How to deal with unrequited love. Unrequited love in a guy: how to understand and not suffer. Unrequited love - what does it mean

It's nice to remember everything from youth, including love experiences associated with unrequited love. First love - feelings of inspiration and omnipotence, first disappointment - feelings of resentment, bitterness and hopelessness.

Today, as part of this round table, I propose to plunge into memories and share my experience of unrequited love.

How to survive? How not to be inseparably in love again?

"We choose, we are chosen, as it often does not coincide..." This is how the famous song about unrequited love is sung... And this happens in life, and at any age.

It was not by chance that I cited the text of this song, it is intended to suggest reflections on choice object of love ... A person experiencing a feeling of unrequited love should think: why did this person attract your attention? Why did your heart tremble in relation to him? After all, there are many other potential contenders for your heart around, who, perhaps, are more ready to reciprocate.

The choice of a partner is not always random. He is chosen for the most part intuitively, and relationships with him are often designed to solve some internal problem. Why do you need such a relationship? After all, again, as it is sung in the same song: "What didn't work out, you can't put together." Why does the heart not want to stubbornly notice others? After all, no one wants to suffer, everyone wants to be happy in their personal lives! Paradox...

The answers to these questions may vary from case to case. It is better to deal with this individually with a psychologist. This will be especially useful for people in whom the situation with unrequited love tends to repeat itself at different stages of life. Break out of this vicious circle and finally find warmth and understanding in mutual intimacy is possible by going through a difficult path together with a psychologist, namely by doing work on understanding and awareness of one's own motives and internal conflicts ... But, it's worth it!

Why waste time by locking yourself in your experiences? Understand and try to build new relationships that will make you happy))

I would like to say that with age we reconsider our attitude to love. When a teenager falls in love, and if love is not mutual, then he suffers, worries. But as we age, we become wiser. Suddenly, on some day and hour, we feel that a spark has ignited in us, we see the beauty of a person, we try to be in his company .. And this spark illuminates our path.

I think that a grown man rejoices at every opportunity to love. We are filled with joy from the fact that we have discovered within ourselves the desire and ability to love.

The question began with the term "unrequited love", and everyone picked up this very phrase, without thinking to the end - is the question itself legitimate?

Personally, I sincerely believe that unrequited love does not exist. There is unrequited love, and this is a fundamental difference.

What is love? - this is a mature relationship in which love has already gone (and it’s not for nothing that they say that “love comes only after the death of love” or “if you run out of love, it means it didn’t start”). Love is just not something that comes by itself, but already something that is built by both partners. Love is a conscious feeling when we know and understand: in front of us is another person, with his own world, his own interests, his own guidelines, which do not always and in everything coincide with ours, and we can only learn to accept a person as he is and find acceptable compromises. And this is hard work and teamwork.

With unrequited love, love is still far away. Because really at this moment we do not know anything about the other person and cannot build a relationship with him. Most fantasize actively about "how he/she could be in a relationship" but we don't know anything about it. Not about how he/she is in everyday life, in bed, how he/she knows how to negotiate, what goals he sets for himself, what his/her real interests and plans are. Therefore, all feelings at this moment are not based on reality, but on conjectures and fantasies.

I don't want to discount the experience of falling in love - it's important because it's where we encounter our ability to feel. Falling in love is, first of all, a meeting with oneself, with one's ability to feel, but not with another person. Since at this moment a person in love is not set up to develop and accept another, we can only say that he is pursuing his goal and his interests (and nothing more!), and accordingly, all experiences revolve around whether these feelings will be divided, then eat around yourself, and not around a potential partner.

Yes, I will not argue with the fact that such an experience helps a lot to grow up. But how is a separate issue. After all, some people develop relationships - maybe they don’t go smoothly, and perhaps someone even breaks up and looks for new feelings, but something else is important - why does this happen to some and not to others? And this is precisely what is important to realize in order for such an experience to be productive.

Think: why did you overtake unrequited love? There are a lot of options. Sometimes a person considers himself "not good enough" for a mutual relationship, i.e. does not respect himself, does not consider worthy of reciprocity. It is clear that in most cases this is not realized. Or, for example, a person is afraid of something - sex, routine, boredom in a relationship, or is afraid of pain - will be abandoned, humiliated, not appreciated. Because of this, unconscious inhibition of mutual relations can also occur. On an unconscious level, a person, as it were, displaces from his environment those who could experience mutual feelings. And on the contrary, he chooses those with whom it "definitely will not work out" - so the frightened subconscious mind tries to avoid pain, depreciation and all that a person is afraid of. Or, for example, a person does not believe in the very possibility of reciprocity. Because there are many examples in one's own family, among the environment, unsuccessful and unsatisfactory relationships. And then a person may, with his head, seem to want reciprocity, but at the level of the unconscious, he does not believe at all in such an opportunity for himself.

All this sometimes needs to be experienced in order to understand how we ourselves block what we need, to determine in which direction it is worth changing ourselves in order to come to a mutual relationship. For the majority, this can be a good lesson in understanding and knowing oneself.

Dependence and non-reciprocity are exhausting. If you are tired, see a specialist. It is important.

No, inseparability in love, if YOU LOVE each other!

Love is a mutual feeling!
Love is a unifying state of mind in people.
Love unites goals and interests, hobbies, aspirations, desires for the person you like.
Love forms a good mood, positive thinking, excites and inspires new creative ideas, enriches with strength, develops a palette of feelings and activates a person’s movement towards a goal....

