How to find mutual friends in contact. How to find out important friends in VK from a friend Find 2 friends in contact

Many people experience a common social problem: they don't know exactly how to make friends and arrange their social life.

There are several reasons why you might be in this situation.

You have moved to a new city, and so far your circle of acquaintances is very narrow.
You've been in a relationship with a girl for a long time and you've let your social life fade away.
Your old friends naturally left your life (moved on, became busy with their family, etc.), but you did not find a replacement for them.
A significant part of your environment died overnight, like many who graduated from an educational institution and stopped living in the city of education.
You feel that your personality level has become much higher than the level of your current friends, and you want to "upgrade" your environment.
In the past, it was enough for you to have one friend, but now you are determined to expand your social circle.
You never knew how to make friends and always wanted to improve your social life.
Significant changes have taken place in your life, for example, you have decided not to drink alcohol anymore, and you need to change the environment, because people who were once close to you are no longer suitable for you.

Identify Potential Friends

To expand your circle of friends, you first need to identify possible candidates. There are two main ways to do this.

Identify your current contacts

This does not apply to you if you have just moved to a new area where you don't know anyone.

As a rule, you already have a certain level of social connections.

You don't have to go out and meet ten strangers. It is often easier to turn existing contacts of strangers into full-fledged friends than to involve completely new faces in your life.

Chances are, there are already a few people in your environment who you already know who can become a closer part of your new social circle.

These are people like:

People you meet on a daily basis, such as on your way to work, shopping, etc.
Your colleagues or fellow students with whom you have managed to establish contact.
Friends of acquaintances with whom you have previously met.
The initiators of friendship with you, whose proposal you once treated with indifference.
People with whom you often cross paths, but so far you have been separated by social distance.
Friends with whom you once lost contact, but you are able to return everything to its previous course.
Acquaintances with whom you have not previously communicated due to a significant difference in age.

Meet new people

Strengthening your current social connections can be a long process.

But sometimes you are at a point in your life when you need to meet brand new people.

For many people, a significant barrier to expanding their social circle is the lack of direct access to potential new friends.

The most obvious sources of new contacts are:

Visiting various communities of interest, where you are sure to meet a lot of people who already have something in common with you. It is best if the activity of the community is connected with communication. This should also include visiting various courses, trainings, lectures, reading rooms, sports clubs, dance schools, etc.
Meet people through your school or job. By observing the same faces every day, you can gradually get to know them better without falling under social pressure.
Cultivate relationships with your friends' friends.

Meeting new people will certainly require extra effort from you so that you can escape from everyday routine.

The most effective way to make friends is to lead a fulfilling, interesting, fulfilling life, the side effect of which is to cross your life path with a lot of new people.

When new people start to appear around you, you should start talking to them and try to get to know them better.

Not everyone you interact with will become your friend, but bringing enough people into your social circle will allow you to form friendships with some of them.

And anyway, why would you try to be friends with everyone?

Friendship Formula

The environment brings you together
It's easier to make friends among the people you meet at school, at work, or in some community of interest. It's like a context that allows a friendship to start.
That's why you can't just get to know a person by walking up to them on the street. You need a context that brings you together.
Suitable Situation
This means that you and the other person have the time, energy, and desire to invest in a new friendship.
It also means that both of you have the opportunity to develop friendships. If either of you are planning to move to another city, what's the point in trying to develop your friendship?
Successful first communication
Your first communication is very important, as it determines the level of comfort and trust, allowing you to establish that each of you can be a pleasant company for the other.
It also performs other functions such as relaxation, entertainment, and building rapport.
You must be sociable and responsive
To find friends, you should keep up the conversation and show interest in the interlocutor and in the topics discussed.
If either of you gives short answers and little interest in other people's opinions, behavior and mood, then you will not have a solid foundation for developing friendships.
Common traits with another person
One of the most important prerequisites for making friends is having common interests and similarities in opinions, hobbies, habits, or activities.
The more you find in common with another person, the easier it will be for you to establish a friendly relationship with him.
Basic trust in each other
This means that both you and the other person you have met are involved in the process of disclosing personal information to each other.
You start with very neutral personal information and then go deeper as the level of trust grows.

Step 2 Invite potential friends to do something together

Once you get to know people you're interested in talking to, invite them to meet again outside of where you met. This is the most important step to take in order to make friends.

You can meet a huge number of people, but if you don't take action to develop an acquaintance, these people will remain just temporary passengers on the train of your life.

It seems obvious, but single people often fall into this trap.

Perhaps someone constantly tells them funny stories at work, or strikes up a conversation at university, but they do not take steps to suggest meeting in a different setting and developing communication.

At first, it will be strange to try to take the initiative, because there is always the possibility of rejection, but they are quite easy to get used to.

Depending on the conditions of acquaintance, you can quickly start transferring new people to the status of friends, or you will have to wait for some time, for example, several weeks.

Get in the habit of sharing contacts

Sharing contacts with people is very useful.

You may meet an interesting person, but you never know when you will see him next.

Therefore, exchange phone numbers or become friends on social networks.

That way, if the opportunity or need arises to get together, you can easily contact them.

In addition, if your new acquaintances have your contact information, they, in turn, will also be able to invite you to an event.

Don't reject offers

Of course, your own plans are of great importance, but if someone offers to spend time with you, try to accept the offer.

This doesn't mean you have to agree all the time. For example, if the proposed activity is out of your comfort zone, or you have an exam on the scheduled day, then your refusal would be completely appropriate.

However, if you're just a little unsure, it's best to say yes. Why give up the opportunity to get out of the house with a group of people?

When you have more friends and different competing options, you can become more selective.

If you're a more shy or lonely person, you tend to assume that the meeting won't be all that fun and you shouldn't go.

Try to push those thoughts away and go anyway. You are often not sure how enjoyable something can be until you see it with your own eyes.

Sometimes you will have to inconvenience yourself for the sake of your social life.

You may be invited to a movie you are not interested in, or someone may call you to meet on Friday night when you are going to bed.

You will often have to make compromises, but the prospect of a rich social life is worth the minor inconvenience.

Here's another thing you should consider. Many people will stop inviting you if you keep saying no.

Your acquaintances may not have anything against you, but the next time an event is scheduled, the thought will arise: “He always refuses my invitations, so there is no point in calling him this time.”

Step 3 Maintain and develop friendships

It is not so difficult to communicate with someone once in a lifetime or to do it from time to time.

However, in order to form closer friendships, you need to keep in touch, spend time together, share emotions, and get to know each other on a deeper level.

You won't be able to find a friend in every person, but over time you will be able to build close relationships with some people.

Once you find friends, lean on them to expand your social circle.

Once you have one or two friends, consider that you have laid the foundation for expanding your social connections.

If you are not very sociable by nature, one or two good buddies may be all you need to be quite content with the society around you.

But sooner or later you will meet your friend's friends, with whom you can also establish friendly relations.

Friends will make it easier for you to meet brand new people, because together with your company you will be able to attend various events and expand your circle of acquaintances.

Step 4 Treat Your Friends Right

Be positive and don't spread negativity

While it's natural to share your problems, if you constantly complain and have a generally negative attitude towards others and life in general, then people will get tired of your whining and negativity.

Everyone has enough problems in life, and no one needs the extra tons of unpleasant experiences that you decide to bestow on others.

However, a good friend will always listen when you need it, so don't take it as "never complain to anyone".

Be full of energy and share more positive emotions.

Become an attentive listener

Make no mistake when you deliberately turn communication into your solo performance.

If your interlocutor wants to speak, be sure to listen carefully.

Do interesting things

If you are excited about life, have interesting hobbies, improve, create, explore, get new experiences, meet new people, you can become a magnet for others, and your life itself will take on a new level.

Smile

Don't smile all the time or at the wrong time. Other times, your sincere smile will make you more attractive and personable.

Keep calm

And while it's great to have a lot of energy, people who are overly dramatic and impulsive for no reason can alienate other people.

Therefore, learn to respond to most problems calmly, trying not to increase their scale to the level of a universal tragedy.

Be yourself, don't brag

Don't try to impress people all the time. If you're confident, you don't need it at all.

Do not try to appear better than you really are, especially when such behavior of yours is done for show.

Be confident and happy with yourself

Be happy with who you are and even your flaws. People don't like other people with low self-esteem.

Learn to see the positive side of yourself, your sincere heart and your perfect nature. Let this be the story you tell yourself.

Step 5 Do the above more often

If you have introduced two friends into your social circle and stopped there, it is unlikely that your social ties will continue to expand on their own.

After you constantly use new ways to meet people and attend various events, you will have a lot of friends and acquaintances.

You don't have to have an infinite number of friends. Many people are perfectly happy with only a few very close friendships.

However, if the current state of affairs does not suit you, you know how to make friends.

You must make an effort

Your personal initiative is the most important principle in building friendships.

It is a big mistake to be in a state of passive waiting and hoping for a whiff of fate. Of course, it's great if this happens, but you shouldn't count on it too much.

If you are wondering how to make friends, then the first thing you will have to do is put in enough effort to do so.

If you want to have fun on the weekend, don't think that everything will work out by itself. Contact your friends and think of doing something together, or find out what they will be doing and join them.

Finding friends is really easy.

If you are not experienced enough in making new contacts, this process may seem more complicated and lengthy than it actually is.

Often all you have to do to make friends is get to know people and spend some quality time with them.

You don't have to know them for a few months before being promoted to friend status.

Of course, if you just met someone, at first your relationship will be somewhat superficial, but it won't be too long before you can safely consider yourself friends.

Don't be too picky in the beginning

If you are single, your initial goal should be to create at least some sort of social life. Undoubtedly, avoid really negative and superfluous personalities for your destiny.

But if you meet an interesting person who doesn't seem like the perfect friend at first, give them a chance. The benefits of companionship, as opposed to loneliness, must outweigh the fact of imperfection.

Also, if you are just starting to form your social circle, you are probably not fully aware of what you want to see in other people.

If you get along more or less with someone, develop a closer relationship with them, and later decide whether you should become friends.

Even if at the very beginning a new company led your mind to a dead end of bewilderment, over time everything can change.

Lonely people tend to be more negative towards others. And if you notice in yourself a similar attitude towards others, it is important for you to make an effort to consciously change your behavior.

Be persistent

Sometimes you join a company or get to know your friend's friends and hope to meet a lot of new great people.

But once in a new society, you begin to feel out of place. You may feel like you are unable to communicate with anyone, or as if you are being ignored.

Make a few more attempts, make a few more meetings, because at the first meeting there are natural social restrictions and some enslavement. Over time, the warmth of friendly relations will warm the ice of misunderstanding at the first stage of communication.

If someone refuses your offer because they are busy, don't worry. Try again another time.

Do not assume that you are being treated with disdain. The very fact of the initiative shown will work for you in the future, when your friend may need company.

When you meet new acquaintances, you must really be important in their lives and you should consider that you won't be able to become friends in the blink of an eye.

They probably already have their own social circle, and their world will not end if you do not become part of this environment.

Therefore, be neutral about their behavior and reaction to the offer to spend time together, because people can really be busy.

Just keep meeting other people and expanding your social connections.

Patience

You can often get your social life back on track pretty quickly, like if you just moved to a new city to go to university, or you joined a soccer team. In other cases, it will take longer to find friends.

It will take some time to find the right people for you. After that, it may take several months before you feel like you have a friend.

But do not forget that friendship is part of interpersonal relationships that do not always lend themselves to rules and logic, so go to your goal, but do not discount spontaneity.

In conclusion. About friendship

Benefits of having friends

Mood improvement
Spending time with happy and positive friends improves your mood and even your appearance.
Help to achieve goals
Encouragement of your ideas from friends helps to increase your willpower and increase your chances of success.
Reducing the likelihood of stress and depression
Having an active social life strengthens your immune system and, eliminating isolation from the outside world, eliminates factors.
Support in difficult times
Friends can help you deal with a serious illness, the loss of a job or a loved one, or any other problem in life, especially if you just need to share your feelings with someone.
Increase self-esteem
Feeling the need for you from your friends and adds meaning to your life.

To understand that a person is worthy of your friendship, ask yourself questions

Do I feel better after spending time with this person?
Do I want to share my thoughts with him?
In his company, do I feel safe, free and uninhibited, or do I feel that I need to watch my words and actions?
Does he support me and treat me with respect?
Can I trust him?

To find out if a person has an interest in befriending you, ask yourself

Does he ask you questions about you, as if he wants to know you better?
Does he tell you about himself, besides making superficial conversations?
Does he give you all his attention when you see him?
Was he interested in exchanging contact information or making plans for spending time together or working together?

The VKontakte social network is exactly the place where we chat with friends, listen to our favorite music, watch various videos, and also find new acquaintances, friends and even a soul mate. There are even some unwritten rules about who should write to whom first, who should be added to whom first, and so on.

After the next acquaintance with a person, the first thing we all do is go to our favorite social network and try to find his or her profile. But, unfortunately, it is sometimes quite difficult to do this. The most reliable way is to search through mutual friends. And in this article we will tell you how to find mutual friends in VKontakte and how to do it correctly and as quickly as possible.

Search through "My friends"

According to the theory of six handshakes, absolutely any two people on earth are separated by no more than five acquaintances, and, accordingly, there are no more than six levels of connections between them. Thus, it is likely that the person you met recently knows one of your friends on VK. Therefore, it is quite logical to look for a person in the lists of friends of your friends. But if you check everyone, it will most likely take just a lot of time, right?

So, in order not to waste your time and nerves, you need to do the following steps. First you need to go to the "My Friends" section. Then you should enter the last name or first name of the person you want to find. In the "Other users" subsection, first people from the lists of friends of your friends in VK will be displayed. Thus, if someone from your friends list has a person, he will be displayed in the first places. And then all other users of the social network with the same first or last name will be located.

You can also use the advanced search on the right. There you can enter such search parameters as the city, age and gender of the person you are looking for, in order to significantly reduce the list of found users and thereby reduce the time spent on this.

Possible friends

Another reliable way to find mutual friends on VK is to use a special search section called "Possible Friends". To do this, you need to follow this link: http://vk.com/friends?act=find. It will display a list of those users with whom you have mutual friends, making it likely that you also know them. In this case, the exact number of mutual friends will be indicated there. For example, “Olga Ivanova. You and Olga have 12 mutual friends.”

In the Potential Friends section, you can also immediately add a person to your friends list, if necessary. There is no need for this to go to her / him on the page. Under the phrase "You and Olga have 12 mutual friends" there is a button "Add to friends", by clicking on which you will send an application to the user.

Thus, you have learned how much faster to find mutual friends on VKontakte. For many of us, every minute counts, and therefore we don’t want to waste a lot of time on the tedious search for the person we need on this site. We hope that the article was useful for you and communication in VK will become even easier and more convenient for you.

Dmitry Kurkin

IN THE HEADING "CASE" we introduce readers to women of different professions and hobbies that we like or are simply interested in. In this issue, the creator of inSearch App, Alina Mikhailova, explains why it has become so difficult to coordinate leisure time and why she needed to make a mobile application for company search without dating overtones.

Loneliness on social media

In social networks, you can find like-minded people of any interest, but the search takes a very long time. We often fail to quickly contact those who can go somewhere with you today or tomorrow. You can write in a personal, but this is long, and people are unlikely to be pleased to justify why they cannot go with you - although they may have many reasons of their own. If we talk about strangers, we are faced with the fact that behind the proposal to go somewhere there is a hint of a romantic date. To clarify this, you also need to spend time on correspondence.

There are hundreds and thousands of friends in social networks, but you don’t know with whom to go try something new

From what I've seen from friends on social media, they usually delete their posts about looking for a company if no one comments. After all, it's scary - to seem like a person with whom no one wants to communicate. Even if in fact the responses were, but in a personal, and not publicly. I myself had a case when two hours passed after the publication of the post, and no one had yet responded to my proposal - I really wanted to delete the post altogether. Then came likes and comments, but, unfortunately, not at all on this topic. I couldn’t find a company among my 500+ online friends, I had to persuade my girlfriend.

It turns out a strange situation: there are hundreds and thousands of friends in social networks, but you don’t know with whom to go try something new. For example, you want to go to a zumba workout or go to the theater - and close friends are used to the fact that you have other interests. They won't understand. Write on the wall? Thanks to algorithmic feeds, your post will be seen only by your close friends - those with whom you already communicate so often. The rest of the circle of friends will never keep you company simply because they don’t know where and with whom you are ready to go. Social networks are good for sharing information, but their capabilities are not enough to find a company for offline events.

Netinder

So far, inSearch App is more used by people who are unfamiliar with each other. Although there are situations when users suddenly find their friends there: “Oh, you're coming too! Long time no see". If we have a lot of acquaintances, then keeping in touch with everyone is unrealistic. And if you have not communicated with a person for two or three years, then it is psychologically difficult to take and write: Let's go there. It can be difficult to ask for it personally, but it’s easier to do it through the application - that’s what it was created for. If someone writes in it, then he needs it. And so we don’t have it written on our foreheads: “I am looking for a company.”

It is clear that we will be compared with Tinder - we are compared with Bla Bla Car. This is a common thing: a new startup is compared with those that are older and more famous. But in Tinder there is a search only by gender and age, and, of course, it will be difficult to find a girl to go to the exhibition together. With us, you can find a person only by common interest in the event. This is important, and we have focused on this from the very beginning. When people, for example, are in a relationship, using dating apps to find a company is somehow not good. But how then to find new friends for joint leisure? If the usual social circle has already developed, it can be difficult to expand it.

Development from scratch

I started development two years ago, at first it was a training project that we did in our free time. Then I had a permanent job and a master's degree, and I had to work on the application on weekends. I didn’t know at all what I was getting into and how difficult it was to make such an application.

I assembled the team in one of the largest groups of iOS developers who take video tutorials and want to apply them in life. There were only newcomers in the first line-up, and by now there is no one left except me. There were various reasons for the turnover, and the first difficulty I encountered was remote work. There are people who need to be in the office, under supervision, but they cannot motivate themselves for remote work; if they have to constantly "kick" themselves, they quickly burn out. You inevitably encounter this, and there is no one hundred percent way to calculate that it will be so in advance.

I was not ready for the fact that people would look for a company to go to aqua parties together

There is another problem with remote work - asynchronous work. Once a week, you can get a group of ten people together for a general chat, but even this is difficult. Nevertheless, we gradually formed both a team of iOS programmers and a team of developers for the Android version.

Aqua party company

Now we, firstly, want to expand the geography of the application, and secondly, to work more with promotions for those who gather a company - such as "gather four people and go to the movies for free." I want to give people more reasons to go somewhere together. The more you do a project, the more you learn about the behavior of others. You are sure that he will do this, but he will not do this - and over and over again you are convinced that he hastened to conclusions. For example, I was not ready for the fact that people would look for a company to go to aqua parties together.

The problem of “who to go with” is faced by people of completely different social groups. Take, for example, the annual VKontakte festival: users from 12 to 60 years old are looking for a company to go to it. There are those who go to events more often and therefore are constantly looking for company. There are those who sit at home more and are simply not used to looking for a company. But for one reason or another, this question arises in almost every person.

Always be yourself. So you will not deceive anyone when you meet and will not disappoint when you get to know you better.
Think carefully about what you value most in people and with whom it is easier for you to communicate. Keep this in mind when making new friends.
Don't be biased, don't judge new people by hearsay or first impressions. Get to know the person better, only then draw conclusions.
Friendship is a mutually beneficial relationship. Offer help when you see that the person needs it. If so, then you can count on help in return.
Keep in touch with new friends: chat on the Internet, arrange new meetings, try to diversify your joint leisure time. But don't be too pushy. If the person is ignoring you, don't push.
Don't worry if new acquaintances lose interest in you. You may have met the wrong people or made mistakes. Analyze the experience and keep looking.

With the spread of the Internet, many of us began to spend more time in front of the monitor and communicate less live. It is a fact. But not everything is so clear. The web is just a tool and everyone uses it in their own way.

The Internet can be seen as both a refuge from the real world and a powerful means of socialization. The sites and services, which will be discussed below, introduce a huge number of people every day. Already today you can make friends there.

Find friends in online communities

Internet forums, chats in instant messengers like WhatsApp and Telegram, public pages and groups on Facebook, VKontakte, Odnoklassniki and other social networks are all platforms for effectively finding new acquaintances.

You just need to choose the right community, which may include people of interest to you, and unobtrusively invite them to get to know each other. Nothing complicated.

If you live in a small town, look for a community based on geography. In large social networks, almost every locality has local groups like “Typical Bryansk” or “Overheard in Chernigov”, where you can communicate with fellow countrymen. To find such a group, just enter the name of your locality in the service search.

When you find a community, look at its description, read the posts of other users. So you will find out how dating takes place here. Most often, participants directly publish brief information about themselves with an offer to get to know each other. In VKontakte, such data is usually sent to administrators, and they already post it for the rest of the group members on behalf of the sender. You can reply to one of these posts or leave your own.

If you are from a large city, then it makes sense to look for a community of interest, without being tied to a locality. It can be a chat to discuss cinema, a public about fishing or a forum about bodybuilding. Choose what is closer to you.

The main thing is that your city is big and the community is popular. Then among his audience there will surely be your "neighbors".

In communities of interest, so-called gatherings are popular - mass meetings of participants for dating and spending time together. Such events are organized by the participants themselves or the administration. An example is the meetings of users of LiveLib, a social platform for book lovers. But before you go to such an event, prove yourself on the site. Participate in discussions, make your publications - let them notice you and accept you as their own.

Some communities of interest have special sections for dating. For example, on the site of the humorous platform Pikabu there is a popular branch " Dating League". Participants from different cities and countries tell about themselves here and offer to meet offline. After free registration, you will be able to write to someone who is interested in you, or publish your profile.

Find friends using dating services

The web is full of services designed specifically for dating. Most often, with their help, they are looking for partners for sex or romantic relationships, but nothing prevents you from looking for friends in this way.

Find friends in online games

If you've never played multiplayer games, you may not realize how strong social bonds they create between players. In virtual worlds, they find not only real friends, but even future husbands and wives.

Games like Destiny, Overwatch, and World of Warcraft create situations where you have to interact with strangers. You join forces with other players for the sake of common goals and experience joint adventures. In such conditions, it is easy to get close and find common topics for conversation. If you wish, you can continue to communicate in the real world.

If you meet online, do not forget about network etiquette

Tidy up your online profile. Remove posts and pictures that make you look worse than you really are.
When publishing your profile for future friends, briefly describe your qualities, goals of acquaintance and interests.
Try to write correctly, use punctuation marks.
Do not overuse emoticons, exclamation marks, and capital letters.
Do not break the message into several parts unnecessarily. Finish the thought, and then send, so as not to annoy the interlocutor with a flood of notifications.
Avoid banal remarks like “Hi, how are you?”.
Don't swear.
Don't joke around.
Do not argue over trifles, respect the point of view of the interlocutor.
Be polite.

If your communication from the virtual world turns into the real one (which is exactly what you want, right?), You will certainly need the tips from the next paragraph.

How to find friends offline

If you're an old school person and don't like all that virtual stuff, you can always find interesting people in the real world.

Look for friends at school or at work

Schools, universities and offices are the places where people usually make new acquaintances. But since you are reading this article, it means that this option did not work in your case.

If there are people in the team with whom you would like to make friends, but no one takes the initiative, take it into your own hands. Talk to your manager about doing things together, like going after work to an anti-cafe or a bar. You can simply offer these options directly to your colleagues. An informal atmosphere will create the prerequisites for friendly relations.

If you study or work remotely, or there are no people close in spirit in the team, there remains a radical way - or study. But before taking decisive action, try the next option.

Look for friends in local sections and clubs of interest

Another old-fashioned way to find friends is to sign up for a sports section. It is advisable to choose a team sport like football, hockey or handball. Alternatively, consider dancing.

If you do not like active sports, try to find an interest club. This may be an institution where they play board games or discuss literature. Choose based on your interests: this will help you find like-minded people. The addresses of such clubs are usually available on the Internet.

When communicating live, do not forget about manners

Before the meeting, think about how to spend time as interesting as possible. Offer your options to new friends. Ask if they have suggestions.
Don't be late for appointments: no one likes to wait.
Don't violate the person's personal space.
Be open to new places, activities and travel.
Use to please the other person.

We hope these tips will help you make new friends. We will be glad if you share your experience.