How to get to the nunnery? Path of salvation or humility? Monastic life is full of joy

High stone walls, a smoldering torch in a tiny cell, a Bible on a hard bed - this is how the imagination paints pictures of monastic life. The courtyard of the Mikhailo-Arkhangelsk Monastery, located in the Leninsky district of Novosibirsk, convinces that these ideas are morally outdated. Sib.fm correspondent found out how modern monks live.

It all started with the fact that in 1997 a male monastic community settled in the village of Kozikha, Novosibirsk Region. The village council gave the brethren a room: a brick garage, which was built on the site of a village temple, destroyed back in the godless thirties. The temple was restored - now it is the Mikhailo-Arkhangelsk Monastery. Now the monastery has seven farmsteads. One of them, the parish in the name of the Holy Equal-to-the-Apostles Prince Vladimir, is located in Novosibirsk, the only one of the seven monastery courtyards located within the city limits.

The parish was formed around the construction of a large Holy Trinity Vladimir Cathedral. Construction began in 1997, the monks themselves have been working on it all these years - only the architect and the foreman work here among the professionals. However, the construction is almost completed, the first floor is already open to parishioners, although the walls are still being painted.

Sponsors, then there is, then no, - complains the abbot of the monastery, Father Theodosius. - To cover the floor on the second floor, you need 100 thousand rubles, to buy tiles - another million. Although, if you say so, the temple is not poor. In fact, he is the main source of income for our monastery.

Father Theodosius says that 20 monks and three novices now live in the courtyard at the Holy Trinity Vladimir Cathedral. A novice is one who has just embarked on the path of monasticism, priests and ministers will test his faith and will for at least three years before they perform the tonsure ritual. The ritual includes three main vows - celibacy, non-possession and obedience. It is easier to give up personal life, name and property than to give up one's own will - only a few are able to give oneself into the hands of the church and the rector. The new name of the tonsured means that in heaven the saint of the same name will ask for his salvation before God.

Schema monks wear a pointed hat - cockle and a special sling on their shoulders, back and chest - analav

In the Orthodox Church, basically, they are tonsured immediately “in a cassock”. This means that the novice receives monastic clothes along with the taking of vows. There is another tonsure - a schema. This is a complete renunciation of the world, the strictest vows and round-the-clock prayers for the salvation of your soul. The schemniki change their name once again, which gives them an additional holy supporter in heaven.

The monastery says that on the eve of the elections, politicians stopped remembering temples and making large donations, as was the case in the past decade.

The day at the monastery starts at 6 am. Half an hour later - morning prayers, service and a light breakfast. They do not yet have their own refectory, so novices and monks eat in the dining room of the gymnasium. Then, obedience. So in the monastery they call obligatory labors. There is no subsistence farming in the city parish, so someone does the laundry, someone cleans, someone mows the lawns. But the main work here is still construction, although recently workers "from outside" have appeared on the site, in other words, guest workers. The monk, whose obedience is to look after hired builders, most of whom are Muslims, is not at all embarrassed by the difference in faith. At five o'clock in the evening services, dinner, and from nine to eleven - free time.

Cleanliness and order reign in the cells of the residential building. The rooms have four beds, bedside tables and alarm clocks, books, CDs and, of course, icons. The whole building has one large bathroom with showers. The life of a monk here is limited to a cathedral, a residential building and an administrative building that looks like a modern office, in which the combination of office equipment and icons no longer hurts the eyes.

During construction, the monks lived and prayed in the former building of the House of Life. Now there is an Orthodox gymnasium in the name of the Holy Equal-to-the-Apostles Prince Vladimir. In 2011, the second class was recruited to the gymnasium, now there are 25 students. Girls in knitted berets and boys in strict suits, in addition to basic school disciplines, study choral singing and the basics of Orthodox culture.

On the other side of a concrete fence with barbed wire live men who have taken another vow of obedience - an oath. Neighborhood with the military unit is beneficial for the monks: the soldiers sometimes help in the household, the clergy, in turn, hold church holidays and services in the garrison.

Trebs - a type of obedience, prayers and rituals of priests at the request of parishioners in the temple or at home. Usually people ask for communion, funerals and the consecration of housing

“Different people come to the monastery,” says the abbot. - Someone is only from the army, someone has been retired for a long time, but - they come on their own. However, not all reasons for starting a monastic life are correct - if a person was brought by a tragedy or a search for new sensations, we, of course, accept them, talk, let them live, but no more. Of course, we try not to take the homeless at all - we send them to social hotels. There are only two right reasons for starting a monastic life - a great love for God and a desire to atone for sins. Unfortunately, people often leave us. It's a tragedy, but we're not holding anyone.

The modern way of monastic life, of course, differs from that described in old books. The temple needs heating, because of the Siberian climate, a different diet is also needed.

Not everyone can now bear the feat and live without light and heat, - says Father Theodosius. - One saint saw three winged people flying across the river from worldly life to the Garden of Eden - the first flew confidently, the other was more difficult, and the third almost fell at all. The one that flew most confidently was a monk from a long time ago. The one who hesitated lived later than the first. And the one who flew the worst of all is the image of the monks of the last times, who will not have feats, but for their humility they will still go to heaven.

When a woman is unable to cope with problems, illnesses or grief, when there are prayers, there is nothing left but to get into a convent. Anyone can come to this place, regardless of their position in society, their rank or class. As a rule, people who have entered the monastery are strong in spirit and body, because the service requires a lot of strength, patience and will.

Are you ready to enter the monastery?

Before deciding on such a desperate and fateful step, it is necessary to weigh everything, carefully consider and come to the only correct conclusion. Having gone to the monastery, you will forever lose the worldly free life. The main thing for you will be obedience, humility, physical labor and prayers.

You will have to work hard, subdue your flesh and sacrifice a lot. Are you ready for this? If yes, then you need to follow the following tips:

1. Seek advice from a clergyman. He will help you prepare for a new life and advise you in choosing a monastery.
2. Settle all worldly affairs. Prepare documents, solve financial and legal issues.
3. Talk to relatives and try to explain your decision to them.
4. Contact the abbess of the monastery with a request to accept you into the monastery.
5. Prepare the necessary documents. This is a passport, a marriage certificate (if you are married), an autobiography and a petition addressed to the abbess.

If everything is in order, you are a single adult woman who has no children or they are well settled, you will be admitted to the nunnery on probation. In total it is 3 years. Under the condition of complete humility, obedience, and fervent prayers, after this period of time, you can take tonsure as a nun.

Giving herself entirely to the service of God, a woman goes through the main stages of life in a monastery:

• Pilgrim. She is forbidden to pray with the nuns, to eat at the common table. Her main occupation is prayer and obedience.
• Worker. This is a woman who is just getting accustomed to the monastic life. She still continues to live a secular life, but when she comes to the monastery, she works on an equal basis with everyone else, following all the rules and obeying the internal routine.
• Novice. It becomes one who has already applied for entry into the monastic life. If the abbess is sure of the seriousness of the woman's intentions, then soon she becomes a nun.
• Nun. Once a person has made vows, nothing can be returned. To change one's vows means to change God. And this is one of the biggest sins.

Care preparation

If the decision is made, and the woman is ready to consecrate herself to the Lord, she needs to follow these rules:

• pray daily and attend worship services;
• not break these vows;
• perform large and difficult physical work;
• more to be silent and think, not to gossip and not to conduct idle conversations;
• to refuse from bad habits;
• limit yourself in food, refuse meat dishes;
• fast;
• to leave the walls of the monastery, it is allowed to go out only on important matters;
• refuse frequent meetings with relatives;
• rest only in holy places;
• behave humbly and meekly;
• give up money and other material goods;
• read only church books, it is forbidden to watch TV, listen to the radio, flip through entertainment magazines;
• do things only with the blessing of the elder.

A nun is an ordinary woman with her own character and weaknesses, so doing everything at once will be very difficult. However, the observance of these rules is obligatory for those who really decide to change their destiny.

Those who have unfulfilled obligations in life will not be taken into the monastery walls. If you have frail elderly parents or small children, you must first take care of them, and only then think about leaving for a monastery.

How to get to the monastery?

A man who understands that his destiny is inseparable from the Lord, that his purpose in life is to serve God, will definitely want to get into a monastery.

First of all, of course, you need to ask the blessings of your spiritual mentor. After talking with you, the priest must decide whether the decision you want to make is really sincere and whether it is an escape from secular life. If the priest decides that you are ready for such changes in life, you can move on.

First you need to become a worker or a novice. The main occupations are the study of church literature, observance of fasts, physical work. These periods can last up to 10 years. It often happens that a person, having rested from the hustle and bustle, returns to his usual life. Those who have passed all the tests are tonsured.

1. Ryasofor. This is a monk who takes a vow of chastity, obedience and non-acquisitiveness.
2. Small schemamonk. He takes a vow of renunciation of everything earthly.
3. Angelic (great) schemamonk. The same vows are repeated, tonsure is taken.