The concept of "unrequited love" exists as a characteristic of human feelings in speech. Two people failed to unite their sympathy, pleasant feelings and desires in a common state with respect to each other.
Learn express your feelings, emotions into beautiful and necessary words to communicate your inner impression to a person.
Master the culture of communication together....
Relationships need to take into account your development time as couples(a month, three months, a year, two years...)
Speed in these respects it is different in thinking, in feelings, in desires and (one is on fire, and the other is only flaring up .....)

What is the reason for this unrequited love?
Did not share the common: interests, goals, inclinations, sympathy .... and then stumbled into a situation about obstacles, like resentment; not the ability to calmly, reasonably talk to each other; unwillingness to yield in small things; not the ability to learn from each other good, reasonable and beautiful .....

As understanding, "NOT" arises ... "NOT" is like resistance, avoidance..."Fence" from what is possible overcome, change, destroy..... if you know how to do this and are mature about the relationship that has arisen with a particular person .... Remember that your ideas about a person at the beginning and later may not coincide. Therefore, it is part of unrequited love....

Be realistic, learn to be friends with people , maintain a relationship with them after parting.

"Far away in the sea, the water is blue-blue, like the petals of the most beautiful cornflowers and transparent-transparent, like the purest glass. An underwater people lives there at the bottom." This is how H.H. Andersen's romantic fairy tale "The Little Mermaid" begins.

Let me remind you a little of the plot of this fairy tale. The sea king had six princess daughters. All are "pretty". When they were 15 years old, they could rise from the underwater world to the earthly world. And each of them in turn returned from the earth and transmitted delightful stories about what they saw. Only the little mermaid, the youngest, had to wait the longest. But, it was her turn. She floated to the surface of the sea and admired what she saw. But besides the sunset and the clouds that still shone pink and gold and the clear stars that appeared in the still pale red sky, the Little Mermaid saw the lights of the ship, fireworks, heard the sounds of music and fun. She swam to the cabin window and saw a young prince with large black eyes. It turns out that the ship was celebrating his birthday. He seemed to be barely sixteen years old. The little mermaid admired both the prince and the fun on the ship for a long time. But late at night it all ended. The music is fading, the lights are out. There was silence, and the little mermaid, swaying on the waves, looked into the cabin where the young prince was. A storm broke out during the night. The ship was smashed to pieces. The half-dead prince was drowning, choking on the waves. And he, of course, would have died if the Little Mermaid had not come to the rescue. She saved him, pulled him ashore. On the shore, the prince came to his senses and saw a young girl returning from the church. And I thought that it was she who saved him. The little mermaid hid, afraid to show herself to people. The little mermaid fell in love. And all her thoughts were occupied by the prince. And gradually, watching the prince and the world of people, the little mermaid wanted to leave the sea world and exchange it for the world of people. To do this, she turned to the witch. The witch agreed to help her: change the fish tail for "two human props". But the conditions that the witch set were cruel - it would be unbearably painful to walk on the ground. And one more thing: if the prince does not love the mermaid girl so much that he forgets both his father and mother for her sake, she will turn into sea foam. and the payment for the transaction will be the voice of the mermaid. The little mermaid, having drunk the sorceress's potion, turned into a beautiful girl. But the prince did not love her. He only felt friendly towards her. He loved her like a dear child, but it never crossed his mind to make her his wife. The little mermaid could not speak, because she gave her voice for the opportunity to be next to the prince. But the prince married the girl he thought she had saved his life. With the first rays of the rising sun, the little mermaid was supposed to die. She threw herself into the sea, and felt her body melt into foam. "The sun rose over the sea. The little mermaid did not feel death. She saw the bright sun and some transparent wonderful creatures hovering over her in hundreds. She saw through them the white sails of the ship and the red clouds in the sky. Their voice sounded like music, but such sublime that the human ear would not have heard her, just as human eyes did not see them themselves. The little mermaid noticed that she had become one of them. "Who am I going to? -" To the daughters of the air! - we fly everywhere and try bring joy In hot countries where people die from the heat, we bring coolness, we spread the fragrance of flowers in the air and bring healing and joy to people ... Let's fly with us to the transcendental world! There you will find love and happiness, which you have not found on earth ".

That's unrequited love. She brought rebirth and perfection to the pure soul of the little mermaid. Through unbearable pain (she stepped on the ground, and each step brought sharp, stabbing pain), through the loss of her individuality (she gave a beautiful voice to the witch for love, for the opportunity to be close to her beloved, but not for the opportunity to merge with him, this did not work, the prince did not want to), through everyday suffering (to be with his beloved, but to be in the status of a friend, a pretty doll, and nothing more), through the loss of a loved one (the prince chose a princess, and not a dumb, silent modest girl), having survived the prince’s mistake. .. The Little Mermaid even refused to regain her former world of the sea, refused to kill him with the knife that the sisters brought. Through overcoming oneself, through self-sacrifice, through one's own destruction, because the little mermaid prepared to become sea foam at dawn. Through complete self-denial, but remaining true to love for the prince, forgiving him, wishing him happiness with another princess, seeing that they are happy together, the little mermaid turns into an angel. And he ascends to the pink clouds floating in the sky, kissing his rival goodbye, expressing the forgiveness of all offenses and the wish of a happy family life.

