What to do if the wife has a lover? Does your husband have a mistress? Reasons for adultery

Flower of love and flower of passion,
Which one will you choose from the two?
A series of illusions and misfortunes?
Or light spirit of humility?

Incredibly practical and actionable advice wise mother.

An adult daughter came to her mother and asked her for advice:

Mommy, I love my husband so much. But recently I met another person... Now all my thoughts are only about him. I do not want to cheat on my husband even in my thoughts, but I do not have the strength to tear out a sinful feeling for another from my heart. What should I do?
To these words the mother replied to her daughter:

Daughter, our feelings are the flowers of relationships that grow in our souls. There are two flowers in your soul right now.

One of them is a dim, but such a gentle and noble flower of love for your husband, which you planted yourself. It will bloom all your life and bring joyful fruits if you water it and care for it reverently.

Another flower is a bright but poisonous flower of passion that has grown in your heart on its own, without asking. He, like a weed, steals all the strength from the first flower. And at the same time, it is short-lived and fruitless, no matter how you water it and take care of it.

Daughter, it is not in your power to snatch the second flower from the soul. It exists and there is no getting away from it. But you always have a choice - which flower to water, in which flower to invest all of yourself, and for which - not. If you water only the first one, then the second one will soon wither and disappear, ceasing to poison your soul ...

Lover and family

If you are thinking about why the family suddenly became bored or uncomfortable, then the answer is very simple - you started watering the second flower, we will call it a weed. And this weed takes away the energy and strength that you should have directed to the development of relationships in the family. Interestingly, anyone and anything can be a weed: there may be acquaintances to whom you spend too much time; maybe a job that takes not only time, but also energy, because you think that it is more important to earn more money to feed your family. But what's the point of watering an already completely dried flower?

Yes, and think about it, because it was the first flower that inspired you to achieve a lot, gave you strength and confidence in this direction. However, a person tends to get used to everything that he has, ceases to appreciate and cherish what he has. Therefore, sometimes it happens that for the sake of some bright weed, a person simply tramples down the flower of his life... weed. So the flower begins to fade little by little...

And remember, weeds are very annoying and arrogant, don't let them down. They now and then appear on the beds, and just when you don’t expect at all ...

Remember, everything in this world requires maintenance and care. If something is not taken care of, it starts to break down. And how much effort and time do you need to apply then, so that something develops?

“Love, which is not renewed every day, turns into a habit, and that, in turn, into slavery and routine”
Gibran

In addition, the most valuable and expensive thing is what you put your whole soul into, all of yourself, all your time. Be careful, invest and develop only what will bring happiness and joy in the future, not tears and suffering.

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Written by Xenia. “I have a family: a husband and an adult son, 15 years old. And recently a lover appeared, by chance, several times an employee offered to give me a ride home from work, and then it started spinning. For some reason, I quickly became attached to him. Although on the other hand, I understand that my husband knows only work, computer games and friends. I completely forgot about me!! But I still love him... or I think I do. I'm not going to get a divorce, I want to save my family, we still have a child whose life is just beginning. But I have a lover and I want to be with him almost all the time! I was exhausted and tired of hiding everything from my husband and son. What should I do?"

Olga, first ask yourself, why do you need a lover? For the soul, for sex, for money, for communication, for status? What did you respond to? If for the soul - a serious matter. You need to sort out your relationship with your husband, improve them - if you really want to save your family. If you need a lover for sex - weigh what and whom you can lose, and what to stay with. In the event that a lover supports you - when money is so important to you, then with the words “I want to save my family” you are cunning, you are simply lying to yourself.

Sometimes women convince themselves that dating on the side for them is a source of normal communication, a breath of “fresh air”. Forgive me - sincere communication does not depend on belonging to gender!

On the other hand, honestly answer yourself the question: “Who are you for a lover?” I am sure that the answer, which you admit to yourself, will put a lot of things in their place in the situation. If you can’t cope on your own, try asking a psychologist a question for free or get psychological consultation online.

Decide why you need a lover, finally what you want from life - if the family is really the main thing for you, try to find another way to make up for what you lack so much.

Harmony in relationships is real. It would be a wish... :)

I have a lover but I'm married updated: February 10, 2016 by: Alina

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Incredibly practical and actionable advice from a wise mother

An adult daughter came to her mother and asked her for advice:

“Mommy, I love my husband so much. But recently I met another person... Now all my thoughts are only about him. I do not want to cheat on my husband even in my thoughts, but I do not have the strength to tear out a sinful feeling for another from my heart. What should I do?

To these words the mother replied to her daughter:

- Daughter, our feelings are the flowers of relationships that grow in our souls. There are two flowers in your soul right now.

One of them is a dim, but such a gentle and noble flower of love for your husband, which you planted yourself. It will bloom all your life and bring joyful fruits if you water it and care for it reverently.
Another flower is a bright but poisonous flower of passion that has grown in your heart on its own, without asking. He, like a weed, steals all the strength from the first flower. And at the same time, it is short-lived and fruitless, no matter how you water it and take care of it.

Daughter, it is not in your power to snatch the second flower from the soul. It exists and there is no getting away from it. But you always have a choice - which flower to water, which flower to invest all of yourself in, and for which - not. If you water only the first one, then the second one will soon wither and disappear, ceasing to poison your soul ...

Lover and family

And remember, weeds are very annoying and arrogant, don't let them down. They now and then appear on the beds, and just when you don’t expect at all ...

