Memorial service 40 days after death. Funeral speech at the wake

The death of a relative or close friend is an event that fills the heart with sorrow. But believing people find consolation, doing everything possible so that the soul of the deceased painlessly crosses the brink of the earthly. In Christianity, it is accepted to believe that the fate of a person's soul is decided on the fortieth day after his death. The soul will say goodbye to earthly life, to everything that she got used to, that she loved. And leave the world of the living forever.

Decisive date approaching

Prayer is the main support that you provide to the soul of the deceased. While her fate has not yet been decided, close people can soften the verdict of the Higher Forces with their sincere prayers. The Lord, seeing your sincere desire to help the soul of a loved one reunite with Him, can forgive the sins of the deceased, showing paternal mercy.

Other important points:

Mourning clothes. Wearing special strict (not necessarily black) clothes for forty days will help you avoid extreme behavior - fuss, uncontrollable hysteria.
Refusal of entertainment, bad habits.

Preparing for the wake

The soul of the deceased on the fortieth day returns to its earthly habitat (for a short time), and after the relatives hold a wake, it will leave the earth forever. Believers are convinced: “seeing off” is the help that we provide so that the soul of the deceased finds the Kingdom of Heaven.

Recall what dishes are appropriate at the wake:

Kutia. This is the main meal of the funeral.
Pies (with rice, mushrooms, cottage cheese).
Kissel from berries.
Sliced cheese, sausages (if the commemoration falls on the post, meat dishes are prohibited).
Potatoes (stewed or mashed).
A dish that the deceased loved. It can be salad, stew, pancakes. It is undesirable to cook too complex, exotic dishes.

It is better to refuse alcohol on such a day.

Whom to invite to the funeral?

On the fortieth day after the death of the deceased, his relatives and friends gather for a wake to honor his memory, to recall significant (bright) moments from the life of the deceased. It is important for the soul of the deceased that the people who knew him during his lifetime remember his good deeds, the best features of his character.

It is customary to invite to the "seeing off" not only close friends and relatives of a person who has gone to another world, but also his colleagues, students, mentors. Ideally, everyone who treated the deceased well can come to the wake. After all, forty is the day of the final parting of the soul with the world of the living.

It is not worth spending large sums of money to impress relatives who came to the wake with a variety of dishes. It would be wiser to provide financial assistance to orphans or people burdened with serious illnesses.

Before the commemoration, the belongings of the deceased should be sorted out and distributed to relatives and friends. You cannot throw them away. The more sincere prayers for the soul of the deceased will sound on the fortieth day after his death, the better it will be for everyone. And the deceased, and those who mourn him. Discussing some dark secrets of the deceased, his mistakes and unseemly deeds is a taboo. If you know there will be gossiping people at the wake, talk to them ahead of time and ask them to be courteous.

Where to go?

On the fortieth day, the relatives of the deceased go to church and submit a note "On repose." Of course, such notes are only allowed to be submitted for those who have been baptized. You can take some of the things of a deceased person to the church - there will always be those who will be happy even with a modest gift.

A visit to the cemetery is the second important point of the “wiring”. Relatives, going to the cemetery, take with them bouquets of flowers, lamps. In each bouquet, which will be placed on the grave of the deceased, there must be an even number of flowers.

On this day, it will be decided whether the soul of the deceased will enter the Light ... or join the Darkness. If you lay flowers on the grave of the deceased, pray for the peace of his soul - this will be the best way to express your love to him.

Fuss and disputes are not for this day ...

It is worth deciding in advance who will be the leader at the commemoration. Most often, this role is assumed by the spouse of the deceased. If the pain of loss is so strong that it is difficult for a person to talk about the departed without tears, you can appoint one of the friends, colleagues of the deceased as the “leader”. What the leader should do:

Make sure that everyone who wishes to deliver the memorial speech.
Do not allow the commemoration to develop into an exchange of gossip or into a quarrel.
Catch the moment when the guests get tired of what is happening, they start talking about everyday things. This is a signal that the commemoration must end.

Talk about inheritance, illnesses of family members, about the personal life of guests is not what should be heard at the memorial table. A commemoration is a "gift" to the soul of the deceased, and not a reason to notify the world about one's own problems.