In monasticism, there are 4 main vows that a person takes:

1. Obedience. You cease to be a free person. Throw away pride, your desires and will. Now you are the executor of the spiritual father's will.
2. Prayer. Constant and incessant. Pray always and everywhere no matter what you do.
3. Celibacy. You must give up carnal pleasures. You can not start a family and children. Nevertheless, any people can come to the monastery, even those who have family and children left in the world.
4. Non-possession. This is the renunciation of any material wealth. A monk must be a beggar.

Remember that monks are often referred to as martyrs. Are you ready to become one? Do you have enough patience, chastity and humility to follow the commandments of God until the end of your days. Think again before entering a monastery. After all, serving the Lord is one of the hardest things to do. Try to stand many hours of service on your feet. If it gave you pleasure, your vocation is monasticism.

Is it possible to get into the monastery for a while?

In moments of doubt and hesitation, a person needs to turn to God. Only in prayer, obedience and a strict life can one make the right decision and understand the meaning of one's existence. So sometimes you need to live in a monastery for a while. To do this, it is advisable to ask permission from the chief in advance. Now it's pretty easy. Almost every monastery has its own website where you can ask a question of interest.

Arriving there and settling in a special hotel, you will have to work on an equal footing with everyone, be obedient and humble, limit yourself in carnal affairs and listen to the orders of the monks. It is allowed to take part in preparations for holidays and other events. For this you get food and housing.

At any time you can return to worldly life, and it will not be considered sinful. Such a return is possible only before you take the tonsure.

As soon as the tonsure is completed, you become God's servant forever. Any violation of the rules of monastic life is a great sin.

In difficult moments of life, many are wondering how to get into a nunnery or a male monastery. They think it's very difficult. But it's not. Absolutely anyone can take the tonsure. Anyone who feels a sense of love for God, patience and humility can take advantage of this chance. The Lord is ready to accept everyone who chooses such a path for himself, because before him everyone is equal. Churches, monasteries and cloisters are always happy to receive a person with pure thoughts and faith in his soul.

Monasticism, voluntary renunciation of worldly joys is an act, a way of life, similar to a feat. It is impossible to hide from any problems in a monastery, and those who cannot find their purpose in worldly life, in most cases, do not find it in the monastery either. The monks do not refuse shelter to anyone, but true monasticism is the lot of strong-willed women and men. It is far from possible for every person to live every hour according to the laws of mercy and love for one's neighbor, diligence, to keep steadily all the commandments of God, and to dissolve in Christianity, forgetting about oneself and renouncing everything worldly.

How is the life of the nuns

Those who are looking for peace and tranquility, trying to get away from problems by hiding behind the walls of the monastery, as a rule, do not know anything about the nuns in the monastery.

Many women believe that nuns pray from early morning until late at night, seeking salvation and remission of their sins and the sins of all mankind, but this is not so. No more than 4-6 hours are allotted for reading prayers daily, and the rest of the time is devoted to fulfilling certain duties, the so-called obediences. For some of the sisters, obedience consists in doing garden work, someone works in the kitchen, and someone is engaged in embroidery, cleaning or caring for the sick. Everything that is necessary for life, the nuns produce and grow themselves.

It is not forbidden for novices and nuns to seek medical help. Moreover, in each monastery there is a sister with a medical education and some experience in this field.

For some reason, worldly people believe that nuns are limited in communication, both with the outside world and with each other. This opinion is erroneous - the sisters are allowed to communicate with each other and with people who have nothing to do with the monastery and the service of the Lord. But idle talk is not welcome, the conversation always comes down to the canons of Christianity, the commandments of God and the service of the Lord. In addition, to convey the laws of Christianity and serve as an example of obedience to - this is one of the main duties and a kind of mission of a nun.

Watching TV shows of secular literature in the monastery is not welcome, although both are available here. But newspapers and television are perceived by the inhabitants of the monastery not as entertainment, but as a source of information about what is happening outside the walls of their residence.

How do you become a nun

Becoming a nun is not as easy as many people think. After coming to the monastery, the girl is given time, and at least 1 year, to comprehend her choice and get acquainted with the life of the nuns. During this year, she goes from a pilgrim to a worker.

Pilgrims are not allowed to share a meal, are not present at divine services and do not communicate with the nuns. If the desire to serve God does not disappear during seclusion, then the girl becomes and receives the right to participate in the life of the monastery on an equal basis with all its inhabitants.

After applying for tonsure, at least 3 years pass before the sacrament of initiation takes place and the girl becomes a true nun.

Natalya Milantieva ended up in one of the monasteries near Moscow in 1990. In 2008, she had to leave, but disappointment in the monastery, and especially in the abbess, came much earlier. Natalya told The Village how the monastery secretly sells dogs and books from the church authorities, how the monastery elite lives, and why the sisters are satisfied with this order.

“Stay, girls, in the monastery, we will sew black dresses for you”

When I was 12-13 years old, my mother turned to Orthodoxy and began to educate me in a religious spirit. By the age of 16-17, in my head, except for the church, there was nothing at all. I was not interested in either peers, or music, or parties, I had one path - to the temple and from the temple. I went around all the churches in Moscow, read xeroxed books: in the 80s, religious literature was not for sale, each book was worth its weight in gold.

In 1990 I graduated from the polygraphic technical school together with my sister Marina. I had to go to work in the fall. And then one well-known priest, to whom my sister and I went, says: “Go to such and such a monastery, pray, work hard, there are beautiful flowers and such a good mother.” We went for a week - and I loved it so much! It was like being at home. Abbess is young, smart, beautiful, cheerful, kind. The sisters are like family. Mother begs us: “Stay, girls, in the monastery, we will sew black dresses for you.” And all the sisters around: "Stay, stay." Marinka immediately refused: "No, it's not for me." And I'm like, "Yes, I want to stay, I'll come."

At home, no one particularly tried to dissuade me. Mom said: "Well, the will of God, since you want it." She was sure that I would hang out there a little and come back home. I was at home, obedient, if they slammed my fist on the table: “Have you lost your mind? You have to go to work, you got an education, what monastery?” - maybe none of this would have happened.

Now I understand why we were called so insistently. The monastery had just opened then: in 1989 it started working, in 1990 I came. There were only 30 people there, all young. Four or five people lived in cells, rats ran around the buildings, the toilet was outside. There was a lot of hard work to rebuild. We needed more youth. The priest, in general, acted in the interests of the monastery, supplying Moscow sisters with education there. I don't think he genuinely cared about how my life would turn out.

I was homely, obedient, if they slammed my fist on the table: "Lost her mind? You go to work, you got an education, what monastery?“ - maybe none of this would have happened

How things have changed

The sisters told their mother that we are losing monastic community(then it was still possible to express)

In the year 1991, such a lady appeared in the monastery, let's call her Olga. She had some dark history. She was engaged in business, which I can’t say for sure, but the Moscow sisters said that her money was obtained dishonestly. Somehow, she ended up in a church environment, and our confessor blessed her to go to the monastery - to hide, or something. It was clear that this was a completely non-ecclesiastical, worldly person, she did not even know how to tie a scarf.

With her arrival, everything began to change. Olga was the same age as my mother, both were in their 30s. The rest of the sisters were 18-20 years old. Mother had no friends, she kept everyone at a distance. She called herself "we", never said "I". But, apparently, she still needed a friend. Our mother is very emotional, sincere, she had no practical vein, in material things, the same construction site, she understood poorly, the workers deceived her all the time. Olga immediately took everything into her own hands, began to restore order.

Mother loved communication, priests, monks from Ryazan went to her - always a full court of guests, mainly from the church environment. So, Olga quarreled with everyone. She inspired mother: “Why do you need all this rabble? Who are you friends with? You need to be friends with the right people who can help in some way. Mother always went with us to obediences (obedience is a job given to a monk by a rector; all Orthodox monks take a vow of obedience along with vows of non-possession and celibacy. - Approx. ed.), ate with everyone in the common refectory - as it should be, as the holy fathers commanded. Olga stopped all this. Mother got her own kitchen, she stopped working with us.

The sisters told matushka that we were losing monastic community (then it was still possible to express it). One late evening, she calls a meeting, points to her Olga and says: “Whoever is against her is against me. Who does not accept it - leave. This is my closest sister, and you are all envious. Raise your hands against her."

No one raised their hand: everyone loved mother. It was a turning point.

worldly spirit

Olga was really very capable in terms of making money and managing. She expelled all unreliable workers, started various workshops, and a publishing business. Wealthy sponsors appeared. Endless guests came, in front of them it was necessary to sing, perform, show performances. Life was sharpened to prove to everyone around: that's how good we are, that's how we prosper! Workshops: ceramic, embroidery, icon painting! We publish books! We breed dogs! The medical center is open! Children have been adopted!

Olga began to attract capable sisters and encourage them to form an elite. She brought computers, cameras, televisions to the poor monastery. There were cars, foreign cars. The sisters understood: whoever behaves well will work on a computer, and not dig the earth. Soon they were divided into the top, the middle class and the lower, bad, "incapable of spiritual development", who worked hard jobs.

One businessman gave mother a four-story country house 20 minutes drive from the monastery - with a swimming pool, sauna and her own farm. She mostly lived there, and came to the monastery on business and on holidays.

Life was designed to prove to everyone around: that's how good we are that's how we thrive!

What does the monastery live on?

Hide money from the diocese considered a virtue the metropolitan is enemy number one

The Church, like the Ministry of Internal Affairs, is organized on the principle of a pyramid. Each church and monastery pays tribute to the diocesan authorities from donations and money earned from candles and commemoration notes. Our - ordinary - monastery had a small income, not like Matronushka (In the Intercession Monastery, where the relics of the Holy Matrona of Moscow are kept. - Approx. ed.) or in the Lavra, and then there is the metropolitan with requisitions.

Olga, secretly from the diocese, organized underground activities: she bought a huge Japanese embroidery machine, hid it in the basement, brought a man who taught several sisters to work on it. The machine spent the night stamping church vestments, which were then handed over to resellers. There are many temples, many priests, so the income from vestments was good. The dog kennel also brought good money: rich people came and bought puppies for a thousand dollars. Workshops made pottery, gold and silver jewelry for sale. The monastery also published books on behalf of non-existent publishing houses. I remember that at night they brought huge paper rollers on KAMAZ and unloaded books at night.

On holidays, when the metropolitan came, the sources of income were hidden, the dogs were taken away to the courtyard. “Vladyka, we have all the income - notes and candles, everything we eat, we grow ourselves, the temple is shabby, there is nothing to repair.” Hiding money from the diocese was considered a virtue: the metropolitan is enemy number one, who wants to rob us, take away the last crumbs of bread. We were told: after all, for you, you eat, we buy stockings, socks, shampoos for you.

Naturally, the sisters did not have their own money, and the documents - passports, diplomas - were kept in a safe. Laity donated clothes and shoes to us. Then the monastery made friends with one shoe factory - they made terrible shoes, from which rheumatism immediately began. They bought it cheap and gave it to the sisters. Those who had parents with money wore normal shoes - I don’t say beautiful, but simply made of genuine leather. And my mother herself was in poverty, she brought me 500 rubles for six months. I myself did not ask her for anything, maximum hygiene products or a chocolate bar.

“Leave - the demon will punish you, you will bark, grunt”

Mother liked to say: “There are monasteries where shusi-pusi. If you want, go there. We have here, as in the army, as in the war. We are not girls, we are warriors. We are in the service of God." We were taught that in other churches, in other monasteries, everything is not so. Such a sectarian sense of exclusivity developed. I come home, my mother says: “The father told me ...” - “Your father knows nothing! I tell you - we must do as mother teaches us! That's why we didn't leave: because we were sure that only in this place one could be saved.

They also intimidated us: “If you leave, the demon will punish you, you will bark, grunt. You will be raped, you will be hit by a car, your legs will be broken, your relatives will get sick. One left - so she didn’t even have time to reach the house, took off her skirt at the station, began to run after all the peasants and unbutton their fly.

Nevertheless, at first the sisters constantly came and went, they did not even have time to count them. And in recent years, those who have stayed in the monastery for more than 15 years have begun to leave. The first such blow was the departure of one of the older sisters. They had other nuns under their command and were considered reliable. Shortly before leaving, she became withdrawn, irritable, began to disappear somewhere: she would go to Moscow on business, and she was gone for two or three days. She began to break loose, move away from her sisters. She began to find cognac, a snack. One day we are called to a meeting. Matushka says that So-and-so left, leaving a note: “I came to the conclusion that I am not a nun. I want to live in the world. Forgive me, do not remember dashingly. Since then, every year at least one sister leaves from among those who lived in the monastery from the very beginning. Rumors are heard from the world: such and such is gone - and everything is fine with her, she didn’t get sick, she didn’t break her legs, no one raped her, she got married, gave birth.

They left quietly, at night: there is no other way to leave. If you rush to the gate in broad daylight with bags, everyone will shout: “Where are you going? Hold her! - and they will take you to your mother. Why be embarrassed? Then they came for documents.

We were taught that in other temples, in other monasteries it is not so. That's why we didn't leave: because we were sure that only in this place can you be saved.

"Where will I go? To my mother's neck?

We accustomed to the monastery, how get used to the zone

They made me an older sister in construction, sent me to study as a driver. I got my driver's license and started driving into the city in a van. And when a person begins to constantly visit the gates, he changes. I began to buy alcohol, but the money quickly ran out, and it had already become a habit - I began to drag it from the monastery bins along with my girlfriends. There was good vodka, cognac, wine.

We came to such a life because we looked at the authorities, at mother, her friend and their inner circle. They had guests endlessly: cops with flashing lights, shaven-headed men, actresses, clowns. From the gatherings they poured drunk, from the mother reeked of vodka. Then the whole crowd left for her country house - there from morning till night the TV was on, music was playing.

Mother began to follow the figure, wear jewelry: bracelets, brooches. In general, began to behave like a woman. You look at them and think: “Since you are saved like this, it means that I can too.” How was it before? “Mother, I sinned: I ate a candy “Strawberry with cream” on fasting.” - "Yes, who will put the cream there, think for yourself." - "Of course, thank you." And then it all began to give a shit.

We got used to the monastery, as one gets used to the zone. Former prisoners say: “The zone is my home. I feel better there, I know everything there, I have everything under control there. Here I am: in the world I have no education, no life experience, no work book. Where will I go? To my mother's neck? There were sisters who left with a specific goal - to get married, have a baby. I have never been drawn to either having children or getting married.

Mother turned a blind eye to many things. Someone reported that I was drinking. Mother called: “Where do you get this drink?” - “Yes, in the warehouse, all the doors are open for you. I don’t have money, I don’t take yours, if my mother gives me money, I can only buy Three Sevens with them. And you have Russian Standard, Armenian cognac in your warehouse.” And she says: “If you want a drink, come to us - we will pour you, no problem. Just don’t steal from the warehouse, the steward from the metropolitan comes to us, he has everything on record.” There were no more morals. It was the brains of 16-year-olds that soared, and we were only required to work, well, and to observe some kind of framework.

"Natasha, don't you dare come back!"

The first time I was kicked out was after a frank conversation with Olga. She always wanted to make me her spiritual child, follower, admirer. Some she managed to bind very strongly to herself, to fall in love with herself. Insinuating is always like that, she speaks in a whisper. We were driving in a car to my mother's country house: I was sent there for construction work. We drive in silence, and suddenly she says: “You know, I have nothing to do with this, church, I even hate these words: blessing, obedience, - I was brought up differently. I think you are the same as me. Here the girls come to me, and you go to me. I was hit on the head like a butt. “I,” I answer, “actually was brought up in the faith, and the church is not alien to me.”

In a word, she opened her cards in front of me, like a scout from the Omega Option, and I pushed her away. After that, naturally, she began to try in every possible way to get rid of me. After some time, my mother calls me and says: “You are not our own. You don't get better. We call you to our place, and you are always friends with the garbage. You will still do what you want. Nothing good will come of you, but even a monkey can work. Go home."

In Moscow, with great difficulty, I found a job in my specialty: my sister's husband got me a proofreader at the publishing house of the Moscow Patriarchate. The stress was terrible. I could not adapt, I missed the monastery. Even went to our spiritual father. “Father, so and so, they kicked me out.” “Well, you don’t have to go there anymore. Who do you live with, with your mother? Does mom go to church? Well, that's fine. Do you have higher education? Not? Here you get it." And all this is said by the priest, who always intimidated us, warned us not to leave. I calmed down: it seemed like I received a blessing from the elder.

And then my mother calls me - a month after the last conversation - and asks in a melting voice: “Natasha, we checked you. We miss you so much, come back, we are waiting for you." - “Mother,” I say, “I’m already everything. Father blessed me." - “We will talk with the father!” Why she called me - I do not understand. This is something womanish, an awl in the ass. But I couldn't resist. Mom was horrified: “Are you crazy, where are you going? They made some kind of zombie out of you!” And Marinka too: “Natasha, don’t even think about coming back!”

I come - everyone looks like wolves, no one misses me there. They probably thought that I felt too good in Moscow, so they returned it. Haven't been bullied yet.

Forever this time

The second time I was kicked out was because I had a romantic relationship with one of my sisters. There was no sex, but everything went to this. We completely trusted each other, discussed our filthy life. Of course, others began to notice that we were sitting in the same cell until midnight.

In fact, I would have been kicked out anyway, it was just a pretext. Others didn't have that. Some played with children from the monastery orphanage. Batiushka was still surprised: “Why did you bring boys? Get the girls on!" They kept them until the very army, healthy boars. So, one teacher brought up, brought up - and was brought up. She was scolded, of course, but they didn’t kick her out! She then herself left, she and that guy are still together.

Five more were kicked out with me. They arranged a meeting, they said that we are strangers to them, we are not corrected, we spoil everything, we seduce everyone. And we went. After that, I had no thoughts of returning either there or to another monastery. This life was cut like a knife.

The first time after the monastery, I continued to go to church every Sunday, and then gradually gave up. Unless on big holidays I go to pray and light a candle. But I consider myself a believer, Orthodox, and I recognize the Church. I'm friends with several ex-sisters. Almost all of them got married, had children, or are just dating someone.

When I returned home, I was so happy that now I don’t have to work at a construction site! In the monastery we worked for 13 hours, until the very night. Sometimes night work was added to this. In Moscow, I worked as a courier, and then again I took up repairs - I needed money. What I learned in the monastery is what I earn. I knocked out a work book from them, they wrote down my experience of 15 years. But these are pennies, they don’t roll into retirement at all. Sometimes I think: if it wasn’t for the monastery, I would get married and give birth. And what is this life?

Sometimes I think: don't be a monastery I would marry gave birth. And what is this life?

"I was a bad nun"

One of the former monks says: "Monasteries should be closed." But I don't agree. There are people who want to be monks, pray, help others - what's wrong with that? I am against big monasteries: there is only debauchery, money, window dressing. Another thing is sketes in the outback, away from Moscow, where life is simpler, where they don’t know how to make money.

In fact, everything depends on the abbot, because he has unlimited power. Now you can still find an abbot with experience in monastic life, but in the 90s there was nowhere to get them: monasteries had just begun to open. Mother graduated from Moscow State University, rubbed herself in church circles - and she was appointed abbess. How could she be entrusted with a monastery if she herself had not undergone either humility or obedience? What kind of spiritual power is needed in order not to be corrupted?

I was a bad nun. She grumbled, did not humble herself, considered herself right. She could say: "Mother, I think so." - "It's your thoughts." - “These are not thoughts,” I say, “I have, these are thoughts! Thoughts! I think so!" - “The demon thinks for you, the devil! You listen to us, God is talking to us, we will tell you how to think. "Thanks, I'll figure it out on my own." People like me are not needed there.

Text- Anton Khitrov

"That's it! I'm tired! I'm leaving for the monastery!" - many of us allow ourselves such jokes. But there are people who once said this to themselves seriously and accomplished their plan, saying goodbye to worldly life forever.

In the previous article, we described in detail,. They told about early rises and many hours of worship, modest meals and endless "obediences". Such a life is not for everyone: it is not for nothing that there are only about a hundred sisters in more than two million Minsk. They say that people go to the monastery from difficult problems and failures. The nuns of St. Elizabeth's Convent categorically disagree with this.

They do not raise their voices and do not take offense at anything. They are happy to answer any questions and try not to hide anything. Communication with sisters develops very easily and naturally, but it is extremely difficult to understand them. When it comes to God, there is a feeling that these people speak a completely different language. Why such extremes? Why deprive yourself of all the joys of life, instead of simply keeping the commandments, regularly going to church on Sundays and reading the Lord's Prayer before going to bed? Each nun has her own arguments for this.

In one thing, the sisters are unanimous: in their opinion, they do not leave the monastery, but come. They come to God, and do not run away from life's problems. The sisters do not agree with the stereotype that they are not here from a good life. Rather, serious trials force us to turn to faith. What happens next depends on the person.

Nun Juliana, 55 years old. "God controls everything: your thoughts and your actions"

So, for example, it happened with Sister Juliana, who for a long time was completely far from religion. In the world, a woman was known as a good musician. Social status, material well-being, a husband and three beautiful children - she had everything one could only dream of. But one day a tragedy happened: a child became seriously ill (the last stage of oncology). Doctors practically did not give a chance for recovery. Disappointed in the possibilities of medicine, the woman decided to "beg for a child." Quite unexpectedly for herself, she believed in God. And then incredible things began to happen to her family: her son recovered, despite the gloomy forecasts of doctors. For the woman, everything was obvious: "the child was healed by the Lord himself." Since then, every year her faith has only grown stronger.

- I realized that this was what I had been missing for a long time. All my life I have felt that my soul is languishing. But in fact, the soul was looking for God ...

The woman continued her spiritual search and eventually found herself in a monastery. The children grew up and chose their own path, and nun Juliana chose her own.

- I understood that I could no longer live like this - to live in the capacity in which I lived before. It was necessary to change something. God controls everything: your thoughts and your actions.

Nun Juliana assures that the children reacted relatively calmly to her decision. They regularly "come to visit", and the daughter even sings in the monastery's Sunday choir.

- When you feel that you are "ready", you do not notice what others would call "endure". If you have come to a monastery, it means that you have a serious determination for this.

Nun Marfa, 40 years old. "I used to envy believers because they have eternity..."

Nun Marfa opened the doors of the convent during a period of strong spiritual uplift. As she herself says, at some point she was "as if touched by the Lord." Prior to that, she was a student at the Academy of Arts, did not go to church and was not interested in anything like that. Once on vacation, the girl went to visit her grandmother, who lives in Israel. The purpose of the trip was the most secular: to make interesting sketches, relax, sunbathe and see the sights. The journey through the holy places was especially memorable: everything that the guide told seemed extremely interesting to the young artist.

- I thought: if Christ actually said this, then he is definitely God. Everything quickly fell into place for me. I returned from Israel very inspired. Gradually ceased to understand how you can not believe. By the way, I used to sometimes envy believers, because they have eternity ...

After returning home, the girl continued to be interested in religion: she read special literature and even tried to paint icons. Having learned about the Jesus Prayer, the student began to read it during class, and then even ordinary educational drawings, in her opinion, came out beautiful as never before. One of the teachers even said that the works "shine". Together with the sisters of mercy, she began to go to a children's boarding school. Nun Marfa recalls that period of her life as especially happy. It is not surprising that after graduating from the Academy of Arts, she ended up in the monastery's icon-painting workshop.

- I liked it there so much: the sisters read prayers, everyone is so inspired. It seemed like a perfect "space", the feeling of flying did not leave me. There was no doubt, I was sure that I was in the right place.

Only three years divided the life of our heroine into "before" and "after". In 1998 she began to go to the temple, and in 2001 she was already in the monastery.

- If we talk about my decision, then, in fact, I did not accept it, but simply sought God's will ...

Nun Nadezhda, 25 years old. "In the monastery I felt a cloud of grace"

The fate of the nun Nadezhda was also decided by chance (or the Lord himself, as they often say here). The girl came to Minsk to enter the institute, and in the end she entered ... a monastery. During exams, she rented a room with one of the sisters of mercy. She brought her to the monastery - to see, to look around.

- I felt a different atmosphere, a "cloud of grace", so to speak. There was a feeling that you plunged into another world - into the world of love and understanding.

The girl did not succeed in entering the institute, she had to postpone plans for the next year. And she decided to pass the time again in the monastery: to work hard and, so to speak, gain a "monastic spirit." Two weeks, according to sister Nadezhda, passed unnoticed. But when she returned home, she did not feel relieved. There was a deep void in my heart.

- I was very drawn back ... Apparently, the Lord led me to Himself. I returned, once again I saw the attitude of the sisters to each other, the attitude of the father, these faces, sincerity in the eyes ... I wanted to become a part of this organism. And when the priest blessed me to live in the monastery, I felt very strong joy.

But the parents of the young girl were shocked. They can be understood: Sister Nadezhda became a nun, in fact, right after school! Not knowing and not feeling the taste of life.

- This happens again because of stereotypes, supposedly in the monastery they are almost "buried alive." But time passes, and relatives accept our decisions, they themselves begin to take communion, confess. No wonder they say that when someone goes to a monastery, his family has a guardian angel, he takes care of his relatives, protects them.

Trial period: from workers to nuns

Sister Nadezhda was tonsured as a nun almost immediately after she came to the monastery. But this is more the exception than the rule. Usually, before putting on the vestments, women go a long way. Almost like a "trial period" at work. There are several stages of spiritual growth.

" Laborers" come to the monastery to work, take a closer look and understand whether they made the right choice. They participate in divine services, obediences, but they can leave at any moment. The next stage is obedience, which means the sister's readiness to "renounce her desires." Taking monastic tonsure as a nun, women promise to dedicate themselves to God forever. They can be compared to brides: they are already engaged, but have not yet become wives. Monastic tonsure is the highest step. Not all sisters take it. Of the 100 inhabitants of the St. Elizabeth Convent, only half - nuns. They have a huge responsibility: what are only monastic vows worth! where the nuns live.

- Outwardly, it may seem that you are depriving yourself of something, but this is wrong. The more you try for the sake of Christ, the more you get inner freedom. There is no need to think about how to do this, but how - this ... Everything is decided for you. In this sense, it is much easier to live this way.

In the monastery, I felt the fullness of life and harmony. When you leave here for the city, everything seems somehow empty and lifeless. In the monastery there is real life, here people begin to truly open up, including through obedience.

After listening to exceptionally enthusiastic reviews about life in the monastery, we became interested: are there cases when sisters change their mind already at the last stage - after being tonsured as a nun? It turns out yes. It is said here that a more terrible sin cannot be imagined.

Nun Afanasia, dean of the monastery:

- We had a nun who left the monastery for the world. Then, apparently, she repented and returned to God again, however, to another monastery. After a while she joined us again. Some internal process has taken place. And although this is a great sin, God forgives everyone.