I don't have a boyfriend, but I really want to. What to do if there is no boyfriend, and the problem of loneliness is very acute? I'm beautiful, but the guy is not around, so I'm Terrible
Not all young women manage to find a chosen one, even despite their strong desire and desperate attempts. If you are tired of asking yourself the question: “Why don’t I have a boyfriend?” - It’s worth considering, maybe the reason is in your internal complexes or problems?
Shyness and isolation
Such a trait as modesty really adorns any girl. But sometimes, over time, such a quality can develop into isolation.
Overly modest and shy women are usually prone to introspection and usually blame themselves for the lack of relationships. At the same time, they often do not even pay attention to the fact that there may be young men nearby who sincerely show sympathy for them.
All this happens solely because it is very difficult for closed people to start communication and find a common language with others, just as it is difficult for others to establish contact with them.
And, since closed ladies are not eager to open their souls and share feelings, this leads to misunderstanding by men, and, consequently, alienation and even greater insecurity of the fair sex in themselves.
What to do in this situation?
Girls who are characterized by isolation and shyness should strive to become more open and sociable. Of course, this does not mean that you should start telling everyone about your secrets and secrets. You just need to learn how to discuss interesting facts from your life with other people without fear, talk about hobbies and share thoughts.
This will remove the psychological barrier that prevents healthy communication. And young people will have a chance not only to appreciate the appearance of a modest young lady, but also to consider her soul.
Low self-esteem
Young girls especially suffer from a lack of male attention, once in a situation in which all their friends have already found their lovers. This question is most acute among high school students, and is usually voiced in the form of statements of a similar nature: “I am 15 years old (or more), and I still have not found a boyfriend!”
Despite the fact that at this age relationships are often not serious, their absence and conviction of their own failure leave an indelible mark on the soul of a teenager in the form of resentment and disappointment.
To change the current situation, it is necessary to understand why the girls are the losers? Most often, the reason is that they consider themselves inferior and not worthy of male attention.
And while self-confident girlfriends are already starting their first relationship with guys, the lot of girls with low self-esteem is loneliness.
How to increase self-esteem?
Instead of beating yourself up about not being romantically involved and beating yourself up with the thought, “I don’t have a boyfriend,” try answering the following questions:
- How long is the relationship with the boys of the girlfriends?
- How often do girlfriends change boyfriends?
- Do they communicate normally after breaking up?
- Are they happy with them?
Believe me, if you change your outlook on the situation, develop confidence that you will soon meet your only one (not just anyone, but a person who is sincerely interesting and attractive to you), and also allow yourself to temporarily switch to achieving other goals (for example, improving academic performance , preparation for admission to a university, increased physical activity), the problem will resolve itself.
Mismatched views on life and relationships
The age at which you can tell others: “I'm 17!” Is a turning point for many teenagers. Most often, at this time, training begins in educational institutions of higher education and an independent life begins.
Feeling themselves in the new status of adulthood, most girls begin to intensely desire a serious relationship and form for themselves an idea of \u200b\u200bwhat their potential boyfriend should be. At the same time, the image of the “handsome prince” usually consists of his own, often far-fetched, illusions and the concept of “ordinary female happiness”.
But, unfortunately, among the surrounding male candidates for female ideals at this age, few fit. The reason for this is the immaturity of thoughts regarding the creation of a family and the financial insolvency of young men, which, however, is quite normal for their age.
Also, one should not exclude the fact that most young people at this age do not set themselves the goal of starting a family, but prioritize sexual relations. And the psychology of a woman about intimate relationships is radically different: from a young age, a girl is looking for reliability and stability, and often her psyche is not yet ready for sexual relations.
What to do in this case?
If relationships do not work out at the age of 17, psychologists advise young women not to get upset, but simply let go of this situation and wait a bit. Very little time will pass and most of the problems in relationships will disappear on their own, since closer to the age of 18-20, the views on life in men and women usually begin to coincide.
In the meantime, it’s better to focus on your studies, start visiting interesting places, get carried away with some kind of hobby - and who knows, maybe a suitable candidate will appear even earlier than planned?
