good. But do not force the child to live in a herd, be sure to be in a team. Remember that every child needs to be alone with himself.
3). Encourage your child to allow himself a pleasant pastime, entertainment that requires interaction with others. This is better for such a child than studying alone.
4). Expose his prints, essays and other things that may be of interest to others. This will increase the child's self-confidence, a sense of self-esteem.
5). It is very useful to praise the child when he expresses any constructive thoughts.
6). Choose a subject in which the child shows the greatest interest, involve the child in working on these subjects, have him demonstrate to the class that he can bring something of value to this area.
7). Help your child understand and express their feelings through safe, safe channels such as drawing, woodworking, puppet making, storytelling, music, and more.
8) . Ask your child for help in finding a solution to a problem. Many timid children hide everything, including their exceptional intellectual abilities, and teachers may sometimes be unaware of a child's potential.
9). Draw a diagram with your child to find out who he would like to work with in a group and who in the class has the greatest influence on him. Choose a partner for your child and plan with him a plan of action in which they can work well together.
10). Write down every day how many times you addressed the lost child and how many times you said different remarks, comments about him. Check the list at the end of the day; this will be a reminder of how you work, as well as what progress the child is making."Moskalenko"
Parenting by the type of "family idol" often occurs in relation to "late children", when the long-awaited child is finally born to elderly parents or a single woman. In such cases, they are ready to pray for a child. All his requests and whims are fulfilled, extreme egocentrism, selfishness is formed, the first victims of which are the parents themselves.
Help "family idol":
1). Give him as much attention as possible, try to get to know him better by talking one on one.
2). Try to win his trust. If this happens, the child will drop the mask of the lucky lucky one and open up to you.
3). Help your child understand that there is no need to hide them, that it is normal to experience such feelings. Write a story about someone who is always laughing through tears invisible to the world. It can also be a kind of message to the child.
4). Take the clown doll; Explain how a clown can feel, what he has inside (sadness) when he makes others laugh. And then let the doll play the same role in the hands of the child himself.
5). It is good if the child can express himself in any creative activity - in drawing, in music.
6). Do not miss the opportunity to emphasize what feelings are appropriate to express in this or that case. We laugh at funny things, but become sad when things go wrong. We get irritated when someone hurts us. If the child laughs when someone is feeling bad, encourage him to think about this situation and in a normal voice - by no means annoyed! - say: “It was not funny at all when Vasya fell. He hurt his leg, he was in a lot of pain."
7). For older children, suggest keeping a diary with entries - daily and weekly. Make sure no one reads it. Tell your child that he can talk to you about everything he cares about, at any time - either face to face, or through this diary."Moskalenko"
Inconsistent style - when the parents, especially the mother, do not have enough endurance, self-control to implement consistent educational tactics in the family. There are sharp emotional swings in relations with children - from punishment, tears, swearing to touching and caressing manifestations, which leads to the loss of parental influence on children. A teenager becomes uncontrollable, unpredictable, neglecting the opinion of elders and parents. We need a patient, firm, consistent line of behavior of the educator, the psychologist."Belicheva"
The examples listed are far from exhaustive.
typical errors of family upbringing are being tried. For the attentive eye of a teacher, a psychologist, these errors are not difficult to distinguish. However, it is much more difficult to correct them than to detect them, since pedagogical miscalculations in family education most often have a protracted chronic character. Cold, alienated, and sometimes hostile relations between parents and children, which have lost their warmth and mutual relationship, are especially difficult to fix and difficult in their consequences.
Human relationships, including family relationships, as well as the feelings that color them, require constant attention and considerable “work of the soul” for their timely restoration, otherwise hostility, hostility, conflict once closed will separate the warmth of family relationships, become irreversible and create an unbearable atmosphere for the child in the house.
As you know, the emotional center of the family, which sets the tone in family relationships, is most often the mother, the woman. The nature of the relationship between mother and child from the first days and months of his life significantly determines the character and fate of already adult children.
