Books, mind maps and more. Caucasian and Georgian toasts But very proud

Painting by Leonid Gaidai Caucasian captive has become a cult. Words cannot describe her greatness. Today we decided that it would be better to publish not phrases from the cinema, but… toasts!

What's this?
- You need a toast.
- Yes.
- A toast without wine is the same as the wedding night without a bride.
- No, I don't drink.
- Do I drink? What is there to drink?
***
To live, as they say, is good!
- A good life is even better!
***
- You misunderstood me. I don't drink at all. Do you understand? I don't have the physical ability.
- That's about it - the first toast.
***

My great-grandfather says: I want to buy a house, but I don't have the opportunity.
I have the opportunity to buy a goat, but I have no desire.
So let's drink to ensure that our desires coincide with our capabilities.
***
- Well done.
- So.
- Listen to another toast.
- So…
***
And when the whole flock flew south for the winter,
one small but proud bird said: "Personally, I will fly right into the sun."
She began to rise higher and higher, but very soon burned her wings and fell to the very bottom of the deepest gorge.
So let's drink to the fact that none of us, no matter how high he flew,
would never leave the team.
- What happened dear?
- What, what is it, dear?
- I'm sorry about the bird!

And the princess hung herself on her own scythe out of anger, because he
I accurately counted how many grains are in the bag, how many drops are in the sea, and how many stars are in the sky.
So let's drink to cybernetics!
- To your health!
- To your health!

Yesterday it was solemnly announced that Georgian wine is returning to Russia. And not only does it return, but not a single sip has been sold yet, but this return has already been called “triumphant”. And everywhere the joyful faces of winemakers flashed, with full confidence predicting the sale of their products at least ten million bottles a year.

And I am by no means trying to portray myself as a connoisseur or a professional, but I speak as the most ordinary consumer and representative of such a standard Moscow family who, without especially smacking their lips, not chasing show-offs and not rolling their eyes with the antics of a real sommelier, just buys in ordinary supermarkets a couple of hundred bottles of wine a year.

They have already warned that the rehabilitated wines will cost "more than three hundred rubles." As consumers, we know exactly what that means. That is, even for three hundred you can not buy. And so I go to the store. And there now the price range is, of course, very large, but it is within these limits that it is easy to find decent enough products from Bordeaux, Rioja or something like that in the assortment. So what can move me for the same money, and, most likely, more expensive, to buy a bottle of Saperavi instead?

And it was no coincidence that I started with this, after all, including the dry one. Because most of the other Georgian wines popular in our youth, such as Khvanchkara, Kindzmarauli or Akhazheni, are only semi-sweet. Have you seen us for a long time? big lovers similar? I have not seen such people for more than twenty years, since about the time of the Soviet "fire extinguishers".

I will open one for you little secret and I think that I won’t let anyone down, because he is known to almost everyone. I don’t know where, how, but in Moscow for a long time in many decent restaurants of Georgian cuisine you can order Georgian wine. From the most seasoned and vintage to young and homemade. Moreover, it costs much cheaper than the "branded" from far abroad. But they take it very rarely. Is that some foreigners for the exotic. And even our local Georgians prefer French, Italian or Spanish, in extreme cases, Chilean.

I must say right away that, of course, I don’t have any statistics on this topic, but I only ask the Georgian comrades out of patriotism not to start reproaching me for lying and claiming that in fact they drink exclusively drinks of their own. historical homeland. It is enough just to go off the street without warning into any institution of this kind, and you will see what is on the tables. There will be basically some kind of Valpolicella, and not at all Khvanchakara.

And I want to mention one more nuance, quite far from the gourmet and aesthetic side of the issue. Of course, our vodka is constantly becoming more expensive, and we are proud to say that the percentage of its consumption among the people in relation to wine is steadily declining. But still, no matter how much this white villain harms the people's budget, there are still no problems to buy rubles for one hundred and fifty excellent "half a liter". At the same time, I know many people who are ready to take a bottle of products from the Medoc region instead of two or three, or even much more bottles of vodka. But somehow I can hardly imagine a person who is able to exchange the same amount of forty-degree water for 0.75 "Georgian semi-sweet".

I just ask you to understand me correctly. I'm not going to argue with anyone, I'm just very interested in how this whole story will end. Who will buy and drink these same ten million bottles a year, to put it mildly, extremely peculiar alcohol? Nostalgic old ladies, lovers of "sweets", not really paying attention to his taste? Moscow Georgian patriots, at least in this way wishing to express their love for the land of their ancestors? Oriental youth, who suddenly considered it a fashionable "baubles" to change a vulgar cocktail in a club for a glass of "Ojaleshi"?

It is extremely curious what is at least an approximate social and psychological portrait of the intended consumer. Somehow I have some doubts about this.

Not to mention the fact that I personally have these “wine from Ivanishvili”, regardless of their taste and quality, a stake in my throat. But physiological features one specific organism can be ignored. The rest, who will "triumphantly" drink, you?

November 29th, 2014 02:00 pm

One small but proud bird...

Latvia is a country with a population of just under two million people. One third of the number of only registered residents of the Moscow region and one fifth of the same official number of Moscow. Slightly more than half of the population of the distant Krasnoyarsk Territory.

In terms of territory, Latvia is comparable to such countries as Sri Lanka, Togo, Croatia. It is smaller than Denmark, Bhutan and Haiti. From east to west, the country - from Ludza to Ventspils - can be traveled in six hours, which is about 450 km, and from south to north - from Daugavpils to Valka - in three and a half hours, which is about 280 km.

The population of Latvia consists of twenty percent of "non-citizens". These are people who were born in this country but are not ethnic Latvians.

Yes, do not be surprised that the twenty-first century is in the yard, and in Europe there are countries that deprive part of their population civil rights. In addition to Latvia, such a racial policy is pursued by Lithuania and Estonia.

Despite the already small number of inhabitants, in fact there are even fewer people in the country. As soon as Latvia joined the European Union, its inhabitants began mass labor migration to the UK and Ireland. According to unofficial statistics, and there is simply no official one, up to 80% of the able-bodied population of this proud country works as servants in hotels Western Europe, repairs plumbing, sweeps the streets. Local population treats them in much the same way as we treat migrants from Central Asia.

There is no economy in Latvia. GDP is slightly larger than in Côte d'Ivoire, and less than in Tanzania. This country is not able to maintain either its own army or navy, therefore all foreign policy statements by the Latvian government are associated with hysterical requests to ensure their security. In response to these statements by the United States and NATO countries placed their bases there, thereby leveling the country's independence as an independent state.

In addition to poverty, or rather because of it, nationalist sentiments are strong in Latvia. Russia, which has been feeding this country for fifty years, is usually called the occupiers and considered enemy number one.

Russia, in response, is still the main sponsor of life in Latvia. We are supplied not only with industrial goods from this country, which are not in demand anywhere else, but we also organize everything cultural events proud state. This is the New Wave in Jurmala, and the wailing KiViN in the same place. The Russian cultural figures flocking to Latvia provide the proceeds of hotels, restaurants and, thereby, contribute a significant part to the country's meager budget.

This summer, the Latvian government finally lost common sense. It came to the point where it was ready to gouge out its own eye, just to make someone worse. To the festival new wave The Latvian Ministry of Foreign Affairs refused to issue visas to some Russian artists.

I, that it's time to stop sponsoring the economy of a country that is unfriendly to us, refuse to import it, and respond to the aggressive and insulting statements of the head of this state that have recently been heard in the news feeds.

It seems we have been heard. Igor Krutoy, who is the organizer of the New Wave in Jurmala, is considering moving the festival from Latvia to another country. In response, the Latvian Foreign Minister

Visako-Visako, where the peaks of the gray Caucasus,
Where the burning sun caresses the blue of the sky,
Once upon a time there lived a small, small bird, so blue-eyed,
Proud titmouse bird, her name is Aveshavi.

Chito gvrito, oh chito, - that's what her friends called her,
Let her be small, but generous and rich in soul,
Which with its breadth overshadows the whole heavenly distance,
He will greet everyone, whoever comes to visit him in the Caucasus.

Someone blue birds wants, and who is an inaccessible crane.
Everyone dreams of at least tearing a pen from him.
Only there is no better bird for friends than their Aveshavi.
Everyone who knows her will never tire of praising her.

Here are dashing horsemen, pulling their hats over their eyebrows,
Sincere songs are sung about their Suliko.
The kunaks of our bird are practically blood brothers,
They dance so that Tsiskaridze himself would hardly be able to ...

***
Song of Kunaks Titmouse

I met a girl, lips are honey, her eyebrow is a crescent,
Peach is juicy and tender - my blood stirred.
She flew away, waving goodbye with her wing, in the sky,
And now the jigit has love in his soul.

Golden-haired, do you want me to give the moon and the stars?
Forty fat rams will I bring to the gates of my father?
On the branched trees we will build huge nests,
And we will live happily in this blooming garden!

I’ll throw a cloak under my feet: “Assa!” And I will dance a lezginka.
Where are you, my Aveshavi, where is my Suliko?
I don’t want a crane, I want a blue-eyed blonde! ..
The bumblebee will buzz to us among the fragrant kurai stalks.

The sun will be reflected in glasses of wine,
There will be hops-suneli kunak sprinkled on barbecue!
Genatsvale! I have important information to say:
Aveshavi, let's quickly sing beauty!

Her speeches are sweet, like acacia honey, like churchkhela.
The heavenly voice intoxicates like intoxicated Khvanchkara wine.
From the confessions of horsemen, fikbuk became a little timid ...
Happy birthday, titmouse! We wish you love and kindness!

... So let's get back to our sheep. To graze a flock
The shepherd drove out under the hoarse barking of dogs.
A winged pair watched him from the sky -
Lanky crane and titmouse. Such a fate

In birds: to look at the earth from an unearthly flight
Bird brethren, notice everything on a sharp turn.
The crane was not worried about worldly concerns
About food and a nest, about offspring in a green boundary.

He admired himself openly - the grace of wings
In the reflection of a mountain lake, a bold bend
Neck, slender legs… lovely and stylish
He imagined himself. Oh, such a body - brains!

And Titmouse on the tree cleaned feathers decorously,
Sending a crane sometimes an unobtrusive look,
The one who said: "And in appearance it seems like a decent man ..."
But actions, not appearance, about many things, friends, they say.

It so happened that a falcon started hunting nearby.
Even a sharp-sighted predator sometimes wants to eat.
And for the falcon, the pursuit of every prey is work,
After all, a lot of gluttonous chicks ask for food - at least howl!

Crane? Or maybe a titmouse for dinner?
Even a small bird is good for chicks.
The crane is preferable, this is not a carcass, but a carcass,
Falcon can be satiated at a time baby.

The falcon fell like a stone, breaking the subcortex of the crane.
The crane lazily caught frogs in the swamp,
Gourmet looking for fat and fat - with caviar,
I didn't expect an attack. Falcon strike surprised!

The crane swayed, its head buzzing like a drunken one.
- Dear Sokol-effendi, you confused me with a titmouse!
The falcon took off again, down again, and the job was done:
The dead crane collapsed, not having time to complete this speech.

***
So let's raise our glasses to the smart titmouse bird!
It is better to be small, but to live long and joyfully.
Let's drink, brothers! And sisters. We are all used to
Compose for friends and drink for their birthday!

My great-grandfather used to say: "I want to buy a house, but I don't have the opportunity. I have the opportunity to buy a goat, but I don't have the desire." So let's drink to ensure that our desires coincide with our capabilities.

At a driving school in Georgia, a driver's license applicant takes an exam. The inspector explains the traffic situation:

You are driving down a narrow road. On the left - high-high mountains. On the right - cool-cool abriv. Suddenly on the road - a beautiful girl. And next to her is a terrible, terrible old woman. Who will you press?

Of course, the old woman!

Fool! .. You need to press the brake!

So let's drink to the fact that in a difficult situation we do not forget to press the brake!

On the beach, a girl asks her mother: "Mommy, why do aunts have smooth bathing suits, and uncles have bulging ones?" The mother was embarrassed, she wanted to spank the girl, but then she said with a serious look: "And the uncles, daughter, put money there."

I propose a toast to rich wallets!

And then one small but very proud bird said:

Personally, I will fly directly to the Sun!

And she began to rise higher and higher, but very soon she burned her wings and fell to the very bottom of the deepest gorge!

So let's drink to the fact that each of us, no matter how high he rises, never breaks away from the team!

One Georgian tells a friend:

Understand! I went to the doctor, and he says to me: "You can't drink! You can't smoke! You can't be with women!"

Poor fellow! sympathizes friend.

What poor thing am I? I gave him money... and he allowed me everything!

Let's drink to rich people!

Let's drink to those men who can stand up for themselves and lie down for others!

Who lies - he does not fall. The one who runs falls. Let's drink to the runners!

I am walking one night through the park, the moon, the stars, and the guy and the girl are kissing on the bench. I go another time: the moon, the stars... and the same guy on the same bench is kissing another girl. I go next time: night, moon, stars... and the same guy, on the same bench, already with the third girl.

So let's drink to the constancy of men and the inconstancy of women!

Once a swallow with her little chicks escaped from predators and ended up on the edge of a deep mountain gorge. And the first chick began to ask:

Mommy, move me and I will always love you!

You're lying! - said the swallow and threw him into the abyss.

Mama, move me, and someday I will save you too! - said the second chick.

You're lying! - said the swallow and also threw him into the abyss. And the third chick said:

Mom, save me, and when I grow up I will also save my children!

But you are telling the truth, - said the swallow and saved him.

So let's drink to the bitter truth!

An elderly man was standing at a bus stop, a young man approached him and asked: "What time is it?". The man didn't react at all. The guy repeated his question. Again silence. With a strong curse, the stranger left.

The person next to me asked indignantly:

Well, what a manner, why didn't you answer the young man?

I'll tell you why. Here I am, standing here by myself, waiting for the bus. A guy comes up to me and wants to know the time. Let me answer. Then we can start a conversation, and he will offer: "Let's drink a glass." Then we'll drink one and another. Then I will offer him a snack, and we will go to my house, fry sausage with eggs in the kitchen. At that time my daughter will come in, and he will fall in love with her, and she with him. After a while they will get married. But why such a son-in-law who cannot buy a watch for himself.

So let's drink to men who can buy everything they need!

They say that a losing streak sometimes turns out to be a take-off.

So let's drink to our joyful prospects on the runway!

Let's drink for honest and modest people! Especially since there are so few of us left...

Don't drink water if you can drink wine!

Don't drink wine if you can drink good wine!

Don't drink good wine when you can drink very good wine!

And most importantly, do not forget to drink so that you always have money for something that is better!

Women are divided into three categories - "ladies", "not ladies", and "ladies, but not for you."

Let's drink to the fact that you have lived for 132 years.

And so that at the age of 132 you died.

And not just died, but killed.

And not just killed, but slaughtered.

And not just stabbed, but out of jealousy.

And not just out of jealousy, but for the cause!

So let's have a drink here

In that world they will not give!

Well, if they give -

Let's drink there and drink here!

Friends! Let's drink to our enemies. So that they have everything: a country villa, a luxury car in the garage, Persian carpets, a swimming pool, a fireplace, and of course, a satellite phone that they would only call on 01, 02 and 03!!!

First toast: Goodbye! We won't see you sober today!

No need to chase a woman like a departed tram. Remember that the next tram is coming from behind.

So let's drink for trams to run more often!

God made a man out of clay, and he had a small piece of clay left.

What else do you want to blind, man? God asked.

The man thought: everything seems to be there - arms, legs, head - and said:

Give me happiness.

But God, although he saw everything and knew everything, did not know what happiness was. He gave the clay to the man and said:

Blind your own happiness.

For our success in this matter!

Let's drink to the fact that late at night we were walking down the street and we were attacked by money! But we couldn't fight them off!

Once a young horseman was riding through the mountains of beautiful Georgia with his beautiful wife. He hit as strong as a bull, as fast as mountain river, his eyes were like those of an eagle, the dagger was sharp, like an attack of appendicitis, his mind was tortuous, like astrakhan fur on a hat ...

And now, on a rock, above the road, a mountain goat appeared. And the horseman at full gallop drew his gun and shot at the animal, but not a single muscle trembled on the goat's muzzle. Then he stopped his horse and, taking aim, fired again, but the goat did not even move. Then the horseman got down to the ground, and kneeling down, fired again, but the goat only jumped aside. And when the horseman wanted to lie down for a shot, the goat had already disappeared. Both the young horseman and his young wife died of hunger.

So let's drink to the fact that on our life path such goats did not come across!

Dear women! I wish you always have four animals: a mink on your shoulders, a "jaguar" in the garage, a lion in your bed and a donkey that would pay for it all!

Once a camel asks his mother:

Mom, look at the horse's slim, thin legs, but why do we have such crooked paws?

But we will pass through the desert, but the horse will not be able to, it will get stuck.

Mom, look how straight the horse's teeth are, but why do we have such crooked and bent teeth, and saliva flows all the time?

But we can eat thorns in the desert, but a horse cannot.

Mom, look how smooth and beautiful the back of the horse is, but why do we have such a thing hanging out there?

But we can survive in the desert for two weeks without water, but a horse cannot.

Mom, why the hell do we need all this at the zoo?

So let's drink to survive in our zoo!

A girl's weapon is her clothes.

Let's drink to general disarmament.

An eagle flew high in the sky. And the Eagle had a beautiful pearl necklace around his neck. Suddenly, a golden eagle flies out from behind a cloud and says to the Eagle: "Give way to me!"

But the proud Eagle said: "No!", and did not give way. And they began to fight. They fought day and night and no one could win. In the heat of the fight, Berkut accidentally broke the necklace and the pearls scattered all over the Earth...

So let's drink to those Beautiful Pearls that sit here among us!

A turtle swims along the river, sits on its back poisonous snake. The snake thinks: "I bite - it will drop." The turtle thinks: "If I drop it, it will bite."

So let's drink to the right female friendship that can overcome any obstacle!

Women are flowers. And the flowers are beautiful when they bloom.

So let's drink to promiscuous women!

A guy comes to the sorcerer and asks:

Make me a member to the ground.

The sorcerer thought, thought, and made him ten centimeters long legs.

So let's drink to a well-composed technical task!

Let's drink vodka to the generation that chooses Pepsi! Because we get more!

People say: "If you want to make the right decision, consult your wife and do the opposite. I drink to our wives, giving us the opportunity to difficult situation find the right solution.

One evening a young woman came to the telegraph office and in a trembling voice asked for a form. She wrote a telegram on one form, tore it up, then on the second - and tore it again. Finally, she wrote a third telegram and handed it to the window, asking her to send it quickly. When the telegram was sent, and the sender went home, the telegraph operator asked about the first two.

Here is what was written in the first:

Its end. I don't want to see you anymore.

The second had this text:

Don't try to write and see me anymore.

And the third one was:

Come immediately by the next train. Waiting for an answer.

So let's drink to the constancy of the female character!

Recently I was in France and got into a conversation with a Parisian.

A good woman, he said, is one who has a husband and a lover.

Is it? I thought it was bad, I said.

No, the bad one is the one with only a lover.

And I thought it was fallen.

No, the fallen one is the one who has no one.

And I thought it was lonely.

No, a single woman is one who has one husband.

So let's drink Dear friends, for single women!

One wise Georgian said:

If you want to be happy for one day, get drunk.

If you want to be happy for a week, get sick.

If you want to be happy for a month, get married.

If you want to be happy for a year, get a mistress.

If you want to be happy all your life - be healthy, dear!

So let's drink to the happiness of all those present - to health!

Going to war, the king put a chastity belt on his charming wife. Mounting a horse to ride on a campaign, he called his faithful friend and servant to him:

I give you the key to my most important treasury. If I am killed in the war, you will unfasten the chastity belt my wife wears. And you will do it exactly one year after my death. Only you can I entrust this key, for I do not doubt your honesty and nobility.

Honored with such confidence, the friend and servant bowed to the king, kissed the sovereign hand and took the key. The king had not had time to drive far from the castle, when he heard the clatter of hooves: he was overtaken true friend and a servant.