Additionally

Days of wake after death: on the day of the funeral, 9 and 40days after 1 year.The essence of memory. What to say at the wake? Memorial words and mourning speech. Lenten menu.

What to say at the wake

The head of the family traditionally receives the first word at the wake. In the future, the duty to follow the general conversation and gently guide its course is assigned to one of the fairly close or dear people, but still not to the closest relative. It is cruel to expect from a mother mourning a child, or a spouse who has lost his wife untimely, that he/she will be able to maintain the order of speech and at the same time cope with their own feelings. This role is chosen person who knew the deceased well enough and able in a tense moment to remember some trait of his character, a nice habit or an event from life, about which you can tell the audience.

It should be noted that the usual rules of a "social party" do not apply to the commemoration: no need to try to fill the pause that has arisen in the conversation or break the silence with minor remarks - especially on an abstract topic. Silence at the wake is not only normal, but even right: in silence, everyone remembers the deceased and feels their connection with him more fully.

Funeral speech at the wake

If you want to speak- stand up, briefly describe how you remember the deceased (of course, only talking about the positives), which made him a special person in your eyes. If you remember any case when the deceased did a good deed for you personally or for someone abstract, unfamiliar, tell about it, but do not tell stories in which one of those present appears. Everyone can speak at the commemoration, but try all the same don't make your speech too long: after all, many of those present are already having a hard time.

You may not know exactly how to "correctly" hold a wake- Don't worry too much about it. The main thing in this case is sincere intention and pure thoughts regarding the deceased. When you do something in memory of the deceased with an open heart, you can't go wrong. It is important to remember only one thing: commemoration in a secular sense are needed more by the living than by the deceased: like any ritual action in our life, designed to alleviate experiences and accept the new reality of life. Therefore, when organizing a commemoration, do not forget about the feelings of those who come to honor the memory of the deceased.

As for strictly Orthodox commemoration, then here, of course, it is better to do everything in accordance with the canon, so as not to unknowingly do something unacceptable from the point of view of the ROC. It is better to find out about these rules in advance in the church - for example, when you order a funeral service.

Wake days: 9, 40 days and 1 year after death. Days of Remembrance of the Dead and saints Orthodox. Parents Saturday. Notes in post. commemoration on the day of the funeral.

Days of commemoration of the dead among the Orthodox

To commemorate a person who has passed away is a kind of mission, something obligatory, but at the same time performed without coercion - in memory of a loved one who is not around, but who will forever remain in the hearts of people who remember him.

It is customary to commemorate the deceased on the day of the funeral, which, according to Christian tradition, fall on the third day after death, on ninth And fortieth days, and also after year after loss.

Wake on the 3rd and 9th day after death

Memorial Day after the funeral is very important. Those who have gathered to see the deceased on his last journey offer up prayers to God for the reassurance of his soul. On this day it is customary to cover large memorial table(you can find out what it should be like on the page "") and slowly hold a meal, during which those present are given the opportunity to express their grief and say a few kind words about the departed person. How to issue an invitation to a commemoration - read the article. How to formulate your thoughts at the wake and what words to choose, read on the page "".

Commemoration on the ninth day is best done in a narrow circle- with relatives and friends, - reading prayers and resurrecting in memory the episodes of the life of the deceased, characterizing him from the best sides. On this day, you can visit the grave of the deceased, freshen the flowers and once again mentally “talk” and say goodbye to a dear person.

40 days and 1 year (anniversary)

Wake on day 40 (or forty) are no less significant than the events held on the day of the funeral. According to Orthodox beliefs, at forty the soul of a departed person appears before God and her fate is decided, where she will go - to heaven or hell. On this day, relatives and friends should prepare large memorial table and invite everyone who knew the deceased and would like to remember him. At forty, it is customary to visit the grave of the deceased and read prayers for the repose of his soul.

Memorial service for the dead

Across year after death it is not necessary to hold a wake for a large number of people, it is enough to get together at the family table and honor the memory of the departed. However, on the anniversary of death, visit the grave of the deceased and tidy up if necessary. A year after the sad event experienced, you can plant flowers, needles on the grave, paint the fence, or, if the monument was temporary, replace it with a permanent granite or marble monument.

Do I need to go to church for funerals?

Wake for 3, 9, 40 days, as well as 1 year later suppose u Orthodox Christians holding church services. When visiting the temple, relatives and relatives of the deceased light candles, read prayers and organize memorial services. But let's add that this can be taken care of not only on memorial days, but also on ordinary days. So, you can light a candle and pray in the church if something bothers you and feelings about the departed person again flooded. You can give prayers in the temple on the birthday of the deceased, on the day on which his name day fell, and at any other time when you feel like it. You can pray on the days of commemoration at home yourself or by inviting a clergyman.

Why should we pray for the dead?

And finally. The days of commemoration should be met and seen off in a good mood, without holding a grudge against anyone, especially a deceased person. At the commemoration, it is also customary to distribute alms to those in need and treat everyone who surrounds you on this day with memorial dishes - neighbors, colleagues, friends.

The loss of loved ones is always a tragedy. But for Christians who believe in eternal life, it is illuminated by the hope that the souls of their loved ones will move to a better place. The Orthodox tradition requires to commemorate the dead repeatedly, the first 40 days after death are especially important. What do they mean, how to properly organize a commemoration in a Christian way? The article will provide answers to these important questions.

Death - the end or the beginning?

Many do not know the fact that Christians used to not celebrate birthdays. Perhaps that is why we have not reached the exact date when Jesus was born. The day of death was considered much more important - the transition to eternal life with God. They have been preparing for it throughout their lives, and this is how it should be done now. In the early days, according to Orthodox teaching, there is a phased preparation of the spirit for its fate. But how can we find out what happens to the soul on the 40th day after death?

The Holy Fathers wrote a lot about this, interpreting words from Holy Scripture. After all, we know that Christ is risen - this alone is enough for the Christian faith. But there are many other testimonies shown in different Bible verses - Psalter, Acts, Job, Ecclesiastes, etc.

Most Christian denominations are sure that after death there is no possibility of repentance. But the soul remembers all its actions, feelings are aggravated. This is what will cause suffering from what has been done wrong in life. Hell is not iron pans, but the impossibility of being with God.

Let us recall the parable of the rich man and Lazarus - it is described in plain text how the cruel rich man suffered in hell. And although he was ashamed of his deeds, nothing could be changed.

That is why it is necessary to prepare for eternal life in advance, doing works of mercy, not offending others, having a "memory of death." But even after the death of a person, hope cannot be abandoned. What happens after 40 days can be learned from the traditions of the Holy Church. Some saints were honored with revelations about what will happen to the soul that passes into another world. They composed stories that are very instructive.

What's the line?

The first days are especially important when the deceased goes through ordeals - his soul is tormented by evil spirits who are trying to prevent a person from entering paradise. But he is helped by a guardian angel, as well as the prayers of loved ones. In one of the legends, they are shown as a weapon with which angels drive away unclean spirits. The deceased does not need a beautiful coffin, or delicious food, especially wine - he needs spiritual support. Therefore, it is very important to order prayers:

magpie - commemoration at the Liturgy, a special rite, symbolizing how the soul is washed by the blood of Christ;
a psalter for the repose - in monasteries they read psalms and special prayers to them, if possible, you can order for a year, this is not against the rules;
funeral services - take place every Saturday, it is especially important to conduct this ceremony 40 days after death, then on the anniversary;
personal prayers - constantly, every day, for the rest of your life.

When ordering rituals, it is necessary to add a personal prayer, even if it is brief, but try to put all your faith into it, all your feelings for a loved one who has left you. Over time, a habit will be developed, there will even be a need for communication with God, it is important to preserve, develop, and pass it on to children.

When 40 days after death comes, this means that a preliminary decision is made about where the soul will reside. Everyone has heard about the Apocalypse, the end of the world, the Last Judgment. At this time, the universal final judgment on people will be carried out. Until then, spiritual entities are waiting. In Orthodoxy, it is believed that they are either with the saints, or in the likeness of hell. Many Protestant movements are of the opinion that during this period the soul "sleeps", and there is no point in praying for it.

What exactly is happening? Nobody knows for sure. But Orthodoxy is unique precisely in its views on a posthumous fate. It is believed that prayer for 40 days after death can lighten the sentence that will be pronounced on the soul. It is necessary, of course, to arrange a commemoration, but with the realization of what this ceremony means in the Christian sense.