This is what unrequited love is. She is always an invitation to improve oneself, she is always an invitation to spiritual growth, she is always an opportunity to think about oneself, she is always a chance to rise above the hustle and bustle, she is always a chance to be reborn, become stronger, expand consciousness. She is always a chance to find support in the spiritual world, a chance to be reborn, a chance to find a new, happy life.

When I was 14-15 years old, I fell in love with a girl who was absolutely not interested in me. I wrote her many letters, to which, of course, she did not answer, and I was very hurt by this. We almost never talked to her, especially since she studied in another class at the same time. It was very difficult for me to endure these months of experiences and my own throwing. And then he drew conclusions from this. The conclusions were that love in a relationship should be mutual. That for this, at the very beginning, sympathy should arise, and only after that it is necessary to develop and build relationships. In my youth and youth, they made a proposal to the girl to meet, which required me to take responsibility for this relationship. Ending relationships that you don't want can be difficult, too. Yes, it hurts when you love, but in any case, it's better than ruining your whole life. And of course, it is better not to start such a relationship. But this requires experience and psychological literacy, which allows you to choose the right partner for yourself when you understand who you are and who the other half is.

More recently, attempts to comprehend the suffering caused to a person by unrequited love were made exclusively in literary creativity. For more than one century, poets and prose writers have created areolas of fatal romance and aestheticism of mental pain and suffering around unrequited love.

Psychologists began to speak publicly on the topic of unrequited love only in the last twenty or thirty years. They threw several new ideas into the public consciousness, thanks to which the old love plot acquired a completely new tone and, in a very short historical time, shifted the focus in the public perception of this phenomenon. Chief among them was, of course, the idea that the ability to manage one's own love is not the lot of complete cynics, but a sign of a healthy and mature personality.

It is important that in addition to changing attitudes towards unrequited love, psychologists-practitioners were able to offer concrete living help and ways out for people who fell into its trap. All this could not but change the public mood in relation to unrequited lovers. And if earlier they aroused sincere sympathy, and sometimes admiration for the resilience shown in response to the challenge of fate, now suffering lovers are increasingly bewildering or even condescending irony. “If you can’t handle it yourself, go to a psychologist”, - others think with a shrug of their shoulders, and they can even say it directly.

Modern literature, and most importantly cinematography, has sensitively caught a new wave in relation to unrequited love, and the heroes suffering from love have ceased to be objects of melodramatic tenderness, solemnly bearing their cross until the end of the film. Now unrequited lovers can rather count on a supporting role, and more and more often, having tormented the time set for the plot, they realize the “dead end” of the situation and find a more suitable object for their love aspirations, and by the end of the film they find a happy reciprocity. However, as Alice said, once in Wonderland: "Reading a fairy tale is one thing, but being in it is completely ... another."

Same story with unrequited love. Suddenly, being alone with her, full of bright hopes for reciprocity, a person feels that he has suddenly moved from the protagonist of his own life to the characters of the second plan. He feels confused, depressed, vulnerable, insecure and finds that getting out of this very unpleasant state is not at all easy. And the fact that others treat his experiences as weakness or personal immaturity and make fun of him behind his back only exacerbates unpleasant experiences.

Of course, today you can find a lot of good books about love written by psychologists, but we have to admit that popular magazines and the Internet are flooded with a lot of materials in which the topic of unrequited love is presented very superficially and easily, as if it were something like youthful pimples. It is possible that we psychologists, trying to tell about it as clearly and popularly as possible, unwittingly contributed to the fact that the problem of unrequited love began to be perceived somehow too easily.

And such a lightened and even frivolous attitude often has a deforming effect on the developing personality of a person who first encountered this feeling. Indeed, in order for the experience of unrequited love to become an impetus that stimulates the growth and development of creative and human potential, this experience must be accepted, deeply experienced and comprehended. In other words, for this you need to do serious mental work. If a person gets out of this situation, simply by displacing negative experiences, even if only with new relationships, instead of the personality reaching a new level of consciousness, a banal, but very serious trauma occurs, which in the future will have a destructive effect with every attempt to have close relationships with a person of the opposite sex. .

Therefore, in addition to all the deep and interesting remarks that were made by colleagues here, I would like to add that when speaking on open areas on the topic of unrequited love, it is important not only to talk about the mechanisms of its occurrence, but also to pay attention to the formation of a more respectful and serious attitude towards unrequited love people . And also take care not to create unreasonably light ideas about this phenomenon. After all, it is often they who become an obstacle in order for a person experiencing an unrequited feeling to turn to a psychologist for help. Meanwhile, often, if there is no wise and authoritative elder nearby with whom one could have a heart-to-heart talk, seeking individual advice from a psychologist is the best choice.

Every person strives to love and be loved, but sometimes these two desires do not coincide. Unrequited love becomes a source of strong feelings and. However, even such a situation carries an opportunity for internal growth and self-improvement.

What is unrequited love?

Poets and writers, artists and directors talk about love as a kind of mystery, which is impossible to fully understand. A strong feeling of love can come at a completely unexpected moment and subjugate all thoughts and desires. At some point, the lover begins to realize that another person has become the center of his universe, with his own inner world and desires. Captured by thoughts of another, a lover tries to be closer to the object of his passion, to see him, to hear him, to spend time with him, to make his life better.

