Statuses for all occasions are short. Statuses about life. The best collections of statuses about life with meaning
No matter how much bad things they say about me, I always have something to add. 113
Nothing limits your actions like the phrase “do what you want”... 84
Guys get jealous when they love you. Girls are jealous even when they don't love you. 85
Can't find an approach to me? Go around! 243 (1) - cool statuses
Comrade, let’s go check out the cash... 17
Nothing strengthens faith in a person more than 100% prepayment. 29
If you know exactly who is to blame, don’t give yourself away. 56
I'm going with eyes closed and a smile from ear to ear, towards future happiness, through a field of rakes... 125
From the statement: “How do I feel…” Crossed out. “How I did you all...” Crossed out. “Yes, you all should go to...” Crossed out. “Please grant me another vacation.” 37
Dear Money! I miss you very much. I promise to buy you a new wallet. If you want, you can invite your relatives from Europe or America - I won’t object. I will accept everyone! 38
I want chronic health, progressive happiness, recurring success, a hypertensive salary, and an eternally pregnant wallet without the threat of miscarriage!))) 51
The best way To test a guy's loyalty - ask the sleeping man in the morning a question: "Will you go to yours or will you stay with me?" 76
According to statistics, the phrase “How huge he is!” Most often heard by a spider. 75
Briefly about yourself: Year of manufacture 1991, Mileage 20, Light color, Height 162, Lights blue, Documents on hand, Tuning present, Body not damaged, not rusty, Roof in place, but no brakes. All options, I start with half a turn. 65
You can't look in the mirror when you eat - you'll eat away your happiness. And when you drink, you drink. And it’s better not to hang a mirror in the toilet at all... 74
Sex is when he wants, erotica is when she wants, porn is when both want. 52
If you don't have the money to change your wardrobe, change your job! For the new team, all your old clothes are new. 38
Flowers should be for no reason... Happiness should be unique... The house should be warm... The weather - and it doesn’t matter what the weather is! But love should be mutual. 52
All people bring happiness - some by their presence, others by their absence) 74
What would I give to a person who has everything? I would punch him in the jaw. 21
If men knew what women were thinking, they would court twenty times more boldly. 46
Only nesting dolls can live soul to soul. 73
I need to call my mom and tell her where I am. - Hello, mom? Where I am? 55
The little boy was watching porn. I didn’t understand the movie, but I was sweating a lot. 30
The main thing is that they are waiting for you at home, and not waiting for you 60
Chocolate tastes twice as good if you can’t have it) 45
The Lord protects us all. But the shelf life is different for everyone. 55
I am protected by the great ancient Egyptian god of peace and tranquility - DANUNAH. 77
Every day those around me prove to me that life without a brain is real. 76
No one will die a virgin: life will fuck us all. 38
- As long as I'm single, I can do whatever I want! And when I get married, then my husband will also do what I want...
- You can build a house, raise a son, but one day you fail to hammer a nail in the house - and that’s it, you’re no longer a man.
- The main thing is that your loved one suits you. Not scandals...
- As long as you have legs, the road does not end, as long as you have a butt, something HAPPENS to it!!
- Intuition is the ability of the head to smell from behind.
Funny statuses for all occasions
- Chemists have the hardest time after university. They know how to blow up or poison any person, but they hold on.
- You never get tired of looking at the burning fire, flowing water and 22 men running after one ball.
- - Hello, I'm Alexey! Maybe just Lyosha! - Hello, I'm Akaki... just Akaki.
- Natasha turned pale in the morning and deleted Instagram, but it all started with just a hundred grams.
- Life must be lived in such a way that the pigeons flying over your monument are tolerated out of respect.
- Cool statuses about life - I went to the store. The seller, smiling, asks: What does the girl want? I answer: The girl wants champagne, a good man and a cool car, but she came for some bread.
- Actors kiss for 7 seasons in a row and don’t fall in love with each other, and when someone holds the door for me, I think about it for 4 months.
- If you brought joy, come in without knocking!
- I love it when everyone loves me. And then I patiently endure everyone too.
- When I was 7 years old, I played family with one boy. I met him from work, and he ate sand pies that I prepared for him. Now I'm 20 years old. And these were the most serious relationship in my life.
- Only in Russia, in order to take an exam, you need to pass an exam, thanks to which you will get into the exam.
- Get a job with stingy bosses. Miser pays twice!
- The longer you hold your tail up, the longer your ass remains uncovered.
- I don’t want to say anything bad about myself, but if I were a princess locked in a castle with a dragon, then brave knights would storm this castle in the hope of saving the dragon.
- Adult life is when “March home!” It’s not the mother who screams, but the wife.
- Of course, you can go to the gym, eat healthy food, take care of your body... But I drink - I chose my soul.
- When I was 14-15 years old, hunchbacking in my grandmother’s garden, I loved listening to Rammstein and thought that I worked very well with him. So cheerfully, rhythmically. Now I believe that working well is not for Rammstein, but when you get paid.
- Whether you like it or not, you want to want it!
- IN Lately the phrase “Dear girls” took on a slightly different connotation.
- Monte Carlo. Meeting the wishes of clients, local beggars agreed to accept credit cards.
- In the morning, when I see myself in the mirror, I want to marry him plastic surgeon. During the day - for the cook. In the evening - for a massage therapist. I'm windy.
- Being a fisherman is much cheaper than being a hunter. Because when you drank and slept with other people’s women for three days, and then bought fish as an excuse, it’s just money, but when you bought a wild boar or deer, it’s completely different money.
- Many people have started to wear fitness bracelets at work. This is how plankton upgraded to phytoplankton...
- Cool life statuses for all occasions - Having not stinted on beauties for the Russian people, nature did not skimp on fools.
- There's no one in the world perpetual motion machine, but there are eternal brakes...
Today I talked so much that even my left lips are cramping...
A gentleman never leaves the woman he loves. He leaves her to be desired
People feel such a need for love that some even love their spouses
Some look at things philosophically, others look at their absence
Did you know that if the only furniture you have is a coffee table, then you are not a journalist, you are an alcoholic
Linguistics or 100 and 1 ways to put a student to sleep
In crooked hands and the calculator freezes
Students from the Mytishchi Culinary College invented the “Dream” sandwich. This is when you have two pieces of bread and you dream of meat between them
You are a real businessman if “Mask Show” is not an entertaining TV show for you
From a news agency report: “A group of Russian hackers hacked the security on the main server of the Lord God and set themselves endless money and eternal life.”
If there is an answering machine, then there must be an auto-plaintiff
If you are tired of your cat, do not rush to throw it away: it can make a wonderful rabbit in sour cream!
Treat people the way you want them to treat you. Give your husband some tights!
Of all my wife's relatives, I like me the most.
When was democracy born? -When God brought Adam to Eve and said: “Choose yourself a wife.”
You often hope that a person is covering your back, but it turns out that he is simply hiding behind it.
The old man threw the net into the blue sea. The blue sea has become cloudy. The old man had not washed his net for a long time.
In Natasha Rostova's life there was only one man who could do whatever he wanted with her. His name was Leo Tolstoy.
Mothers love their children more than fathers because they are more confident that these are their children... /Aristotle 384-322 BC.
Yesterday at a reception in the Kremlin, my wife American Ambassador refused to eat pears, citing the fact that she knows what they do with them in Russia...
The best husbands are civil servants: they never come home tired, and their newspaper is always read by this time.
If you drank two hundred grams, drinking three hundred is a matter of honor!
You can't spoil a beautiful woman with cosmetics.
“Na-Na” in English - “Take That”.
Your pussy would buy Whiskas... hold Murka tight.
Don't spit in the well - there's an ammunition depot there.
Freebie! How much in this word came together for the Russian heart!
There is no such pure and bright thought that a Russian person could not express in a dirty, obscene form.
Head of the administration.
Finnish vodka in warm company is better than warm vodka in Finnish company.
Democracy with elements of dictatorship is like constipation with elements of diarrhea.
I'd like to beat you, but it's a pity for my teeth.
You slurp less, you eat more.
Yesterday in the yard I was fooling around with the children... We played the game “Freeze!” Only I quickly ran out of liquid nitrogen...
Is it surprising that Columbus discovered America? She's so big it would be surprising if he didn't notice her
Pondering life leaves no time to live
Time heals, don't waste it in queues to see doctors
Father's house is the house where they reprimand
The majority will endure everything, except the minority
Yesterday I talked to a sexual maniac. He told me to go to hell all the time...
The less you spend on the Internet, the children will be healthier!
When running away from a heart attack, beware of hyperdynamia
If a girl's heart is closed, knock on her kidneys.
The highest degree of gaming mastery is when the gamer and the computer slow down in sync.
The mouse ran, waved its tail - it would be carried away and slammed into the wall!
Woodpeckers caught marmots in flagrante delicto!
The computer does not obey the laws of physics. Only in it glitches arise out of nothing, files disappear into nowhere, and volume is measured in meters and is called weight.
Any girl will be at your feet, the main thing is to hit her in the jaw with the first blow...
A hedgehog with a hangover simply became anti-tank.
Due to the lack of everything else, foreigners usually say that they liked our people the most.
Eating is much more interesting than losing weight.
Tax infection.
A samurai differs from a surgeon in that when he cuts the stomach, he knows why he is doing it.
Every day your wife Masha.
To neglect is to not abuse enough.
My phone rang... Who's talking?... Riot police!
A distinctive feature of most natives is their love of humanity.
The only thing more fun than an elephant in a china shop is a baby elephant in Faberge's shop.
There is a sign on the bus: don’t sit in the conductor’s seat, next to it on the glass: don’t look out the conductor’s window...
If you scatter yarn and knitting needles on the floor in your apartment, then grannies will appear in the apartment.
On Monday morning you really envy the unemployed.
The gender reassignment surgery was successful. I'm quite.
Eight hours of sleep at work.
Cod liver causes liver cracking.
...And finally - about the weather. On weekends in Magadan it will be 30 degrees. 15 on Saturday and 15 on Sunday.
For almost half of the people, life is an evolution from young stallions to old bucks.
Petrov, you are an idiot!...but captain... This is an order!!!
“02” - if somewhere a person is in trouble. “03” - if somewhere a person falls into “02”.
Courage is not about starting a fight, but about being able to avoid it.
Moldavian scientists came to the conclusion that most vitamins are found in pharmacies.
Uncultured people litter everywhere and don’t even notice, but cultured people throw garbage and suffer greatly.
Who in the world is the cutest, the most rosy and the whitest? Salo.
All day long, garbage was flying, from silvery metal... a lot of unidentified garbage these days...
Have you ever tried drying your hair with a mixer? The hair turns out thin, but curly!
Justice, at least sometimes take the side of those who are on your side!
Saving is a way to spend money without any pleasure.
A lazy person is a person who does not pretend to work.
Evening darkness is more pleasant than morning darkness.
Computer games have made a monkey out of man!
Appetite and guests come during meals.
The subscriber is in the zone and is temporarily unavailable.
Nobody knows as much as I don't...
I want to live forever. So far it's working.
Take people's word, certified by signature and seal.
One head is good, but with a body it’s better.
Is it okay what I say when you interrupt?
You shouldn’t respond to evil with violence, you can’t even imagine what raped evil is capable of!
If you think smoking doesn't affect a woman's voice, try flicking the ashes onto the carpet.
Talk, talk, I always yawn when I'm interested.
A woman is kind: she can forgive a man everything, even if he is not guilty of anything.
If you hesitate for a long time, you can sway everyone...
How quickly time flies: you don’t even have time to wake up and you’re already late for work.
A woman driving is like a star in the sky: you see her, but she doesn’t see you.
Workers are needed to work on the job. Payment in money.
What a pity that you are finally leaving...
Life is what happens when you are busy implementing other plans.
Healthy sleep not only prolongs life, but also reduces working hours.
Hurry up to live so you can start all over again.
I want to go to hell, not heaven. There I can enjoy the company of popes, kings and dukes, while heaven is inhabited only by beggars, monks and apostles.
Be careful what you wish for, otherwise your wishes may come true.
There's no point in growing wings if you don't know where to fly.
For such jokes, there are gaps in the teeth.
May you drown in a puddle!
Say something! -Anything!
One more word and the composition of your teeth will change.
A woman driving is a car without a driver!
Dog, dog, let's be friends! We’ll fly with you to distant countries, and people will look and say - the dogs are flying, autumn is coming...
They ask me - Are you friends with your head? I say yes! Every day we go to school with her, we sit, we go out, we sit at home, and at night I tell her fairy tales!
Grandma had two e-mails at once: One is honest, the other is on the left, Just like that, for spam
Better plaster and a crib than granite and a fence...
Be sure to get married. If you get a good wife, you will become happy, and if you get a bad wife, you will become a philosopher.
How to get there and there?
If a horse tells you that you are crazy, then you are...
A good disease: sclerosis: nothing hurts and there’s news every day!
You walk through a hemp field and the river will tell you!
Cats that eat Whiskas are the best food for your dog.
One day Carlson put his pants on inside out... This is how the meat grinder appeared.
The terrorists who seized the distillery have been unable to formulate their demands for the fifth day.
One head is good, but two are mutant!
The energy of laziness is the most inexhaustible.
I'm not sleeping, I'm just blinking slowly.
Pass the fare! -And the magic word? -Abracadabra!
Hey, what’s this, well... this... damn, I remembered! NIC!!!
Appreciate fig source books.
Don't go into the water near the chemical plant.
You're spinning like a squirrel in a meat grinder...
I came to you with greetings, with an iron and a gun.
Riddle: red bed, heels stick out Answer: red bed heel sticker
MTS - My Yours Listens
When you talk to God, that's prayer. When God talks to you, it's schizophrenia!
Don't steal, the government doesn't like competitors!
Men are always right and women are never wrong.
To prevent you from smelling like garlic, rinse your mouth with kerosene...
When I eat, I am deaf and dumb, cunning and fast, and devilishly smart...
The baby is a great example of a ruling minority.
May you live as poor as you are!
God created woman later because he did not want to listen to advice when creating man.
A genius sleeps within each of us, and every day it grows stronger.
I am made from a man's rib to protect his heart...
Gorilka is not Ukrainian vodka, it is a small anthropoid monkey.
A girl is like a calculator: she adds problems, takes up time, multiplies expenses, divides property!
A well-hinged tongue always itches.
It's no wonder women don't have time for anything: just look at their tiny watches.
Tell me what you're thinking about and I'll tell you what.
The most irresistible women's cosmetics are powder for male brains!
The later the ambulance arrives, the more accurate its diagnosis...
If Eve did not cheat on Adam, then why did humanity come from apes?
The weather vane was nailed down tightly, and the wind was blowing doomedly in the indicated direction...
If you are late for work, it means you have it.
The absence of complaints about the quality of parachutes does not mean they are impeccable!
The terrorists' demands for ransom have been met. The terrorists were ransomed and put to bed.
April Fools' Day is an American folk holiday.
No one has ever died from knowledge, but I don’t want to risk it.
By elevator: The elevator is not working. The nearest elevator is in the next entrance.
The goose also thought he was swimming until the water boiled...
My salary is good... small, but good...
On the post: I will buy an apartment in this house.
They greeted us based on their clothes - and they also showed us off poorly.
Psychiatrists are the first to see changes.
In order for a cow to eat less and produce more milk, should she be fed less and milked more?
We will live hard, but not for long.
There was one strong wind that he turned out cigarettes along with his teeth.
I was slightly scared.
What roof doesn't like driving fast!
My hair used to be dry and lifeless, but now it's damp and wiggly.
A sponsor is a person who finds it easier to part with money than to explain where it came from.