Idealization of men
As we noted earlier, every girl has an imaginary ideal of a man, and quite often, no matter how trite it may sound, it is the "prince on a white horse." However, in reality, such guys do not exist or there are very few of them. As a result, there are often cases when a clever, beautiful, energetic girl with a wonderful sense of humor does not have a man.
How to stop looking for the ideal?
The way out of this situation may be as follows - the young lady must understand and accept that completely perfect people do not exist, and the “prince” in a man does not wake up immediately, but only when a young lady who loves and appreciates him appears nearby.
So, it would be wiser to stop looking for an ideal, and pay attention to "mere mortals." Perhaps, among them, the same “prince” is hiding, all the best qualities of which can only be seen by talking with him alone.
Repulsive appearance and mannerisms
In recent years, the opinion has begun to spread among teenagers that almost everything is decided by appearance. However, this is not always the case. For example, if a pretty-looking girl does not observe the norms of decency, behaves aggressively, humiliates everyone around, and also if she is too vulgar or too sloppy dressed, then no matter how much she declares: “But I am beautiful and I can do anything!”, - the obvious facts will continue to push guys away from her.
Of course, young people can appreciate her appearance, but hardly anyone wants to associate their lives with her. And no matter how sad it may be, men often try to take advantage of such girls in order to spend one night with them.
How to proceed?
Young ladies with a similar character and behavior and / or appearance, including those who are faced with the indifference of the opposite sex, should think about the question: “What to do?” As soon as possible. The answer is simple: urgently pay attention to your style, behavior and actions, and begin to correct them.
Other reasons
Why else there may be problems in communicating with the opposite sex, and how to avoid them, the following video will tell:
Getting rid of psychological complexes and stereotypes, as well as adjusting your manners and appearance for the better, you will become more open and attractive to the stronger sex. So, you can find your personal happiness much faster.
There will definitely come a time when a girl will ask something like this: why don't I have a boyfriend? And this moment of soul-searching will come not at the age of 30, when everything is already normal, but during a difficult age. It is this difficult age that determines the complexity of the situation. But what if there is no boyfriend? There is always an answer! So, let's begin.
The worst thing you can do is justify yourself. Excuses include: "all guys are goats"; "not for a serf, my mother raised a mistress"; "I'm special, and no one understands me" and so on. The next worst-case scenario would be humility. Example: "I'm worthless and won't even think about taking care of myself." In any case, the problem is inside, not on the surface.
First you need to learn to ask questions to yourself. Why do you need a guy? Because everyone has and I don't have a boyfriend? 90% of all unrest lies precisely in this plane. One thing is clear: thoughts need to be urgently streamlined!
Let's put things in order
The case when "everyone has it, but I don't" is the most common. Behind this lies not loneliness in his personal life, but unfulfillment. Thoughts like "I don't have a boyfriend" are not a tragedy, they are a point of growth.
If you live in a typical provincial town with a population of up to half a million, then it is very easy to become a black sheep. If your girlfriends are hinting at you about your loneliness, then this is not at all a desire to open your eyes and guide you on the path of righteousness. This form of behavior is common aggression. I paint everything in detail. A friend deliberately "let slip" to you about a walk with a guy, about sex with him, about a gift from him. Then he asks you about the following: does he like someone, have you thought about dating someone, or obsessively promises (in fact, demands) to introduce you to a young man. Moreover, your potential boyfriend should be either a womanizer (a local macho man, a self-appointed handsome man) or a completely shabby, unattractive character (these are called "loh"). At the same time, her voice is lowered as if trusting some secret, and her eyes are wide, staring intently. This conversation was started to humiliate you. This is not another stone in the direction of female friendship, this is a description of a form of establishing superiority over you, which is very common among adolescents. For example, you can watch this movie, you will understand everything yourself.
Personal life is a very subtle, exciting area of your life. And through it it is very easy to influence you, especially if a person is predisposed to aggression. Aggressive behavior among teenagers is a very common phenomenon. The complex of the absence of a young man cannot appear by itself. This is where the mechanism of social mimicry comes into play. Be careful.
Find your true soul mate
The advice of girlfriends and the desire to be like everyone else will help you get a sexual partner, but not a guy. For a guy is a young man who loves you, who cares about you and plans his future based on the fact that he has you.
In order for a guy to appear, you must avoid a closed social system, such as a school class or an old circle of acquaintances. There is always rivalry and hierarchy, which means envy and aggression. You can meet a guy who will become your favorite in places such as foreign language courses, lectures and seminars, sections or institute, etc. We need a new environment, a new environment. Question for reflection: why do you think a young man or girl who did not enjoy respect and attention in their school or in their small homeland (village, small town) changes beyond recognition for the better as soon as they move to study in a large city? Yes, because there they can be themselves! Here you are, be yourself. Find a new society, new acquaintances. There is no meanness and rivalry in English courses, which means that a good person will be able to notice and fall in love with you.
Learn to take care of yourself
Sometimes you look at a pimply guy or girl and think: “Do you feel sorry for 200 rubles for a skin care product?” Surprisingly, people live with flaws in appearance all their lives, when they can be eliminated in a couple of weeks! And good things today are so cheap that everyone can afford them! There are online stores where a beautiful dress costs 300 rubles or even less. If you don’t like how you look with glasses, buy contact lenses, their cost is from 300-500 rubles for a pair that you can wear for 3-4 months. Why are you creating problems out of the blue? Love yourself and the question of what to do if there is no boyfriend will stop scaring you with its insolubility. The world is beautiful, you are beautiful!
Photo: Viacheslav Nikolaienko/Rusmediabank.ru
Are you tired of coming up with answers to stupid questions like "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" People are curious. And if before thirty-five you can still safely say that you have not yet met the guy of your dreams, then after forty you can come up with an excuse that he has already died. But seriously, have you ever asked yourself this stupid question: “Why does everyone have it, but I don’t? What is wrong with me?"Human needs human
You can’t get anywhere, the question arises and, it seems to me, requires an answer, because if there is no relationship at all or they last a couple of months at most, then perhaps this is worth thinking about. After all, even if you have it completely, and life seems wonderful, nevertheless, hand on heart, confess that in addition to occasional rare sex, you want to have a constant warm relationship with someone, a loved one who is waiting for you, who you can trust, who will help in difficult times, who you want to take care of. Why lie to yourself, claiming that you do not need all this? Every person on earth needs this!True, some arguers will immediately get involved in a verbal fight and begin to claim that they do not need any relationship. That they were born for themselves and want to live for themselves the way they want. I am sure that they are cunning, trying to cover up their inability to build relationships with people. Because the main reason why they are still not there or they are quickly ending is precisely this: the inability to build relationships.
It may seem to some that happy couples are just lucky. They found a suitable candidate and now live happily ever after, doing nothing to achieve apparent harmony. This is a deeply erroneous opinion.
Any relationship is the work of the soul. Another thing is whether you want to strain for the sake of these relationships, whether you value them or are you all waiting for the ideal, temporarily warming yourself on the chest of a random person. This is already a matter of morality and morality, concerning how we use each other.
So why don't you have a boyfriend?
There are reasons that seem to lie on the surface:Laziness and selfishness. Any relationship requires time, effort, some kind of sacrifice, movement, dedication. Sometimes we have to step on our own throats, "plug up our fountain", humble ambitions, arrogance, character - that is, adapt to another person. And this is not easy, especially if you are a narcissist and a lazy person in life. Miracles don't happen. You will be the same lazy and narcissist in love, unless you want to change and work on yourself. Sometimes on the forehead of such a lazy person it is written in predatory sweeping handwriting: “I want to get married immediately!” - and this inscription completely scares off potential suitors. Sometimes something else is written: “Immediately need a plugger for my spiritual holes!” "Looking for a vest!" "We need a sponsor!" etc. Now, if the sign were changed to “I will surrender myself to good hands!” "I will warm my soul and body!" "I will give myself!" "Help!" – the effect was quite different.
, ignorance of psychology, erroneous attitudes. When a girl has certain models of life in her head, a standard of relationships, ersatz external paraphernalia, it is not easy for her to find a friend. She invented or heard from some "wandering Aigle" a beautiful fairy tale about scarlet sails, a white Mercedes and a fabulous ideal Gray, who will sail to her and fulfill all her desires, destroy all contradictions, create for her a dream come true. But life is far from a fairy tale, even the owners of white Mercedes are not so perfect with character or romantic relationships.
Many girls do not even think about the peculiarities of male psychology and judge men by themselves. Meanwhile, we are completely different inhabitants of Mars and Venus, figuratively speaking. And this cannot be ignored.
Sometimes a girl develops a strong attitude towards a man as a breadwinner, who must solve problems for her, provide, solve, protect, and she will only bend her fingers and favorably reward him with a smile. Maybe this is correct, I still have not decided. But tell me, how many men are willing to voluntarily enter into such bondage relationships just for the sake of her smile and rare sexual grace. Probably, for this, a girl must have heavenly beauty and an angelic character, which, alas, almost never occurs in life.
Despondency and whining. There are girls who are always dissatisfied with something, suffer, whine, grieve. Either from the fact that they have no one, no one loves them, or from the fact that no one pays attention to them or loves them little. Or maybe they grind their old losses and sorrows and, raising them to the cult of exclusivity, endlessly savor their special universal suffering. Generators of misfortune literally expire with deep sadness, thinking that there will immediately be a savior who will assess the level of suffering, regret it and rescue far-fetched grief from the dark tower. No matter how! Men themselves, deep down, are sad, afraid and unsure of themselves, they also sometimes want to find someone who would not plunge them into despondency, but would pull them out of the swamp of dullness, inspire, make them move, rejoice. Therefore, they are unconsciously drawn to just such individuals. Cheerful, cheerful, radiating warmth and positive energy, kindness and a desire to help, give, and not take and use. They somehow magically guess the hunter and consumer in the girl and do not want to continue their relationship with her. And right! Who wants to be an ATM and a sex machine and receive in return a thousand claims, demands, whims, criticism and other universal sadness according to the price list.
There are deeper causes of loneliness
, fear of failure, complexes. Sometimes people value themselves so low that they cannot even imagine that someone would appreciate them positively. Not surprising. If you don't love yourself, who will love you. “Love yourself, the rest will catch up!” - the slogan is understandable, but how hard it is to follow it in practice, especially when more than once in life I have encountered moments when you are rejected, abandoned, they prefer another, more beautiful one to you. Low self-esteem is formed in a girl in childhood, her father, who criticized too much, stuck labels, and punished (especially physically), has a particularly great influence on its formation. If a girl was never praised in childhood, if everything was forbidden to her during the puberty period, or, on the contrary, everything was allowed, without outlining the boundaries of what is permitted with the help of firm goodwill, a huge number of complexes develop in her. Then, behind external recklessness and even rigidity, sometimes a completely helpless, insecure creature is hiding, escaping from the world in its shell and coming up with various clever theories and excuses to justify itself.It is very important to find these roots of negativity and weed them out of consciousness. Sometimes it is not possible to do this on your own. Because a person does not realize the reasons for his behavior, his fears, he does not know how to determine the motives of his own actions. He does not work on his internal state, believing that it is impossible to change it, that is how he is and there is nothing to be done about it. It is better to sit in a mink and not show up, otherwise they can bite off their heads, call names, ridicule, reject, etc. He sits alone, closes himself, burrows, persuades himself that everything is in order with him, comes up with various theories and sums up evidence for them and convinces himself that he is happy. But, frankly, unhappy! But how do you admit it? It's impossible, it's beyond his powers!
Childhood trauma. If in childhood a girl experiences a divorce of her parents, her father's harsh treatment of her mother, violence, incest, if she sees and participates in family scandals, fights and other negative things, this is invariably reflected on her psyche. "The best thing a father can give to his children, especially a daughter, is love for her mother." Unfortunately, we have to admit that there are not so many examples of such love. And this is laid down in consciousness, in memory and sadly manifests itself in the adult life of a girl with many unconscious fears, blocks, inadequate actions, etc. Dealing with childhood trauma can be very difficult. This is a huge inner work. Sometimes requiring the intervention of an experienced psychologist and psychiatrist. But without doing this, the girl is doomed to constant painful coexistence with her deep inner trauma, which will destroy her life, her relationships, herself. In any case, brushing her off and pretending that everything is in order is useless and even dangerous, because the consequences can affect not only herself, but also people who unwittingly fall into her sphere of influence (friends, work colleagues , relatives, neighbors, etc.) Childhood traumas are subject to treatment: a long and meticulous psychological study.
Mental disorders, phobias. They are also treatable. Pathological shyness, phobia of sex, touch, morbid man-hatred, schizophrenia - all this requires the intervention of specialists.
It can be difficult for a person to determine what his own diagnosis is. But the very fact that he wants to figure it out, and does not dismiss the problem and does not look for stupid and untruthful excuses, is the first step towards resolving the situation. The main thing, as you understand, is not even mastering the techniques of dating, not the school of attractiveness and not the “science of tender passion”, but work on yourself.
When, as a result of this work, a self-confident, independent, open creative person is born, who enjoys every moment of life and every person that she meets on her way, she inevitably attracts people to herself. He who radiates light attracts moths even beyond his desire.
Overwhelmed by thoughts like “Why have I not had a boyfriend for a long time” or “I am beautiful, but I still don’t have a boyfriend, what should I do”? Take a closer look at the people around you, perhaps behind your experiences you do not notice a person from your environment who could save you from such sad thoughts. Have a closer look? Still no guy interested in you? What are your next steps? Again they began to think about what to do if there is no boyfriend and why do I not have one? This is all good, mature reflections on the problem have not harmed anyone yet, but this is not all that is needed to solve the problem. No, of course, if you have not yet decided whether you need a guy or not, it seems that it’s not bad without him, then you can stop at the stage of suffering at the window and do nothing more. And if, as they say, itch, then you need to be more active.
Delight in my eyes
A rich inner world, erudition, the ability to keep up a conversation - these are all necessary and useful qualities. But, unfortunately, all these positive aspects will remain unknown to others if you do not look good. Indeed, in any society we are met by clothes, but do you yourself, looking at the guys, do not pay attention to their appearance? And therefore, in order for your prince to be able to distinguish you in the crowd, you need to be well-groomed. So step number one is a trip to the mirror and a critical assessment of your appearance. It is clear that we are all beauties and just lovely what darlings. But right now, looking at your reflection, can you say something like that? Yes? And if you imagine that this is a photograph of a completely unfamiliar girl? Somehow not so much, right? Well, then we correct the shortcomings and errors in our image. Well, the task was completed, hair, makeup, manicure, pedicure and clothes, everything is in order? Then it's time to show the world your new look and tune in to victories on the love front. After all, self-confidence is the key to success.
I am so beautiful!
They twirled around the mirror this way and that, and were able to give out only one comment about their appearance “The figure is a vine, the face is a berry”, and clothes in general are the embodiment of fashion and style? And why does no one need such beauty? The question is certainly interesting. Tell me, please, how often do you show your beauty? Just keep in mind daily trips to study (work) and home are not considered - in the morning all the princes sleep, and in the evening they dream of dinner and rest, so no one has the desire to look for that one in the crowd. Where do you spend your weekends, at home? Well, yes, and the guy of your dreams, probably, should ring the doorbell himself? We urgently go out into the world, anywhere, even to a club, even to a park for a walk. Well, if you really like to spend time at home, then why are you not satisfied with dating sites? Yes, there is a chance of running into an inadequate person, but it is just as great in real meetings - not many people manage to figure out a person at first sight. So we discard all stupid fears, and confidently move in search of a guy, and it’s up to you to decide whether to the network or to the library.
Yes, I am the most sociable person on the planet!
This also happens, and quite often, the girl has many boyfriends, but there is no one beloved. 
Here I immediately want to say that you are not behaving like that with them, and you need to be more feminine and, perhaps, during a conversation, you yourself make it clear to young people that they have nothing to expect except friendship. Indeed, a little good manners and friendliness never bothered anyone. But why do you need a guy who gives up so easily and one who will be subdued not by your bright personality, but by the mask of a cute girl that you put on. And would you be comfortable playing someone else's role? Of course not, so you shouldn't completely rebuild yourself to fit the template behavior of the ideal girl. Firstly, ideals do not exist, and secondly, guys do not need beautiful dolls, everyone dreams of a Real girl, always with a capital “N”.
In fact, sixteen years is not at all as long as you think. Of course, many of your girlfriends already have relationships with guys. But! Remember that all their stories and boasts are far from the truth. Now it may seem to you that they are not lying, but in fact, they are. But they lie either to you or to themselves. At the age of sixteen, guys practically do not think about a serious relationship. Of course, they like the process of meeting, kissing and, possibly, sex. But they do not dream of anything more serious, unlike you.
If you say: I'm 16 years old and I still don't have a boyfriend, then young people simply don't see in you what they see in others. And it's not bad, it's great. As you get older, you'll understand. In the meantime, think about what you want from the relationship. How do you imagine your romantic meetings, dates, relationships?
If you want to have a relationship with an older young man, honestly answer yourself - are you ready for a serious relationship. Really serious. A guy who is over twenty years old wants to see an adult, smart, fairly independent girl next to him, who can help and support, who will understand his problems. And believe me, at his age they are really more serious than yours. Can you be with him when necessary, find a common language with his friends, be equal with them? If something happens to him, will you be able to get in a taxi and come to the other end of the city? I can ask you hundreds of similar questions. Can you answer them in the affirmative? Of course, if we are talking about a kid with a barely completed vocational school from your yard, then you don’t have to think about it. But do you need it? If at sixteen you start with just anyone, then by twenty you will quite happily live with the forty-year-old wino Vasya in his basement. So think carefully about whether you can be around a normal adult guy.
Unfortunately, even if you are a smart and erudite girl who feels older than her peers, in the company of such a young man you will still be a child. And there is nothing wrong with that. Just during this period, the age difference is really noticeable. Even if a young man falls in love with you, such relationships will not last long, because in your behavior there will always be a “childhood” that is quite characteristic of your age. And, as I said, he needs an adult girl who knows how to be wise, compromise and at least knows something in life. So for now, these guys are not for you.
If you want to meet with a peer, then you should forget about any kind of romance. The maximum that you will get is one cocktail in the club, and even then it is not a fact that he will be able to take you there. This will only be the case if the young man has rich parents. Of course, he can earn something himself, but at the age of sixteen, a guy would rather spend money on the next game or console than on a girl. So get ready to while away the evenings on a bench under a bottle of beer. If you are not satisfied with such prospects, then you do not need a guy yet.
Understand, at this age, only a few can give something to a girl. Most young people think only about sex and beer. And most girls are fine with that. Do you really want it too? If yes, go ahead. Show that you are the same as the rest and you will definitely have a boyfriend. And you will merge with the gray mass.
At sixteen, it seems that you are already very mature indeed and life has cracked, because everyone has someone, but you don’t. But believe me, a couple of years will pass and priorities will change. Many girls are then really ashamed of themselves for such behavior and promiscuity. Youthful maximalism makes us follow the crowd. We buy clothes, choose a subculture, find a guy just to keep up with others, so that they don’t laugh in the class, so that they don’t scoff at the company. And only a few can resist this and go their own way. If your friends do not understand this and do not appreciate it, if they cannot support you the way you are, then they are not adults at all, and not friends at all. People who have matured into normal relationships will never judge a girlfriend for not having a boyfriend. It doesn't matter at all. With age, you begin to understand that love doesn’t come so easily and it’s already reluctant to exchange it for “to be.” Many girls say that it is better to be alone for a longer time, to live for your own pleasure.
Therefore, you do not need to worry so much about the fact that you do not have a boyfriend. Of course, now everything seems terrible and disgusting, but it really is not. In a couple of years, you will sincerely laugh at these problems.
Think, do you just want a boyfriend or love? If love, then it comes when it is destined and there is nothing you can do about it. If you are destined to find her at sixteen, you will find her unexpectedly and where you least expect. Well, if love should appear a little later, you should not worry, suffer and pay attention to the opinions of limited people. It is better to spend your youth on various hobbies, new acquaintances, communication and making friends than on tears and depression because of guys who, in fact, are still very small boys. Think about it and stop worrying. In a year or two things will be different. You will start studying at the university and you will understand that those guys with whom you communicated before are far from all varieties of male representatives. In the meantime, just ignore those who want to offend and prick you with the absence of a guy.