How to survive the betrayal of her husband, forgive or leave - advice from an experienced psychologist

The most terrible moment in the life of any married woman is the day on which she learned about her husband's infidelity. Feelings of the soul turned inside out, the sky falling to the ground, disappointment, resentment, the desire to fall through the ground - all the feelings caused by the betrayal of a loved one cannot be expressed in words. Where to find strength in yourself, to forgive or leave, how to cope with pain and live on - let's try to figure it out.

How to define male infidelity?

According to statistics, every fourth man cheats on his wife, and only one in four wives suspects cheating. By what signs can you guess about treason? It is not as difficult as it seems, you just have to be more attentive to the little things.

First wake-up call- when the husband began to pay more attention to his appearance : look after your appearance, go to the gym, dress neatly, update your wardrobe, doubly suspicious if he has not done this before. Do not disregard and increased attention to underwear, cleanliness and hygiene.
A change in attitude towards you also gives reason to think . There are two possible scenarios for the development of events: either the husband pays less attention to his wife, becomes indifferent, the sexual life is reduced to nothing, or vice versa, after betrayal due to a tormenting conscience, some husbands behave more sensitively, gently and attentively, trying to make amends to their spouse .
Frequent absences, delays at work, meeting old friends . And it’s a no brainer that the mistress needs to devote some time, so you have to come up with various “excuses” so as not to arouse the suspicions of your wife.
Keep track of your family budget - with the advent of a mistress, such a tendency may arise that the husband began to work more, staying up late, and money not only did not increase, but sometimes even became less.
If the husband has a car, and you suspect treason, then there is a high probability of finding a “gift” from her mistress in it- lighter, lipstick, long hair. A signal can also be a change in the positions of the seats in the car.

Pay attention to how he communicates with the women around him, because cases of betrayal with a neighbor or girlfriend are not uncommon.

A cell phone can tell that a husband has a mistress . If they often call him at odd times, strange SMS come in, the phone works on silent mode, and the faithful one, even going to the toilet, cannot part with him - this is already a serious reason for suspicion.
In our time, they began to communicate on the Internet almost more often than on the phone. . Therefore, if you notice that your husband spends a lot of time in front of the monitor and at the same time constantly prints, and as soon as you pay attention to it or come up, he immediately stops, then this should also alert you.
A movie ticket or a restaurant bill found in a trouser pocket can be a reason to get excited. , strange abrasions or scratches on the skin of unknown origin, and accidentally referring to you by another name while talking to you.

As you can see, there are a lot of signs of a mistress, and if each individually they may not mean anything, but if there are several such coincidences at once, this gives a serious reason for suspicion.

Why the husband cheated on his wife, we understand the reasons

Why does it happen that a husband takes a mistress, even if everything is fine in the family at first glance. Psychologists identify several main reasons, knowing about which any woman can try to correct the situation in time, strengthen family relationships and prevent this.

The most common reason is the cooling of feelings. . And this may be due not so much to the long years of living together, but to the fact that over the years a person's taste, needs, hobbies change. In this case, the mistress is no better than the wife, she is simply more in line with the interests of the man.
A lot of cheating happens because of sexual dissatisfaction. . Often in life, men are guided by the desire to choose a woman who will be a good wife and mother, while the intimate side fades into the background. But over time, dissatisfaction manifests itself more and more and the man begins to look for what he needs from other women.
Midlife crisis can lead to cheating . When a reassessment of values occurs in men, the realization comes that life is passing and in order to make sure that he is still attractive to the opposite sex, a man may well have an affair to increase his self-esteem.
Constant family conflicts in connection with financial problems or on domestic grounds, they can also push a man to cheat.
cavils and accusations of the wife belittle and suppress morally, and as a result, a man will find an outlet in one that will accept him for who he is.
As trite as it may sound, one of the reasons may simply be a new love. . The man just met another woman whom he truly loved. In this case, most often the marriage breaks up even in spite of joint children, and in this case it is useless to keep the spouse.

How to forgive your husband cheating and improve relationships?

Before forgiving betrayal, think - will you be able to forgive and continue to live as if nothing had happened? After all, to forgive means to forget and not hold a grudge, which is very difficult to do. .

Much will depend on the nature of the betrayal. It's one thing if the betrayal occurred once or accidentally due to lack of attention and dissatisfaction , and quite another when the husband hid a long relationship on the side, or he just fell in love with another woman. In the latter case, you should not even try to keep your spouse and save the marriage, it’s better to let him go - it will be better for him, and for you, and even for children, if you have them. After all, living with a man who loves another woman, you deprive yourself of peace of mind and happiness.

If you still love each other, and the betrayal occurred in a moment of temporary weakness and your spouse sincerely repents of what happened, then you it is worth thinking about how to forgive him, and what to do to prevent this from happening again .

What do psychologists advise to do to help forgive betrayal:

Try to spend more time together - relax, go to the theater, restaurant, cinema.
Try to set yourself up for positive thoughts and do not remember the betrayal itself.
Pay more attention to intimacy .
Remember more often the time before treason when everything was perfect and you were happy.

Write a letter that does not need to be sent, it will be only for you and you will definitely feel better.

The most important thing is probably do not try to return the old relationship, but start everything from scratch rebuild relationships, gain trust, and maybe even learn to love in a new way.

What to do if the husband cheated again?

It’s not easy to believe a person who has already betrayed you once, it’s not for nothing that they say “having changed once, it will change twice.” AND if the situation repeats, then you should not forgive the betrayal . It doesn’t matter whose fault it was, and for what reason it happened, the principle is already beginning to operate here - once an accident, and twice already a pattern. Of course, there are exceptions to any rule should be dealt with on a case-by-case basis. , but still, in most cases, if you forgive the second betrayal, the responsibility for the relationship falls on your shoulders.

The forces that you will apply for will be one-sided and you will constantly have to be on guard. In any relationship, you should keep your finger on the pulse, but it makes sense when everything is mutual, and if you want only you - this is no longer a relationship .

No need to fall into hysterics, get angry and try to pay back with the same coin . Under the power of anger, resentment and pain, the likelihood of committing a rash act increases significantly. Try to calm down and do not make any decisions until you feel the strength in yourself.
Do not try to drastically change yourself and your appearance in order to impress your spouse with your new stunning look.. Despite the fact that many magazines give just such advice to deceived wives, nothing good comes out of such experiments most often. After all, you will do everything as if to spite your husband (Look who you are losing!), And this will show your weakness.
Do not stir up a scandal and start screaming . This will only irritate the husband and instead of understanding your pain, he may even justify himself (It is not surprising that I am cheating on this hysterical woman, how do I live with her at all?).
Do not look for a meeting with your rival and do not stoop to insult an unfamiliar (or even familiar) woman - show inner strength and be above it.
Do not run to complain to relatives , especially to your mother, in the event of your reconciliation, the relationship of your husband with your relatives or mother-in-law with your son-in-law will be irrevocably damaged.
In no case should you immediately forgive everything and ask to stay, no matter what . By doing this, you will “let your man off the leash”. Most likely, he will stay with you, but if he previously hid his betrayals, then be prepared for the fact that now he will do it openly.