Especially dangerous are authoritarianism, rigidity, excessive dominance of the mother, which at the present time is often manifested in many women. This kind of tough authoritarian behavior deprives the mental development of children and is fraught with various troubles. In the event that a child has a weak type of nervous system, this can lead to neuropsychiatric diseases. In the case when the child has a strong type of nervous system, dominance, rigidity of the mother leads to serious irreparable defects in the emotional sphere, to the emotional immunity of children, lack of empathy, aggressiveness, which can lead to cruel serious crimes.
In general, the pedagogical inadequacy of the family should be prevented long before the child comes to the attention of preventive agencies. In this regard, the psychological and pedagogical educational program that is carried out for parents can be considered a timely preventive measure.
Mental services that provide assistance to families and children will help resolve a chronic conflict situation, help parents understand the individual gender and age psychological characteristics of their children and adjust their position, conduct social and psychological trainings that form new forms of social role behavior of spouses, parents, maturing children. The same services could carry out psychological correction of social role behavior, communication of teachers, employees of inspections for juvenile affairs. That is, those whose practical activities are directly related to children, adolescents and dysfunctional families."Belicheva"
However, the advice of psychologists is unlikely to be able to provide significant assistance in working with criminal and immoral families, where the degree of moral degradation of parents is such that exhortations and measures of psychological influence are unsuccessful in terms of ridding people of their vices: drunkenness, a depraved lifestyle, cruelty and other things. In this case, decisive measures are required to isolate children from an extremely unhealthy home environment and provide social and legal assistance.
Biography:
1). Buyanov M.I. "A child from a dysfunctional family: notes of a child psychologist".
2). Belicheva S.A. Fundamentals of Preventive Psychology.
3 ). "The nature of the child in the mirror of autobiography"
ed. Bim-Bad.
4). Education of a schoolboy 1999 G. No. 1. Moskalenko V.
"A child from an alcoholic family."
5). Questions of psychology 1991 G. №4.
6). Preschool education 1998 G. №12.
7). Family 1998 G. №47.
8). Family and school 1992 G. №2, №7, №8, №9.
9). Family and school 1994 G. №3.
10). Family and school 1995 G. №1, №3.
11). Family and school 1996 G. №7.
12). Family and school 1998 G. №2.
The future of each person depends on the family in which he grew up. Development, upbringing, health, thinking and much more are laid here. It depends only on the family how the child will grow up, what his views on life will be. All this comes first of all from the closest and dearest people - parents. It is they who should teach the child to love work, treat others well, nature, be independent and behave adequately.
Parents are the first people who pass on experience, knowledge and skills to their children. However, there are kids who know what a dysfunctional family is. Why it happens? What should children from dysfunctional families do?
Family as a factor in education
Factors of education are not only positive, but also negative. Their difference lies in the fact that in some families the child is controlled and pampered in moderation, brought up both in severity and affection, they do not offend, protect, etc. Other families cannot behave like this. There are constant screams, quarrels, reproaches or assault.
Any child who grew up in cruel conditions does not understand and does not know another life. That is why he becomes a copy of his parents, continuing to build his life only as he saw for a long period. There are, of course, exceptions, however, according to statistics, this is a rarity. Dysfunctional families need to pay attention to everyone around. After all, the future of children depends on them.
The family is the first place where children acquire experience, skills and abilities. Therefore, parents need to pay attention first of all to themselves and their behavior, and not to the child, who so far only watches adults and learns good or bad from the people closest to him.
Only looking at mom or dad, children can see the positive and negative aspects of life. Therefore, everything depends not so much on the child as on the parents.
Not only a bad example is set by adults. There are times when children are overprotected, which causes the destruction of the family. Then the intervention of a psychologist is also necessary. Such children do not know how to live in society, they are used to being never refused. Therefore, they have problems in communicating not only with their peers, but also with those around them in general.
Causes of dysfunctional families
The characteristic of a dysfunctional family is an unfavorable psychological climate, underdevelopment of children, violence against the weaker ones.
The reasons for this are different:
- Unbearable living conditions, lack of finances, which leads to malnutrition, poor spiritual and physical development of the child.
- There is no relationship between parents and children, they do not find a common language. Adults often use their power and try to physically influence the child. This leads to childish aggression, isolation, alienation. After such upbringing, only anger and hatred for relatives appears in children.
- Alcoholism and drug addiction in the family leads to abuse of the younger ones, which is a bad role model. Often the child becomes the same as the parents. After all, he did not see another relationship.
Thus, the factors influencing the emergence of a dysfunctional family are material and pedagogical failure, a bad psychological climate.
Types of dysfunctional families
Families in which the relationship and adequate behavior are disrupted are divided into certain types.
- Conflict. Here, parents and children constantly swear, they don’t know how to behave in society, they don’t find compromises. Children are brought up only with the help of swearing and assault.
- Immoral. There are alcoholics or drug addicts in these families. They do not know what moral and family values are. Children are often bullied and humiliated. Parents do not educate and do not provide the necessary conditions for normal development.
- Problematic. In such families, adults do not know how to raise a child. They have lost authority or are overprotective of their children. All this affects the further disorder of the child in life.
- Crisis. There is trouble here due to several factors: divorce, death, teenage children, problems with finances or with work. Having survived the crisis, the family is restored and continues to live a normal life.
- Antisocial. These are cases when parents, using their power, mock children. They forget about moral and ethical values, do not know how to behave in public places. Such parents often force their children to beg or steal because they do not want to go to work. There are no life rules for them.
Any of these categories obviously forms different types of deviations in children. The result is deplorable: the child does not know how to behave with others, he does not know what love is, a heart-to-heart conversation with relatives and friends. This is a dysfunctional family that needs attention.
Most often, in such families, there is complete unsanitary conditions, the financial situation leaves much to be desired, the children are starving, suffering not only physically, but also psychologically. The characteristic of a dysfunctional family is disappointing, so you need to pay attention to it and, if not too late, help get out of this situation.
How to identify a dysfunctional family
It is not always possible to immediately determine which one or another family. Children are well dressed, cultured, parents look normal. But what is going on in the soul of a child, not everyone knows. That is why in the modern world you can see a psychologist who works with children in every educational institution. And that is not all.
When a child goes to kindergarten or school for the first time, information about each family is collected at the beginning of the school year. That is, a commission is being created that visits the apartment where the child lives. The conditions of his life are examined, communication with parents and children is carried out.
Adults (teachers or psychologists) conduct tests, talk with a child without relatives. Educators and teachers communicate daily with the wards, especially if these children are from dysfunctional families.
Always pay attention to the appearance or behavior of the child. Most often, these factors speak for themselves:
- The child comes to school every day tired and sleepy.
- Appearance leaves much to be desired.
- Frequent loss of consciousness due to malnutrition. Such children at school or kindergarten constantly want to eat in order to catch up with their own.
- Growth is not according to age, speech is neglected (does not speak at all or very poorly, indistinctly, incomprehensibly).
- Fine and gross motor skills do not work. Slowness in movements.
- Very much asks for attention and affection, it is clear that he does not receive them.
- Aggressive and impulsive child abruptly changes to apathetic and depressed.
- Ability to communicate with both peers and adults.
- Hard to learn.
Very often, children from dysfunctional families are physically abused. Finding this is even easier. As a rule, the guys show signs of beatings.
Even if they are not, then it can be seen from the behavior of children. They are afraid of even a wave of the hand of the person standing next to them, it seems to them that they will now be beaten. Sometimes children transfer their anger and hatred to animals and do with them the same thing that mom or dad does with them at home.
Identification of dysfunctional families helps to get rid of addiction. An educator, teacher, psychologist turn to the head or director, and they, in turn, to the social service, where they should help adults and children.
Health of children from dysfunctional families
Emotional disorders, heart failure, behavioral disorders, psychological instability - all this appears in a child with improper upbringing. Any unfavorable family situation destroys health. In rare cases, stress can be removed, but most often children grow up with a variety of deviations.
Some children suffer from pathologies of internal organs due to poor nutrition in the future, while others develop nervous diseases due to abuse. The list of diseases is huge, it is impossible to list all of them, but many people's health deteriorates from an early age. That is why children are trying to protect the guardianship and social services.
As a result, the central nervous system of such children has been disturbed since infancy. Often you can find diseases such as cardiopathy, disorders of the muscular system, problems with the respiratory system, gastrointestinal tract, urinary tract, cerebral vessels, and much more.
Every child who grows up in a dysfunctional family has a deviation in health. This is not only physical development, but also moral. These children eat poorly, sleep poorly, grow up and very often get colds. After all, their immunity leaves much to be desired.
Not only those children who grew up in a family of alcoholics and drug addicts get sick. You can often meet a mother who has had syphilis, hepatitis, HIV, etc. Surveys show that most children are carriers of these ailments. They are treated for a long time and not always successfully, since such diseases are congenital.
Problems in dysfunctional families
What to do if it is dangerous for a child to live in the bowels of the family? Of course, he is sent for a certain time to the inpatient department of a special institution. He stays there as long as social workers work with the parents and try to help.
There are a number of problems for both children and parents. Very often you can see homeless children who look like homeless people. In fact, that's the way it is. After all, it is easier for a child to spend time on the street. There they are not beaten or offended, which is very important for children at any age.
However, there is a basic problem that any social worker is powerless to face. In many families, their trouble is a normal phenomenon that has become chronic. Mom, dad or other relatives do not want to change anything. They are satisfied with everything. Therefore, not a single person will be able to help such a family, since its members do not want it. For something to happen, you need to really want it. The problems of dysfunctional families must be addressed immediately after they are identified, and not wait until adults and children themselves take up their minds.
The most acute problem appears when the child grew up in such a family, he does not know another life, therefore, following the example of his parents, he continues to behave in exactly the same way as they do. This is the worst. That is why dysfunctional families progress. There are more and more of them every day.
Difficulty of working with disadvantaged families
Very often it is difficult for social services to work with families where trouble has been identified. First of all, it is necessary to pay attention to the closeness and isolation of these people. When psychologists or teachers begin to communicate with adults and children, they see that they do not make contact. The deeper their trouble, the more difficult the conversation becomes.
Parents of dysfunctional families are hostile to those people who try to teach them about life. They consider themselves self-sufficient, adults and do not need support. Many do not realize that they need help. As a rule, parents themselves cannot get out of such problems. However, they are not ready to admit that they are defenseless.
If adults refuse help, then they are forced to listen to others with the help of not only social services, but also the police, guardianship and guardianship authorities, psychiatrists and medical centers. Then parents are forced to be treated, and often they can no longer refuse. In such cases, children are taken to orphanages. The team continues to work separately with adults and the child.
Social assistance to disadvantaged families
People who find themselves in a difficult life situation need help. However, not everyone admits this. The most important task of social services is to provide the family with everything they need as much as possible. Some need to be given psychological support, others - material, and others - medical.
Before you come to the rescue, you need to establish whether you really have a dysfunctional family in front of you. To do this, workers of versatile social services begin their work with adults and children.
If something was suspected, but no specific facts were revealed, then it is necessary to contact the neighbors, who, most likely, will tell everything that is necessary about this family.
Then experts pay attention to educational measures for children. Consider the positive and negative sides. Social workers should be tactful, courteous and friendly. This is necessary in order for all family members to reveal themselves to them as much as possible.
If the family has problems due to lack of finances, then an application is submitted for consideration of assistance in this direction. Drug addicts and alcoholics are forcibly sent to treatment, and in the meantime, children are taken to an orphanage for temporary state care.
If there is abuse in the family, then psychological intervention is needed. Professionals often achieve positive results if abuse is detected early.
After forced measures to work with the family, social service workers analyze the effectiveness of rehabilitation. For a certain time they observe the parents and the child, their relationships, health, development and labor activity.
Help for disadvantaged families is needed for a long time. If you involve the whole team: psychologists, teachers, police and social services, then you can find out why this family has a problem. Only then is it possible to help and support these people.
There is no need to refuse help, because at the moment it is a way out of a difficult situation. Many families are rediscovering themselves. They try to lead a healthy lifestyle and teach their children to do so.
Working with children from socially disadvantaged families
Often you can observe children who have poor academic performance, low self-esteem, aggressiveness, shyness and bad behavior. This is due to conflicts in families, neglect, physical or psychological abuse. If teachers notice this in their students, it is necessary to notify certain services that deal with such issues.
Dysfunctional families at school are a big problem. After all, children learn not only bad things, but also good things. Therefore, it is necessary to monitor a child who does not know how to behave and communicate normally. After all, he will teach other children everything that he himself knows how to do.
Such children need support, kindness, affection, attention. They need warmth and comfort. Therefore, we cannot close our eyes to this phenomenon. The educator or teacher must act in the interests of the child. Because there is no one else to help him.
Very often you can observe teenagers who behave horribly just because they understand that they will not get anything for it. Why does stealing or drunkenness begin at 14, or even at 12? These children do not know that there is another life where they can be more comfortable.
A teenager from a dysfunctional family becomes the same as his parents. Most often this happens due to the fact that such a family was not found in time, social services did not know about it and could not help at the right time. That is why we should expect that another such dysfunctional family will soon appear. A child will grow up in it who will not learn anything good.
All people who see that children from socially disadvantaged families are nearby are required to pay special attention to this and report to special services.
Conclusion
After the above, we can conclude: if socially disadvantaged families are identified in time, then serious problems with both adults and children can be avoided in the future.
Initially, the condition of the parents and their child is determined. Specialists establish features of behavior, training, socialization and much more. Assistance is offered to families as needed. If it is refused, then it is necessary to apply coercive measures to parents, as well as their children. It can be treatment, education, etc.
At the first stage, specialists pay attention to living conditions: where children play, do their homework, whether they have their own corner for recreation and entertainment. At the second stage, they look at life support and health: whether benefits or subsidies are issued, how each family member feels.
The third stage is educational. Here attention is focused on the emotions or experiences of both the family as a whole and each of its members individually. If physical or psychological traumas are found in children, they are easier to eradicate at an early stage of development.
At the fourth stage, attention is paid to the education of children. How they do it, how well parents monitor it, what academic performance. To do this, a cross-section of knowledge is carried out, where an omission in studies is revealed, then additional individual lessons are offered for those students who do not keep up with the school curriculum. In order for children to enjoy studying, it is necessary to encourage them with letters and praise.
First of all, you should organize the leisure of children. To do this, they need to go to circles: dancing, drawing, chess, and so on. Of course, it is necessary to control their visit.
The situations of dysfunctional families are diverse. Some suffer because of frequent conflicts, others experience material difficulties, others are addicted to alcohol and drugs. All these families need help. Therefore, social workers, police, guardianship and guardianship services come to them. They work as a team to help those in need.
However, it is always necessary to remember that it is much easier to achieve results when adults and children themselves want to change their lives for the better. If you have to work with your family forcibly, then the help will be delayed for a long period. That is why a qualified specialist who can easily find a common language with both parents and children should deal with people.
material problems. They can be associated with the unemployment of one or both parents, with their low wages, inability to plan and spend the family budget, with drunkenness, etc. A child from preschool age notices the difference in the material well-being of his family and his wealthy peers who have beautiful toys , delicious delicacies, computer games, etc. He develops envy, a desire to be rich, to have everything. Hence - and children's theft, and aggression, etc.
Lack of time, including for joint affairs, communication with the child. The mother is constantly busy with work, household chores, herself; father - earning money, his problems. Such parents have practically no time for a child; he feels irritation, fatigue and closes, moves away. This is especially noticeable if the mother is raising her son alone. This distance is constantly increasing, and when the child grows up, he tries to avoid his mother, the company of friends, leaves home, is rude, etc.
Incomplete family. This state is very unfavorable for the child: hence the egoism due to the fact that the mother and other relatives, in order to compensate for the absence of the second parent, pamper, caress, indulge his whims.
- isolation, withdrawal into oneself;
- aggression, cruelty, anger;
- disobedience, rudeness;
- tearfulness, downtroddenness;
- stuttering;
- neurasthenic reactions: fears, tics;
- leaving home;
- suicide.
It should be noted that in order for the child to feel safe, many parents must change themselves. Teachers can help them:
- to realize, identify for themselves the problems that exist in their family;
- take practical steps to eliminate these problems;
- if necessary, seek help from specialists: a social pedagogue, educator, psychologist, psychiatrist and other specialists.
You can record work with dysfunctional families in the form of a card index, where information about this family and the child is noted, or in the “Card of a dysfunctional family”.
Work with a dysfunctional family must be carried out at three levels: preventive, diagnostic and rehabilitation (correctional).
Types of dysfunctional families
The criteria by which families are classified as at risk are very diverse. Different researchers of the family view trouble in different ways. Some classify a family as dysfunctional if only some unfavorable factor affects the entire family, others when the factor affects its individual members. Here, the criterion for identifying dysfunctional families is the position of the child and the attitude of the parents towards him.
1) The most powerful factor that causes dysfunction of family relations and prevents the family from fulfilling its functions, as well as causing irreparable damage to the child's psyche, is the alcoholism of parents.
Alcoholic parents in the majority are born sick and mentally retarded children. Parental alcoholism affects the child during conception, during pregnancy and throughout life. This unfavorable factor is an example for the child. At a time when the child is socializing and forming his personality, when he absorbs all the information around him like a sponge, his main reference point is alcoholic parents. Because of this, the child learns these terrible examples, in most cases, there is a lack of any upbringing at all, in the end, the child can be left without parents, become an orphan with living parents and end up in an orphanage. A child in such a family is likened to his parents because, because of his immaturity, he cannot resist such harmful examples. The drunkenness of parents gives rise to such phenomena as social degradation, hooliganism, poor self-control, and they, in turn, are the cause of mental disorders in children.
A teenager develops a system of meaningful relationships to everything that surrounds him, and this determines his future behavior. Unrest begins to arise because of the relationship with the people around him. But the most important thing at this stage of a child's development is his relationship with his parents. A strong desire to have constant care for themselves on the part of parents remains for a long time with children from families of alcoholics.
If a child understands that he is growing up in a family that is very different from the families in which his peers are brought up, in a family in which parents abuse alcohol, in which there is a difficult financial situation, where little attention is paid to children, this is the reason for the formation of a negative attitude to the family, which for this child will never become the highest value. In addition, children whose parents are drunkards grow up much earlier than their peers from wealthy families, they are responsible for younger brothers and sisters.
2) Another type of dysfunctional family is a pedagogically insolvent family. This status is given to families in which, at first glance, everything is fine, but when raising children, serious pedagogical errors occur.
In his book “A Child from a Dysfunctional Family”, M. Buyanov calls a dysfunctional family, first of all, a family in which there are obvious defects in upbringing, and describes the most common:
a) The child is brought up "like Cinderella", that is, when the child is explicitly or implicitly emotionally rejected. In such a family, the child is not loved, and he knows this, because he is constantly reminded of this dislike. The reaction of children to such an attitude is different: often the child withdraws into himself, others try to draw the attention of parents to themselves, arouse their pity, or the child becomes hardened towards such parents.
b) Overprotection
i) Hidden
In this case, they try to protect the child from all possible and impossible difficulties and dangers of modern life. A child from such a family, as a rule, is deprived of the opportunity to somehow show his independence, he most often grows up irresponsible, dependent and infantile. And then it is very difficult for him to live in the world. Alcoholics, drug addicts, chronic losers are often the result of such upbringing.
c) Under-custody, that is, lack of parental care. Nobody takes care of a child, his interests in the family are always put in last place, although it cannot be said that they do not love him, it's just that parents are not up to him - they have enough problems of their own. This happens in families where parents are concerned about arranging their personal happiness, achieving success in their careers, etc. No one will ever ask a child about his affairs and problems, no one will listen to him, no one will help with advice. No one will ever sacrifice their time for him. Of course, on the one hand, the child grows up independent and self-reliant, but often such an attitude towards the child leads to the fact that he feels he is not needed by anyone, abandoned by everyone. And often this neglect ends with the addiction of children to alcohol, drugs, and the commission of illegal acts by them.
d) A family in which the child is treated too strictly. They are afraid to spoil children, and therefore they treat them with restraint and dryness. As a rule, high moral standards are instilled in children in such families and they are brought up with increased moral responsibility. Children know well “what is good and what is bad”, and often try to do the right thing. But is it good for such a child to live without parental affection? Is he happy?
e) Families in which there is no agreement in the upbringing of the child. This is a family in which parents use one tactic in raising children, and grandparents use a completely different one. Because of this, the child may begin a neurosis or other mental disorder.
3) The next type of dysfunctional families is criminal-immoral families, here the main factor that violates the fulfillment of their duties by the family is criminal risk factors, and immoral-associative families, in which antisocial orientations prevail.
“Criminal and immoral families pose the greatest danger in terms of their negative impact on children. The life of children in such families due to harsh treatment, drunken brawls, promiscuity of parents, lack of elementary care for the maintenance of children, is often in jeopardy. These are the so-called social orphans (orphans with living parents), whose upbringing should be entrusted to state public care. Otherwise, the child will experience early vagrancy, runaways from home, complete social vulnerability both from abuse in the family and from the criminal influence of criminal formations. Belicheva S.A. Fundamentals of preventive psychology. M.: Social health of Russia, 1994. S. 146.
4) Asocial-immoral families, although they seem outwardly quite respectable, but have an adverse effect on children due to their moral ideas, instill in them antisocial views. The external situation in the family is quite favorable, the standard of living is high, but spiritual values have been replaced.
5) You can also highlight conflict families. “A conflict family in which, for various psychological reasons, the personal relationships of spouses are built not on the principle of mutual respect and understanding, but on the principle of a conflict of alienation. Conflict families can be both noisy, scandalous, where raising the tone, irritability become the norm for the relationship of spouses, and "quiet", where the relationship of the spouses is characterized by complete alienation, the desire to avoid any interaction. » Belicheva S.A. Fundamentals of preventive psychology. M.: Social health of Russia, 1994. S. 150.
In such cases, the family also negatively affects the development of the child's personality, is the cause of antisocial manifestations on the part of the child.
Belicheva S.A. in his work “Fundamentals of Preventive Psychology”, he expresses and substantiates the idea that pedagogically insolvent and conflict families do not have a direct desocializing effect on children. As a result, the family as a social institution, which, first of all, should ensure the socialization of the child's personality, fades into the background,
and other institutions of socialization that have an adverse effect on the child are put forward at the first stage.
Thus, it turns out that family conflicts and domestic violence, emotional discord and mismatch of family roles, drunkenness and drug addiction, improper upbringing and isolation of parents on their problems - all this physically and mentally cripples children.