A lover always seeks to evoke reciprocal love from the object of his passion. Only at first it may seem that reciprocity is not so important: just to be close to your loved one. But over time, unrequited love becomes a burden for a person, exhausts his strength, occupies all his thoughts. Therefore, the emotional intensity of unrequited love can be much stronger and last longer than.

Unrequited love in psychology

The famous father of psychoanalysis, Erich Fromm, wrote that true love necessarily evokes reciprocity. He urged all people to learn to love correctly and called love an art. Understanding the reasons why love is unrequited and does not evoke a response in the heart of another, Fromm speaks of human laziness, selfishness and ignorance in this matter. Modern psychologists view love as a set of chemical reactions caused by a number of factors.

In order for a love feeling to arise, a number of signs that have a certain importance for him must coincide in a person’s head. Such signs can be: appearance, voice timbre and intonation, similarity with one of the parents, manners, smell, situations, etc. That is, for mutual love, the desired picture must match for two people. Unrequited love can be defined as a feeling caused by the representation of only one person and the lack of necessary matches in another.

Why does unrequited love happen?

Unrequited strong love can have different reasons:

low self-esteem, which prevents a person from showing their best side;
selfishness, as a result of which the lover focuses on his feelings and is unable to understand the desires and needs of his object of love;
the program of the victim, which constantly leads a person into situations in which he must suffer and suffer;
inability to communicate with the opposite sex;
inability to love another person, understand, hear;
inability to present oneself, to show one's best qualities;
mismatch of partners' views on life;
differences of partners in character, interests, intellectual level.

An unrequited feeling is spoken of with a negative intonation. At the same time, do not forget about what unrequited love teaches. She can tell a person that he needs to change, change some of his views or habits. Long-term unrequited love helps a person become more patient, loving, understanding, caring.

Unrequited love - signs

Trying to find the answer to the question of how to know that love is unrequited, you should remember that the situation can change. Unrequited love today can become mutual tomorrow. Therefore, you should not be upset and put an end to relationships that may become closer in the future. Although psychologists call signs of unrequited love, they always note that every relationship is special and you should not take all the signs as one hundred percent suitable for a particular case. These are the signs of unrequited love:

the partner does not seek to spend as much time together as possible;
a lover or beloved does not want to introduce a partner to their friends;
a loved one avoids talking about relationships, does not want to be determined in the status of relationships;
the partner is not looking for physical contact;
a loved one does not show affection and tenderness;
There is always some inconsistency in relationships.

Can unrequited love be reciprocated?

Unrequited love is very painful and often raises the question of how to survive unrequited love. Seeing a loved one nearby and not being able to create a full-fledged relationship with him is hard and painful. Even in this hopeless situation, there is a ray of hope: an unrequited feeling can resonate in the heart of a loved one. Practical experience shows that many married couples have developed from relationships in which at first only one person was in love. Whether love can bear fruit depends not only on the circumstances, but also on the efforts, wisdom and strength of the lover's love.

Unrequited love - what to do?

Unrequited love for a man or woman is an occasion to look inside yourself and try to understand why love has no response. The following tips can help you achieve reciprocity:

you need to learn to listen to your partner and understand him;
talk more often about what interests a partner;
find common activities or hobbies;
try to enter the company of a loved one;
find out what qualities of character appeal to a loved one and develop them in yourself.

Many people who have experienced unrequited love say that although they suffered from these feelings, they were happy with their love. If it becomes difficult to be in this state, you can use the following advice from psychologists on how to survive unrequited love:

try to be in society more often;
you should not often think about how to deal with unrequited love, it is better to be distracted from all thoughts about this with the help of communication and interesting hobbies;
look at your love as an opportunity to receive pleasant emotions;
understand that after a while a person begins to look differently at his past and may be glad that reciprocity with that particular person did not arise;
remember that time dulls any pain.

Unrequited love - consequences

Strong unrequited love often leaves a memory for life. What this memory will be depends on how the fate of a person develops in the future. A happy family, a loved one will allow you to remember unrequited love in the past with a touch of light sadness. A failed relationship in the present will make you think of past non-reciprocal love as a lost chance. The consequences of non-reciprocal love will depend only on the person himself, who must draw conclusions from the situation and create the right attitude towards it.

What does the church say about unrequited love?

According to Christian tradition, all love comes from God. From this point of view, pure unrequited love is a chance for a person to show their best qualities for the sake of another person. Biblical love is agape love, altruistic love that asks for nothing in return. This is the kind of love that God loves. Unrequited love teaches a person humility, patience and service for the benefit of other people.

Books about unrequited love

Non-reciprocal love is comprehensively described in many works of art. Books about unrequited love help to better understand yourself and the situation. The top best books on the subject include:

Margaret Mitchell "Gone with the Wind". The main character struggles with her unrequited love all her life and only at the end of her life she realizes that she has actually loved another person for a long time.
Francis Fitzgerald "The Great Gatsby". The book is based on the story of the unrequited love of a rich man who all his life dreams only of seeing his beloved at least sometimes.
Stefan Zweig "Letter from a Stranger". Lifelong love - this is the plot of this work. An unsuspecting man only many years later finds out how dearly he was loved all this time.

“Not being loved is just failure. Misfortune is not to love!
Albert Camus
Some consider love to be their life's work. Others treat it coolly, believing that it is a "whim" that does not lead to anything good. What is unrequited love? It has always existed and was the "engine" for the creation of new immortal works of art, and sometimes it even became the cause of real crimes. This is what we would like to talk with you today, to consider how to survive unrequited love.

