How to become a kind and loving mother. The most important tips for caring for a newborn baby.
10 tips on how to be a good mother do not relate to the global tasks of education, but to the practice of life that a parent and child encounter every day. They will help you become the best mom, and the child - more happy son or daughter.
Any mother from time to time asks herself the question: how comfortable is my child with me? And it is right. After all, even if we regularly feed a child with healthy, varied and tasty food, dress him beautifully, put him to sleep in a comfortable bed that stands in a wonderful children's room, all this does not mean that we are good parents. The same can be done by a nanny or a housekeeper who is paid to do this.
You may be interested in: Lawrence Kohlberg's Theory of Moral Development. . Being a mother can sometimes be difficult, and it may seem like a big problem for you. But be calm and try to be patient. Don't pay him your little ones, and if at any point he doesn't behave the way you think, explain the reasons why you shouldn't repeat your behavior. Similarly, if you have a partner, discuss the best distribution of tasks, which will lead us to the next point.
Responsibility also lies with the father
It is good that both parents share the responsibilities of the child. Whenever possible, you must find a balance to avoid being solely responsible for your son's education. You will feel less stressed and it will be better for your child if you both get along and share your upbringing.
Motherhood is more than meeting the physical needs of a child. This is special relationship that help little man grow into a full-fledged, self-confident adult with adequate self-esteem. We all come from childhood! Our virtues and advantages, our shortcomings and problems in most cases are rooted precisely in the years of childhood. That's why being a mom is the most responsible job on this planet!
Avoid discussing with your partner in front of your child
The importance of the role of parents in the child's socialization process has already been discussed and how their behavior can be imitated by the child: this is known as modeling, assisted or imitative learning. If you argue with your partner in front of him, you will send him a negative message that will not be positive for his development or for his learning.
Let him develop his autonomy
Many parents may feel insecure when their children strive to be independent. This happens at any age. Being an overprotective mother is not beneficial at all because it prevents your child from being fully developed and empowered in the face of life.
Eye contact is very important. It helps the baby to feel the love of an adult, to feel like a person. Naturally, this is not the kind of strict look when you want to punish or scold a child. Every day, look into the eyes of your crumbs with love - it will fill his little heart with happiness.
2. Think about what you will do for your baby today, this week, this month.
Maybe it will be his favourite dish which you prepare just for him. Perhaps it will be a game that you play together, an experiment or a little research done with your child, or just an evening that you devote exclusively to him.
Don't let me grow up being a spoiled child
One of the great mistakes that mothers can make is to think that everything they do in good faith is positive for their child. In the first paragraph, we talked about the importance of setting limits, because the growth of spoiled children will have Negative consequences for their well being. So you should avoid giving her gifts when she's not touching, reinforcing her negative behaviors, giving in to her temper tantrums, or acting like a spoiled brat.
Avoid excessive discipline
You must not be overly disciplined and under no circumstances will you stick to your son or daughter. You can read about it in our article: "8 Reasons Not to Use Corporal Punishment on Children". In the first years of life, the dedication of a mother to her son or daughter takes almost 24 hours a day, but being a mother does not mean that life and Good times are over. That's why you need to devote time to your well-being, which will be positive for your relationship with your little ones.
3. Set yourself days when your child will not hear a single reprimand from you.
A day without reproaches is wonderful!
4. Say nice words to your baby
How long has he heard that he is your favorite, the best, that you have always dreamed of having such a son or daughter.
5. Forgive yourself
Even if you made a gross mistake, unworthy of the title of a good mother, forgive yourself and move on. Children know how to forgive, it comes naturally to them. But, if the mother feels the burden of guilt, this negatively affects the relationship with the child. If necessary, ask for forgiveness from your son or daughter. And look to the future: every new day is new page, which does not contain any errors. Do not drag into Blank sheet blots from the past.
Enjoy your baby and experience
For example, if you enjoy going to the gym, make a dent in your life to continue this activity. Being a mother is one of the most rewarding experiences a person can have and nothing compares to the love that comes from within a family. So enjoy this gift that gives you life, even though things can get complicated sometimes. Being a mother is incredible!
How to overcome the challenges of being a mother. Since children are adults in the future, there is no doubt that their mothers, women who shape their identity, deserve respect, honor and support. Although modern society gives rise to conflicting messages about motherhood, the Bible states that children are a blessing from God and that they can be a source of happiness for their parents. However, Scripture does not present an unrealistic vision of the situation, but rather captures many of the difficulties.
6. Listen to your child
Learn to listen to his questions and answer them. Learn to listen to his reasoning and learn new things about him. Learn to communicate with children in such a way that they want to come to you again and again just to talk.
7. Give your child physical contact.
Even if it is a teenage son or a daughter who imagines herself to be an adult, they need bodily contact. Hug, kiss your child before he leaves the house. Kiss him before bed. This is very important for strengthening the inner bonds of love.
The decisions parents make in raising their children have a profound and lasting impact on the lives and personalities of those children. It is possible that such solutions also provide big influence on how parents live, so they should not be taken lightly. They should ask themselves: Does the wife need to work outside the home? If yes, how many hours? Who will take care of the children in the meantime? The last word belongs to parents who must do what they think is best for their offspring, and, moreover, what is right before God.
8. Give your baby undivided attention.
Set aside time dedicated to your child. Turn off your phones, computer, turn off the TV for this time. And enjoy being with your child.
9. Encourage your child to do something new or a hobby.
10. Enjoy the time you can be a mom
Remember: children are given to us for a while. And this time passes very quickly. You will never get back those moments when you could take the baby in your arms, take him to school and wipe his tears, feed him and put him to bed. Being a mother is a precious gift!
However, mothers should not feel alone in their efforts to make the right decisions. Their intense interest is shown in providing a series of guides in the Bible to make the adventure of being a mother more enjoyable and satisfying.
❖ Be reasonable. This quality should characterize Christians. Janet Penley, writer and mother, learned the value of this principle. "He laid big hopes when my first child was born,” he says. Explain that you try to live up to the expectations of others and try to become the "perfect" prototype. Does not encourage and breeds insecurity and guilt. This is why many mothers want a simpler life. How to reach it? First, set your priorities; Pay attention to the "most important things" including the time and personal attention your children need.
Our anxiety for the child settles in us as soon as we find out about our pregnancy.
We are tormented by doubts: “Is everything okay with the baby?”, “How will he be born?”
But then the time of birth comes, and we finally see our child. And even if he was born healthy and everything is in order with him, our anxiety lives on.
Anxiety is an unpleasant feeling. Usually it decreases when there is some certainty. That is why most mothers start reading books about how to handle the baby, how to feed, how to bathe, how to put to bed, etc.
Second, analyze your lifestyle; You may have to give up activities and things that are not really needed. What is of paramount importance in your life? Does it work right away, or can you put your goals aside and chase others? Carolyn, mother of few resources, tells us how she manages: "I lead life and cut costs."
The Word of God guarantees that the person who "keeps discernment will find good." And it takes insight to know how to choose between endless leisure activities, gadgets and mods that overwhelm both mothers and children. Judith, a South African mother, says: "We are bombarded non-stop with new products, better technology and value-added services." Angela, a German with four children, tells us how she overcomes the challenge: "You have to identify what is important and beneficial for one and help your children do the same."
When we read these books, it seems that everything is so simple, and the soul becomes easier.
But as soon as we begin to apply all this to our unique child, disappointment creeps in, and we feel helpless. And again doubt: "Is he all right if the book rules don't apply to him?"
A person, in our case - a child - complex system. And the hopes of the “right” mothers to comprehend the world of the child to the end and easily manage it are doomed to inevitable disappointment ...
If you work outside the home, can you live on your husband's salary? To help you answer, calculate your net salary by subtracting your taxes and what you spend on childcare, moving to work, clothing, food, etc. it is also likely that her husband's salary will be taxed if the amount wages puts family income at a higher tax rate. You may be surprised at how little you have gone.
There are those who work fewer hours or not so far from home, which sometimes results in less money but more time with the kids. If you decide to stop working, and if your job has played a significant role in your self-esteem and sense of accomplishment, consider how you feel when you are at home.
The famous English child psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott urged the medical staff not to “interfere” with young mothers with their advice and, because he saw and knew that from this knowledge “as it should be”, the intimate connection between the mother and the child was lost. And the mother's anxiety only grew and was inevitably transmitted to the child.
❖ Ask for help. The Word of God says several times that "a cry for help" can have good results. The mother's call for help should motivate her husband's support. When he is cooperative, household chores can be distributed in such a way that there is time to accomplish goals that have been set out together, such as spending time with the children. If possible, it is also recommended to create a support group that includes trusted relatives and friends who share their interests and goals.
Many mothers have valuable support from members of the local Christian congregation. Mary, a mother of three, realized that "approaching the congregation" is one of the ways "God shows us love and compassion and expresses his interest in us." ❖ Find moments to relax. Even Jesus, the perfect man with great life force, invited his students to go "privately to a secluded place and get some rest." Being a good mother depends on her ability to keep her balance in difficult times.
Nature itself made sure that mothers were initially given enough skills and wisdom to properly care for a child. But only in the event that uncertainty, stereotypes and all the same anxiety do not interfere. How often do young mothers think that they are doing everything wrong. And they take the child with uncertain, trembling hands, he feels it, and begins to worry and cry. Mom's uncertainty only grows from this. The circle closes...
It's true that your children need you, but they also want you to be happy and content. Therefore, you need to rest. And one or two evenings a week, my husband and I give ourselves an hour, just for us, and the children in some corner of the house do their things in silence. ❖ Prioritize spirituality. The difficult task of becoming a mother is further exacerbated by the loss of purpose and lack of priorities. Christian families feel happy when they cooperate and put the will of God first in their lives.
The apostle Paul wrote: “Godly devotion is beneficial to everything, because it promises life now and what is to come.” A family is happy when they live with godly devotion and follow the divine direction that the Bible offers. Even if only one of the components applies biblical principles, it will do them better than if no one obeys them.
Here are the words of one mother: “I tried very hard to be a good mother. But the more I tried, the worse it got.
Most mothers want to give their children the very best. Someone methodically teaches children responsibility and discipline, someone tries to develop their child to the maximum. Someone is trying to create for the child the most Better conditions. Someone is focused on . Someone spends all their time with the child, fearing that the child, God forbid, will not receive enough attention and love. Etc.
Adele, a Christian mother who worked all day and saw the benefits of improving her spirituality, says: We have a wealth of guides and information in Bible publications that talk about what our children are facing and how to help them. When you perceive your response to spiritual education that you give them, you feel it's worth it. When you notice positive details in your behavior and in your reasoning, you realize that they are assimilating what you have been trying to teach and that all your efforts are not in vain.
In modern literature and the Internet, we often find conflicting information about exactly how to behave with a child. And we start to be afraid, for example, to make a remark to the child so that he does not grow up unsure of himself. Or, if we can’t stand it and break into a scream, then we reproach ourselves and consider ourselves a bad mother. It seems to us that because of us the child will grow up somehow different, etc.
In fact, mothers can be successful in this hurdle. God Himself gives a comforting assurance that the cares of conscientious and unselfish mothers who trust him will not be useless. Those who cultivate a personal relationship with Him can take comfort in His promise to "give power to the weary."
Jehovah's Witnesses have published a number of Bible-based publications designed to educate children, including The Secret of Family Happiness, What Young People Ask. Practical Answers and My Book bible stories. If the reader is a mother, you may wonder how much this affects your child's life because sometimes their influence seems to be overcome by peers, teachers, entertainment, video games and music.
From this constant desire to do the best, internal tension begins to grow in us. Then we begin to feel dissatisfied. And as a result, we experience irritation. When it covers us, we do not even always understand what is its cause. More often than not, the reason will remain unrecognized, and some reason becomes the trigger of our anger. Most often - the behavior of the child. And again everything continues in a circle: dissatisfaction - irritation - cry - guilt - dissatisfaction.
And in advertising, in programs, magazines, we see every day happy moms. Motherhood is celebrated as happiness and a celebration of life. In fact, most mothers face difficulties every day. And the main problem precisely in the fact that we run out of steam, stop living joyfully and fully. And often we associate this solely with the fact that there is a child in our life. Increasingly, in my practice, I am faced with the perception of the child, mainly as a limitation.
For modern parents, hyper-responsibility and a sense of inferiority have become characteristic. Both make it very difficult to just live. What would seem difficult here? Just live. And in our time it has become the most difficult. Just live and enjoy. Without eternal anxiety, anxiety, doubt and guilt. Guilt for things not going the way they should.
And then joy, surprise, admiration, interest, sincere attention go away. Everything that a child needs so much! We just don't have the energy to do it all. Forces are gone on useless doubts and worries.
Of course, you should try to be good parents. But the danger is rather to overdo it with education and harm. After all, we often exaggerate the need for our intervention in the life of a child.
Most of the clients in my psychotherapy practice, when talking about themselves, remember overly oppressive, serious and anxious parents.
And those people whose parents just happily lived nearby and did not interfere with the child's life grow into happier and more successful adults.
These parents allowed themselves and the child sometimes to make mistakes, to be weak in something and not the best. Basically, be yourself! Yes, such parents, most likely, did not watch something, somewhere they were not attentive and critical enough. But they did the main thing - did not interfere with the formation of the child's individuality, inherent in him by nature. Which means they left open road to the natural harmonious development potential of your child.
The child's own nature was able to withstand the process of growing up. Parents simply had no time to interfere excessively in it, they had their own interesting life. Then the child had the opportunity to live his own, no less interesting life.
In addition, the most important educational method is your own example. Therefore, if we ourselves are hardworking, organized, responsive and truly passionate about something in this life, then the child will grow up like that.
too often in recent times I meet mothers who have long forgotten about themselves and their lives. All their attention is directed to the child, all the forces are spent on correcting his behavior and actions. What then is the example given to the child?
I liked the words of Dmitry Morozov: “A healthy, harmoniously developing child under normal conditions carries all the necessary motivation for development, just as a caterpillar undergoing a metamorphosis through a chrysalis into a butterfly already has enough strength within itself to learn how to take off. The task of an adult is to be sensitive and patient enough to catch the constantly changing needs of the child, satisfy his curiosity and put up real obstacles so that the passion for searching and overcoming does not die out in the developing personality.
We are not gods and cannot be responsible for everything. The child is a separate person. We cannot mold him and his fate. But we have the opportunity not to harm, not to interfere with what should be manifested by the nature of the child.
How can we interfere? Every conflict, every major quarrel, every blow to self-esteem leaves traces in the soul of a child for life. As Vladimir Levy writes: “Conflicts unresolved, suppressed - crawl out like rats from the cracks of memory; take the form of a neurosis, poison love ... "
Conflicts themselves are simply inevitable in any family. If you learn to constructively resolve them They won't harm the baby. On the contrary, they will teach him how to overcome his negative experiences, how to find a compromise, give in or insist on his own. This is also a separate art.
Of course, books and trainings on motherhood are simply necessary, because this knowledge and skills really help a lot. But it is important that mothers, having all these tools, still rely on their maternal instinct and knowledge of their child. To arrange a consultation, write to the mail or skype: El.Shev.