Scene for 5 girls. Scene for schoolchildren. (Piesk from school life). Scene "Enchanted letter"
Scene "Emergency class meeting"
Characters
Teacher.
Kolya and Tanya are students who fought.
Their classmates.
teacher b. Well, my dears, we again have an emergency of a classy scale: Kolya and Tanya got into a fight during the break, and I had to unhook them from each other, otherwise this fight would have ended tragically. How will we continue to live?
Student. And let's ask them.
Teacher. Let's ask. (Pointing with a glance at Tanya and Kolya.) Please.
Tanya and Kolya come out, turning away from each other.
Student. Well, the spitting image of a cat and a dog!
Tanya. You are the cat...
Kolya. Not a cat but a cat...
Student. They still call names!
Pupil. They just didn't get cold enough. There's more steam coming!
Student. Maybe splash water on you?
Pupil. Or put it in the fridge?
Everyone laughs. Tanya and Kolya also begin to smile.
Teacher. Well, Kolya is already smiling, which means he has come to his senses. Kolya, please evaluate your own act.
Kolya. What about me? Tanya was the first to call names!
Teacher. Let's say. Well, who should finish first? (Kolya silently lowers his head.) Who, guys?
Students. The one who is smarter.
Teacher. ABC truth... But, apparently, there were no smart ones among the two of you, as well as educated ones, unfortunately.
Students. Yes, don't worry, Lyudmila Vladimirovna, they will make peace. It's not the first time.
Teacher. It is clear that not the first. And when will the last one be?
Students. They just have such personalities.
Yes, how to find a scythe on a stone ...
Well, right roosters!
Teacher. Still, I'd love to hear from them. Come on, roosters, smile! Wider, wider!
Pupil. Tanechka, show your teeth!
Teacher. You are neighbors, you go home from school together. And you're behaving like a neighbor. Not good. Well, will you tell us something in your defense?
Tanya. We won't say. (Winking to Kolya.)
Kolya. We will not say in our defense, but we will sing. You will be the first to start, as always!
A song is performed to the motive “Do not tease dogs, do not chase cats” (music by E. Ptichkin).
Tatyana sings.
If a fight suddenly broke out in our class,
That instigator is me, the main bully.
Everyone scolds me, everyone gives advice,
They will understand me in no way, they will not understand in any way -
It's useless!
If in our class
Everyone was obedient
Then believe me, Nikolai,
Then believe me, Nikolai,
It would be very boring!
Nikolay sings.
If Tatyana sticks out her long tongue,
Then, of course, I, I will not be silent.
Quarrel, friends, this is a shame to listen to.
Plug your ears as soon as possible!
Even though she's a girl
In general, good
There is one disadvantage
There is one drawback:
Very groovy.
They sing a duet.
Our leader keeps telling us:
It would be time to grow up, to take care of yourself,
But whirlwinds are raging in our head,
There is no forecast yet, whether they will subside soon.
Grow up - and then
We will become smarter
And over your stupidity,
And over your stupidity
Let's laugh ourselves!
Teacher. Only very good, kind people can laugh at themselves. I hope the conflict is over.
Scenario "Birthday"
Characters
Anton is the birthday boy, his classmates.
A group of children in caps, with clown noses, with gifts in their hands, appears on the stage. They sing: "Happy birthday to you!". The hero of the occasion in the costume of the "star" (a cape studded with stars, a headband decorated in the center), all attention is riveted on him.
Children. And now we invite the hero of the occasion to the "magic chair". (The birthday boy sits on a chair, the children surround him in a semicircle). Today Antoshka is our “star”. So, we forgot all the bad, we say only the good.
Children. Anton is smart, erudite. He reads a lot, and therefore it is never boring with him.
Birthday boy. I have five volumes of an encyclopedia at home. I have read them all!
Children. Antoshka is the king of jokes. He knows a lot of anecdotes, jokes, it's always fun with him. He knows how to lighten the mood.
Birthday boy. By the way, guys, here's a new anecdote. The frog princess gallops through the swamp, and in the side the arrow is bitter. Oncoming frogs ask in horror: “They wanted to kill you, princess?” “You will say the same,” the princess dismisses and happily adds. “Vanyushka made me an offer!”
Children. Well, we say: you will not get bored with him!
Girl. Anton, you are generous and sympathetic. Guys, he will take off his last shirt and give it to a friend. Anton, can you take a picture?
Birthday boy. What, right now? (Starts to unbutton buttons.)
Girl. What are you, what are you! I expressed myself figuratively.
I like the way Anton treats the girls: he stands up for them, lets them go ahead, gives outerwear. Like a knight! Anton, you are a real man!
Birthday boy. These are still flowers, berries are ahead.
One of the children. I liked, Anton, how you danced at the disco.
Birthday boy. Yes, I can do better!
One of the children. Anton has excellent artistic possibilities! When he played in the scene of the Nightingale the Robber, all the spectators choked with laughter. And when Basilio the Cat played... (Laughs.)
Birthday boy. I understand what you mean. (Shows a bow to Cat Basilio and how he was seized by sciatica.)
Children. Anton, you are such a handsome man, you have such a cool hairstyle! And you yourself are so appetizing, like a gingerbread!
Birthday boy. Well, I'm certainly not Tom Cruise. Although we certainly have something in common. (Grabs both cheeks with his hands.) Oh, guys, I seem to have a "star" illness!
Children. Isn't it contagious? And how does it manifest itself?
Birthday boy. Dizziness.
Children. It's from compliments.
Birthday boy. Palpitation.
Children. It's from praise.
Birthday boy. I feel like I'm growing, growing. (Stands up on a chair.)
Children. It’s great that he was “starred”! Nothing, now we will start giving gifts - it will descend from heaven to earth. (Chorus.) Anton, ay!
The birthday boy comes to his senses, sits on a chair.
Children line up and give gifts.
Children.
To look like a hairstyle,
Should have a comb in your pocket.
Inflate this balloon
Just don't fly away!
You will appreciate my modest gift later,
Watching a photo album with grandchildren.
And now our joint musical gift.
The dance "Gypsy" is performed. The birthday boy, unable to stand it, starts dancing.
Children. And now let's get to the main point. Gifts are presented - we will pull the birthday man by the ears! (Surround him.)
Birthday boy. Ah-ah-ah-ah! (He runs away, everyone runs after him.)
Scene "On the meaning of the regime"
Characters
Lesha, Lenya, Andrey are students, their classmates.
The bell rings for class. The children are standing near the desks. The teacher enters.
Teacher. Hello! Sit down. Today in the lesson we will talk about the meaning of the mode. The regime is a clear daily routine. Proper implementation of the regime, the alternation of work and rest improve performance, accustom to accuracy, discipline a person, strengthen his health.
Guys, are you all doing routine moments?
Children. Yes!
Lyosha. And I even overfulfill!
Teacher. Come on, come on, tell me...
Lyosha. Well, for example, according to the regime, you need to eat four times a day, and I take eight. Or: you are supposed to walk in the fresh air for three hours, and I walk for six.
Teacher. You are with us, Lyosha, a big joker. I hope this is your next joke. Otherwise, in this situation, a big lazy person can grow out of you.
Lyosha. I was joking, Elena Andreevna!
Teacher. Morning exercises, washing, rubbing with a wet towel help to move away from sleep, cheer up. Those who are used to the regime even wake up without an alarm clock and are never late for school. The one who does not go to bed at the same time is late. (Andrei yawns, apologizes.) If a breathless student flies into the classroom after the bell...
There is a rumble behind the door, Lyonya bursts into the classroom.
Lyonya. Sorry I'm late.
Teacher. This is what we see. Explain to us, Lenya, why are you always late? For example, only this week you were late on Tuesday, Thursday and today.
Lyonya.
On Tuesday summed up the bed -
I couldn't wake up in time.
The day before yesterday I forgot my briefcase,
It had a banana
I had to return.
Figured out my mistakes
Today I wanted to come on time
But overclocked too much
And flew past the school.
V. Leikin
Teacher. Sit down, you are our grief. I advise you to work on your daily routine.
Andrei yawns loudly, apologizes.
Teacher. Let's continue the lesson. Now I will introduce you to auto-training. It is necessary in order to relax, switch from one thought to another, relax. Sit comfortably, close your eyes, try to imagine what I am talking about.
"Morning. I open my eyes, stretch. Gentle rays of the spring sun break into my room. I get up, go to the window, part the curtains. A fabulous picture appears before me: the clear sky turns blue, tender young greenery pleases the eye. I feel the warmth of spring spread all over my body. At heart, calm and joyful, calm and joyful. Spring, spring pours into my body.
Open your eyes.
Andrey(does not wake up, snores, screams in his sleep). Don't, please don't! Don't hit me anymore! I give up!
He is pushed by a neighbor on the desk, he wakes up.
Andrey(coming to himself). Last night I went to bed at 3 am. Boxing was shown on TV - a duel between Valuev and Klitschko.
Teacher. Here is a clear example of non-compliance with the daily routine. (Call.) Maybe the call will wake you up completely. Rest.
Scene "Change"
Characters
5 pairs of classmates.
Children form a circle of couples talking to each other, which gradually rotates.
1st pair.
- "I'm running", "we're running",
"You run" and "you run".
You told me time
Brothers, tell me!
Verb tenses i
Learned poorly.
But what is this change?
Absolutely right!
2nd pair.
Boys in class
We just have angels
But on the change -
Not boys, but special forces!
That's for sure. How to get along -
Sparks fly from the eyes.
We need a fire extinguisher
To keep the class on fire!
3rd pair.
- Hedgehog, hedgehog, hedgehog, hedgehog ...
You don't know cases!
You seem to know:
"Cinema" with "coat" bow!
4th pair.
My friend is a prodigy:
Chinese studies,
Goes to football and dancing
He writes poetry!
I can't dance
And I don't write poetry
I don't glue airplanes
I don't follow football.
I can't sing bass
And I do not sculpt from clay,
One of the class
5th pair.
All day I was doubtful:
Why, eccentric, did I learn this rule?
Why did I understand this rule?
“Five” still didn’t put me.
Well, why do you need a "five"?
You really are a weirdo.
For example, my score is
Such a strong "troika".
About Wise Elena
I'll tell you brother.
Tell. Listen to a fairy tale
I will be very glad.
She was beautiful:
Smile - the sun is clear,
Spit - ripe wheat,
And the handle is snow white.
But the girl decided
Wisdom to learn:
And day and night at the desk
Pissed off on science...
And she became hunchbacked
Crooked, shortsighted.
Faded beauty
Now they call the Wise One:
She warms her cheeks with beets,
And the nose smears with powder ...
Like a stick, it became skinny,
I wrinkled my forehead from reading...
And she said gloomily:
What a fool I am!
The bell rings for class.
Note. The scene contains poems by the following authors:
S. Vostokov. "I can't dance..."
V. Leikin. “The whole day I was doubtful…”
A. Usachev. “She was beautiful ...” (“About Elena the Wise, the former Beautiful”).
Scene "At the lesson of the Russian language"
Characters
Olya, Dima, Sasha, Petrov are students, their classmates.
The teacher enters.
Teacher. Hello! Sit down.
Olya. Dear Andrey Nikolaevich, we congratulate you on your anniversary!
Children stand up, chant: “Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations!”, then sing the congratulations in English.
Teacher. Thank you kids, thank you. Only I would prefer to hear a song in Russian.
Dima. And we can repeat in Russian.
Teacher. Thank you, no need, you are my polyglots.
Olya. Andrei Nikolaevich, what gift would you like to receive?
Teacher. The best gift for a teacher is the good grades of his students. I will be glad if tomorrow you write a dictation only for "4" and "5".
Sasha. It's too late, Andrey Nikolaevich, we've already bought you suspenders!
Teacher. Hmm... Let's get to the lesson. At home, you were asked to repeat the cases. I ask everyone to the board.
Children go to the edge of the stage. Each tells one line from the poem, while showing a card with the written name of the case. One of the students, while reading the poem, demonstrates the corresponding drawings.
A pig walked on the ice in the spring. She got a hole. (I. p.)
Plop! Only the tail of a pig sticks out of the hole. (R. p.)
We are rather to the polynya, we want to help the pig. (D. p.)
Themselves almost into the wormwood, but still saved the pig. (V. p.)
We are dissatisfied with the pig: do they joke with wormwood? (T. p.)
Remember the pig so as not to swim in the polynya! (P. i.)
Teacher. Okay. Please sit down. Now copy the text from exercise 444. (Children write.)
Teacher. So, you wrote down the text in your notebooks. Petrov, please read it again.
Petrov. “Dad and mom scolded Vova for bad behavior. Vova was silent guiltily, and then he promised to improve.”
Teacher. Wonderful! Underline all the nouns in this text.
Petrov. "Dad", "mother", "Vova", "behavior", "Vova", "promise".
Teacher. Right. Now determine the cases in which these nouns are. Understood?
Petrov. Yes.
Teacher. Get started.
Petrov. "Father and mother". Who? What? Parents. So, the case is genitive. (Students giggle.) Scolded whom, what? Vova. "Vova" is a name. So the case is nominative. (Students laugh.) Scolded for what? For bad behavior. Apparently he did something. This means that “behavior” has an instrumental case. (The exclamation of one of the students: “He gives!”) Vova was silent guiltily. So, here Vova has an accusative case. (Laughter) Well, the "promise", of course, is in the dative case, since Vova gave it! That's all! (Exclamation of one of the students: “Great! I couldn’t do that!”)
Teacher. Yes, it's original! Bring the diary, Petrov. I wonder what mark you would give yourself?
Petrov. What? Of course, the "five"!
Teacher. So "five"? By the way, in what case did you call this word - "five"?
Petrov. In prepositional!
Teacher. In a prepositional? Why?
Petrov. Well, I suggested it myself!
Teacher. Goodbye! See you tomorrow for dictation. (Exits.)
Note. The following works were used in the scene:
Scene "Intellectual change"
Characters
Eight fourth graders.
The children are seated at the edge of the stage, legs dangling, chatting casually.
1st. It seems to me that during the time we were in elementary school, we became so smart ...
2nd. Are you saying that we have nothing to do in the middle link?
1st. No, of course: live a century - learn a century ... But think for yourself: in four years we have learned to read, write, count ...
3rd. And we have also developed our creative abilities, which were lazily dozing in us, and now we can handle any non-standard task!
4th. Let's check?
All (in chorus). Let's check!
3rd. Let's do it. Each in turn will name some proverb or catch phrase, and the rest will come up with a situation from school life for it.
All (in chorus). Let's. You start.
3rd. You can't spoil the porridge with oil ...
4th. ...said Vova and instead of one poem he learned four.
1st. A penny saves a ruble ...
2nd. Every day is not Sunday...
6th. ... Said Vasya, at the end of the week giving his father a diary for verification.
7th. If you like to ride - love to carry sleds ...
8th. ... said the physical education teacher to Denis, who raised the fallen bar for the seventh time.
4th. You won't be forced to be nice...
5th. ... Anton thought, leaving the director's office after another thrashing.
6th. You will know a lot - you will grow old soon ...
7th. ... Alyona decided and on Saturday instead of school she went to sunbathe on the beach.
8th. If you want to be healthy - temper ...
1st. ... said Seryoga to a classmate, pushing him into a snowdrift.
2nd. Who seeks, the goth will always find...
3rd. ... Ira had no doubts, looking at the dictation in a notebook to a neighbor.
4th. An old bird is not caught with chaff...
5th. ... Kostya thought about the teacher, who gave him a "2" for a hint, which, as it turned out, was wrong.
Scenario "Oh, those students! .."
Characters
Vitalik, Masha, Anton - students.
Four late students, their classmates.
Teacher. Hello! Sit down. Let's start the lesson with oral counting. (He gives examples of addition and subtraction within 20. All children answer correctly, except for Vitalik.) Very bad, Vitalik. It turns out that you didn’t even learn the addition and subtraction table within 10. And you should know her like the back of your hand.
Vitalik. Yes, I also didn’t remember the names of my fingers properly, but you are already asking the table!
Teacher. If you don't want to stay for the second year, you must learn the table so that if I call you at night and ask her, you would answer without hesitation.
Vitalik. No, I won't answer you at night. We have an answering machine at night.
Knock on the door. Four students enter.
Teacher. Guys, why are you late?
1st student. My grandmother got sick and I went to the pharmacy.
2nd student. And on my watch there's still ten minutes before class starts...
3rd student. And I remembered on the way that I forgot to turn off the iron. I had to return.
Teacher(fourth). Well, why are you silent?
4th student. And I can't think of anything. They've already said everything.
Teacher. Sit down... And prepare well next time! Let's keep counting. Question: how to divide five potatoes into four students?
Masha. It is necessary to make a puree and divide into portions. (Everyone laughs.)
Teacher. Well, let's hope you make a good cook. Further. We know that the weight of solid bodies is measured in kilograms, the volume of liquid bodies is measured in liters, but how is distance measured?
Anton. Ruler! (Everyone laughs.)
Teacher. Yes, verbal counting is not going well with us today. Maybe the written test will go well... Let's get to work!
Everyone solves the test paper written on the board. The teacher approaches Masha.
Teacher. Masha, you wrote: "Verification work." What should be put here now?
Masha."Five"!
Teacher. Point, Masha, point! (Turns to Anton.) Anton, how many times have you looked into Ira's notebook?
Anton. I can't say with certainty. I did not count.
Scenario "All the way around!"
Characters
They talk while sitting on chairs.
Boy. Still, how wonderful they are, our mothers ... They educate us all their lives, educate us ... From the cradle to old age.
Girl. And you think everyone likes it?
Boy. Well, how can you not like it if you are taken care of, protected, cared for and cherished ...
Girl. Spoon-fed, bibs changed, nose wiped...
Boy. I do not see anything reprehensible in this.
Girl. And if a person wants to be independent! Imagine that everything in the world is arranged the other way around! Children in all matters are the main ones, and adults must obey them in everything!
Boy. To adults were like children, and children - like adults!
Girl. Exactly! For example, my mother would be sitting at dinner, and I would say to her: “Why did you start a fashion to eat without bread? Here's more news! Look at yourself in the mirror, who do you look like? Poured Koschey! Eat now, they tell you!” And she would eat with her head down, and I would only give the command: “Faster! Don't hold the porridge in your cheek! Thinking again? Are you solving the world's problems? Chew properly! And don't rock in your chair!"
Boy. And then dad would come in after work, and he wouldn’t even have time to undress, and I would have already shouted: “Aha, he’s come! You always have to wait! My hands now! As it should, as it should be mine, there is nothing to smear the dirt. After your hands on a towel, it's scary to look at! Brush three and spare no soap. Come on, show me your nails! It's horror, not nails. It's just claws! Where are the scissors? Don't move! I do not shear with any “meat”, but I cut it very carefully. Don't sniff, you're not a girl... That's right. Now sit down at the table."
Girl. So they sat down at the table, and then the grandmother appears. I would squint, clasp my hands and scream: “Dad, mom! Take a look at our grandma! What a view! The chest is open, the hat is on the back of the head! Cheeks red, neck all wet! Okay, nothing to say. Admit it, did you play hockey again? What is that dirty stick? Why did you bring her into the house? What? Is that a stick?! Get her out of my sight now! After lunch, sit down for lessons! And I'll go to the cinema. And there's nothing to whine about. You went to your birthday yesterday, on Sunday I took you to the circus! Look! I enjoyed having fun every day. In addition, people over the age of seventy are not allowed to see this film.”
Boy. Yes, but you forgot that they were once in our place, that is, they were children, and they have already experienced everything first hand. Why subject them to this “education” a second time?
Girl. What do you mean why? To remind: moms, dads, grandmas, you were kids too! (They leave.)
L. Mishchenkova
"I am late..."
Characters
Anton is a late student.
A late student bursts into the classroom.
Anton. Sorry I'm late.
Teacher. This we understood. Explain why. What happened?
Anton. Oh, what just happened! .. I'll start in order. When I hear the sound of the alarm clock, it seems to me that they are shooting at me.
Teacher. And you immediately jump up?
Anton. No, I'm lying like the dead! Therefore, Kesha, my parrot, wakes me up. Exactly at 7.30 he says: “Good morning! It's time to get up." But yesterday was Kesha's birthday, and I treated him to ice cream. And in the morning Kesha did not wake me up - he lost his voice, poor fellow ...
Teacher. Ice cream, you say, overeat. Interesting...
Anton. Well, that means... I left the house... And then an armed bandit attacked me!
Teacher. Horror! And what did he do?
Anton. Took homework!
Anton. Then I decided to help the old woman cross the street. And as soon as I brought it to the middle, the traffic light broke! The red light came on and the cars kept moving. So we sunbathed in the middle of the street until the traffic controller appeared.
Teacher. That's the story... Tell me, Anton, is there even a word of truth in your story?
Anton. As many as two: I'm LATE.
"At a break"
Characters
Classmates:
The bell rings from class. Children sit on chairs along the edge of the stage: some with a book in their hands, some with games, start a conversation with each other.
Vitalik. All people are like people: they rush along the corridor during recess, and we sit in the classroom like crazy.
Masha. So we punished ourselves: we behaved badly, now we sit in the classroom for a whole week.
Someone sneezes.
Dasha. What will we have now?
Andrey. Maths.
Lesha. I love mathematics... (Turns to Sergei.) What is your favorite subject?
Sergei. My favorite subject is TV!
Anton. And my tape recorder!
Yura. And my computer!
Natasha. Do you have a computer at home?
Yura. There is.
Natasha. Do you want to become a programmer?
Yura. No, a doctor.
Natasha. Ha, you have a "troika" in "The World Around"!
Masha. So what, Natasha, he will fix it! And what doctor - the surgeon?
Yura. No, with teeth: people have one heart, and 32 teeth!
Someone sneezes.
Masha. Do you remember, Katya, how Lyudmila Vladimirovna asks Yura at the lesson: “Why do storks fly to Africa for the winter?”
Kate. I remember, I remember... What did you say then, Yura?
Yura. Of course, blacks also want to have children!
Sergei. Vitalik, did you get hit by your parents yesterday because you went home from the rhythm lesson?
Vitalik. Yes, not that horrible, but the relationship deteriorated. Imagine, in the morning I hint to my father: “Dad, I saw in a dream that you bought me three servings of ice cream.” Usually he understands the hints, but then he says: “Fine, you can keep them for yourself!”
Anton. Well, that's nothing. But my dad once gave me two slaps on the back of the head.
Nastya. For what?
Anton. The first time for showing the diary with "twos". And the second - when he saw that it was his old diary!
Nastya. Well, why did you show? Himself to blame. Parents need to be careful. They forgot that they themselves were once children.
Kate. What time is it, Lesh?
Lesha. 10.20.
Kate. So we still have 10 minutes to sunbathe before the start of the lesson.
Dasha. Lyudmila Vladimirovna said there would be no extension today...
Sergei. Badly. I don't like doing homework with my grandmother. Lyudmila Vladimirovna immediately recognizes her handwriting.
Zhenya. I did my homework once. And when he handed over the notebook, Lyudmila Vladimirovna clutched her head: “It is simply unbelievable that one person can make so many mistakes!” And I say: “Why one? Together with dad!
Someone sneezes.
Anton. I also didn't go to the extension once. So Lyudmila Vladimirovna asks: “Confess, Anton, who did your homework for you?”
And I answer: “I don’t know, I went to bed early yesterday.”
Masha. What I like most about the after-school program is drinking tea.
Andrey. Yes, great!
Masha. And my mother gave me a silver spoon and said: “Take it to class. When you drink tea, put a spoon in a cup. From it, from silver, all microbes die.
And I say: “Mom, do you want me to drink tea with dead germs?”
Sergei. And I somehow shout: “Lyudmila Vladimirovna! I have unsweetened tea." And she: “Did you stir the sugar?” - "Stirred." - "Which way?" - "Right." - “So, the sugar is gone to the left!”
Anton sneezes, wipes his mouth with his sleeve.
Natasha. Anton, do you happen to have a handkerchief?
Anton. Yes, but I'm sorry, Natasha, I don't lend it to anyone.
Masha. Listen, Lyosh, I want to ask you everything. When I pass by your windows, sometimes I hear your cat screaming in almost a human voice...
Lesha. This is me washing it.
Masha. I also wash my cat, but she does not scream like that.
Lesha. Are you squeezing it out?
Masha. Well, you are a flayer, Lesha!
Lesha. You yourself are a live-bearer! But my cat doesn't have fleas. And you, Masha, don't forget to tell your mother that Lyudmila Vladimirovna calls her to school!
Masha. And I already said, Lesha! “Mom,” I say, “we have an abbreviated parent meeting today.” And she asks: “How is this abbreviated?” And I answer: "It's very simple: Lyudmila Vladimirovna, you, me and the director."
L. TOaminsky
Scene "Our cases"
Characters: teacher and student Petrov
Teacher: Petrov, go to the blackboard and write down a short story that I will dictate to you.
The student goes to the blackboard and prepares to write.
Teacher(dictates): “Dad and mom scolded Vova for bad behavior. Vova was silent guiltily, and then he promised to improve.”
The student writes from dictation on the blackboard.
Teacher: Wonderful! Underline all the nouns in your story.
The student underlines the words: “dad”, “mother”, “Vova”, “behavior”, “Vova”, “promise”.
Teacher: Ready? Decide what case these nouns are in. Understood?
Student: Yes!
Teacher: Get started!
Student: "Father and mother". Who? What? Parents. So, the case is genitive.
Scolded whom, what? Vova. "Vova" is a name. So the case is nominative.
Scolded for what? For bad behavior. Apparently he did something. This means that “behavior” has an instrumental case.
Vova was silent guiltily. So, here “Vova” has an accusative case.
Well, the “promise”, of course, is in the dative case, since Vova gave it!
That's all!
Teacher: Yes, the analysis turned out to be original! Bring the diary, Petrov. I wonder what mark you would suggest to give yourself?
Student: What? Of course, five!
Teacher: So five? By the way, in what case did you call this word “five”?
Student: In prepositional!
Teacher: In a prepositional? Why?
Student: Well, I suggested it myself!
AND. Butman
"Correct answer"
Characters: teacher and student Petrov
Teacher: Petrov, how much will it be: four divided by two?
Student: And what to share, Mikhail Ivanovich?
Teacher: Well, let's say four apples.
Student: And between whom?
Teacher: Well, let it be between you and Sidorov.
Student: Then three for me and one for Sidorov.
Teacher: Why is this?
Student: Because Sidorov owes me one apple.
Teacher: Doesn't he owe you a plum?
Student: No, plum should not.
Teacher: Well, how much will it be if four plums are divided by two?
Student: Four. And all to Sidorov.
Teacher: Why four?
Student: Because I don't like plums.
Teacher: Again wrong.
Student: And how much is right?
Teacher: And now I'll put the correct answer in your diary!
Scene "3=7 and 2=5"
Teacher: Well, Petrov? What am I to do with you?
Petrov: And what?
Teacher: All year you did nothing, did not study anything. I don't know exactly what to put in the statement.
Petrov(looking sullenly at the floor): I, Ivan Ivanovich, was engaged in scientific work.
Teacher: What are you? What?
Petrov: I decided that all our mathematics is wrong and ... proved it!
Teacher: Well, how, Comrade Great Petrov, did you achieve this?
Petrov: Ah, what can I say, Ivan Ivanovich! It's not my fault that Pythagoras was mistaken and this ... Archimedes!
Teacher: Archimedes?
Petrov: And he, too, After all, they said that three is only three.
Teacher: What else?
Petrov(solemnly): That's not true! I proved that three equals seven!
Teacher: Like this?
Petrov: But look: 15 -15 = 0. Right?
Teacher: Right.
Petrov: 35 - 35 = 0 - also true. So 15-15 = 35-35. Right?
Teacher: Right.
Petrov: We take out the common factors: 3(5-5) = 7(5-5). Right?
Teacher: Exactly.
Petrov: Hehe! (5-5) = (5-5). This is also true!
Teacher: Yes.
Petrov: Then everything is upside down: 3 = 7!
Teacher: Aha! So, Petrov, survived.
Petrov: I didn't want to, Ivan Ivanovich. But against science ... you can't sin!
Teacher: Clear. Look: 20-20 = 0. Right?
Petrov: Exactly!
Teacher: 8-8 = 0 is also true. Then 20-20 = 8-8. It is truth too?
Petrov: Exactly, Ivan Ivanovich, exactly.
Teacher: We take out the common factors: 5(4-4) = 2(4-4). Right?
Petrov: Right!
Teacher: That's all, Petrov, I give you a "2"!
Petrov: Why, Ivan Ivanovich?
Teacher: And don't be upset, Petrov, because if we divide both parts of the equality by (4-4), then 2=5. So did you do it?
Petrov: Let us suppose.
Teacher: So I put "2", it doesn't matter. BUT?
Petrov: No, it's not all the same, Ivan Ivanovich, "5" is better.
Teacher: Perhaps better, Petrov, but until you prove it, you will have a deuce in a year, equal to, in your opinion, a five!
Guys, help Petrov.
AND. FROMyemerenko
"folder under the arm"
Vovka: Listen, I'll tell you a funny story. Yesterday I took a folder by mouse and went to Uncle Yura, my mother ordered.
Andrey: Ha ha ha! Indeed, it's funny.
Vovka(surprised): What's so funny? I haven't started talking yet.
Andrey(laughing): Folder ... under the arm! Well thought out. Yes, your folder under the arm and will not fit, he's not a cat!
Vovka: Why "my folder"? Folder - daddy. You forgot how to speak correctly from laughter, or what?
Andrey: (winking and pounding his forehead): Ah, I guessed! Grandfather - under the arm! He speaks incorrectly, but he also teaches. Now it’s clear: dad’s folder is your grandfather Kolya! In general, it’s great you came up with it - funny and with a riddle!
Vova(offended): What does my grandfather Kolya have to do with it? I wanted to tell you something completely different. You didn’t listen to the end, but you laugh, you interfere with speaking. Yes, even dragged my grandfather, put him under his arm, what a storyteller was found! I'd rather go home than talk to you.
Andrey(to himself, left alone): And why was he offended? Why tell funny stories if you can't even laugh?
"At the lessons of natural history"
Characters: teacher and class students
Teacher: Who can name five wild animals?
Student Petrov raises his hand.
Teacher: Answer, Petrov.
Disciple Petrov: Tiger, tigress and... three cubs.
Teacher: What are dense forests? Answer, Kosichkina!
Kosichkin's student: These are the forests in which ... it's good to take a nap.
Teacher: Simakova, please name the parts of the flower.
Simakov's student: Petals, stem, pot.
Teacher: Ivanov, tell us, please, what benefits do birds and animals bring to a person?
Disciple Ivanov: Birds peck mosquitoes, and cats catch mice for him.
Teacher: Petrov, what book about famous travelers have you read?
Apprentice Petukhov: "Frog traveler"
Teacher: Who will answer, what is the difference between the sea and the river? Please, Mishkin.
Disciple Mishkin: The river has two banks, and the sea has one.
Student Zaitsev holds out his hand.
Teacher: What do you want, Zaitsev? Is there something you want to ask?
Disciple Zaitsev: Mary Ivanna, is it true that humans evolved from monkeys?
Teacher: Truth.
Disciple Zaitsev: That's what I see: there are so few monkeys!
Teacher: Kozyavin, please answer, what is the life expectancy of a mouse?
Student Kozyavin: Well, Mary Ivanna, it entirely depends on the cat.
Teacher: Meshkov will go to the blackboard and tell us about the crocodile.
Student Meshkov(going to the board): The length of the crocodile from head to tail is five meters, and from tail to head - seven meters.
Teacher: Think what you're saying! Is it possible?
Student Meshkov: It happens! For example, from Monday to Wednesday - two days, and from Wednesday to Monday - five!
Teacher: Khomyakov, tell me, why do people need the nervous system?
Student Khomyakov A: To be nervous.
Teacher: Why do you, Sinichkin, look at your watch every minute?
Student Sinichkin: Because I'm terribly worried that the bell will interrupt the amazingly interesting lesson.
Teacher: Guys, who will answer where the bird with a straw in its beak flies?
Student Belkov raises his hand above all.
Teacher: Try Belkov.
Student Belkov: To the cocktail bar, Mary Ivanna.
Teacher: Teplyakova, what teeth appear last in a person?
Teplyakov's student: Plug-in, Mary Ivanna.
Teacher: Now I will ask you a very difficult question, for the correct answer I will immediately put a five with a plus. And the question is: “Why is European time ahead of American time?”
Student Klyushkin raises his hand.
Teacher: Answer, Klyushkin.
Student Klyushkin: Because America was discovered later!
"Math Lessons"
Characters: teacher and class students
Teacher: Petrov, you can hardly count to ten. I have no idea who you can become?
Disciple Petrov: Boxing referee, Mary Ivanna!
Teacher: Trushkin goes to the board to solve the problem.
Student Trushkin goes to the blackboard.
Teacher: Listen carefully to the task. Dad bought 1 kilogram of sweets, and mom bought another 2 kilograms. How...
Disciple Trushkin goes to the door.
Teacher: Trushkin, where are you?!
Disciple Trushkin: I ran home, there are sweets!
Teacher: Petrov, bring the diary here. I'll put your yesterday's deuce in it.
Disciple Petrov: I don't have it.
Teacher: Where is he?
Disciple Petrov: And I gave it to Vitka - to scare my parents!
Teacher: Vasechkin, if you have ten rubles and you ask your brother for another ten rubles, how much money will you have?
Disciple Vasechkin: Ten rubles.
Teacher: You just don't know math!
Disciple Vasechkin: No, you don't know my brother!
Teacher: Sidorov, please tell me what is three times seven?
Student of Sidorov: Marya Ivanovna, I will only answer your question in the presence of my lawyer!
Teacher: Why, Ivanov, does your father always do your homework for you?
Disciple Ivanov: Mom doesn't have free time!
Teacher: Now solve problem number 125 on your own.
The students get to work.
Teacher: Smirnov! Why are you copying from Terentiev?
Student Smirnov: No, Mary Ivanna, he's copying me, and I'm just checking whether he did it right!
Teacher: Guys, who is Archimedes? Answer, Shcherbinina.
Shcherbinin's student: This is mathematical Greek.
Scene "At the lessons of the Russian language"
Characters: teacher and students of the class
Teacher: Let's hear how you learned your homework. Whoever goes to answer first will get a point higher.
Disciple Ivanov(pulls out his hand and shouts): Mary Ivanna, I'll be the first, give me three at once!
Teacher: Your essay about a dog, Petrov, is word for word similar to Ivanov's!
Disciple Petrov: Mary Ivanna, so Ivanov and I live in the same yard, and there we have one dog for all!
Teacher: You, Sidorov, have a wonderful essay, but why is it not finished?
Student of Sidorov: And because dad was urgently called to work!
Teacher: Koshkin, confess, who wrote the essay for you?
Pupil Koshkin: Do not know. I went to bed early.
Teacher: And as for you, Klevtsov, let your grandfather come to me tomorrow!
Student Klevtsov: Granddad? Maybe dad?
Teacher: No, grandfather. I want to show him what gross mistakes his son makes when he writes an essay for you.
Teacher: What kind of word is "egg", Sinichkin?
Student Sinichkin: None.
Teacher: Why?
Student Sinichkin: Because it is not known who will hatch from it: a rooster or a chicken.
Teacher: Petushkov, determine the gender of the words: “chair”, “table”, “sock”, “stocking”.
Apprentice Petushkov: "Table", "chair" and "sock" are masculine, while "stocking" is feminine.
Teacher: Why?
Apprentice Petushkov: Because only women wear stockings!
Teacher: Smirnov, go to the blackboard, write down and analyze the sentence.
Student Smirnov goes to the blackboard.
The teacher dictates, and the student writes: "Dad went to the garage."
Teacher: Ready? We listen to you.
Student Smirnov: Dad - subject, left - predicate, in the garage - ... preposition.
Teacher: Who guys can come up with a sentence with homogeneous members?
Tyulkin's student holds out her hand.
Teacher: Please, Tyulkina.
Tyulkin's student: There were no trees, no bushes, no grass in the forest.
Teacher: Sobakin, come up with a sentence with the numeral "three".
Student Sobakin: My mother works at a knitwear factory.
Teacher: Rubashkin, go to the blackboard, write down the proposal.
Student Rubashkin goes to the blackboard.
The teacher dictates: The boys were catching butterflies with nets.
Student Rubashkin writes: The guys caught butterflies with glasses.
Teacher: Rubashkin, why are you so inattentive?
Student Rubashkin: And what?
Teacher: Where have you seen bespectacled butterflies?
Teacher: Bags, what part of speech is the word "dryish"?
Pupil Meshkov, getting up, is silent for a long time.
Teacher: Well, think, Meshkov, what question does this word answer?
Student Meshkov: What is it? Dryish!
Teacher: Antonyms are words that are opposite in meaning. For example, fat - thin, cry - laugh, day - night. Petushkov, give me your example now.
Apprentice Petushkov: Cat dog.
Teacher: And what about "cat - dog"?
Apprentice Petushkov: Well, how? They are opposite and often fight among themselves.
Teacher: Sidorov, why are you eating apples in class?
Student of Sidorov: Sorry to waste your time!
Teacher: Stop immediately! By the way, why weren't you at school yesterday?
Student of Sidorov: My older brother got sick.
Teacher: And what about you?
Student of Sidorov: And I rode his bike!
Teacher: Sidorov! My patience has run out! Don't come to school tomorrow without your father!
Student of Sidorov: And the day after tomorrow?
Teacher: Sushkina, come up with a proposal with an appeal.
Sushkin's student: Mary Ivanna, call!
Scene "Our cases"
(according to L. Kaminsky)
Characters: teacher and student Petrov
Teacher: Petrov, go to the blackboard and write down a short story that I will dictate to you.
Student goes to the blackboard and prepares to write.
Teacher (dictating):“Dad and mom scolded Vova for bad behavior. Vova was silent guiltily, and then he promised to improve.”
Student writes from dictation on the board.
Teacher: Wonderful! Underline all the nouns in your story.
Student emphasizes the words: “dad”, “mother”, “Vova”, “behavior”, “Vova”, “promise”.
Teacher: Ready? Decide what case these nouns are in. Understood?
Student: Yes!
Teacher: Get started!
Student: "Father and mother". Who? What? Parents. So, the case is genitive.
Scolded whom, what? Vova. "Vova" is a name. So the case is nominative.
Scolded for what? For bad behavior. Apparently he did something. This means that “behavior” has an instrumental case.
Vova was silent guiltily. So, here “Vova” has an accusative case.
Well, the “promise”, of course, is in the dative case, since Vova gave it!
That's all!
Teacher: Yes, the analysis turned out to be original! Bring the diary, Petrov. I wonder what mark you would suggest to give yourself?
Student: What? Of course, five!
Teacher: So five? By the way, in what case did you call this word “five”?
Student: In the prepositional!
Teacher: In a prepositional? Why?
Student: Well, I suggested it myself!
Scene "Correct answer"
(I. Butman)
Characters: teacher and student Petrov
Teacher: Petrov, how much will it be: four divided by two?
Student: And what to share, Mikhail Ivanovich?
Teacher: Well, let's say four apples.
Student: And between whom?
Teacher: Well, let it be between you and Sidorov.
Student: Then three for me and one for Sidorov.
Teacher: Why is this?
Student: Because Sidorov owes me one apple.
Teacher: Doesn't he owe you a plum?
Student: No, the plum should not.
Teacher: Well, how much will it be if four plums are divided by two?
Student: Four. And all to Sidorov.
Teacher: Why four?
Student: Because I don't like plums.
Teacher A: Wrong again.
Student: How much is correct?
Teacher: And now I'll put the correct answer in your diary!
Scene "3=7 and 2=5"
(Newspaper "Primary School", "Mathematics", No. 24, 2002)
Teacher: Well, Petrov? What am I to do with you?
Petrov: And what?
Teacher: All year you did nothing, did not study anything. I don't know exactly what to put in the statement.
Petrov(looking sullenly at the floor): I, Ivan Ivanovich, was engaged in scientific work.
Teacher: What are you? What?
Petrov: I decided that all our mathematics is wrong and ... proved it!
Teacher: Well, how, Comrade Great Petrov, did you achieve this?
Petrov: Ah, what can I say, Ivan Ivanovich! It's not my fault that Pythagoras was mistaken and this ... Archimedes!
Teacher: Archimedes?
Petrov: And he, too, After all, they said that three is equal to only three.
Teacher: What else?
Petrov(solemnly): That's not true! I proved that three equals seven!
Teacher: Like this?
Petrov: Look, 15 -15 = 0. Right?
Teacher: Right.
Petrov: 35 - 35 =0 - also true. So 15-15 = 35-35. Right?
Teacher: Right.
Petrov: We take out the common factors: 3(5-5) = 7(5-5). Right?
Teacher: Exactly.
Petrov: Hehe! (5-5) = (5-5). This is also true!
Teacher: Yes.
Petrov: Then everything is upside down: 3 = 7!
Teacher: Aha! So, Petrov, survived.
Petrov: I didn't want to, Ivan Ivanovich. But against science ... you can't sin!
Teacher: Understandably. Look: 20-20 = 0. Right?
Petrov: Exactly!
Teacher: 8-8 = 0 - also true. Then 20-20 = 8-8. It is truth too?
Petrov: Exactly, Ivan Ivanovich, exactly.
Teacher: We take out the common factors: 5(4-4) = 2(4-4). Right?
Petrov: Right!
Teacher: That's it, Petrov, I give you a "2"!
Petrov: For what, Ivan Ivanovich?
Teacher: And don't be upset, Petrov, because if we divide both parts of the equality by (4-4), then 2=5. So did you do it?
Petrov: Let us suppose.
Teacher: So I put "2", it doesn't matter. BUT?
Petrov: No, it's not all the same, Ivan Ivanovich, "5" is better.
Teacher: Perhaps better, Petrov, but until you prove it, you will have a deuce in a year, equal, in your opinion, to five!
Guys, help Petrov.
Scene "Folder under the arm"
(I. Semerenko)
Vovka: Listen, I'll tell you a funny story. Yesterday I took a folder by mouse and went to Uncle Yura, my mother ordered.
Andrey: Ha-ha-ha! Indeed, it's funny.
Vovka(surprised): What's so funny? I haven't started talking yet.
Andrey(laughing): Folder ... under the arm! Well thought out. Yes, your folder under the arm and will not fit, he's not a cat!
Vovka: Why "my folder"? Folder - daddy. You forgot how to speak correctly from laughter, or what?
Andrey: (winking and pounding his forehead): Oh, I guessed! Grandfather - under the arm! He speaks incorrectly, but he also teaches. Now it’s clear: dad’s folder is your grandfather Kolya! In general, it’s great you came up with it - funny and with a riddle!
Vova(offended): What does my grandfather Kolya have to do with it? I wanted to tell you something completely different. You didn’t listen to the end, but you laugh, you interfere with speaking. Yes, even dragged my grandfather, put him under his arm, what a storyteller was found! I'd rather go home than talk to you.
Andrey(to himself, left alone): And why was he offended? Why tell funny stories if you can't even laugh?
Scene "At the lessons of natural history"
Characters : teacher and class students
Teacher: Who can name five wild animals?
Student Petrov raises his hand.
Teacher: Answer, Petrov.
Disciple Petrov: Tiger, tigress and... three cubs.
Teacher: What are dense forests? Answer, Kosichkina!
Kosichkin's student: These are the forests in which ... it's good to take a nap.
Teacher: Simakova, please name the parts of the flower.
Simakov's student: Petals, stem, pot.
Teacher: Ivanov, tell us, please, what benefits do birds and animals bring to a person?
Disciple Ivanov: Birds peck mosquitoes, and cats catch mice for him.
Teacher: Petrov, what book about famous travelers have you read?
Apprentice Petukhov: "Frog traveler"
Teacher: Who will answer, what is the difference between the sea and the river? Please, Mishkin.
Disciple Mishkin: The river has two banks, and the sea has one.
Student Zaitsev raises his hand.
Teacher: What do you want, Zaitsev? Is there something you want to ask?
Disciple Zaitsev: Mary Ivanna, is it true that humans evolved from monkeys?
Teacher: Truth.
Disciple Zaitsev: That's what I see: there are so few monkeys!
Teacher: Kozyavin, please answer, what is the life expectancy of a mouse?
Student Kozyavin: Well, Mary Ivanna, it entirely depends on the cat.
Teacher: Go to the blackboard ... Meshkov and tell us about the crocodile.
Student Meshkov (going to the blackboard): The length of a crocodile from head to tail is five meters, and from tail to head is seven meters.
Teacher: Think what you're saying! Is it possible?
Student Meshkov: It happens! For example, from Monday to Wednesday - two days, and from Wednesday to Monday - five!
Teacher: Khomyakov, tell me, why do people need a nervous system?
Student Khomyakov A: To be nervous.
Teacher: Why do you, Sinichkin, look at your watch every minute?
Student Sinichkin: Because I'm terribly worried that the bell will interrupt the amazingly interesting lesson.
Teacher: Guys, who will answer where the bird with a straw in its beak flies?
Student Belkov raises his hand above all.
Teacher: Try, Belkov.
Student Belkov: To the cocktail bar, Mary Ivanna.
Teacher: Teplyakova, which teeth appear last in a person?
Teplyakov's student: Plug-in, Mary Ivanna.
Teacher: Now I will ask you a very difficult question, for the correct answer I will immediately put a five with a plus. And the question is: “Why is European time ahead of American time?”
Student Klyushkin raises his hand.
Teacher: Answer, Klyushkin.
Student Klyushkin: Because America was discovered later!
Scene "At the lessons of mathematics"
Characters: teacher and class students
Teacher: Petrov, you can hardly count to ten. I have no idea who you can become?
Disciple Petrov: Boxing judge, Mary Ivanna!
Teacher: Going to the board to solve the problem ... Trushkin.
Disciple Trushkin goes to the board.
Teacher: Listen carefully to the condition of the problem. Dad bought 1 kilogram of sweets, and mom bought another 2 kilograms. How...
Disciple Trushkin heads for the door.
Teacher: Trushkin, where are you?!
Disciple Trushkin: I ran home, there are sweets!
Teacher: Petrov, bring the diary here. I'll put your yesterday's deuce in it.
Disciple Petrov: I don't have it.
Teacher: Where is he?
Disciple Petrov: And I gave it to Vitka - to scare my parents!
Teacher: Vasechkin, if you have ten rubles and you ask your brother for another ten rubles, how much money will you have?
Disciple Vasechkin: Ten rubles.
Teacher: You just don't know math!
Disciple Vasechkin: No, you don't know my brother!
Teacher: Sidorov, please tell me what is three times seven?
Student of Sidorov: Marya Ivanovna, I will answer your question only in the presence of my lawyer!
Teacher: Why, Ivanov, does your father always do your homework for you?
Disciple Ivanov: And mom has no free time!
Teacher: Now solve problem number 125 on your own.
Students get down to business.
Teacher: Smirnov! Why are you copying from Terentiev?
Student Smirnov: No, Mary Ivanna, he's cheating from me, and I'm just checking whether he did it right!
Teacher: Guys, who is Archimedes? Answer, Shcherbinina.
Shcherbinin's student: This is mathematical Greek.
Scene "At the lessons of the Russian language"
Characters: teacher and class students
Teacher: Let's hear how you learned your homework. Whoever goes to answer first will get a point higher.
Disciple Ivanov(pulls out his hand and shouts): Mary Ivanna, I'll be the first, give me three at once!
Teacher: Your essay about a dog, Petrov, word for word is similar to Ivanov's essay!
Disciple Petrov: Mary Ivanna, so Ivanov and I live in the same yard, and there we have one dog for all!
Teacher: You, Sidorov, have a wonderful essay, but why is it not finished?
Student of Sidorov: But because dad was urgently called to work!
Teacher: Koshkin, confess, who wrote the essay for you?
Pupil Koshkin: I do not know. I went to bed early.
Teacher: As for you, Klevtsov, let your grandfather come to me tomorrow!
Student Klevtsov: Granddad? Maybe dad?
Teacher: No, grandfather. I want to show him what gross mistakes his son makes when he writes an essay for you.
Teacher: What kind of word "egg", Sinichkin?
Student Sinichkin: None.
Teacher: Why not?
Student Sinichkin: Because it is not known who will hatch from it: a rooster or a chicken.
Teacher: Petushkov, determine the gender of the words: “chair”, “table”, “sock”, “stocking”.
Apprentice Petushkov: "Table", "chair" and "sock" are masculine, while "stocking" is feminine.
Teacher: Why?
Apprentice Petushkov: Because only women wear stockings!
Teacher: Smirnov, go to the blackboard, write down and analyze the sentence.
Student Smirnov goes to the blackboard.
The teacher dictates and the student writes: "Dad went to the garage."
Teacher: Ready? We listen to you.
Student Smirnov: Dad - subject, left - predicate, in the garage - ... preposition.
Teacher: Who guys can come up with a sentence with homogeneous members?
Tyulkin's student raises her hand.
Teacher: Please, Tyulkina.
Tyulkin's student: There were no trees, no bushes, no grass in the forest.
Teacher: Sobakin, come up with a sentence with the numeral "three".
Student Sobakin: My mother works at a knitwear factory.
Teacher: Rubashkin, go to the blackboard, write down the proposal.
Student Rubashkin goes to the blackboard.
The teacher dictates: The guys were catching butterflies nets.
The student Rubashkin writes: The guys were catching butterflies with glasses.
Teacher: Rubashkin, why are you so inattentive?
Student Rubashkin: And what?
Teacher: Where did you see bespectacled butterflies?
Teacher: Bags, what part of speech is the word "dryish"?
Pupil Meshkov, getting up, is silent for a long time.
Teacher: Well, think, Meshkov, what question does this word answer?
Student Meshkov: What kind? Dryish!
Teacher: Antonyms are words that are opposite in meaning. For example, fat - thin, cry - laugh, day - night. Petushkov, give me your example now.
Apprentice Petushkov: Cat dog.
Teacher: And what about the "cat - dog"?
Apprentice Petushkov: Well, how? They are opposite and often fight among themselves.
Teacher: Sidorov, why do you eat apples in class?
Student of Sidorov: It's a pity to waste time at recess!
Teacher: Stop immediately! By the way, why weren't you at school yesterday?
Student of Sidorov: My older brother got sick.
Teacher: What about you?
Student of Sidorov: And I rode his bike!
Teacher: Sidorov! My patience has run out! Don't come to school tomorrow without your father!
Student of Sidorov: And the day after tomorrow?
Teacher: Sushkina, come up with a proposal with an appeal.
Sushkin's student: Mary Ivanna, call!
Scene "Schoolboy and seller"
Characters: schoolboy and shop assistant
Shop assistant: What do you suggest?
Schoolboy: Years of reign of Nicholas II?
Shop assistant: Do not know.
Schoolboy: Okay… Pythagorean theorem?
Shop assistant: … (shrugs)
Schoolboy: Photosynthesis?
Shop assistant: (sighing) I don't know...
Schoolboy: Well, what are you climbing then with your “What can I tell you?”!!!
Scene "Schoolchildren at the stadium"
Characters: schoolchildren and stadium informant
A group of young fans led by a leader chanting loudly:
"SPARTAK IS A CHAMPION!" "SPARTAK IS A CHAMPION!"
Suddenly, the voice of the stadium informant turns on:
Your history teacher is at the match!
Young fans start chanting:
"SPA-RTAK IS A ROMAN SLAVE!" "SPA-RTAK IS A ROMAN SLAVE!"
Scene "Artilleryman's granddaughter"
Nastya and Lyosha are classmates.
Three preschool boys are Nastya's cousins. "Blyamba" - a machine that destroys an old house; the roar created by it can, by prior arrangement, at the signal of the author: “Blamba!” - publish the audience with simultaneous kicks on the floor.
Author. Nastya's home is far from ideal conditions for classes, but nevertheless the girl studies well. The teacher asked her to study mathematics with a lagging student Lesha. Here's how the job went.
Nastya and Lyosha enter the apartment.
Nastya. Well, here they come. Get undressed. Come to the kitchen. Sit down.
Nastya. These are brothers. You see, my aunt came to us, my mother's sister, and with her little sons. Aunt stopped for two days. On the way... .And... I broke my leg. Almost a month in the hospital. And we have sons. Bandits are done! They walk on their heads.
A chair “drives” into the kitchen, it is “pushed” by a trough.
One of the kids. Nastya! In! Bulldozer! Hole-hole-hole! W-greedy move!
Nastya. Did you see? Do you want to work out in such conditions? Then get out the textbook, but hurry up, otherwise I have to feed them in twenty minutes. (He puts a pan on the stove, cuts the bread.)
There is a roar. At the same time - the clatter of feet behind the scenes, depicting a "blamba".
Nastya. Started again.
Lesha. Who started?
Nastya. Blyamba. There she is, outside the window, destroying the old house for several days ... Well, read on, do not be distracted!
Lesha. Two trains left towards each other at 11 am and met at 2 pm.
Lesha. The first train traveled 45 kilometers per hour, and the second - 50 kilometers ...
Blyamba. Wow!!!
Lyosha. Find the distance between cities.
Nastya. Well, what do you need to know first? Think!
Blyamba. Wow!!!
Nastya. You think, think, otherwise you won’t train at all. Realized?
Nastya. You're really weak, aren't you? They are playing in the same room. In such conditions, you can decide what you want!
Blyamba. Wow!!!
Nastya. Well, that's it! Either say you need to find out first, or get the hell out of here! I have no time to sit with you!
Lesha (thinks aloud). Nastya's grandfather at the front even commanded a wounded battery. Will I never be able to command a battery? Yes, I do not care about this noise! I know one thing: the trains left at 11 o'clock and met at 14.
Nastya. Well!
Lesha. Now... We left at 11 and met at 14...
Blyamba. Wow!!!
Lyosha. There is! The first question is: how many hours did the two trains travel?
Lesha. Subtract 11 from 14 equals 3!
Children appear. One of them is on all fours with an inverted trough on his back.
Baby. Nastya, I'm a turtle! In, I have a shell! Woof woof woof! Rrr!
Other children hit him with a toy gun and an old pot.
Blyamba. Wow!!!
Lesha (not paying attention). The distance between cities is 285 kilometers!
Blyamba. Wow!!!
Nastya. Well, I've decided! And you said the conditions are bad...
Blyamba. Wow!!!
Scene "Fascinating hygiene"
Characters
Three students.
Three puppies enter the stage, one of them (the third) with letters in his hands. Apparently he's upset about something.
First. Are you upset about something?
The third. Well, how not to get upset? How many times do they tell the guys that they need to obey their elders, do not write on fences, do not offend animals, and neatly fold things.
Second. Don't eat unwashed fruit...
First. And wash your hands before eating, your feet before going to bed, and not vice versa.
Third (shaking letters). Moms, dads, grandmas, grandpas, counselors from the camps write - the guys don’t wash their hands ...
First. And here's what I'll say: when the guys are told the same thing all the time: wash your hands, don't eat unwashed fruit, make the bed - they get so bored that they don't want to do anything.
The third. What does boring mean? Of course, listening to useful advice is not like listening to a fairy tale. (Stops, thinks.) Yes, not a fairy tale ... But you know - I have an idea! Come here!
The three members whisper while looking at the audience.
First and Second. That's great!
The third. Dear Guys! Listen to a fairy tale! There lived a king. And he had a garden with golden apples. Every morning the king got up...
Second. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, did my exercises...
First. ... And went to the garden. And then one day...
Third (puts on a crown, takes the form of a king). Who ate my golden apples? I do not feel sorry for them, but they are unwashed!
Second. The sons of the king came running to the cry. The smartest, Ivan Tsarevich, said:
The first (in the form of Ivan Tsarevich). These golden apples must have been pecked by the Firebird - its feathers are scattered all around!
The third. Guys, do not scatter your things everywhere!
First. Father, let me, Tsarevich Ivan, catch the Firebird and teach her mind?
The third. How are you going to catch it? She lives in a cage, in the garden of Koshchei the Deathless! And if he hears you when you climb into the garden for the Firebird?
First. Cats will not hear! He never washes his ears!
The third. Yes? Well, then go.
Second. Ivan Tsarevich mounted his horse and galloped off. He sees a huge oak standing in the field and it says...
The third. Dear Guys! Do not write on trees, fences and in public places!
Second (in a whisper). Well, we're not talking about that now...
Third (in a whisper). Yes? Sorry...
Second. And on the oak it is written: “If you go to the right, you will leave without a horse; if you go to the left, you will not find yourself.”
First. Ah, I'll go to the right! Without a horse, so without a horse! ..
Second and Third. Not right! Guys, take care of the animals!
The third. Well, right or wrong, you can't go back. The Gray Wolf jumped out to meet Ivan Tsarevich.
Oh who is it?
Second. It's me, the wolf, the forest orderly! What a coward you have - ran away! Well, okay, then I'll eat you, Ivan Tsarevich!
First. Yes? Did you wash your paws before eating?
Second. No-no...
First. And in which paw to hold the knife, in which fork - you know?
Second. I don't know...
The third. Guys, learn how to properly use cutlery at dinner!
Second. Ivan Tsarevich, teach me how to eat properly! And for that I will take you to Koshchei the Deathless...
The third. Ivan Tsarevich promised the wolf to fulfill his request, and they galloped off! In the garden of Koshchei the Immortal, Ivan Tsarevich took the cage with the Firebird...
Second. And Koschei, with his unwashed ears, did not even stir!
The third. And when he missed, he rushed in pursuit.
Second. Ivan Tsarevich, things are bad - Koschei the Deathless is catching up with us! Throw back the magic soap.
The third. Ivan Tsarevich threw soap - the mountain grew in front of Koshchei.
First. Guys, use baby soap! Soap is your friend!
Second. Koschei the Deathless drove around the mountain and again he is catching up with us. Ivan Tsarevich, do you have a comb?
First. L how! He is always with me!
Second. Drop it!
The third. Ivan Tsarevich threw a comb - a dense forest grew in front of Koshchei.
First. Koschey the Deathless entered the forest and got lost! Guys, learn to use a compass in the forest!
Second. And Ivan Tsarevich and I calmly gallop home.
The third. And they don’t know that the prince’s brothers also went for the Firebird! This is what happens when you don’t write to dad and mom for a long time. Suddenly, the brothers saw the sleeping Ivan Tsarevich in an open field, and next to him was a cage with a Firebird.
Second. At that time, the wolf was washing himself in the forest, brushing his teeth, doing morning exercises.
The third. The envious brothers chopped off the legs of the sleeping Ivan Tsarevich, grabbed the Firebird and galloped home. The wolf returned, he sees: Ivan Tsarevich's legs are cut off.
Second. Why didn’t you, Ivan Tsarevich, wash your feet with “living” water before going to bed?
First (weeping). Oh, I didn’t wash, I didn’t wash ...
Second. Okay, let me help you again!
The third. He splashed Ivan Tsarevich on his feet with “living” water - and they grew.
Second. And the wolf gave chase, caught up with the brothers and ate them. Ivan Tsarevich thanked the wolf and took the cage with the Firebird.
The third. Suddenly, the Firebird says to him: “You feed me, Ivan Tsarevich, for three days with selected grain.”
First. So did Ivan Tsarevich. For three days, the Firebird ate selected grain, and on the fourth ...
Second. Transformed into Vasilisa the Beautiful.
The third. Guys, feed the birds!
First. And Ivan Tsarevich and Vasilisa the Beautiful got married and lived happily for a very, very long time.
The third. Because they never ate unwashed vegetables and fruits!
Scene "Interview from space"
Vitya is a 5th grade student.
Alien.
Lyoshka is Vitya's friend.
Vitya is sitting on the windowsill, looking out the window. In the corner of the room is a model of a TV set unplugged: the cord lies on the floor, the screen is covered with a cloth, an “alien” is hiding behind the screen.
So, once a fifth grade student "Yu" Vitya Bryukvin was sitting at home on the windowsill and looking out the window. His mood was not good. And not even because he received a “troika” in geography. After all, a "three" is not a "deuce", an assessment is an assessment. Vita's mood was spoiled by the teacher. Putting a mark in the journal, she skeptically said: “Again, Bryukvin, you have a banal C grade. Will we wait for the time when you surprise humanity with something?
Vitya. First, I was offended by the word "banal", although I do not know what it means. As for humanity, we'll see! Here I will take it and make some discovery or invent something. And even better - to catch a signal from another planet! I can imagine how the announcer solemnly announces: “A simple, modest fifth-grade student Viktor Bryukvin has made contact with aliens! The first in the history of mankind!”
There is noise coming from the corner of the room where the TV is.
Vitya. What it is? After all, no one turned on the TV! (Goes to the TV, touches the cord with the plug - it lies on the floor.) Oh! (An image of a man appeared on the screen: his eyes resemble small electric bulbs, there are no ears, and under his nose, one under the other, there are two mouths.)
ET (in a clear, subway-like voice). Attention! Planet Centrifuge 86-U begins the first interplanetary session of telepathic communication. Hello alien! We heard your mental signal - the desire to establish contact with our planet. Please answer our questions clearly. Question one: who are you?
Vitya. I... Vitka... that is, Viktor Bryukvin, a student of the fifth grade "Yu".
Alien. We are glad that we are dealing with a creature of the highest, fifth class, who apparently has a sufficient supply of information.
Vitya. Actually, in our school there are classes and "higher" - the sixth, seventh, tenth ...
Alien. Question two: what is the name of your planet?
Vitya. Planet? Well, like him, well, just the Earth ...
Alien. Clear. Your planet is called nukakegonu, just earth. Question three: when was your planet formed?
Vitya (feverishly trying to remember). I missed this thread. Ran away from a movie class... Our planet... was formed... a thousand years ago, or several million, or even trillions, or whatever, broths...
Alien. It is clear that this issue is under investigation. The next question is: what do the inhabitants of your planet eat and breathe?
Vitya (confidently). We eat lunch, pasta, meatballs. We sometimes eat ice cream... But we breathe normally, through the nose and horn... that is, through the mouth.
Alien. As for breathing, I don't know. We know gases: hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen. Explain what kind of gas - nosebleed?
Vitya. You see, I'm not ready to answer questions today. I'm in a bad mood today.
Alien. Clear. Your receiving device seems to be poorly tuned to receive our signals, so you are not in the right mood. Goodbye. Wait for us on the air on December 31 at 12 o'clock at night, your time. Prepare yourself, for the next time you will be in range of our signals is only a few broths of years away. Communication session ended!
The screen is covered with a cloth. Vitya checks again to see if the TV is turned on.
Vitya (dials a phone number). Lyoshka, hello, it's me! Didn't you watch TV now? There was a strange movie being shown there. Sci-fi...
Lyoshka. No, I didn't even turn on the TV...
Vitya. And I didn't include...
Lyoshka. Are you sick? You're talking nonsense! Let's go outside and play hockey!
Vitya. I can't, I firmly decided to learn geography.
Scene "Helped"
Characters
Sasha Pirozhkova is a student.
Sasha's grandmother
Varvara Kuzminichna is a pensioner sponsored by Sasha.
Picture one
Grandmother sets the table; Sasha enters the room, yawning.
Grandmother. Finally got up, sleepyhead.
Sasha. I wanted to watch the dream.
I also thought it was a dream.
Look, it's eleven o'clock!
Breakfast is waiting for you
Cooling down.
Does not matter:
What is cold
What's hot.
Grandmother peers into Site's face, then takes her hand and leads her away from the table.
Grandmother. Sasha, what does all this mean?
Sasha. What?
After all, you are not washed!
Well, girl!
Sasha (pulling out his hand).
Better, right?
You keep grumbling
Yes, you knock pots.
Do not let you sleep or eat.
Grandmother (angrily).
Don't get out of bed to eat
You go wash up first.
Sasha (leaving, displeased).
Okay, don't worry.
I will wash myself, there is no need to drive.
Grandmother (after Sasha).
Not at all with my granddaughter.
Words do not want to understand
And I regret punishing.
How can I educate her?
What should I do with her now?
I just don't have the patience
She took me out.
To put to sleep - a battle,
And wake up - war again.
Sasha returns.
Sasha (wiping off with a towel). Here you go, look!
Grandmother. Dry, not three,
After all, the face did not get wet.
Sasha. Helped, not forgotten.
Well, if so, then comb your hair
Come sit down at the table.
After all, lessons must be done
And take a little walk ... (towards the hall)
So much homework.
Sasha sits down at the table, then jumps up, quickly puts books and notebooks in the briefcase.
Sasha. Oh, I forgot again!
He grabs his coat, dresses quickly, wants to leave.
Grandmother (not letting go). Stop! Where?
Then we'll eat.
I don't have time at all.
Grandmother. How then?
I hurry, I hurry...
Really needed.
Grandmother (strictly).
Not a girl - a beacon.
Sasha (weepingly). Indeed, very busy.
Grandmother. Your friends will be waiting.
Sasha (hurriedly).
I'm not with them. To one old woman.
I decided to take the lead
To help her in everything.
Breaks out and runs away.
Picture two
Varvara Kuzminichna is knitting something. A call rings out. She goes to the door, opens it.
Varvara Kuzminichna. Sign in!
Sasha enters the room with a piece of paper in his hands.
Sasha. Can?
Varvara Kuzminichna. Can!
Sasha. Sorry. (Looks at paper, reads.)
Are you Varvara Kuzminichna?
Varvara Kuzminichna. Exactly, me.
Yes, great!
I'm Sasha Pirozhkova
From junior high school
From the fourth level.
You are now attached.
Varvara Kuzminichna. What for?
Well, why?
You are quite old.
I decided to take charge
To help you in everything.
We will do everything together.
Varvara Kuzminichna. Well, if so, I'm very happy. Helps Sasha to undress, draws attention to the torn-off hanger. Looks at the sleeve, turns it.
Let's sew a hanger together.
And you have to darn your sleeve.
He puts his coat on the back of a chair.
What shift are you on?
Sasha. In the second.
Varvara Kuzminichna.
Well then
Feel free to help me
Two hours. Sit down here.
Tell me when did you get up?
How did you help mom?
Mom and dad at work
Grandma is alone at home.
Varvara Kuzminichna. Do you live with your grandmother?
Very friendly. But she
Always busy with something.
Not a granny - a lighthouse.
Varvara Kuzminichna.
Are you helping her?
Santa. What are you!
Help so healthy.
Varvara Kuzminichna. How old is she, Sasha?
I don't know how old
After all, our grandmother
There is no birthday at all.
Varvara Kuzminichna.
Is it up to her, hearty! ..
Apparently, she's in trouble with her granddaughter.
Looks at Sasha.
So you are my boss?
Sasha. Certainly!
Varvara Kuzminichna. Did you have breakfast?
That is, no
I didn't eat.
Varvara Kuzminichna. Why?
I ran to you.
Well, tell me who's eating
If time is short?
Varvara Kuzminichna.
Time is valuable, you're right.
Yet we are with you first
Let's drink coffee with milk
Yes, cookies...
I'm going to cook dinner
You must repeat here.
Everything that is in school.
Okay, Sasha?
Sasha (resolutely).
No, it's not clear!
I don't agree to this.
We need to cook together
Lessons and lunch.
She takes out books and notebooks from her briefcase and puts them on the table.
Varvara Kuzminichna (bewildered). Yes?
Sasha (firmly). Certainly!
He notices a cat and goes to him.
However, no.
After coffee with milk
I'll take care of that cat.
You solve my problems
And then ... cook dinner.
Varvara Kuzminichna (despondently).
Throws up his hands.
Helped so much!
Scene "Doctor and patient"
Characters
Doctor.
Sick.
The patient enters the doctor's office.
Doctor. What hurts?
Sick. My tooth hurts!
Doctor. Did I have yesterday? Sick. No.
Doctor. Here's my advice: take a string, tie one end to a tooth and the other to a door handle. And have someone from your family open the door. Come tomorrow. The next day.
Sick. Oh, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts!
Doctor. What hurts?
Sick. My tooth hurts.
Doctor. Did I have yesterday?
Sick. Was.
Doctor. How's my advice?
Sick. Tore off.
Doctor. What tore off?
Sick. Door handle.
Doctor. Here's another tip: take a rope, tie one end to a tooth and the other to a table leg, and have someone push the table back half a meter. Come tomorrow. The next day.
Sick. Oh, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts!
Doctor. What hurts?
Sick. My tooth hurts.
Doctor. Did I have yesterday?
Sick. Was.
Doctor. How's my advice?
Sick. Tore off.
Doctor. What tore off?
Sick. Leg from the table.
Doctor. Here's another tip: take a thick rope, tie one end to a tooth and the other to a train car. Come tomorrow. The next day.
Sick. Does not hurt! Does not hurt!
Doctor. What doesn't hurt?
Sick. The tooth doesn't hurt!
Doctor. Did I have yesterday?
Sick. Yes.
Doctor. Well, what's my advice?
Sick. Tore off.
Doctor. What tore off?
Sick. The car from the composition.
Doctor. Where is the tooth?
Sick. The stationmaster knocked out.