Love without reciprocity through the eyes of psychologists

“The heart is not a tablecloth: you can’t lay a bed in front of everyone”
Russian folk proverb
As psychologists say, all problems stretch from deep childhood. Those people who were disliked at a young age, or they received some kind of psychological trauma, “transfer” this model into adulthood. Imagine that, for example, your parents did not pay much attention to you, lived their own lives and did not pay attention to you at all. How difficult it will be for you in the future to experience complete and mutual love! After all, you are already used to other relationships, which will be very difficult to get rid of.

It can be compared to food. Suppose a person is on a diet, and then he is offered a fatty piece of meat seasoned with spices. He just won't digest it. Also with love. A child who did not receive parental love in childhood is unlikely to be able to experience the feeling of love in its entirety, because it will be difficult for him to understand that he can be loved like this, just for what he is.

As a rule, people who are prone to unrequited feelings grew up in dysfunctional families, or were emotionally traumatized.
Some of them become aggressive in such a situation, if they fell in love / fell in love unrequitedly.
Someone - too shy and withdrawn, not knowing what to do with unrequited love.
And someone chooses the path called "love without reciprocity", which repeats the difficult stage of its formation.

A person simply cannot get used to the fact that someone can love him with a sincere soul. Love for them is a psychological problem that is difficult to get rid of. As soon as love “suddens” on such a person, all old wounds will come to life and come out. He wants to be given the love that he lacked in childhood. And you need to love him completely, despite all the flaws. Also, there is often a fear that they will not understand him, will not appreciate his positive qualities. Simply put, problems from childhood will reappear as soon as similar feelings are touched.

According to psychologists, unrequited love is a beautiful picture that has little to do with reality. Often a person likes to fantasize about what kind of relationship he would have with the subject of sighing, how they would have fun, and so on. However, in reality it turns out that in order to be closer to their dream and goal, they do absolutely nothing. Thus, we can conclude that quite often, those who are secretly in love do not make any attempts, because they like their rejected state, and they do not seriously think about how to experience unrequited love.

What is unrequited love - its causes

“It is much better to adore than to be admired, as it is painful and boring”
Oscar Wilde
According to all the same experts, in order to achieve some result, it is necessary to act. Flirting, jokes, conversations, cheerful communication - all this transforms unrequited feelings into mutual love, but few people listen to this, because it's easier to lie and imagine, and then suffer from unfulfilled dreams than to force yourself to take action. Understand that love is either there or it is not. If the object of your fantasies does not pay attention to you, do not think about it, but live life to the fullest. Or take active steps to win his heart!

However, there is a good saying that you can’t be forced to be nice. Nobody has to love. This, and the task of each person is to realize this and accept it. True love does not require sacrifice. She just warms and gives warmth. Everything else is passion and a sense of ownership. Love should bring happiness, not suffering, and be reciprocal. If a person does not show any feelings in response, then this is not the person who is needed and needs to get rid of unrequited love. We need to realize this faster, otherwise it will be possible to never meet our true destiny. If a person does not love, then it is unlikely that he will be able to awaken these feelings. Especially if you're obsessive. Over time, all this love will pass, because it really was not real, and again you want to live a full life. So why not start doing it right now and destroy your nervous system further with unnecessary suffering? Then it will turn out to meet true love, and forget the unrequited.

Love without reciprocity in adolescence

“In love, someone always kisses, and someone just turns the cheek”
French proverb
Almost every person once had to fall in love without an answer. It doesn't matter at what age it happened - it's always very exciting, but at the same time a little sad. Falling in love is a wonderful feeling, it inspires a person, makes him do unthinkable things, pushes him to self-improvement. This is a positive side, but there is also a negative one. If the feeling is unrequited - it delivers pain. A person has to face the collapse of hopes, be disappointed, experience self-doubt, try to do everything to forget unrequited love. Everyone reacts differently to this.

It is known that when falling in love, certain hormones are released into the blood of a person, which give reactions that cause strong feelings. When this happens for the first time, a person feels everything especially sharply. This can be compared to a viral disease. The disease is difficult to tolerate only for the first time, then immunity is developed, which makes it much easier to carry the same virus.

This is exactly what happens with love.
A teenager experiences an indescribable range of feelings in this situation. Of course, it seems to him that this is forever, that they will certainly become a family and will always be together. Time passes, a series of events take place, and a teenager in love realizes that his feelings are not mutual. Here everyone behaves differently.
1. Some try to make friends with a loved one, maintain his good attitude and be content with little. Unrequited love can accompany a person all his life.
2. The second - go ahead, achieve reciprocity at all costs, not caring about how to get rid of unrequited love.
3. Still others go into themselves, become isolated, lose interest in life, constantly asking why there are unrequited feelings.
To put it figuratively, the former continue to burn evenly, trying to keep the hearth, the latter flare up and burn everything in their path. Still others - go out, and this is the most dangerous, from a psychological point of view, option. Teenage depression often takes its toll on the psyche. All life will then pass in a state of passive depression. But the main danger here is suicide attempts. This happens quite often, especially nowadays.

As for the first and second options for the development of events, the best, of course, will be the first option. A person who has realized that his feelings are not mutual, but decided to continue friendly communication with his lover, wins in all respects. He always has hope for something more, which means that he does not give up feelings, he simply makes a decision: to wait. The second scenario will be, in the end, a disappointment, because you won’t be forced to be nice.

