How to become independent of the opinions and assessments of others, and stop pretending to be someone you are not
Greetings, my dear readers! Today I would like to reveal the secret - how to always be yourself. To begin with, we will figure out how to understand ourselves and come to inner harmony, and then we will consider the factors that prevent us from remaining ourselves in any situation. If you can find your way, then you just have to follow it.
Find yourself
It is often extremely difficult to understand what kind of person you really are. We have the expectations of parents, the judgments of others, the desires of teachers, and so on. Each person has such internal stoppers that prevent them from finding their own voice.
My friend from childhood wanted to become an actress, but her mother considered such a profession to be complete nonsense. She saw her daughter as a successful lawyer. Of course, the girl could not go against her mother and now she works as a lawyer. Which ultimately led to, unrealized internal potential and constant.
Understanding yourself is not as easy as it might seem at first glance. Some people tend to think too well of themselves, which makes it impossible to give a real assessment.
Therefore, you need to learn to look at things, yourself, your actions and desires without prejudice.
Try to write your detailed description. You can start with past experience. Describe important events or situations and describe your choices and actions. Try to answer the questions: why did you do it and what would you change now.
- What is happening in your life right now
- why did you choose this job,
- would like to change it
- Where and with whom do you want to live?
- What are you currently unhappy with and how can you change it?
So it will be much easier for you to determine what to do in the future and what course of action to choose.
In my article "" you can find many useful and practical tips on how to learn to be in harmony with yourself. Try to analyze your actions more often and more. Over time, this will become a habit and you will understand yourself better. Easily determine where your true desire is, and where just other people's expectations.
surrounding
Why can't many people afford to be real in every situation? Because they consider themselves to be indebted to others. Like, you have to behave in a certain way and make certain choices.
Fear of seeming ridiculous, not successful in the eyes of others. A person wants to receive a positive assessment of himself or his actions. And this expectation of praise often does not allow you to be real.
Few people think that the opinion of others is their individual judgment and often has no real relation to us. Let's look at an example.
The girl Masha wants to arrange quiet girlish gatherings at home. Her friends are pushing for a noisier party, saying that more people should be invited, boys, of course, and they should also remember to buy wine. Inwardly, Masha does not want this, but she cannot refuse her friends, because otherwise they will make fun of her, and maybe they will stop being friends with her altogether.
But her friend Vasya believes that her friends put too much pressure on her. He always appreciated in Masha quiet and calm. He likes that Masha does not "hang out" like all the other girls, but is engaged in her development, for example. Whose opinion do you think will ultimately have a greater impact on Masha?
It is very important to learn to hear those people who can appreciate any of our qualities. And only such people should be listened to. Most often they do not criticize, do not try to correct you. On the contrary, they are ready to help, offer several options for getting out of a difficult situation, they never laugh at you.
It's impossible around. Therefore, other people's expectations should remain their expectations, and not become a blueprint for our actions. You should learn not to be afraid of unjustified expectations. Then you can be yourself in any situation.
Main hindrances
But besides the expectations and assessments of others, there are a few more things that prevent a person from being himself. Let's look at them in more detail.
Shame. When a person is ashamed of himself in front of others, he cannot be real, because you have to hide this part of yourself. Learn to speak boldly and openly about such things, then you will not have to hide anything and be different from what you really are.
Rush. The pace of life today is incredibly fast. We must do everything, do as much as possible. It only prevents a person from being real. In a hurry, you do not have time to think, really assess what is happening. Don't be afraid to take breaks, stop and give yourself a break.
triggers. There are certain situations or people where we just can't be real. So, an employee is shy in front of big bosses, students stoop at the sight of a professor, and so on. If you understand exactly what circumstances make you become a different person, it will become much easier for you to cope with this.
Fear. Fear of not being what you want. Each person has a certain idea of himself. This can be called an ideal image of yourself. Looking at others, we are looking for qualities that we would like to possess. The hardest thing in this process is to sweep away the unnecessary and leave the useful.
I have a wonderful article that will help you decide what is good in you, and what else is worth working on: "". After all, any of your shortcomings can be turned into dignity.
My favorite “be yourself” tip is to keep a personal diary. There you can be honest, write frankly and not be afraid of anything. Only in this way can you really understand yourself, let go of your fears, find and start moving forward.
There are always circumstances in which we have to restrain ourselves, to be more or less something. This is the norm. But even in such circumstances, you can be yourself. A more relaxed version or, conversely, more fun.
What's stopping you from being yourself? Are you aware of your real dreams and desires? In what situation do you experience inner discomfort?
Be honest with yourself. This is what will help you to be real.
Good luck to you!