What to do if you love a married man and he loves you. What to do if you fall in love with a married man

Dear “other” women! Finally, understand one simple truth: if a man is married, you are nothing to him!

No married man wants to exchange one wife for another. He may swear his love to you, write passionate text messages and be very affectionate, but all he needs from you is sex and raising his own self-esteem. You are nothing more than just a toy.

If he is married and cheats on his wife with you, you are the “other” woman for him. You're not the only one he sleeps with. And that suits him.

1. He is satisfied that you come to him and then go home. He has no obligations to you. You are a great option to have an easy and enjoyable time.

2. He is satisfied that he can get everything he needs from you. In other words, he's just using you. You give him sex, flatter his vanity and make him feel special. Why would he change anything?

3. He's okay with NOT spending all his time with you. If a man truly loves you, he will find a way to spend all his time with you. He will buy you gifts, pay for you and help you solve your problems. But instead he returns to his wife, spends time with her and buys gifts for her.

4. Everything he does, he does for himself. He has sex with you because he likes it and because he shouldn't. Afterwards, he sends you home or goes home to his wife himself, because it’s convenient for him.

5. Your communication is full of mysterious sadness. Of course, he must be as brief as possible, because it is difficult to remember everything he says to all his mistresses.

6. He will cheat on you. If by some miracle you still manage to destroy his marriage and take him away from his wife, you can rest assured that he will cheat on you too. The whole point is that the forbidden fruit is sweeter. Cheaters know this better than others.

Therefore, girls, if you managed to meet a man for whom you are the only one who wants to be with you all the time - appreciate him! If you don't appreciate decent man, he will be forced to assert himself with the help of other women.

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In a relationship with a married person, someone always ends up on the sidelines. It is impossible for a love triangle to bring happiness to all three participants. Someone is bound to lose in this game. And, as a rule, the loser is the one who initially, knowing about the bonds of marriage, embarked on the path of dishonest relationships. Dishonest, because this specific man not free, he already has obligations to another woman and even to children. And the mistress in this situation acts as a destructive link that breaks family values, brings them to naught.

Unfortunately, this topic is familiar to me firsthand. I myself once fell into the trap called “love for a married man.” The good news is that I managed to get out of this triangle without other people’s losses and without other people’s shed tears. The tears were mine. And wasted time.

Maybe my story will serve as a lesson for someone, because sometimes we learn not only from our own mistakes, but also draw conclusions from the mistakes of others.

We met this man on the Internet. The handsome young man in the photo wrote to me then : “I’ll come, steal and get married!”

In his profile there was social status: not married, no children. A correspondence began. Word by word, even without this man’s letters, I felt somehow sad, as if something was already missing. In a short time, this person became very close to me, since we found many common topics, interests, and thoughts. With him you felt as if you were on the same wavelength, which was not the case with others before.

But for some reason our communication was limited to virtual correspondence. He said that he was abroad, scuba diving and conquering the deep expanses of the Red Sea together with a group of tourists. According to him, he was a free diving instructor. With your own madly interesting stories, adventures, sense of humor, he attracted me even more. My interest in him grew day by day. I myself saw that he used every free minute to go online and communicate with me.

But no. There were always some excuses, reasons why it was impossible to show your face and call.

So our virtual romance continued for several months. He kept promising to come and definitely meet.

Of course, my suspicions began to creep in. Even any diving tour cannot last that long.

- Maybe you're not who you say you are?- Unable to bear it, I asked him. - Maybe you have some kind of injury, you can’t walk or something else?

The truth turned out to be quite banal. Realizing that it was no longer possible to hide his identity, my virtual lover admitted that he was married.

Zhe-na-t. Shock. Stopper. Panic. I didn’t have any emotions and feelings then. I had already planned a bright future and cloudless happiness with this man, without seeing him with my own eyes, but in the depths of my soul, firmly believing that he was exactly the one I had been looking for for so long. By the way, the photo also turned out to be fake, just like his words.

Why, having learned the truth, didn’t you put an end to the relationship? Hard to say. Probably because this game has gone too far. A game on his part. He said that he got married Great love, but after a few years his wife became a different person. And no matter how much he tried to mend the relationship, no matter how much he tried to understand his woman, there was no longer any mutual understanding and contact between them. These are his words.

Then, being no longer abroad, as he initially lied, but only in a neighboring city, which is 70 kilometers from mine, and this is only 1.5 hours by car, we still could not see each other. Either business, then family circumstances, then the wife’s suspicions, in general, anything to continue this flirting on the Internet, but not to come. True, he has already started calling, and not just writing on the Internet.

- I won’t get a divorce,” he immediately dotted all the i’s.

- And I? What do you need me for?

- You are my outlet, my like-minded person, my soul mate,— the man continued to nurture my pride. - You gave me so much life, you can’t even imagine. With you I truly live.

Realizing that this was a vicious circle and that this was not the kind of relationship I was expecting and dreaming of, I still had the strength to part with him. Of course it's not easy. Of course, not the first time. Read about how to survive breakups in the article “ How to survive a breakup with your loved one? " After the quarrels, communication was resumed. And again everything went according to plan. No. That's not what I want. Not this kind of happiness and not this way.

Almost seven months of lies, broken hopes, a sea of tears and disappointments brought me this relationship with a married man.

Very often, men, having lost that spark towards their wife that was originally there during romantic courtship and the first years life together, are looking for new sensations on the side. Sometimes it may not even be physical contact, but psychological. An outlet, like I was for my virtual. Although emotional betrayal is sometimes much more significant than physical betrayal. When a person betrays only with his body, without giving his heart, it doesn’t hurt so much when his soul is with another person. When his thoughts are busy with someone else.

One of my friends was also caught in this love triangle. True, she initially knew that the man was married. What at first began as light flirting and a relationship without obligations, over time developed into a complex romance, where she no longer felt as easy and carefree as before. And all because, in her opinion, this man has become “hers.” The wife's feelings were not taken into account. She simply did not exist for her mistress. She firmly believed and expected that the cheater would finally make up his mind and leave the one with whom he supposedly felt bad, and they would live happily ever after.

A threesome tango is doomed to failure from the start. Two people must participate in this dance, the third is always superfluous.

The most big mistake in a relationship with a married person, this is not the hope that he will eventually become free. And the fact that a person includes an egoist. Only taken into account own feelings and interests. The woman does not think that she could be in the place of her wife. And it will also hurt her, hearing how in the middle of the night her sweetheart receives some text messages that his clothes smell of perfume. Yes, even if a man is a super conspirator, you cannot hide from a loving heart that something has changed in the relationship.

In life, everything comes back like a boomerang and sooner or later there will be retribution for other people’s tears.

There is a phrase - in love all means are good, you have to fight for your happiness. Yes, fight, but at what cost? At the expense of another person? Who gave this right?

Getting on the path love triangle, the woman, without noticing it, sinks deeper and deeper into a swamp of lies, from which it is sometimes not easy to get out. You yourself may find yourself in the role of a wife, about whom an unfaithful husband will invent unpleasant stories for his mistress.

Taking a woman as his wife, a man swore love and fidelity to her, to be with her in sorrow and in joy. Now what? It's easiest to switch to new object adoration than staying honest in family relationships. By agreeing to an affair with such a liar, you yourself automatically become an accomplice in a hypocritical performance. Because a worthy person will not play a double game. One who has a concept of honor, responsibility for loved one will never run from one house to another, change one bed for another and frantically erase love text messages. This is beneath the dignity of a real man.

Do you really need one? And do you have the right to push aside that woman who once believed her man and agreed to share her life with him?

Happiness does not come where there is a place of lies, hypocrisy and betrayal. On such rotten soil, where pseudo-love is watered with other people's tears, happiness will never grow. So isn’t it better not to initially become a gardener who does not sow goodness, but destroys it... After all, everything is in your hands.

You can become both an executioner and a savior. Savior not only of your life, but also of the life of another person.

Sincerely, Mila Alexandrova.

Free meeting
at the Women's Club!

What happens to us when we choose a partner who is already married for our love relationship? What guides us when choosing this particular person?

This is probably the most striking example of the fact that all our actions are not dictated by our mind. And at “full” our subconscious scenarios are turned on.

Subliminal Scripts

There are several of them:

“All the normal ones have already been snapped up”
“Without fish, even cancer is a fish”
"True love is always unhappy"
“He is my ideal soul mate”
“I don’t need much, and this will do”

There are probably options and also, life is very diverse in its manifestations. But look, respect for yourself and your partner is initially “lost” here. Initially, a certain “tragedy” was inherent, overcoming difficulties and stepping over someone’s interests...

We are not talking now about those cases where the relationship of a partner in his family “comes to naught.” Although in any case: without completing a relationship with one partner, it is impossible to build one with another. There will always be a “look back” at the first ones.

In these cases, it is best to ask yourself the question “why am I denying myself full-fledged loving relationship?. And, as a rule, we can see our fears and our disappointments in close, loving relationships. Fear of getting hurt again or being rejected by an important person.

Many traumas associated with partnerships originate in childhood - in relationships with parents. And it is then that we decide something for ourselves for the future and for ourselves as a participant in partnerships.

What kind of me am I: “loved” or “unloved” in my family, do I deserve to be loved or should I be content with “little things” and something big and complete is not for me? What happened in your childhood, and when and what did you decide? It's always safer to be in the background to avoid being rejected.

For example, not to play the main roles, but to be in the background? It’s really safer to “be rejected,” but on the other hand, you simply cannot be responsible for something that doesn’t suit you!

It’s as if someone else is running your life and determining your happiness. Look at this: is this what you really want for yourself? Why is it so scary to be rejected?

Close relationships are always about openness and vulnerability. Here it is impossible to get anything valuable without the risk of pain and misunderstanding. Often, in order to find a worthy partner, it is simply necessary to gain the experience of “being rejected” (by someone who we really don’t need)…

What do we find attractive in a married man?

He is clean, healthy, well-groomed (most often)
He is relaxed because... feels more calm and secure (this relationship is “secondary” for him, i.e. less significant), he takes less risks
He is less demanding and more generous, because... knows that “this is for a while”
He participates in relationships more creatively and with imagination, because... there are unfulfilled desires that for some reason are blocked in family relationships (this reason is his, not his wife’s, as we like to think)
We feel like a winner in this hidden (and sometimes obvious) competition with another woman.
For us it = prize, gift, bonus. There is no this terrible word “responsibility” here, we are PLAYING here, we are just children.
We also know that this relationship is only “for a while”, it’s a game, a training session... But for the fullness of the sensations, we create within ourselves a “tear”, a “tragedy”, something else - that it is important for us to live and feel in life according to our life script.

This is neither good nor bad. It is important to see and know what actually influences your choice of partner in a personal relationship. We looked at a situation where a woman falls in love with married man. But the opposite situation is also true (a man falls in love with married woman) has the same roots and reasons.

Without completing a relationship with one partner, it is impossible to build one with another. It is much more useful to ask yourself questions about your fears, your limitations and solve them with the help of professionals in personal growth trainings, for example. Seeing and starting to use your personal resources to live 100% is the most important thing in life. Take action - and you will definitely succeed! Irina Udilova

Alexey Polyakov (Moscow), psychotherapist, senior trainer at GRC-Relationship Centers, talks in a video about what attracts women in a relationship with a married man:

From the second video you will learn how to end a relationship with a man:

Depending on what attracts you in a relationship with a married man, there are various ways ending the relationship.

If in this relationship you get romance and a lack of resolution of everyday issues, then think about whether it is possible to create a family with another man, where there would be as much romance and no fixation on everyday problems.
If you see your man as a “father” from whom you receive unconditional love and support, then it is important for you to look at your relationship with your dad. And learn to receive love and support from your family. And then there will be no need to look for it from your partner.
If you are focused on feeling important and are ready to save your partner for this. Think about how you can receive this significance in another area and from within, without receiving this significance at the expense of another person.
If you are not ready to take responsibility for maintaining a long-term relationship, then think, maybe there is nothing wrong with it, that you will take responsibility and start a family with another man.

And the most important advice

If you love giving advice and helping other women, check out free education coaching from Irina Udilova, master the most in-demand profession and start earning from 30-150 thousand.

Loving a married man. How complex are these three really? simple words? Someone might read this and say that this is impossible? No matter what your opinion is, you will agree that this is a very controversial and morally sensitive topic. Where does it all begin? From the touch of hands, an innocent conversation, a glance? This article is for women who are in love with married men and need positive advice and answers to their questions.

Steps

Part 1

The meaning of attraction to a married man

Part 2

Secret love story

First of all, judge in the abstract. It goes without saying that having an affair with a married man is something you will generally try to avoid. To be absolutely clear, having an affair with a married man is easy way ruin several lives, including your own. However, if it is too late, you can still do everything possible to minimize the harm to your lover and his family members. The best way to do this is, first of all, to take measures that will ensure that no one “ever, ever” finds out about your connection. Below are just a few examples of how you can save love affair in secret:
- Contact your lover only through secure communication channels (secret mobile numbers - a good option for this) and only when you are “sure” that he will answer himself.
- Never advertise your relationship. Don't tell anyone - not even your friends. Don't even make any veiled hints or suggestions about a connection.
- Don't spend time with your loved one in public. You never know when or where you will run into someone who knows him.
Define the terms of your meetings from the beginning. To avoid unnecessary broken hearts(which can happen "no matter" how well you hide your affair), you must establish absolutely clear boundaries with your lover as soon as possible. For example, you can make some of the following restrictions:
- No lover will ever ask another to sever ties with the “real,” no matter what happens.
- No lover will ever try to take the relationship into a “more serious” direction.
- Both lovers have the right to end the relationship at any time.
Keep jealousy and other feelings in check. When it comes to connection, envy is a recipe for disaster. If you're a married man's secret lover, you definitely "should" agree with his desire to spend most of his time with his wife and family. If you cannot come to terms with the fact that you are the “second woman,” then such a relationship will be even more destructive for you. Never, never, never let your jealousy get the better of you. This may force you to make decisions that could end in disaster for you, your lover, and/or his family.
- If you are considering doing something drastic out of anger or jealousy, try waiting one day before taking action. Never act without cooling down and considering all the consequences of your actions.
Don't become a home tow truck. When it comes to married men, there is the most ancient advice. Having an affair with a married man is very bad, but destroying his family is even worse. The mistress must remain “very, very far” from his home, his family and “especially” from his children. Never let your lover be forced to choose between his family and you.
- This advice will benefit both you and your lover; if you try to interfere with his family, you will essentially be forcing him to choose between you and his wife, which could end very badly for you (don't say anything that might destroy his family).

You have the right to a relationship that is entirely about you personally. Never stop looking for a person who is capable of an honest relationship.
Value and respect yourself. You should not be at his beck and call, you should not be available only at a time convenient for him. You are inevitably at the bottom of his priority list, and he still has to make some kind of effort to love you. If he is not capable of this, do not hesitate, refuse and move on to find someone who will try for you.
Seek professional help if you feel like the situation is getting out of control and you can't seem to find the right solution. It's not okay to stay in a relationship that hurts you or abuses you in any way.
This article Not invites you to start relationships with married men; it is strictly for those who are already dating a married person and need support. Do yourself a favor before you listen to "why shouldn't I do this or that" and do him a favor and treat him with respect; get rid of inertia, double standards, regrets. Failure to comply with this requirement can only result in a disservice. This type of relationship is not for the faint of heart.
If you are not up to the challenge of fighting other girls on the side or another woman, dating a married man is not for you. You must be able to accept this and understand your condition.
Make sure he's not the only one you're giving your attention to. Be around friends, go out, have drinks and let him know you don't need him. A married man is accustomed to a submissive woman and that is why he is with his wife. You must be the opposite of his wife because everything she does (or her personality) causes him to seek relationships outside of marriage. Treat him like a king, but let him know that he is just one of your fans. You will definitely become irresistible to him.

Warnings

You will try to please him because of a constant feeling of competition with your wife. Calm down! This is not a race. Be confident in your decisions and analyze the facts from your point of view. Prudence is your key to success. Don't share your relationship with anyone. You must stand up for your decisions and actions in this relationship. You will have no outside support and will be considered an outcast. This will only lead to more despair and create unnecessary “emotional baggage” and doubts about your relationship.
You deserve someone who loves you. And everyone deserves to follow their own intuition - this includes a married man who wants you. It's okay to listen to your inner feelings.
When he starts having problems with his wife, children, work or health, you will remain on the sidelines. This will be painful for you if you are used to daily communication, but that is why he loves you. He feels that he can return at any time without any consequences.
Keep in mind, we are all sensitive beings and everyone involved in your life actually understands what is going on. The wife knows this too and silently agrees with what is happening - so you should not have any feelings of guilt.
Don't create, tolerate, or prejudge negative thoughts about him based solely on the fact that he's married. Follow your “intuition”, never allow “second attempts”. If the relationship is not entirely healthy, and if he is a womanizer, a sexual predator, or just a “cheater,” get out of the relationship as quickly as possible. Don't join sexual relations and do not do any immoral acts that will discredit you, his wife, or family members. This will be difficult because we, as women, on a subconscious level strive to create comfort for our men and we call all his “mistakes” in his world “right decisions.”

Love is unpredictable, but sometimes, unfortunately, it brings unpleasant surprises. Such a surprise may be that the man you like has been married for a long time and firmly. What to do in this difficult situation?

1. Determine accurately that a man is married. A man can wear a ring on his finger in memory of his wife who broke his heart - or he can not wear it at all, while being happily married. If you don't know Family status men, do not rush to get carried away with him, but first understand whether your chosen one is married or single.

2. Understand yourself. If it becomes clear that you absolutely love a married man, you should clarify your feelings, no matter what challenging task It didn't seem like it. You need to not just engage in soul-searching, but try to analyze the situation with all composure. What are the future prospects? Are you ready to be on the sidelines? Fight for your happiness at the cost of someone else's family? Step aside and let your man stay with his legal wife? How high are your chances of success? Asking the right questions will help bring clarity and untangle a little. difficult situation love triangle.

3. Find out about the plans of the chosen one. An important role is played by how the man himself treats you. If two people have found each other, and the marriage of one of them has been cracking at the seams for a long time, perhaps the game is worth the candle. Then your decision to fight for love will be correct. But don’t expect the man to reveal all his cards to you. If your married chosen one perceives you as a small affair that gets the blood pumping, things are bad. You can take life-changing steps to strengthen your feelings every day, but love is a matter of two people. It’s simply not fair to carry such a difficult situation on your shoulders to a bright future.

4. Determine your waiting period. An affair with a married man is fraught with long and meaningless waiting. Not all men are in a hurry to divorce their wives, break up the established way of life over the years of marriage, or have a long and difficult time dividing their children. You can wait for years for weather by the sea, remaining on the sidelines, celebrating holidays alone and waiting until there is time for you. Determine how long you are willing to wait fateful decision your lover. And if he is in no hurry to be with you, then you don’t have to sacrifice yourself and share him with another woman.

5. Give up illusions. If a man is not very interested in you, it may be easier to give up on your intentions. Do not grow a gestalt from scratch: you have decided that you are not on the same path with your beloved but married person, and therefore try to end this relationship as less traumatic as possible.

How to stop loving a married man

It is not so easy to erase a person from your heart and from your life. But sometimes you need to do this for your own well-being. If an affair with a married man has no prospects, the best solution is a decent exit into a new relationship. Rushing to build them right away may not work. But endlessly experiencing loss is also not best strategy. What to do?

1. Diversify your own leisure time as much as possible. Even if you think that you are in vain drowning out the melancholy in your heart with communication, and in the evenings you cannot find a place for yourself. Over time, it will become easier to cope with the breakup, and one day you will realize that you are ready to turn this page of life.

2. Limit communication with the object of your love. Ideally, reduce it to zero. Even if you work together, even if you have many mutual friends and if you really want to remain at least friends. You can become them later, but now it’s better to take more care of your life and yourself.

3. Switch your attention to another man. Remember that there are many other men around, and you are quite capable of finding a worthy partner who is not married to another woman. Start going on dates, try flirting or chatting in social networks. Don’t get hung up on the idea that a married man is the One and Only.

4. Don't compare yourself to his wife. This is the easiest way to get stuck in a hopeless relationship for a long time, and at the same time lower your self-esteem. There is no need to look for what you are worse at, or, conversely, to look for weaknesses and shortcomings in your rival. The best thing you can do is not to go on social networks and spend more time on yourself.

We wish you mutual and happy relationship. that it is simply pointless to spend it waiting for happiness. Start being happy now, value yourself and don't forget to press the buttons and