Simple rules: how to quarrel less often

Frequent quarrels in a relationship make both sides of the couple suffer. And not infrequently the thought arises to quit everything so that it finally ends. But it doesn't make sense to change the boat if you can't handle the oars. So, learn to avoid conflicts and make your life happier!

High expectations

Often one of the partners of a love relationship thinks that later he will cope with the shortcomings of his beloved / beloved. However, after unsuccessful attempts, it begins to strain both.

Sometimes it's just enough to start accepting a person for who they are and stop changing them.

Tired of each other

It starts when people spend a lot of time together. Then all interesting topics are reduced to a minimum, there is more silence, disagreement, irritation, etc. That is why psychologists advise sometimes to take a break from each other.

Jealousy

Everything seems suspicious to the jealous: the second half returns from work for a long time, unfamiliar numbers call, too revealing outfit, etc.

Often this can be eradicated by greater openness with such a person and the exclusion of those moments that annoy him so much:

stop communicating with people of the opposite sex;
call back unknown numbers together;
talk on the phone on the way home if you are late, etc.

stress

They can arise in connection with an emergency at work, poor health, misunderstanding with parents, fatigue, lack of sleep, etc. In such cases, there is often unreasonable criticism and a sharper reaction to everything that happens around.

Living with such a person, you just need to be patient and start taking action: give more time to rest, send for treatment, help with business.

Outside Influence

It also happens that others are not happy with your choice, so they try their best to “open your eyes”. While you are defending your loved one in front of them, you still unconsciously begin to pay attention to what they have been talking about so hard. There is irritation and frequent quarrels.

You can eliminate this by forbidding discussion of your partner, or by minimizing communication with strangers.

What to do

Frequent quarrels are, in principle, the norm. This means that people are not indifferent to each other. And if your partner still stays with you, despite the systematic abuse, then this says a lot.

Don't bring up the past

If you have already tried to do this, you probably noticed how you began to react sharply to moments that are somehow connected with the past, although before you lived and did not think about anything.

It is rightly said: the less you know, the better you sleep. Forget about what happened before you and do not be interested in it, and you will not have any jealousy, no “troubles”, or other “headaches”. This person is already with you. What else is needed?

Don't leave questions unresolved

It would seem that sometimes it’s better to just end the quarrel, bringing it to “no” with silence or assent. Indeed, this can be done, and life is much calmer. However, this only applies to cases where you will not return to these situations.

If you would like to subsequently exclude such actions of your partner, then it is worth talking. But this also needs to be done correctly:

talk about what made you nervous: “It was unpleasant for me when you ...”;
ask, if possible, not to do this again: “Don’t do this again, please - don’t make me nervous”;
offer an alternative (what a person should do so that it does not cause you negative emotions).

Important!
Do not forget the proverb "If you like to ride, love to carry sleds." This means that you cannot constantly ask without giving something in return. This can be expressed in gratitude, pleasant words, care, tenderness and readiness to fulfill the partner's requests in response.

Forget the words "You must / must!"

Nobody owes you anything. You are an accomplished person with arms, legs and brains. Even your own parents don't owe you anything. Take it for granted. A person helps - good, no - well, okay, then you can handle it yourself.

A very simple solution is to replace the words "You should / should" with "I would be pleased if you ...". Believe me, the effect will be completely different! A person who did not even want to do something is likely to meet you halfway.

And do not forget about the elementary rules of ethics - use the word "please" more often.

Lower the bar on expectations and demands

Most often, the reason for frequent quarrels in a relationship is that one of the partners demands too much, and the second cannot give it. In this case, it is worth remembering once again that there are no ideal people. Therefore, you do not need to strive to remake a person so that you are comfortable. This is the lot of egoists.

Do you know why in calm couples there are much fewer quarrels than you? Because they do not require that the boots do not constantly get in the way in the hallway - the one who does not like it simply silently removes them himself; they think: if the dishes were not cleaned after dinner, it means that the person did not have the time or mood to do it, well, or he doesn’t bother with it at all.

Don't stop accepting each other

Here are examples of how a person's worldview changes over time:

The guy is the "soul" of the company. He knows a lot of jokes, is always in a good mood, and will support any conversation. At first, for a girl, he is an attractive and charismatic young man who does not want to reveal his problems in public. Then, when the couple lives together for a long time, the capricious lady begins to perceive his behavior as "show off" and carelessness, which is expressed in the fact that the man does not care about everything. As a result, he begins to annoy her, so she begins to “nag” him.
The girl is able to fight back, she is bright and obstinate. Her partner is attracted to this, he considers this trait special, he says: “Damn it, my kitty is releasing her claws again!”. After a couple of years of marriage, she becomes for him "a bitch who just wants to tame him."

So why are we... You need to periodically return to those feelings and sensations that you had before - at the first stage of the relationship. At a time when you considered all these shortcomings to be virtues that make you smile and say: “Well, yes, that’s how he is - my beloved person.”

Important!
If you don’t like something in a person, it’s not his fault, but your whim. What annoys you may be attractive to other people.

Learn to fight the right way

So the fight starts. What does each of the interlocutors often do? He starts to defend himself. And not in the most friendly way. Such a conversation almost never leads to anything.

There are ways to make conflict more fruitful. For this you need:

speak only calmly;
if you see that the interlocutor is heated, say that you will not talk to him in that tone, it is better to wait until both of you "leave";
you do not need to prove your opinion, but you need to voice it and back it up with facts, arguments;
you can’t interrupt your partner, as this is often annoying, which leads to a bad reaction;
remember: it is better to remain silent than to yell and offend the interlocutor.

Control what is said

Do you like to get excited and say a bunch of nasty things during a quarrel with a girl or a guy? Then don't be surprised when your relationship deteriorates.

The fact is that no matter how you later deny that, they say, it was said from evil, your soulmate will remember all those offensive words for a long time.

After this, there is often a cooling towards a person, because we all want to be idolized, not humiliated.

Know how to ask

This point is very important, because, most often, it is here that the “dog is buried”. Take a look at yourself. How do you talk? Would you like to be spoken to in the same way? It is not certain that the answers to these questions will satisfy you.

Know how to admit to yourself if, indeed, there are claims, instructions, etc. from your side.

If this is your case, then remember:

Start communicating with your significant other the way you would like to be communicated with you. See how your relationship will change! And almost immediately, as soon as you start to succeed!

Most importantly, be gentle. No one likes it when there are claims, reproaches, direct criticism, etc. in the conversation.

Here are examples of what was said of the same meaning, but in different words:

- Badly:“How do you cook? Well, there is always a lot of salt! It's impossible to eat!"

Good: May I ask you to add less salt next time? Salt, please, less - so, it seems to me, it will be even tastier!

- Badly:"You're so lazy you can't even babysit!"

Good:"Could you babysit? And I would like to do some things. And by the evening I won’t be so tired, well, you know what I mean ... ”.

Learn to accept rejection. If you received a "no" in response to your request, try to understand the person why he did so. Maybe he doesn't feel well, he promised to meet/help a friend, he's just tired, or even thinks it's not his responsibility - these are all NORMAL explanations.

If they do not suit you, either put up with it, or try to act cunningly. For example:

If the wife stopped taking care of herself, tell her about how beautiful she was before, especially in that outfit and with such and such a hairstyle, and as soon as she "conjures" herself, admire her appearance, make a lot of compliments.
Also in the case of a man: not everyone considers it normal to help his wife around the house. However, you can also involve him in this. For example, when rolling out dough for dumplings, ask him to help you. You need to base your request on the fact that you are doing so badly, and it’s a little hard for you, and he, so strong and “handy”, will definitely help you make perfect dumplings!

In the end, I would like to wish every reader to start applying these tips in their lives. There is no need to be afraid to make concessions, because this is not a weakness, but a strength, a talent that everyone can acquire!

And one more thing: before you collect things after another quarrel, think about whether you will really be fine without this person? Is there such a weighty reason why a quarrel occurs? Is she worthy of your nerves?