How to survive the betrayal of her husband: advice from a psychologist

You began to notice that your husband often talks on the phone, he receives SMS, he hangs out on social networks, spends a lot of time not with you, but in the company of friends. This behavior suggests that a loved one has started an affair on the side and is cheating on you.

After making sure of this, you begin to think about what to do next. Kill, forgive, drive away, take revenge - you can do a lot of stupid things in a fit of anger. But psychologists offer a completely different way out of the situation, which will help maintain nerves, health and relationships with her husband.

Why do men cheat

A woman will never understand why a man can change if he loves. This happens because the strong and the weaker sex have radically different views on life. Women are created to keep the hearth, be faithful to their family, and men are born conquerors who need to conquer new heights in order to stay on top.

Statistics say that 99 men out of 100 are capable of cheating, 75 of them have been unfaithful to their halves at least once, and 50 consider this the norm. Therefore, it is rather easier to accept than to fight with male nature.

Reasons for male infidelity:

Men do not put any meaning into sex, for them it is a way of relaxation and a natural need. Someone needs more of it, someone less, hence the relationship on the side.
Women think that they are not being cheated on, but just as men are sure that they will not be caught. Some close their eyes, while others take advantage of it.
The man just doesn't love you. If he does not value marriage, then he does not try to hide that he is cheating.
A man can change out of boredom, being in search of new adventures and sensations.
Sex on the side can happen because an opportunity will turn up and there will be a girl who agrees to it.

Yes, from the point of view of women, men are selfish animals, but nothing can be done about nature. You can only change your attitude to this situation and come out of it with your head held high.

Signs of betrayal

But before you accuse your soulmate of betrayal, you need to have evidence. Otherwise, you will be considered a hysteric, and the relationship will end.

What signs indicate a cheating husband:

Change in behavior. New acquaintances always leave a mark on speech, manners and habits.
If a man cheats, he has to lie. But lying is a complex skill and not everyone masters it. If events, dates and trifles do not converge in his stories, then he may have an affair on the side.
A man demands changes in your intimate life from you. He longs for new experiments, wants to change your appearance and behavior.
The sudden attention and courtesy on the part of the husband suggests that he is trying to divert attention from other things.
When your husband starts asking you to cook unusual dishes, although he has always been delighted with homemade borscht, someone pampers him with delicacies on the side.

Remember that someday the truth will be revealed. Therefore, think before you start trying on the role of a detective and look for clues. Is this game worth your nerves and time or not.

What to do if your husband cheated on you

If all the evidence is in the face, and the husband has not found excuses against your arguments, then it's time to think about how to live on. Most women are paralyzed by this event and start to panic because they don't know what to do next.

It is this fear that inhibits the desire for exposure and wives turn a blind eye to their husband's behavior. This threatens with a nervous breakdown and loss of self-confidence. In any case, the situation will have to be addressed, and the sooner this happens, the better for both of you.

Psychologists also advise not to make scandals and tantrums. It's best to take your time and calm down. And you should talk with your husband and make decisions with a cold head. In a fit of feelings, you can say offensive and unfair words to your spouse, hurt his feelings and then regret it. Every man deserves forgiveness, especially if he loves you. All people tend to stumble, but then repent of their deeds.

Ideally, you need to leave for some period of time and put all your thoughts on the shelves. Separation will help you understand how much you need a loved one, whether it is worth maintaining a relationship and how to behave further. In addition, this is an occasion to make your husband worry.

For a woman to forgive betrayal means to show her weakness and softness. They think that this is how they pamper their men and push them to do worse things. But forgiveness does not mean allowing betrayal again. It is important to clearly define the boundaries and not violate them.

Forgiveness is needed, first of all, for you, not for your husband. There are several important reasons for this:

A lingering resentment keeps you from moving forward.
It is a heavy stress for the nervous system to store and perceive negative information.
The inability to forgive the mistakes of loved ones will not allow you to build strong and trusting relationships.
Resentment causes a decrease in immunity and the appearance of diseases.
Resentment makes you a weak person, unable to withstand difficulties.
Having harbored anger at one person, you will no longer be able to trust others, constantly comparing them with each other.
Only wise women can forgive, be like that no matter what.

If you want to speak out to someone, then let it not be your husband, but a close friend, sister or mother. It is useful to go to a psychologist who will help you look at the situation from the outside and understand that nothing terrible has happened.

Do I need to get divorced after infidelity

Upon learning of her husband's infidelity, the first thing that comes to a woman's mind is to file for divorce. But think, you need another blow if you have not yet recovered from the first. Divorce is a serious step, after which it will be difficult to correct the consequences.

It's one thing when you quarrel, go to your rooms, but after a few days decide to make peace. It’s quite another to delete a loved one from life forever. Even if he made a mistake, you promised to be with him in sorrow and in joy. Marriage is made to support each other, and not to leave because of any reason. If you forgive betrayal and begin to trust your soulmate again, then the relationship will move to a new level and become stronger.

In any case, this issue should not be resolved alone, the husband must necessarily participate in this. Listen to his position, it suddenly turns out that a fleeting affair meant nothing to him, and now he understands how dear you are to him.

But it also happens that trust does not return, and it becomes difficult for you to live with your loved one. Or he does not change and continues to walk to the side. Such things can only be understood after some time after the betrayal. And the conclusion here is disappointing - you will have to file for divorce.

How to regain your confidence

A woman who has been betrayed by her husband needs comfort and support. The first thing she does is blame herself for the situation. She says that she has become not as beautiful as before, she has ceased to take care of herself, to pay attention to her husband.

But it's not. You just got used to each other, you live together and it makes no sense to brag in front of each other. To understand that you are a worthy woman and wife, simple daily exercises will help:

Get the attention of men. Nothing will raise a girl's self-esteem like compliments and courtship of the opposite sex.
Write down all your virtues on a piece of paper and reread them every day.
Set goals for yourself and achieve them. If you want to lose weight, set a specific date and the number of pounds that will be lost by then.
Don't envy anyone.
Become a better person, not just yourself.
Take care of yourself. Beauty must be maintained in any case.
Dress nicely. Clothing should not be expensive, but it should emphasize your dignity.
Find yourself a hobby. Coloring by numbers, embroidery, cooking classes - these are the little things that will distract you from negative thoughts. And when you see the result, you will be pleasantly surprised.

Cheating for a woman is a difficult event that not everyone can survive alone. If you caught your loved one "red-handed", then do not keep emotions in yourself. Trust close people who see the situation from the outside and help you make the right decision.