A teenager, faced with an unrequited feeling, will experience a feeling of mental pain. His friends, relatives and relatives should support him by talking with him about this, studying the question of how to stop suffering from unrequited love. The main thing to remember is that all feelings end sooner or later - such is human physiology, those chemicals that provoke falling in love cannot be released all your life. It is important to understand and remember this.

If unrequited love came, what to do?

"Unrequited love loves for two"
Arkady Davidovich
Unrequited love can bring a person to a deep depression, as it usually brings a lot of suffering. If a person does not reciprocate, then this means that he is not the one who should be around, and you need to find the strength in yourself to forget him. It may be difficult to do this, but you should try to get rid of this feeling, otherwise, such love will not lead to anything good.
To get rid of unrequited love, you need to understand for yourself that it is pointless to love a person who will never answer the same, and this is just a waste of time. Why torture yourself with suffering? If this person does not care all this is indifferent. It is best to use this time for your own benefit, for example, to find a good job, new friends, an interesting hobby or take some courses so that there is no time to think about a person who does not care that he is truly and sincerely loved. You can also go in for sports, this, as a rule, can also distract from unnecessary thoughts about unrequited love.
Also, in order to cheer yourself up, understand how to survive unrequited love, what to do in order not to go into depression, you need to meet friends as often as possible and have fun with them.
You also need to try to avoid communication with the object of love in order to quickly forget him. The main thing is to pull yourself together and stop writing to him, calling him, and also being imposed, all the same, these actions will not bring any benefit, and the person will not wake up from this feeling. You need to respect yourself and not allow yourself to be humiliated in front of someone, even in front of your most beloved person, because such humiliation is unlikely to be appreciated.

What to do with unrequited love? It may take a long time to forget a loved one, but you need to start taking the first major steps towards another new and happy life where there will be no pain, tears and suffering right now.

“Unrequited love is always whole and big!”
Viktor Konyakhin
Nothing causes such mental suffering as love without reciprocity. Everything inside you is torn with bitterness and resentment. Building relationships, the ability to properly compliment, provide support, make pleasant surprises is a great art. Undoubtedly, it’s great if your chosen one shares all this, you shouldn’t even dream of more. But if everything is not so in the situation? How to survive unrequited love, what to do if the person you love not only did not respond to your feeling, but also laughed at you? The strongest emotional resentment begins to feed the torment “Why didn’t he like me?”, “How can I continue to live without him?” etc. Indeed, what should be done next if a girl is unrequitedly in love?
First of all, calm down and tell yourself that life goes on. If your mental pain is very severe and you have suicidal thoughts, contact a psychologist immediately.
Every person has the right to make a mistake. And we all use this right all the time. So you took advantage of it and chose the wrong person for you. This happens in life and do not blame yourself for everything. Even regardless of your attitude towards him, he is not obliged to love you.
Understand that pride is screaming in you now. A real feeling will continue to live painlessly, even without receiving reciprocity.
If this brings you relief, then talk mentally with the Lord God or with someone else. Know that our thoughts are material. True love is yet to come, and it will be mutual.
Try in moments of depression, as noted above, to fill all your free time with some kind of business: sports, study, communication with friends, hobbies. It doesn’t matter what, the main thing is that you don’t need to “get hung up” on the bad.
No need to live with the mentality of the victim - that's what to do if you are unrequitedly in love! If you believe that you are the most attractive, smart, cheerful and self-confident girl, then everyone around you will soon be convinced of this. However, all these tips also apply to men, since life shows that they endure such shocks even harder than women and no less need advice on what to do if love is not reciprocated.

Act immediately. With unrequited love, “What to do” is the main question. If you cannot cope on your own, seek the support of specialists in a similar situation, do not withdraw into yourself. Remember - "Everything passes, and this too will pass"!

Unrequited love ... Well, who among us has not experienced it? What to do, such is life! Men do not always reciprocate our love. And sometimes, even after answering, then they suddenly cool down and leave. And dark, unbearably difficult days come. The first reaction is panic, then despair, pain, disappointment. What to do? How to forget the guy you love if he doesn't pay attention to you? How to deal with unrequited love?

With pain that can turn into an extremely difficult psychological state, incompatible with a full normal life. Pain sometimes lives inside for many years, and living with it is very, very difficult. To prevent this from happening, let's try to follow some tips on how to forget the guy you love, day after day. So, unrequited love, what should a girl do in order to survive it.

How to deal with unrequited love?

The guy we're in love with loves another girl or doesn't love anyone at all. The situation is rather banal. And not only young ladies with an ordinary appearance fell into it, but also written beauties, at the sight of which many men lose their heads. Well, the one to whom the heart breaks does not love us, and that's it! And, as you know, you can’t command the heart. It whines, groans, hurts, and thoughts stubbornly revolve around the image of a loved one, which cannot be forgotten.

Almost all women had such a period of life, and, unfortunately, not every one of them was able to pass it with dignity, with minimal losses for themselves. After all, we usually do not know how to deal with unrequited love, and, being in complete disarray, we either do stupid things or withdraw into ourselves, provoking the appearance of a long-term deep depression.