Worthy farewell

Grief is common when it comes to goodbyes. But it should not be too deep, it is important to get together and provide prayer assistance to a loved one. You can't bring back your loved ones with tears, you have to use your time wisely. On the 40th day after death, it is customary to gather relatives and friends. How to commemorate, according to Christian traditions?

The meal should be simple, if there is a fast, the charter must be observed. Also, meat food is not allowed to be donated to the temple. You can gather anywhere, be it a cafe, a cemetery or an apartment. If a person was a regular parishioner, sometimes they are allowed to hold a commemoration in a church house immediately after a memorial service. Eating food for Christians is a continuation of worship, so everything should be worthy. You can not put alcohol on the table, turn the ritual into unbridled fun.

What can you do 40 days after death? A church commemoration is obligatory for baptized Orthodox; before a meal, it is necessary to attend a memorial service in the temple. Or bring a priest to the grave, pray there. For this, a larger donation is usually made than for a memorial service in the temple or a commemoration during the Liturgy.

Even if there is no way to call the priest, there is no need to be upset. It is necessary to find the text of the memorial service for the laity and read it yourself. This must be done out loud, so that all those gathered pray. While reading, you can light candles.

After everyone has dispersed, you can also read 17 kathisma, how to do it correctly is written in the prayer books.

The memorial meal on the 40th day after death is accompanied by speeches. What should be said? Since a person is gone forever, it is customary to remember only his best qualities or deeds. All people are not without sin, but insults, reproaches do not alleviate the fate of the deceased, they only bring suffering to the living. We must forgive from the heart everything that happened, this cannot be corrected. You should start with who the speaker was to the deceased, what united him. Describe cases that will show the dignity of the deceased, his good features. It is necessary to prepare for the speech in advance by sketching it on paper.

Who is forbidden to remember

Those who die voluntarily or absurdly die in a state of intoxication (drown in the river, get poisoned by carbon monoxide, die from a drug overdose, etc.) cause special grief to their neighbors. For such people, even 40 days after death, you cannot order a church commemoration. You can pray in private, that is, in person. There are even special prayers for this. It will be very good to do alms - at the same time, you must ask the recipient to pray for relief from the eternal fate of the deceased.

Questions also arise when a baby dies, which they simply did not have time to christen. In this case, the ruling bishop resolves the perplexity. In any case, it is possible and necessary to pray for the child. The Lord does not take children by accident. It is believed that He protects them from a more difficult fate that could await in adulthood. It is important that parents keep faith in God, His goodness and wisdom.

Situations are different, because life does not fit into patterns. Therefore, any questions should be resolved with the priest. And also hope for the mercy of God, pray for your loved ones, do works of mercy.

Everlasting memory

40 days after death is an important stage in saying goodbye to the soul of a loved one. Although the other world is inaccessible to people, it is necessary to believe that goodness and justice reign in eternity. The prayerful commemoration of the dead is a sacred duty of those who remember them. It should be permanent, because it is not known how much the dead need our help. Absolutely - not a single prayer of the heart will be superfluous.

What happens to the soul 9 and 40 days after death

The death of a close friend or relative is an event that fills the heart of every person with sorrow. But believers find solace in prayers and actions that help the soul of the deceased to leave earthly life as easily as possible. Therefore, sincere prayers and commemorations are a huge help in this.

Meaning of 40 days after death

According to Christian customs, the third, ninth and fortieth day after death is of particular importance for the soul of the deceased, however, the fortieth day is the most important for him, because it means that the soul leaves the earth forever and appears at God's judgment to determine its future fate. And that is why this date is considered the most tragic than the physical death of a loved one or loved one.

Our body has been in unity with the soul all our life, but when a person dies, the soul leaves the body, taking with it all the habits of the person that he had during his lifetime, passions, attachments, as well as good and bad deeds. The soul does not have the ability to forget and must receive a reward or punishment for the deeds committed during the period of a person's life.

On the fortieth day she passes the most difficult test, because before moving beyond the brink of earthly life, he fully reports for the days he has lived. It is necessary to understand what is done for 40 days after death.

What happens on the fortieth day with the soul

Until the fortieth day, the soul does not leave its habitat, because it cannot get a proper understanding of what to do without a physical shell.

On the 3rd or 4th day she gradually starts to come to a new state and can let go of his body and walk around the neighborhood near his home.

On the Day 40 or days after that the soul can descend to earth for the last time to visit its favorite places and say goodbye to them forever. Many people who have lost their loved ones said that they had dreams about how their deceased relative came to say goodbye and said that he was leaving forever.

It is important to understand that you can't cry loudly after a person's death and, moreover, to throw tantrums, because the soul will hear everything and will experience insurmountable torment along with it. Therefore, it is best to resort to prayers or read the Holy Scriptures in difficult moments of grief.

What do they do on the fortieth day after death

On the 40th day, the relatives of the deceased must visit the church. It is important that people who come to the temple be baptized, as well as the deceased, who should be filed a note for repose.

Also on this day, you must adhere to the following rules of church commemoration:

Important on this day visit the cemetery and bring to the departed person flowers and lamps. In each bouquet that will be placed on his grave, the number of flowers must be even, and it does not matter whether they are artificial flowers or live ones.

In Orthodoxy on the fortieth day it is necessary sort out all the things of the deceased and take them to church or distribute them to needy people. Carrying out such a ritual is considered a good deed that will help the deceased and will be counted when deciding on the fate of his soul. Relatives can keep things that will be valuable, like a memory. You can't throw things away.

The more on the 40th day will sound kind words and sincere prayers about the soul of the deceased, the better it will be for those who mourn for him and the deceased himself, therefore an important event is a memorial dinner, to which the relatives of the deceased person invite close friends and acquaintances of the deceased.

It is important to note that it is allowed to hold a commemoration earlier or later than the exact date, which is 40 days. The clergy explain this by the fact that life itself is unpredictable and often people do not have the opportunity to carry out the planned events, so the mismatch of the date is not considered a sin. However, it is forbidden to transfer the commemoration to the cemetery or at a memorial service.

How to commemorate the dead

There are suggestions about what happens on the 40th day with the soul: the soul of the deceased returns home and after a day leaves forever. Therefore, Christians believe that if you don’t see her off and don’t do “seeing off”, then she will suffer forever. That is why this event is given special attention. There are many conflicting opinions about how to commemorate on the 40th day.

However, there are a number of certain rules that must be followed:

What is cooked for a funeral dinner

On a memorial day, the organization of a dinner is also obligatory, as is the reading of prayers for a deceased person. The purpose of this dinner is to remember the deceased and help in the repose of his soul. In this case, food is not the main component at the wake, so there is no need to cook chic dishes and feed the gathered people with delicacies.

When compiling the menu, you must adhere to several important principles:

Who to invite to the wake

On the 40th day after the death of the deceased for a memorial dinner his relatives and good friends gather, to properly see the deceased and honor his memory, remembering the bright and significant moments from his life.

It is customary to invite to the commemoration not only relatives and friends of the deceased person, but also his colleagues, mentors and students. In fact, it is not so important who comes to the wake, it can be strangers to the relatives of the deceased, the main thing is that each of them treats the deceased well.

How and what they say for 40 days

At the memorial table, it is customary to remember not only the deceased person, about whom everyone gathered, but also other deceased relatives. And the deceased himself must be represented as if he, too, is at a wake.

Memorial speech is delivered standing. According to Christian tradition, it is obligatory to honor the deceased with a moment of silence. It is recommended to appoint a facilitator (a good family friend) who can control their emotions and ensure that everyone, in order of priority, can say kind words about the deceased.

The facilitator should prepare a few phrases in advance in order to defuse the situation in case the speech of a relative causes tears and strong emotions of the gathered people. With prepared phrases, the host will also be able to distract the guests if the speech of the one who speaks is also interrupted due to tears.

Being at home, before or after the commemoration, you can turn to God in your own words or read a prayer to Saint Ouar for the petition for the freedom of the deceased from eternal torment.

Leading responsibilities include:

It is not allowed to talk about the inheritance or illness of family members, as well as about the personal lives of those present - this is not something that needs to be said at the memorial table. A commemoration is considered to be a "gift" for the soul of the deceased, so this event should not be an occasion to notify friends and relatives about their own problems in life.

Signs and traditions

In Russia, a huge number of customs appeared, which are still followed today. There are various signs about what you can and cannot do before and after forty days.

There are also many superstitions associated with 40 days after the death of a loved one. Consider the most famous of them: