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How to stop being a slut. If my friend is a loser

Hello, dear readers, lucky and ... not so. If the latter, then surely you believe that Fortune does not notice you point-blank? Well, I'll cheer you up.

The best goes to the lucky ones - bosom friends, beauties, a prestigious education, a successful career... Are you not one of them? If you really think so, then welcome to my blog!

They say that a loser is not a state of affairs, but a negative way of thinking, our fears and grievances driven into the subconscious. Do you want to know how to stop being a loser and breathe deeply? Sasha Bogdanova will share her observations)

To give a clear answer to the question, I decided to tell an instructive anecdote:

A man goes home, is indignant to himself: “The boss humiliates me, my colleagues laugh at me, I come home - the children swear and the wife saws, demands a new fur coat. Tired! And an angel walked behind and shrugged his shoulders: “He has strange desires, but there’s nothing to be done, you have to fulfill!”

Therefore, dear ones: a loser is not a specific figure, but a model of our thinking, a view of the world and a measure of self-acceptance. By working on these points, you can move forward with confidence.

The first step to solving a problem is understanding it. How can you recognize an outsider among the rest, what exactly pushes them to such a lifestyle? Below I give typical signs of the so-called. loser:

  • Detracts from own achievements, underestimates talents and existing skills.
  • Constantly compares himself to others (instead of jumping over his own bar).
  • Too much ("everyone works as managers - and I will be a manager").
  • Allows mockery in his address, does not defend personal space. Can directly say that he hates himself.
  • Agrees to compromises to the detriment of himself.
  • Afraid to allow himself extra luxury, rejects all help (until it comes to a boiling point).
  • to the core.

Ignorance of oneself, ignoring inclinations and needs, dislike for oneself, lack of self-confidence are the main features of losers. Did you recognize yourself? Let's solve it together!

How could this happen

Despite the fact that “man is the master of his own destiny”, everyone was brought up in different conditions. Add individual character traits to the negative experience (for example, vulnerability and impressionability) - you can get a loser in life. This is especially true for children and teenagers.

Older guys can get addicted to alcohol and smoking/drugs, cut veins. “Why live if I am an outcast that no one needs?” - so many who cannot cope alone think so.

Do not think that these are people with a sick psyche. These are ordinary guys, only from those who were the "scapegoat" in the class, who were regularly humiliated and insulted, who did not receive the approval of the opposite sex.

I'm not talking about more severe cases, although these situations are a colossal blow to a fragile psyche. Which can often drive a child to or even commit suicide.

Why do I focus on childhood and adolescence? At this age, the scenario of relations and behavior in society is laid. Even if my reader is a man in his forties and is wondering “why have I been an outsider all my life?”, It makes sense to look into the past.

Previously, you might not have noticed how psychology has become the norm. But does it make you happy?

It's time to take action

The goal of every person is to be happy. And this means that the time has come to part with negative programs, and you are able to at least try.

  • Start a diary

Here you can write about your experiences, compose a memoir and share your thoughts about the work done.

Now look at what was written and answer the questions: “I was and remain a strong person. Why did I choose this particular role? What attracted me to her? Where and from whom did I pick up this infection?

This technique will help you trace the starting point, as well as monitor progress.

  • Get rid of the inferiority complex

This is the heart of our problem. The whole "psychology of the loser" stands on a single elephant. After completing the method above, you can proceed to this step (I wrote about it here).

It is also necessary to recover - tune in to inner strength, self-love.

  • Change "minus" to "plus"

And now the most pleasant! Remember who you dreamed of becoming as a child in a few decades. Musician, sailor, traveler, photographer... Well, did it light up? Write it down in your diary.

Each quality is a separate item. With desires also, do not neglect the smallest and funniest ones: in the end, this is a part of your personality, albeit hidden.

Decide what is your life goal? What is your life motivation? Do not forget about it!

  • Active actions

What kind of improvement is it if you are sitting on the couch? Don't immediately rush to the gym or write a novel; there is a risk of burnout. Do everything slowly, feel the relish of becoming more successful.

If my friend is a loser

And if not me, but my friend is a typical outsider? Do not rush to throw yourself at a friend: “Yes, you just need to go to work, and not whine!”. Believe me, for now, but it will not be difficult to slide down to a chronic loser.

Never discount other people's experiences, even if you consider them trifling. You can listen to a friend and help with advice. And do not go to the other extreme: it is unlikely that crying into your vest will do you any good.

It will not be superfluous to consult a psychotherapist in severe cases.

parting word

How to stop being a loser? Everyone advises: “Start with yourself!” And I say: "Become free ..."

Face your pain, cornered dreams and forgotten needs. You are human. If I praise you, it's because you really deserve it.

You may not be a millionaire, but you are a great father and even a great artist. Who knows? Try to find your way.

Think it's too late? Read the biographies of great people: they were all betrayed by devotion to the goal and great perseverance - and why are you worse? I believe in you!

If you are interested, go to my blog, subscribe and recommend to friends. I will be very glad if this article helped - please comment.

And by the way, having solved the following two puzzles first, within the framework, you will already be one step closer to the lucky one 😉

Decided to double the load today. I got confused with the fourth one)) although I know the correct answer :/

Riddle #4

The soldier was taken prisoner. He showed such courage in battle that his enemies suggested that he choose the method of execution himself. She told him the following:

"If you tell a lie, you will be shot, and if you tell the truth, you will be hanged." He can only say one sentence. He says this phrase, and the enemies have to let him go.

What could he say?

  1. "I will be hanged"
  2. "I will be shot"
  3. “I won’t be shot or hanged”
  4. "I will be shot or hanged"
  5. "I am not a liar"

Riddle #5

Suppose I have 40 blue socks and 40 brown socks in my dresser drawer. What is the minimum number of socks I need to pull out of the drawer without looking into it to be sure I get a pair of socks of the same color?

A) 2
B) 3
AT 4
D) 40
D) 41

I'm waiting for a detailed answer... Good luck 😉

Always with you, Sasha Bogdanova

Nobody wants to be a loser. Fortunately, no one should! It only takes a little time and energy to fix the situation. Whoever you are, changing your life is simple: make a decision, draw the line and start changing right now. Don't let people call you a loser - ignore it and work on becoming the best and happiest person you can be. Start with step 1!

Steps

Control your life

    Appreciate yourself. If there is only one thing you can change about yourself, make that change - start appreciating yourself. When people truly value and respect themselves, it is obvious to everyone around. They do not have to sparkle with fun and liveliness, but they are all distinguished by a sense of dignity and confidence, thanks to which it is immediately clear that they do not consider themselves losers. To begin with, think about all the good and valuable things that you have - what you are good at doing, what you like about yourself, and so on. Knowing that you have unique strengths and talents will make it much easier for you to love yourself and ignore those who might try to tell you otherwise.

    • If you feel overwhelmed and find it difficult to find any good in yourself, try the following exercise. Take a sheet of paper and divide it in half with a vertical line. Sign one half at the top "Pros", the other - "Cons". Start writing down your positive and negative traits in the appropriate columns. For every minus you write down, try to find two pluses. When the "Pros" column ends, stop and reread what you have written. Compared to your positive qualities, the negative ones should seem insignificant.

  1. Make time for your hobbies and interests. People who spend time doing things they love find it easier to love themselves. The joy and satisfaction you get from your hobbies and interests is a wonderful way to build self-confidence and self-esteem. If you haven't done it yet, try to spend a little time every day or every week doing something you enjoy doing. If there are those around who share your hobby, all the better: in the company of friends, the status of the hobby will increase from "it's great" to "let's do it as often as possible!".

    • This tip is especially helpful if your situation at work or school is less than ideal. It's not easy to find a new job that you like or a group of new friends at school, but it's not at all difficult, for example, to play the piano a little every evening if you love music.
    • Try to choose activities that require certain skills that you can improve over time. Watching TV and playing video games can be fun, but these entertainments usually don't carry much potential for your self-development.

  2. Be physically active. Believe it or not, how you feel about your body can make a big difference in how you see yourself emotionally. Exercise has been shown to release chemicals (hormones) called endorphins into the brain that promote a positive and optimistic mood. Spend more time and energy in physical activity, even if it's just a little, and you'll feel rested, confident, and energized. In addition, exercise is known to help manage depression. With all these benefits, sports and an active lifestyle are a great choice for anyone looking to lift their spirits.

    Show diligence at work or school. It's easiest to feel good about yourself when you're successful in achieving your personal and professional goals. If you are not one of the lucky few who can afford a life of idleness and luxury, you probably have certain professional obligations - usually work or study. Put in the effort when you take on these things. Not only will you create a better image of yourself, but you can also achieve promotions, good grades, and other tangible results that, in turn, increase your self-esteem. You don’t need to wear yourself out and deprive yourself of the opportunity to live a normal life in an effort to finally be satisfied with yourself (for example, don’t sacrifice the opportunity to see your newborn baby immediately for a few more hours at the office), but it’s worth making a habit of working hard and doing everything well.

    • If you recently lost your job, don't be ashamed of it; just try to find a new one, better than the old one. Don't forget the old adage: "Finding a job is also a job."
    • Beware of people who encourage you to skip school or work for short-term fun. A little fun is always a great idea, but someone who constantly neglects his duties in the name of easy pleasures, and there is a loser.

  3. Be socially responsible. Man is a social animal, he is supposed to spend time with his own kind. Withdrawal is considered one of the most common signs of depression. If you've been feeling down lately, meeting up with friends or family members you haven't seen in a while is a great way to deal with gloomy thoughts. Spend just half a day with loved ones, and your outlook on life can completely change.

    • Going out with friends is almost always a great idea, just don't dwell solely on negative emotions and thoughts in their presence. True friends will readily discuss any serious problems with you, but your habit of burdening them with emotional difficulties can be very tiring for them. Instead, try talking to a close relative, someone whose opinion you trust (a teacher, a leader, a priest you know), or a professional counselor.

  4. Make plans for the future. People who are doing well in the long run find it easier to enjoy life in the present moment, as they don't have to worry too much about the problems that tomorrow may bring. If you work, think about saving for the future (for retirement or for some large-scale project, like your own business or buying a home) - you will not regret if you start saving in advance, even if at first you can save quite a bit (if necessary, read tips on how to save money). If you are still studying, consider whether you plan to continue your education or go to work. Ask yourself: "When I graduate from high school (lyceum, college), am I going to study further or get a job?"

    • If you know the answer to one of these questions, start looking for a job or school that might be right for you. It's never too early to start planning for your future. In addition, if you have other desires, plans can always be changed.

  5. Surround yourself with good people. The people we spend time with affect us. They can change our perspectives, introduce us to people or things we might not otherwise encounter, and generally enrich our lives. However, if we spend a long time in the company of those who have neither goals nor hobbies, but have a negative attitude towards life, our idea of ​​\u200b\u200bwhat matters can be distorted. If you have a suspicion that you spend a lot of personal time on these people, do not be afraid to limit communication with them until you put things in order in your life. It may turn out that, having understood yourself, you suddenly realize that you are not so interested in maintaining this relationship. If you're unsure, look for the following signs of negative influences in the people you spend time with:

    • Negative attitude towards oneself (expressed, for example, in comments like "why do I always fail?")
    • Negative attitude towards you (phrases like "well, here you are again!")
    • Lack of hobbies and interests
    • Hobbies and interests solely related to idleness, drug use and the like
    • Passive lifestyle (constant pastime on the couch, in front of the TV, and so on)
    • Lack of goals and life orientations

  6. Don't listen to your haters. Life is too short to worry about what these people think of you. If someone says unpleasant things to you, you should not put up with it. Let the person know that you don't like their comments. Just say, "Stop! You're being stupid." Usually this is enough for a person to understand that you are not satisfied with his negative attitude towards you. If he doesn't change his behavior, stop dating him! You shouldn't feel obligated to spend time with those you hate (except for events that require your presence, such as weddings, birthdays, and so on).

    • While you shouldn't place too much weight on negative remarks, you shouldn't completely dismiss the advice of others either. If someone you know and respect is worried about you, listen to them. His advice can be both inappropriate and extremely useful - you won't know until you listen.

    Master the techniques of communication

    1. Believe in your abilities. The most important thing that a person who considers himself a failure can do to improve his communication skills is to develop more self-confidence. It has to do with positive self-esteem. When you are sure that social interaction is nothing to worry about, and that you are quite capable of having a good time talking with strangers, this is much easier to put into practice. There are many tutorials and tips on how to develop self-confidence on the Internet (there are also articles on wikiHow). Here are some of the most popular tips you'll come across.

      • Take a few minutes to imagine how wonderful you will be at your upcoming event. Imagine what you say and what you do, and then act on it in reality.
      • Treat your communication failures as lessons learned for the future.
      • Before an event where you have to communicate with unfamiliar and unfamiliar people, listen to peppy music to raise your "fighting spirit".
      • Don't let yourself think too long about what maybe go wrong. Just go to people and communicate!
      • Ask yourself what is the worst thing that can happen. In most cases, the answer will be "nothing special".

    2. Be positive. If your happiness and good mood depend more on you than on others, you will not have to worry about having a bad time at a party, holiday or other event in which you will take part. When going to an event that inspires fear in you, try to think positively. Don't think about what could go wrong; think that everything will pass Good! Think about the people you will meet, the good impression you will make, and the pleasure you will have. Unless you're exceptionally unlucky, reality tends to be closer to this happy picture than the one where you disgrace yourself and walk away dissatisfied.

    3. Ask people questions about themselves. When you can't figure out what to say to an unfamiliar interlocutor, it is almost a win-win idea to start a conversation about him. This will demonstrate your interest in what he is saying and help keep the conversation active. When listening to a person, intermittently insert brief "yes, yes", "really?", "of course" and the like to show that you are listening, but do not interrupt.

      • As tempting as it is to inquire about personal details, you should limit your questions to common courtesies until you get to know the person better. For example, if you just met at a party, it would be appropriate to ask "where are you from?", "Where did you study?" or "have you seen this new movie yet?". Try to avoid questions like "how much do you earn?", "what is your relationship with your mother?" or "do you kiss at parties with strangers?".

    4. Be open about what you like and don't like. When interacting with people, never lie to "fit in". You should remain polite and friendly, but you don't have to agree with everything the other person says. If you have the confidence to politely disagree with a person, you show that you respect him enough to be honest with him. On the contrary, if you continuously agree, you may be thought that you are trying to suck up.

      • From friendly disputes and disagreements, a lively, enthusiastic conversation is often born. Just remember to be kind and take things easy. Never stoop to insults and getting personal to prove you're right. Remember: if you can't prove you're right with logic, you might be wrong!

    5. Don't share too much. If you really enjoy talking to a person, you may want to bring up serious topics to get their opinion. However, you should not give in to this desire until you know the person for real. Bringing up an issue that is too serious or emotionally charged in a conversation with a person you don't know well, you run the risk of depriving the conversation of ease, causing awkwardness or an abrupt, forced change of subject. Below we have listed some topics that you should avoid if you are talking to a stranger or a casual acquaintance, rather than a close friend.

      • Emotional problems
      • Difficulties in relationships
      • Recent personal loss
      • Unpleasant topics (death, genocide, etc.)
      • Dirty topics (obscene jokes and the like)

    6. Remember that your interlocutor is also a person. If you are nervous about an upcoming event where you will need to communicate, remember that the interlocutor, no matter how he scares you, is the same person as you. He has his own hopes, dreams, fears, flaws, and so on, so don't tell yourself that he's perfect. This is especially important to remember when it comes to communication skills - your interlocutor may or may not be a master of conversation, so if the conversation gets into a dead end, it's not a fact that it's your fault.

      • Remember: no matter how calm and collected your interlocutor may seem, he is, after all, just a man, and nothing human is alien to him. If you're afraid to talk to him, try imagining him in a less serious setting (in his underwear, shopping for socks, watching TV with a bag of chips in his hand, and so on).

    7. Relax! In stressful situations, communication is one of the most difficult tasks, but it is also the smartest choice you can make. When you relax, almost all in interactions with other people, it will be easier for you to come up with: your sense of humor will improve, topics for conversation will arise by themselves, you will be less shy when addressing people, and so on. If you have special techniques or habits to relax, then using them before social situations will do you an invaluable service.

      • Everyone is different, but there are universal tricks that help most people relax. For example, many find it easier to relax after a few minutes of meditation. Others are helped by physical exercises or calm music.
      • On the Internet you can find information about other ways to relax.

    Get active in love

    1. Actively seek a partner. No one has yet met his soul mate, sitting idle in his room all day. To find a partner for a romantic relationship, you must dare to go out into the outside world, that is, to go somewhere and do something in order to be able to meet new people. You don't have to do it alone; if you convince a friend to keep you company, you will have someone to talk to even if you don't meet anyone.

      • There are countless ways to make new acquaintances. Some of them are obvious (going to bars, clubs, parties and similar places), others are not. For example, if you host a reading club meeting or a beginner climbing hike and invite friends to invite their friends to join, you have a chance to meet new people. Think creative! Any activity that involves others can be a way to get to know someone.
      • To reiterate, the only way to meet someone is to get out of the house and do things where there is a high chance of interacting with other people. If you don’t get to meet anyone in your usual places and pastimes, try other places and other activities until you still start making new acquaintances.

    2. Approach people without hesitation. When it comes to finding a couple, determination and spontaneity usually play into the hands. Almost everyone gets a little nervous when it comes to talking to the person they like. However, one of the keys to dating success is the ability to act quickly and decisively. If you like someone in the room, go up to this person and immediately talk to him! By doing so, you will demonstrate considerable confidence, which many find very attractive.

      • Don't procrastinate or waste time worrying about the best approach. When you speak to a person without hesitation, success is not guaranteed, but the number of successful attempts will be much higher than if you behave differently. In addition, even if things don't go the way you would like, your circle of acquaintances will still expand.

    3. Be direct if you want to meet again. If you've just met someone and you're already feeling attracted to that person, don't let them go! Tell him that you would like to see him again in the future. There's a 99.9% chance you won't hear anything worse than "no thanks" (in the worst case scenario). However, if you still do not dare to offer this, then you will regret it with a 100% probability!

      • At this point, you do not need to invest in a proposal to meet romantic meaning. Just say something like: "Come on next time you go bowling with us!" So you indicate a desire to meet in the future, but do not exert pressure. If a person is interested, he will do one of two things: either agree or refuse, but explain the reason and express a desire to see another time.

    4. Never act like you're driven to despair. There is an important rule: nothing kills romantic attraction more than obsession and haste. Never be the person who can't put up with the word "no". If the object of your interest does not want to communicate or meet with you, this is quite natural - he has complete freedom of choice, just like you. Just change the subject or leave without feeling guilty. But do not try obtain the consent of the one who has already refused you. Nothing will come of it, and both of you may find yourself in an awkward position.

      • To prevent rejection from crushing you, try to avoid strong feelings towards a person whom you have not yet had time to know. In this case, if they say "no" to you, there will be nothing wrong with that. You will find someone else.

    5. Look the way you want to look. Don't obsess over your looks when you're going somewhere where you can make friends. What is really important to pay attention to is basic personal hygiene and self-care, and the rest in everyday situations is usually up to you. Try to dress in a way that pleases you to you, and to you felt confident. If you think that the person in the mirror looks well-groomed, fashionable, and attractive, it will be easier for you to show confidence when meeting a potential romantic partner.

      • An important exception is formal and semi-formal situations. Some places and events (wedding ceremonies, expensive restaurants) require a rather formal style. It is disrespectful to show up in such situations dressed casually, so if you are not sure, check in advance what the dress code is in this institution or at the event.

    6. Be sincere. For the most part, people are able to determine quite accurately when they are being deceived. Therefore, you can not pretend in front of the person with whom you would like to start a romantic relationship. Being sincere is always the best course of action. Don't be the kind of person who spews fake flowery compliments or puts on a brash, self-confident type in an attempt to get attention. Over time, you will have to relax and show your true colors, and so that it does not turn out to be an unpleasant surprise for your potential partner, it is best to be yourself from the very beginning.

      • Moreover, showing interest and courting without being honest is simply disrespectful. Ask yourself, "Would I be flattered or feel cheated if someone lied to me to get closer?"

    7. Schedule dates. If you're seeing someone and you start to feel a strong attraction, invite the object of your sympathy on a date. Don't delay too long or you risk giving the impression that you are not interested in further communication. When you ask someone out on a date, don't try to impress them at all costs. However, you needed plan. It will serve several purposes at once: you will show that your decision is considered, that you are confident in yourself and that you know how to have fun. Asking out on a date with no idea where you're going or what you're going to do is pretty embarrassing - avoid it by making a plan ahead of time. Here are some great first date ideas.

      • Go on a scenic hike (or try geocaching!)
      • Engage in creative activities (such as painting or pottery)
      • Gather wild berries or fruits in the garden
      • Go to the beach
      • Play a sports game (if both of you are willing to take the risk, try something like paintball)
      • Don't go to a traditional movie theater (it's a great idea for later dates, but on the first one you need to be able to talk to each other). Instead, you can visit an open-air cinema or watch a movie at home.
    • Read the wikiHow articles if you need advice on how to get better at something.
    • We all want to be the way we picture ourselves in our dreams. Try to become a better version of yourself by changing what you can influence. Simplify your life and let it bring you joy.

    Warnings

    • Do not become a sheep mindlessly following the flock. Be who you are and who you want to be. It means not doing what everyone else does just for the sake of belonging to the majority.
    • Cheer up: with some effort, you can change yourself.

All people want to be successful. No person comes back happy from an interview that was turned down. Sometimes this happens very often. Day after day, everything falls out of hand. But this can be avoided by following five simple tips.

Watch out for self-criticism

Every time you talk about yourself in a negative way, hate yourself, feel like you did something wrong, remember this moment and control it.

Watch for even minor manifestations of self-criticism and try to level them. Often hatred of oneself just leads to a feeling of one's own insignificance.

Be realistic

Always assess the current situation as realistically as possible. Don't fool yourself. In most cases, your "huge failure" is just a fiction that has settled in the subconscious and eats from the inside, changing your life for the worse, turning you into a loser.

Do not let unjustified negativity into your head and do not blow molehills out of molehills.

Don't judge yourself by failures

If something doesn’t work out for you, you should not engage in self-eating. It was an attempt. Without trial and error, there are no mistakes and no success. Often people stop doing something altogether just to avoid failure. They are the real losers. You just have to praise yourself for at least taking some action and working to improve the situation.

Avoid harmful thoughts

Under no circumstances should you let yourself be bullied. Imagine that this is not about you, but about someone close to you. You would surely convince him that in fact everything is fine and there are no problems. Motivate yourself in the same way.

Trust that you are not a loser

It's time to change your state of mind. In addition to constantly trying to change the situation and self-improvement, it is worth thinking about improving your brain and fixing on positive thoughts. You are not a loser, believe it. Ask someone to help you instill this thought.

Let's first define what a loser is, and then we'll talk about how to stop being a loser. The first thing to say is that a loser is not someone who has no money. Money does not define your personality. However, if you don't have money simply because you or spend it on unnecessary things, then you may be a loser.

The basic definition of a loser is someone who does not seek to improve their life. Because even if you have enough money in the bank to live the rest of your life, but you don't improve it or do something worthwhile, then you're a loser. A person in their 20s and 30s who continues to club and doesn't do anything worthwhile can also be considered a loser. Other definition is someone who thinks he knows everything and doesn't listen to anyone. I am sure that you have met such people in your life. And I hope you stay away from them. This type of loser has an over-inflated ego and their mind is closed to new information because they think they know everything. But no one can know everything.

1. Stop hanging out with losers

It is believed that a person earns as much money as the average earn five people with whom he spends the most time. So if your five best friends are making $100,000 a year, then there's a good chance you'll do the same, or at least try to. The same applies to other areas of life. Why does it work like this? The point is that we are social beings. And we try to match our peers. Whether it's studying, playing a certain sport, earning money and so on. So the first step to stop being a loser is to change your environment.

2. Change your place of residence

If you live in a poor area or city, it will be difficult for you to achieve any significant results in life. So, if possible, try to move to another city or country. Even if it is difficult for you to do this, you should strive for it. Let it take you five or ten years to do this. But you will get a chance to change your life and stop being a loser.

The reason why living in a bad environment makes you a failure is because you don't see another life. To take a simple example, if people in your city drive inexpensive domestically produced cars, how would you be motivated to buy another car? However, if all your neighbors have really nice cars that you can't afford. But you see them every day, I bet your mind will start thinking about how to start making more money so that you can buy yourself another car. So move to another city as soon as possible. It might be a lot easier than you think. At first, you can live with your friends until you find a job and rent a place for yourself.

3. Change jobs

Many people work only to pay for utilities, loans and provide for their families. However, it is already good if you are able to support yourself and no matter what kind of job you have. But you should always strive for more, gain new knowledge and improve your skills. And if you understand that in this company you do not have opportunities for development, then go to another or change jobs. Constantly look for new opportunities. You can keep working, but at the same time learn something new. And when you graduate, you will get a promotion or move to a higher paying job. You can be proud of yourself, and no one can call you a loser.

Other than that, try to work in an environment where and to your surroundings. To work together with colleagues in a team on common goals and achieve high results. This will inspire you every day, and in such a team you will achieve success faster.

4. Don't dress like a loser

Perhaps, for some, this step will seem contradictory. Because we've all heard stories of people with millions in the bank dressing like bums. But the fact is that these people are the exception to the rule. After all, we are essentially visual beings. And we often form the first opinion about a person by his appearance. And there is no point in arguing about this fact, even if we are really humane and try our best not to judge a person. "on the cover". But from a psychological point of view, we do just that.

Thus, if you dress poorly, then you may be perceived as a loser. You say: "Why should I care what others think?" But this is really important, because we are given many opportunities in life depending on our personality. And clothes and appearance play a huge role here. This affects not only work and money, but also relationships with other people, in friendship and love. And even something as simple as a smile or good restaurant service can improve your mood. When people treat you well, you get . You feel motivated and you can do anything. Your life becomes completely different, and even such a trifle as appearance can contribute to this.

After all, even women do not put on makeup in order to. And to feel good. The last thing I want to say is that you don't need to spend a lot of money to dress well. It is important to take care of yourself so that your clothes are neat and you smell good. And if you want to stop being a loser, then wear clothes that make you feel comfortable and feel free.

5. Watch your diet

You might be wondering what nutrition has to do with how to stop being a loser. But your physical and largely depends on your nutrition. Foods high in sugar, salt, preservatives are not good food. So be careful when choosing food. If you buy processed food, then learn how to cook. Not being able to cook is also a habit of a loser. "Advice from a professional": the best way to learn how to cook is just to follow the recipes, which are now quite a lot on the Internet. If you are used to sweet, salty and processed foods. Then you should reduce their use. Smoking and drinking too much alcohol are also bad habits of losers. So start getting rid of them if you want changes in your life.

6. Don't Waste Time on Unnecessary Activities

The next step to stop being a loser is to manage your time wisely. Because hobbies and various entertainments take up a lot of our time. So think about it, do you really want to waste your precious time on activities that do not bring any benefit? This does not mean that you have to give up your hobbies and become a hostage to productivity. I want to say that you devote more time to what brings you benefit and pleasure. I call it the winner's hobby. This is when you play sports, you can run a marathon, climb a mountain, go skiing and so on. That is, these are those hobbies that develop new skills in you.

A loser's hobbies are those as a result of which you do not develop yourself in any way, or become a greedy person. Here are some good examples of a losing hobby: collecting things you don't need, watching TV, watching the news, playing the lottery, gambling, and gossiping with friends. So think about what kind of hobby you should be doing in order to become a winner, not a loser.

7. Stop hoping for a lucky break

Hoping for a lucky break is one of the most common habits of losers. They do nothing day after day. They don't waste time working on themselves. They don't have goals. Instead, they wait for the right opportunity to start doing something. Or, they love to buy lottery tickets and dream of winning several million. But is it after winning the lottery? I do not think so. Research shows that lottery winners are usually worse off a few years later than they were before. Why? Because losers don't know how to handle money. They receive a huge amount of money, and instead of using it wisely, they spend it on pointless purchases. Therefore, in order to stop being a failure, you must create your own happy occasions. Don't wait for someone else to create opportunities for you.

8. Stop dwelling on the past

Preoccupation with the past is what losers do. You should forget about the past and move on. And it doesn't matter if your past was good or bad. For example, imagine an old man who says: "I used to be a handsome, muscular guy and had a lot of girlfriends." But now, I'm getting old and no one is interested." What does he do in this way? He programs himself and his health for failure. And no matter what he does, with such an attitude he will not be able to improve life. Although we know many examples when people in their fifties or sixties look better than young people.

In today's post, I would like to talk about, I am sure that among my readers, of course, there are no losers. But perhaps this knowledge will help someone from your environment. And yes, it's very useful to know. habits, "thanks" to which people become losers, so as not to become them imperceptibly 🙂 As they say, forewarned means armed.

So how do you stop being a loser?

To get started, you need discover your habits that belong to such people. After all, they are the ones who influence our behavior and results. If suddenly you notice one of these habits in yourself, you must immediately begin to eradicate it. That's why to stop being a loser:

1. Do not feel sorry for yourself or, God forbid, a feeling of inferiority. There is such a good phrase: "Successful people look for opportunities, and unsuccessful people look for excuses." She is the best suited to this habit of complaining about everything. “I don't have the connections to get a good job; I live in the provinces, so opportunities are closed to me; I have a bad figure to come up and get to know that beauty ”- these are all excuses and excuses, an occasion to once again feel sorry for yourself and complain about the imperfection of the world. And believe Jonah will always find the reason why the path to success is closed to him.

2. Don't compare yourself to others. It makes sense to compare yourself today and yourself yesterday, and evaluating yourself by comparing with another is stupid and inefficient. Here, again, this desire to arouse self-pity comes out, because very often the object for comparison is obviously taken to be more successful.

3. Don't whine or complain about life(government, boss, subordinates, etc.). By this, even more bad things are attracted to life, because what you focus on is what will happen. Even if not everything is so bad, then the loser necessarily focuses only on the bad.

4. Don't spend more than you earn. In other words, expenses should not exceed income. You should not borrow or borrow money to buy another “trinket” that you will play with and get bored with (by the way, to really understand what you really need, I recommend making your own poster of desires). This is where mindfulness helps. People with a high degree of awareness will not just spend money and follow fleeting desires. We must strive not only to increase income, but also to control costs.

5. Do what you love. Of course, you have to be realistic and understand that you can’t do what you love all the time. Sometimes you have to do things that you don’t like, but are necessary - for example, I don’t like working in the garden. But I do it anyway, because I understand that eating your vegetables is much healthier. Doing what you love means finding a job that you will like, that will bring pleasure. Then there will be a desire to constantly progress, move forward. Your favorite activity should make up the majority of your day.

6. To stop being a loser, you must not chase after immediate gain. Often the biggest results are the ones that don’t show up right away. Just like a big tree grows from a small seed. Losers, on the other hand, often do not see beyond their noses and are chasing instant results. And really, why go in for sports every day and devote time to self-development, if you can buy a beer, collapse on the sofa, turn on the TV and enjoy immediately. Only in the future, the first option will bring joy from a healthy body and a healthy mind in the future, and the second ... You know what 🙂

7. Value your time. You need to understand that time is the most important and non-renewable resource, of which everyone has the same amount. Successful people achieve success because they know how to use their time more efficiently, and not "burn" it for nothing. Even if the loser makes a lot of money, he spends everything on “wrappers” (a cool car, expensive clothes, in general, show-offs). Successful people understand the value of time and therefore try to buy someone else's work for money and thereby save their time.

I hope that none of the above is present in your habits. However, if, nevertheless, one of them suddenly showed up in you or in people close to you, then this is also good, because now you know how to stop being a loser and make sure you fix it!

To the entry "How to stop being a loser" 19 comments

    You always have everything laid out "on the shelves", I really like your presentation of the material. As for the advice, I agree with you 100%. Away - Losers, and Winners - go ahead! =)

    I don't get anything in my life either. I can’t solve even the simplest things and I ask advice from smart people who are good at it and I myself do a bunch of approaches, I can toil for years and the effect is zero. And I tried the law of attraction many times and positive thinking did not give anything. As I understand it, these articles are written by people who themselves have never been in such a position. They only throw mud at you they say you like it change your outlook on life all the evil in you, you are irresponsible, you like to whine. And they don’t give anything concrete, only empty advice, and they also pour mud on people with a similar problem. Don't listen to them! They don’t understand this, and how can you give advice when you yourself have never been in such a position? I understand that they can even start insulting me for such words.

    • Alexander, it seems to me that you are flirting with us. Play the victim and what's most interesting, you like it. If you didn't like it, you wouldn't write this comment.
      Here are some offhand questions that I would like to ask you based on your comment:
      1. Give specific examples of the “simplest things” that you cannot solve?
      2. You ask smart people who are good at it. I agree that, for example, if you ask an artist how to draw, he will show you. But these are complex things. You are talking about simple things. Again, can you give a specific example?
      In no case will anyone pour mud on each other here. But the second part of your comment is just like throwing mud at others who allegedly give “empty advice”. Not good…
      I look forward to your answers to my two questions. If there is no answer, then draw your own conclusions, friends.

    And I'm not going to justify what to write. If you think that

    Alexander, it seems to me that you are flirting with us. Play the victim and what's most interesting, you like it. If you didn't like it, you wouldn't write this comment.

    It is useless for me to prove something to you; you will always have a good answer. And I am writing this comment because many have already got it with these nasty articles and condemnations themselves, they don’t understand anything, they weren’t in such a position, but they teach. and then they also tell you that I condemn everyone there, that I like to be a victim, that I am such a cutie. Why do I and other people in this situation have to listen to these condemnations? If you don’t know how to help, then it’s better not to say anything then.

    The right motivational article! But this: “if you can buy a beer, lie down on the sofa, turn on the TV and enjoy immediately” - this is sometimes about me) And I try to fight it with all my might (well, it doesn’t always work out ().

    All my life I have been engaged in self-development - reading, exercises for a figure, I tried a lot of hobbies (from banal cross-stitching to furniture design) - it did not bring me any benefit. And for others, luck comes while they are lying on the couch drinking their beer.

      • Didn't bring. For example, I love my profession, I read many books and articles on this topic, I studied at seminars, but then I had to leave the company. As a result, I have been looking for a job for three months now, sending at least 5 resumes every day, but so far I have not been hired anywhere, even as an intern without experience (despite the fact that I have experience and a lot of successfully completed projects). Similarly, my friend, a lazy and irresponsible person who will not do anything without a kick, constantly messes up and does half the amount of work than me, received a job offer while lying on the couch with a can of jaguar) And I have many such examples. I am an active person and I understand that without effort you will not achieve anything, but specifically my work is down the drain. As the article says, “Successful people look for opportunities, and losers look for excuses.” I am always looking for an opportunity to realize myself, and each time with a positive attitude and the hope that "this is exactly what I can do." But nothing good, unfortunately, does not work.

    Yes, it would be interesting to read an article, a book by a person in the past who was notorious, not confident, programmed for failure, who became successful. Have you ever met such people? to fulfillment, a saboteur awakens in him, takes control of the loser and spoils everything. Or experiments with hypnosis, when they suggested to a person that he does not see, for example, another person or any object. And indeed, consciously this object seems to disappear for him. He himself did not participate in I can’t confirm such experiments. Also, a loser may have a program in his unconscious, not see the right solution or ... .. and so on. I don’t believe at all that you can read a book (or watch a movie) and wake up a different person the next day. There is no “magic pill” (what a pity, right? 🙂).
    Here is more about awareness and continuous development. Of course, everyone chooses how to live. I am interested in constantly developing and learning something new. Some people may not be interested. This is neither good nor bad. I never judge anyone and fully respect freedom of choice.
    As for development, I like two judgments. This is that you do not need to compare yourself with others, you need to compare yourself today and yourself yesterday. And another example with a bicycle - while you are pedaling, you are riding. As soon as you stop spinning, you stop and fall. For me, life is like riding a bike. I'm so interested. Find what interests you and you will be happy!
    As for my stories, I will periodically post stories from my life. So stay tuned 🙂

    not everything is so simple - a person was born and fate was already born with him - there really are losers "in life": there are hardworking and quick-witted people who at least "turn inside out" - and never work out for them.

    For example, I’ll immediately explain: a person was born with physical damage or schizophrenia - (it’s just that God punished either himself or his parents through him, for atheists the explanation is even simpler: no luck and that’s it), the reason doesn’t matter - there is a fact - a loser.

    My example is of course from the realm of extremes, but those who consider themselves losers should sober up.

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