What if love is unrequited? How to stop loving a guy if all thoughts are only about him? I must say that this will require a lot of effort. However, they must be applied, otherwise unrequited love can seriously affect the psyche and leave a wound in the soul that does not heal for many years. No, perhaps someone likes to suffer and tell sad stories about unrequited love over the years. But most girls still strive for happiness, and it is unthinkable without mutual love. Therefore, we must by all means try to get rid of a feeling that brings nothing but suffering. Here are some tips to help you do this.

How to deal with unrequited love?

So how do you deal with unrequited love? First of all, we must realize and accept the fact that we are not loved, and bury (yes, that's right!) The hope that someday they will still love us. It is this awareness that is your first small victory. Such a hope will not allow you to get rid of an unsuccessful love and can push the girl to unacceptable, in this case, actions.

Hoping for reciprocity, she will try to maintain a relationship with the guy and always be in his field of vision to catch the eye, the first to call and the like. Men, on the other hand, cannot stand it when they are being hunted, which they always, no matter how a woman tries to hide her true intentions, subconsciously feel.

The desire of a girl to fall in love with a guy, with all her efforts to look independent of him, will still be noticed by this guy. And this fact does not bode well for us. In extreme cases, the young man will simply temporarily give in out of pity. And we really don't need that, do we? To call such a feeling love and the tongue will not turn! Although it should be noted that if a girl is young and her first love, such an attitude of a man is often perceived by her as falling in love.

Therefore, first we get rid of the hope for reciprocity, since we will not be able to stop loving the guy, if we have it. How to do it? Let's just tell ourselves that we are not loved and stop dreaming of happiness with this person. Not easy? And willpower or girlish pride, finally? They don't like us, well, don't! There are many beautiful guys in the world who can give us their heart. And we will be quite happy with this and stop tormenting ourselves with thoughts about how to survive unrequited love.

If it is not possible to quickly get rid of sticky hope, we will try to figure out the reasons for the lack of reciprocity on our own. The fact of unrequited love needs to be comprehended, trying to understand why we do not attract a guy. This will help you overcome your passion and accept the situation as a given.

Just don’t explain the guy’s lack of interest with his own shortcomings - unattractive appearance, excessive modesty, lack of sexuality, charm and other seemingly negative personal qualities. An approach of this kind will create all the prerequisites for low self-esteem. And do we need it? Each girl is unique and therefore can be loved. Well, this guy didn’t appreciate her dignity, so he’s a minus! Because they will be appreciated by another and will be quite pleased with this assessment.

In addition, the lack of interest of a beloved guy may not be explained at all. Love is a feeling that is not amenable to logical justification. Often, guys are attracted to girls who are not distinguished by outstanding virtues. Here it pulls, and that's it! And they do not notice others, no matter how these others shine with beauty and intelligence. And they themselves, while suffering from unrequited love, do not know what to do. So is it worth it then to look for reasons that our love for a guy is not mutual? Maybe they do not exist at all, these reasons.

Then how to forget unrequited love as quickly as possible? We will try to always maintain a positive attitude. Let's declare war on bitter, painful feelings and thoughts that give rise to these feelings. They, in the end, prevent us from finding our true and mutual love and turn us into a gloomy, eternally dissatisfied life and even a cynical young lady. It is especially insulting if unrequited love is the first. Psychological trauma can be quite serious.

I must say that unrequited love is not necessarily a misfortune. One way or another, it causes euphoria, which can be used to your advantage. It is enough just to try not to get upset and be glad that this feeling lives in us. Let's just accept the fact that this guy doesn't love us and never will. And we will live on, enjoying the world, which becomes extraordinarily colorful when in love. But for this we must try to forget about the object of love. How to do it?

How to forget the guy you love?

In order to get rid of the pangs of unrequited love, we need to learn to control our thoughts. Since it is very difficult to forget unrequited love, constantly thinking about the object of this love. Therefore, if we began to dream about the mutual feelings of a loved one, we must immediately catch ourselves in these dreams and try to distract ourselves by switching to something else. This is not as difficult as it might seem at first glance.

It is enough to spend as much time as possible with friends and family and do what gives you maximum pleasure. Or it takes a lot of time. You can completely immerse yourself in work, try to find an interesting hobby for yourself, sign up for language courses, a sports section, a fitness club ... But you never know! Let's start learning the nuances of Photoshop or explore the features of creating video clips. After all, it's interesting! And promising, besides - perhaps it is unrequited love that will become a push forward for you.

Another of the rules for experiencing unrequited love involves focusing on your own future. To move forward, you cannot look back. You need to concentrate your thoughts on what will be, and not on what was and is at the moment. This will help to distract from thoughts about the object of love and, over time, will allow you to stop thinking about it altogether.

We should try to think about ourselves as best as possible and always remember what good qualities and skills we have. After all, the fact that someone does not love us does not at all mean that we are unworthy of love. Who knows what the guy we're in love with right now is striving for! Perhaps he does not need love at all, because life goals are different. That's why he doesn't notice us. And we still can’t resist telling everyone our sad story about unrequited love.

In order to quickly calm down, you need to make an appointment with someone. After all, there are a lot of attractive guys around, so why not spend a few pleasant hours with them? You look, and a new hobby will appear. No, of course, at first it will be difficult to be seriously interested in some handsome young man.

But after all, meeting with him, we, absolutely, do not lose anything! On the contrary, we get the opportunity to have fun. And this is necessary, since it is almost impossible to get rid of unrequited love, sitting alone in four walls and cherishing your longing. Do not miss the chance to meet someone who we like, and he will reciprocate.

We must love ourselves, otherwise we will suffer for a long time. Why do we need confirmation of our own importance in the form of reciprocal love from someone who does not need us? Even without this confirmation, we know that we have a lot of virtues that this blind young man did not notice and did not appreciate. So let him later regret it himself, and we will respect ourselves and love. This will increase our attractiveness to other members of the stronger sex.

Let's not feed the beast that torments our soul. We’ll grieve for a couple of weeks, and that’s enough, since it will be more difficult to cope with unrequited love further. And why should we grieve for so long? Life goes on, and in every day there should be joyful minutes, and even hours. After all, this is our life, why let someone else spoil it?

Let's try to fill it with colors, throwing thoughts about the ungrateful beloved out of our heads and stopping ourselves every time there is a desire to talk about him or learn something about the young man. And after a while, mental pain will leave its positions, because the source that feeds it will disappear.

Let's think carefully about why we want to be with someone who does not want to be with us. Perhaps the reason for this desire is some situation from our childhood, when we sought approval from a person who paid little attention to us. If there was such a situation in childhood, it is worth contacting a good psychologist who can competently and tactfully help get rid of the desire to become attached to someone who does not need us.

Well, now let's sum up everything we've talked about here. So…

How to get rid of unrequited love?

How do wise women deal with unrequited love? They are:

They try not to meet their lover. If this is not possible (for example, they study or work together), they avoid common companies and places where the object of love often happens;
They try to laugh as often as possible, for which they tend to watch various comedy programs, read funny books, surround themselves with cheerful people with a good sense of humor. Laughter promotes the release of negative energy and prevents the appearance of prolonged depression. In addition, it helps to switch from unhappy love to the outside world and get carried away by another young man. The one who reciprocates;
They do not close themselves from the representatives of the stronger sex, continuing to look for their true chosen one among them;
Improve by learning something new and interesting;
If pain and longing do not go away and all the advice on how to get rid of unrequited love cannot be followed, they turn to a psychologist for help to find out whether the feeling that torments the soul is true love, or is it a psychological addiction;

Of course, following all these rules is not easy. When we are tormented by unrequited love, we want to hide somewhere in a dark corner and suffer there in absolute loneliness. Wanted but not wanted. Because in the corner the nervous system is loosened, the psyche becomes painfully vulnerable. Our character deteriorates, our appearance fades. But we still have to live, and life is full of happy surprises. So why should anyone take away our chance for happiness? Wouldn’t it be better to say to yourself: “Whoever doesn’t need us at all, we don’t need him at all three times,” and step forward to your new and so great happiness!

Talk 84

Unrequited love - what does it mean?

Everyone has experienced unrequited love at least once.

In this feeling there is hope for a possible reciprocity, a great desire to be with a specific person, pain from an unrequited feeling, unwillingness to move on.

Some people experience this feeling for years. At the same time, they themselves understand the hopelessness of their situation and even make some attempts to destroy this connection, but, most often, they remain unsuccessful.

What to do if you fall in love with a married man? Learn about it from ours.

Psychology and causes

The first thing to understand is that the feeling is unhealthy. And the longer it goes on, the worse it is for you.

What is the problem with unrequited love?

At the same time, a person most often does not notice himself when he steps on this path. He seems to be in oblivion.

In this state, it may take a long time before the individual aware of his problem and will begin to at least make some attempts to break out of this vicious circle.

Why do I always fall in love unrequited?

So why is your love often not reciprocated?

How to deal with unrequited love for a girl?

Fell in love with a girl, but she did not reciprocate? What to do in such a situation?

How to live on?

It is very difficult to live with unrequited love. It’s as if a void has formed in your heart and it seems that only this person can fill it. But actually it is not.

First of all, you need to admit to yourself that you are in the shackles of unrequited love. She has enslaved you and wears you down regularly.

Try something to distract yourself or change the scenery. Don't delve into yourself all day trying to figure out what's wrong with you and why he doesn't love you. Open to change. Bring something new to life change it drastically.

And in general, start living already, and not exist in the shadow of this person. Look for new emotions and impressions, expand your social circle.

Try to make sure that you no free time left. Dedicate it to work or hobbies.

Switching to another activity helps to forget unrequited feelings.

Ask for help. Your friends or loved ones can help you deal with this problem.

But if you feel that the situation is out of control, do not be afraid to contact a psychologist. A specialist will help you understand the problem and fix it.

Which is better: to love or to be loved? find out right now.

Books

Artwork about unrequited love:

M. Mitchell "Gone with the Wind";
V. Nabokov "Lolita";
G.G. Marquez "Love during the plague";
J. Fowles "The Collector";
E. Bronte "Wuthering Heights".

For psychology:

I. Yalom "Treatment for love and other psychotherapeutic novels";
Dean K. Delis, K. Phillips. "The paradox of passion: she loves him, but he does not.";
I. Korchagin "How to survive unhappy love";
M. Litvak "4 types of love";
Leil Lowndes how to make anyone fall in love with you. A short theoretical course and the most complete practical guide to the psychology of romantic love.

Unrequited love is not the best feeling often destructive who suffers from it. But it is possible and even necessary to fight against it.

Unrequited love: what to do? The main mistakes in a situation of unrequited love: