Self-control in stressful situations. Development of self-control skills. All the most interesting...
Every day we are faced with troubles that are necessary to cope with for our own well-being. Negative emotions and well-being that everyone can experience, losing control over the situation and themselves, can lead to sad consequences.
In order not to test yourself for strength and not be in danger, it is important to be able to pull yourself together and control the circumstances. This will help you avoid many problems and vicissitudes of Fate. To change your attitude and behavior, use the suggested recommendations.
Don't focus on failure
Remember that life goes on as usual and often brings rather unpleasant emotions. However, this state of affairs is not at all a reason for the blues. Learn to perceive what happened more calmly, without driving yourself into depression and worsening your own well-being. Failure is an occasion to reconsider your actions, relax and unwind before correcting inaccuracies and oversights. Negative emotions that accompany you in case of erroneous actions require adjustment, perseverance in achieving your goals and objectives.
Don't get discouraged
Dissatisfaction with one's own life, joyless everyday life and daily boredom from monotonous and routine actions can weaken a person. Try to find the reason for your despondency in order to change for the better. Do not forget that life is diverse, and after a dark stripe, a bright one will always come. In order to avoid such a state, find something to your liking, get out into nature, find a source of inspiration in yourself or in the space around you. Allow yourself small pleasures as a reward for the routine, and your mood will improve rapidly.
Remain calm in conflict situations
Arguments, raised voices, shouting and irritation are not the best helpers in resolving disputes. Learn to deal with your own emotions and remember that cold confidence and calmness (even if only external) quickly cool down the aggression and pressure of your interlocutor. Having calmed the discontent and guided by the arguments of reason, you will be able to defend your innocence without worsening your well-being and mood with unnecessary worries. If the opponent is not able to listen to your words, end the conversation. So you avoid internal tension and overwork.
Do not respond to aggressive attacks
Remaining calm in the event that you are called into conflict is important for emotional and physical health. If you are faced with such a situation, gather yourself internally and try to disengage from the aggressor. Count slowly, evening out your breath and focusing on your own sensations. Often your icy calm quickly cools the ardor of the offender, who is unable to lead you to reciprocal emotions. Do exercises to control emotions with the help of breathing exercises.
Self-control is a real art. Today, a person with a positive attitude is valued. But even the most resilient of us have not the best moments. What to do with feelings that are commonly called negative, how to learn to control yourself and your emotions in any situation?
It is believed that it is necessary to fight the negative by any means, and positive emotions, on the contrary, should be cultivated. Psychologists have a different opinion: without sadness there will be no joy. Suppress, mask negative emotions - the path to serious psychological problems. How to be? Learn to accept and consciously manage the "other side of the coin." We will consider the secrets of mastering this art with specific examples.
How not to be offended by people and let go of the situation
Reasons for resentment can be found in every day of your life. An old friend did not invite you to visit, a friend wrote an SMS in honor of her birthday, but did not call. Colleagues at the corporate party ignored your joke; the husband refused a simple request; friend did not thank for the service rendered. This feeling makes a voluminous, multi-colored and rich picture of being black and white. Everything in your eyes becomes simple and clear: here I am - white and fluffy, generous and disinterested, but here - nasty people and the same world around. Why hide, feel good among the bad, feel righteous anger towards the offender, reproduce in my head a scene of violent repentance, sweet.
But the end result is always the same - suddenly a person discovers that the voluntary state of the victim "ate" his spiritual strength and time, which could be used with much greater benefit. Fortunately, getting out of this state is not as difficult as it might seem.
Resentment and pain in the soul
The main danger of feelings of resentment is the scrolling in the head of the same situation, fixing on the personality of the offender. This leads to the fact that resentment grows beyond measure, bringing more and more harm. The reason for "walking in circles" lies within yourself. Considering that you have no right to be offended, that you deserve such treatment, you are trying to hide the fact of resentment from yourself and others. Leave this attitude! Being honest with yourself, having understood your own feelings, tell yourself and (even to yourself) the culprit of the discomfort: “I was offended.” Awareness and recognition of the reason that caused the storm in you will stop it.
understand, forgive
Overcoming resentment is impossible without "absolution" of the offender. And you can do this only by standing in his place, understanding his motives. Look at the situation from the other side. Perhaps the offense was inflicted by accident, and in fact the person did not want to hurt you? If so, is it worth wasting mental strength on chance?
"I am alone"
Before pouting, think about the consequences for yourself.
- Firstly, with those who are offended for any reason, others are not particularly eager to communicate.
- Secondly, perhaps the reason is not so serious. Then why waste your precious nerves on this at all?
It's about me
But what if you yourself have a "stigma in the cannon"? You could accidentally provoke a person to such a reaction or made too high demands. Be honest with yourself. And remember that the recognition of mistakes and a more loyal attitude towards your neighbor will bring relief to you too.
How to manage anger and resentment
Throughout your life, you have met with anger more than once or twice. His. With inept handling, this feeling can pretty much break firewood. But if you learn to manage anger, it may well become a helper, not an enemy, allowing you to improve yourself, better understand yourself and the motives of your own actions, and motivate you to new achievements. So, if something pisses you off, use the tactic of domestication in order to pass for a balanced person and benefit from even the most unpleasant situation.
Leave the fight!
When it “rolls”, most often a person tries in every way to calm down. In vain. In this case, the thunderstorm should subside naturally. Recognize that you are entitled to this feeling. Acceptance of a negative reaction shifts attention to solving the problem, saving energy on a futile struggle with the elements.
Let off steam
But in a way that does not harm yourself or others: take a walk, call a friend, take three deep breaths, close your eyes. No less effective is to mentally imagine yourself throwing thunder and lightning at mortals. Do you like this blushing, almost exploding creature with a distorted face? Then imagine how skillfully you suppress anger, showing miracles of self-discipline. Visualization does not allow anger to take over, helping to return to normal.
Prioritize by focusing on the solution, not the problem
Again and again to return to what irritates, or to complain about the irritant is easy and even pleasant. But in reality, this only harms, preventing you from developing and taking an active, adult position in your own life. Instead, learn from the current lessons to continue to be more inventive and smarter.
Remember that you are a “reasonable person”
In other words, carefully study all the triggers of your anger, think over all the “retreats” in advance. For example, if a co-worker pisses you off by talking loudly and for a long time on the phone in the office, use her conversations as a break from work. Few people will like anger, and anticipating explosive moments, it is quite possible to remain collected and calm.
How to get out of despondency and apathy
Despondency, apathy ... It turns out that these emotions can also be useful. All this is a natural process that is launched by the body itself in order to protect itself. The mode, economical on emotions and activity, allows you to survive difficult moments with minimal damage, so that in the future you can rejoice, dream and hope with a vengeance. Cope with a difficult period can be one who, even in the most critical moments, does not forget: life is given only once. Answering the following questions honestly will help you remember this. By the way, it is best to interview yourself every evening, and not only during attacks of melancholy, as a preventive measure.
- What have I learned today?
Only schoolchildren and the most responsible students can call this question easy. But those who are older will probably think about it. You will no longer feel the taste for life if you act according to a worked out, automated scenario every day. You can diversify your impressions by regularly getting acquainted with something new: previously unfamiliar words, scientific facts ... Do not forget about new physical exercises - your body also needs fresh impressions.
- How much have I been through today?
Mental health should always be at the top of your priority list. Meanwhile, many treat themselves worse than their own mobile. They complain when they see a scratch on it. They run to the store and buy a durable case for it. At any moment, they drop their cases in order to charge the "assistant" as soon as possible. To find time for themselves, their energy should be at the level of 10% at best. Do not follow such a pernicious example! Take breaks to recharge. Since breaks are required even for the most modern technology, why are you worse than a perfect, but not a living device?
- How did others feel because of me?
Not everyone asks such a question. Meanwhile, the manifestation of simple attention to one's neighbor gives a sense of the value of one's own life, gives meaning to every day spent.
- What made me smile?
It is very important for emotional health to go into the world of dreams with a light heart, without depressing thoughts. To do this, make it a rule to end your day on a happy note, even if it doesn't work out. Simple, but so necessary things for anyone will help: listening to your favorite song, kissing a loved one, listing all the good things that happened during the day, mentally reproducing especially pleasant memories from life.
- What will I do better tomorrow?
This question is especially relevant for perfectionists who reproach themselves for shortcomings and miscalculations. Everyone is wrong. Much more important reaction is not misses. After all, no matter how sad failures are, they are useful to some extent, for example, they bring clarity. After them, a person manages to become more far-sighted - he suddenly realizes what is really required for further movement in the right direction. So let yourself "see the light".
by Notes of the Wild MistressIn our difficult time, it is very difficult to be balanced and unperturbed in any situation, to maintain composure, not to explode, not to lose your temper. True, this does not work for everyone and not always. But our breakdowns often have such dire consequences that it is simply necessary to learn to control ourselves.
It was once believed that holding anger, rage, irritation, that is, negative emotions, is unhealthy. Do you remember the time when, according to the recommendations of psychologists, Western employers installed stuffed heads in their offices or purchased inexpensive dishes so that in a fit of emotions they could throw another cup against the wall? The Japanese were the first to use this method of relieving tension and discharging from negativity and seriously believed that this would bring the desired result.
However, time goes by, and research scientists do not stand still. Now psychologists take the opposite position and believe that such measures not only do not bring benefits, but also contribute to an increase in the level of negativity, since the conflict itself is not eliminated. The habit of taking out irritation on foreign objects, for example, breaking dishes or tearing things, increases natural aggressiveness person. Moreover, the further, the more difficult it is for such people to restrain themselves in general, because they are not used to doing this. Intemperance, both in society, at work, and at home, among relatives and friends. leads, ultimately, to a deterioration in relations, and even to a break in general.
The only way out is to learn to remain calm in difficult situations. How to do it? You need to use the advice of specialists specially designed for such cases. The first thing to remember and try to understand in order to apply in life is the basic rule: you cannot change the situation - change your attitude towards it. If you find yourself in a difficult situation, first of all, you need to calm down in order to start thinking constructively. To do this, try to imagine if you will be worried about the same problem in a week, month, year? You will see that as soon as the sharpness subsides, resentment will pass, the whole situation will seem insignificant and not at all as hopeless as you think now.
Be sure to try to find something positive in the current state of affairs. As a rule, it does not happen that one black paint is present, and your task is to look at the situation from all sides. Yes, and, sad to say, but we accumulate life experience most often after experienced stresses, rather than in joys.
Learn to restrain the first impulse, whether it be the desire to express your pain aloud or to leave, slamming the door. Count to yourself at least up to ten and try to keep your breathing calm and even. And at the same time ask yourself the question: is what you want to say now really important, or is it an attempt to reserve the last word? Your silence can extinguish the severity of the situation, while intemperance can inflate the conflict to incredible proportions. Maybe it is worth being above, for example, everyday rudeness, resentment or someone else's bad manners?
In a dispute, a showdown, criticize the phenomenon, not the personality of the person. A conversation on the principle of "the fool himself" will only lead to a dead end. If you are dissatisfied with the situation, do not accumulate irritation, but immediately express your dissatisfaction, but with what does not suit you in this particular case, and do not collect all the insults in a heap. If you feel that the irritation is stronger than you, try postponing the conversation until you calm down. After all, for example, you can tell your husband or girlfriend that you don’t understand each other now, so it’s better to postpone the conversation, and think carefully about the situation yourself.
If you encounter rudeness in public places, for example, in the subway or in a store, do not rush to get involved in a skirmish. In the vast majority of cases, the initiator of the conflict is simply trying to vent anger at others because of his own problems, and his aggression has nothing to do with you personally. Try to mentally isolate yourself from the conflict zone, think about something else, imagine yourself in a different place, pleasant and relaxing.
It is very important to learn how to relax. If you pay attention, then at the moment of your tension and irritation, your muscles also tense up. And scientists have proven that it is more difficult for a relaxed person to get angry. If you are already starting to “boil”, tighten the muscles of your whole body, leaving only your face and neck calm, and then relax sharply, imagining that you are getting rid of a heavy load. This simple technique will allow you to get rid of stress and take control of emotions.
Take care of yourself and your nervous system. And in the same way, take care of your loved ones, do not allow yourself to be aggressive towards them, or bring into the house all the negativity accumulated during a hard working day. If you respond to irritation and anger in the same way, then the conflict will fall like an avalanche and cover you. If you manage to control yourself, then, after a while, you yourself will understand that you have avoided serious complications.
In any situation, maintain inner calm, and make reasonable, balanced decisions even in difficult circumstances. A popular synonym for this concept is restraint. It is generally accepted that it is also a personality trait, a special character trait that indicates a person’s ability to control himself, which is valued in modern society, but not common to everyone.
Formation of quality
Self-control is such a character trait that you can instill in yourself. But not without difficulty. For its formation, a person must be distinguished by courage, determination and endurance. Without the ability to control your movements and behavior, nothing will work. People who are inherent in self-control are not only those individuals who are able to control themselves and their own speech. Above all, they manage to refrain from unconscious actions, control their desires, achieve their goals and give up something when necessary.
Such people successfully suppress emotions such as anger, fear, pain, fatigue. They are not prone to impulsive actions. They manage to keep cool even in the most controversial situations. Which is undeniably challenging given the pace and dynamism of life in today's society.
The Art of Owning Yourself
Quite often, this is how psychologists call the quality in question. However, such a property as self-control can be called art. The meaning of the word was mentioned above, but this is only a brief definition of it. The art of self-control implies the ability of a person to rational actions. But people are social beings. And in most cases, our actions are more emotional than rational. The ability to listen to the mind, and not to the heart, can be considered an art, or even a talent.
Such people are patient - they endure inconvenience and difficulties. They manage to abstain from the harmful (often very desirable) in the direction of the useful. They are calm, balanced, calm. And they also have a "rod". Even at the moment of the most seductive temptations and severe trials of life, they remain faithful and devotion to what is valuable to them.
In addition, self-control makes it possible to rule not only over oneself, but also over other people. A rational person who sees the world through the prism of self-confidence and calm is usually listened to.
self control
Everything described above can be understood by every person who is interested in the question "Self-control - what is it?". But some people have this quality, while others do not.
This is because it manifests itself at moments of emotional stress peak, which are accompanied by complex chemical processes in the body, as well as a kind of “response” of the brain and endocrine system to stress. Take, for example, the usual family quarrel. For some, it develops into a real scandal with breaking dishes, slaps and abuse. For others, everything is decided in a few minutes of calm conversation. It's just that some people are more balanced and less impressionable. Therefore, they manage to cope with stressful situations without much shake-ups for the nervous system.
Individual characteristics
It is difficult to overestimate such a quality as self-control. Its value is important, since it is this character trait that can help a person to facilitate his existence in modern society.
But the ability of a person to control himself depends on individual behavioral stereotypes, which include social and cultural attitudes instilled in a person from early childhood. We all regularly notice that something that is categorically unacceptable for some people is considered the norm for others. And therefore, it is not surprising that in the same situations individuals react differently.
Matter of habit
People develop immunity to everything. And stressful situations are no exception. A simple example can be given. If a person works with people for a long time and actively, then he is not surprised by their different behavior, emotional outbursts, and different reactions to something. He was used to this, and what he just did not see. And if at some point in everyday life he happens to encounter an aggressive evil person, then most likely he will only brush him off, saying a couple of relevant words, and forget about what happened.
But an individual who is accustomed to peace and tranquility in interpersonal relationships will behave differently in a similar situation. It is unlikely that it will do without experiences, an increased excited tone and subsequent reflections on what happened. And there are thousands of similar examples.
Well, based on all of the above, we can conclude. Self-control is not just a character trait. This is an indicator of the social and emotional maturity of the individual, the presence of which greatly facilitates the life of a person in society.
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The issue of developing endurance and self-control of the individual is relevant “until I can’t”, especially during the increase in social activity and the development of technologies. The pace of life is so accelerated that it requires an increase in the speed of human reactions to certain influencing factors. Therefore, the ability to cope with the flow of information, make quick decisions, direct energy into several vectors at the same time requires learning.
You need to master the skills of constructive data processing. These are character traits that allow you to feel comfortable and remain productive in changing circumstances.
How to maintain composure when you just want to splash out emotions on the first person you meet? We will talk about this further.
Self-control and endurance - what's the difference?
Excerpt
self-control
Endurance and self-control develop in the course of growing up. It helps a person achieve more, better.
It is impossible to carry out a project without endurance. Without the ability to maintain composure, it is difficult to negotiate and reach a compromise solution. The level of skills determines the level of the individual as a whole and career, interpersonal prospects.
Motivation helps keep you calm. Depending on the goals pursued and the specific context, a person also develops a model of behavior.
- If we are looking for a way out of a crisis situation, then we should listen to the opinions and wishes of others, stop at the best option.
- If a person strives for power and self-affirmation, then a dispute or a search for a compromise is based on accepting only one's own point of view, which is different from the constructive one.
In the first case, the skill of self-control helps to contain one's own ego. In the second, self-control is not needed, since the goal is different and is achieved by the lack of tact and restraint.
Realizing the true motivation, keeping yourself in control is not so difficult.
Define Motivation
In a stressful situation or before an exciting event, set goals. The “Why do I need this?” technique will help with this.
Briefly describe the problem on a piece of paper. Then ask yourself the question “Why do I need this?” and answer it honestly.
When you get an answer, ask the same. Keep going until you get a satisfying answer or feel like you have enough. This technique will allow you to set goals and better prepare for an event or respond to a problem. It will be easier for you to hold yourself back.
Accept your own feelings
Limiting attitudes like “you can’t get angry or worry” do a disservice to a person. Psychology does not divide feelings and emotions into negative and positive. Emotion is a person's reaction to an external stimulus. If an external object brings discomfort - a person is offended, angry, worried. If comfort - rejoices, laughs.
Modern society insists on the existence of "unacceptable" reactions. This leads to problems, because unlived emotions do not disappear anywhere, they accumulate and splash out. And at the wrong time and in the wrong context.
What kind of self-control are we talking about?
Accept your feelings. It's okay to be angry, angry, annoyed. It is important to choose an acceptable way to express them.
It's one thing to respond to rudeness in a trolleybus with a spit in the face of the offender, and another thing to go to the gym in the evening and beat a punching bag, presenting his image.
Preventive measures
It is better not to solve the problem, but to prevent it. Therefore, preparation will help to avoid situations of loss of self-control. Daily relaxation, drawing, hiking or other relaxation techniques will relax the nervous system and give the brain a rest.
You can start relaxing right now. To do this, we have prepared the coloring "Antistress". This method is recommended by many psychologists. They claim that already at 2 minutes of coloring you start to let go of all the problems, and you feel calm and balanced. Use our online coloring book for free.
Choose how you want to paint.
A systematic approach in this direction and daily training will help to restrain in stressful situations and overcome difficulties constructively, not emotionally.