“Love, which is not renewed every day, turns into a habit, and that, in turn, into slavery and routine”
Gibran

In addition, the most valuable and expensive thing is that in which you invest your whole soul, your whole self, all your time. Be careful, invest and develop only what will bring happiness and joy in the future, not tears and suffering.

Why is my husband cheating

It is quite natural that a deceived wife accuses her husband of treason, and considers herself an innocent victim. Nevertheless, it is absolutely necessary for a wife to understand the reasons for her husband's infidelity, showing maximum impartiality. Yes, it's not easy. But otherwise she will not be able to understand why the mistress seduced her husband, why at all married man paid attention to her.

It is not in vain that they say that understanding the essence of the problem means half solving it.

The wife needs to look at herself from the outside, carefully evaluate both her appearance and behavior. After all, her husband once loved only her. What has changed?

Often, wives, absorbed in work, household chores, childcare, lose their former attractiveness. They gain excess weight, neglect makeup, walk around the house in shapeless dressing gowns and slippers. Yes, and intimate life spouses are almost gone. Is it any wonder if such a wife one day finds out that her husband has a mistress!

Or, for example, a young wife often scolds and reproaches her husband. Whatever he does, she will find something to complain about. As a result, the husband goes home from work as hard labor. And he will almost certainly be drawn to a kind, delicate woman sooner or later.

Often, wives behave unceremoniously with their husbands, trying to command them, including in front of strangers. Or, on the contrary, they go out of their way, surrounding with care and literally not letting the spouses take a step on their own. In both cases, husbands experience strong moral discomfort. This can push for treason, the spouse will get a second woman.

Finally, a common cause of infidelity is sexual dissatisfaction. Many young wives are too passive in bed, they cannot get rid of stiffness, they often refuse their husbands, referring to fatigue, headache, etc.

Thus, they literally push their husbands into the arms of other women.

How to return the love of a husband to a wife

Having figured out what is the reason for the betrayal of the spouse, the wife urgently needs to take action. Go in for physical education and go on a diet to correct the figure, at least from time to time visit a beautician and makeup artist. Make adjustments to your behavior, trying to become polite and welcoming again. Get rid of both the commanding tone and excessive care. Try to become more active, relaxed in bed. If this is difficult to do, refer to sexopathology, psychology. Then the result will not be long in coming.

You stubbornly evade the answer. Turn everything into theory. Well, I will ask you a more specific question, I hope you will answer without excuses from the 10th time. So the development of the embryo emphasizes that all of nature was created by one person? why is it in the embryo? for what? why not make a human embryo immediately after cell division, because he himself did not come from anyone? why does he look like a fish? for an amphibian, for a primate? and only then per person? is it someone who sees without instruments? Or is it some kind of perversion? why are people often born very similar to animals? with tails, fangs, not upright, with thick hair? after all, all people descended only from people, do not intersect with animals, but can be born similar to them? How does your faith explain it? Only Kara and so on, not necessary. I'm finally waiting for a logical explanation and not fantasies. I repeat on jugs and bowls .. make an earthenware jug without clay and water, well! does not work? those. the jug and the bowl have one beginning, the development started from the lower and diverged later. If you go deeper, then initially any jug was clay at the beginning, then a mass with water, then a simple shape, then a round one, then a jug, then a handle is attached to it, a pattern is applied and it appears in its final form. You don't notice that there is evolution here too! This evolution can be stopped anywhere.. just make a jug.. set aside, then attach a handle to it and it will have a handle, then draw a picture on it or not.. but there is a final jug, the most developed of all. Now about space. You have no evidence that humanity has flown. And judging by the development, it could not fly in principle. Tales about global floods and the birth of mankind anew, also not. Now about rock paintings. Man always draws what he sees, right? Why are the pyramids and other primitive objects still preserved, but no details of flying and spaceships No? Why do people who have aircraft, who can do trepanation, have a primitive sewerage, pipeline, do not know how to make glass and do not light their houses with electricity? Maybe it was all not human and not from here? therefore, all the ships flew away and the remains and nothing at all, except for really primitive mechanisms, were preserved? How to combine high intelligence and sorry to eat from a pig trough? And lastly, you don’t know how to use sarcasm, don’t try to do something that you don’t understand, it turns out .. how to put it, it’s not very beautiful. I'm waiting again not theoretical reasoning and writing off your faith, but real answers. Which time.

if you don't want to listen say so. I'm just trying to explain logically to you, but you don't want to listen to anyone but yourself. You would have taken my statements and refuted them with facts and not just shouting that everything is wrong. Even you don’t have answers to all the questions posed - you don’t think that the embryo evolves in the mother’s stomach, adjusting to the environment? The fact that there are genetic mutations and failures does not confirm or refute evolution - there are errors and failures everywhere, and given that the failure occurs under the influence external factors(alcohol, tobacco, drugs, pollution environment etc.) then what is not the punishment of God? and the fact that a failure can be in any direction shows and the fact that animals are sometimes born with human face But that doesn't mean that animals evolved from humans.
As for without water and clay - so water and clay is an analogy of a cell. A cell is what all living things, including plants, consist of - this is the building material from which everything is made. And when you describe the process of making a jug, you show precisely its creation and not evolution (evolution is the mutation and adaptation of an adult organism under the influence of changing external factors) In other words, if a mug under the influence of hot tea began to adapt to a jug so that hot drinks were not poured into it - this is evolution.
About space - to say that humanity could not fly into space before based only on a separate section of history - this is ignorance clean water. If you read the Vedas, then there is a mention of aircraft and even dividing them into cosmic and terrestrial. Once again about the Maya and their drawing of a helicopter and an airplane - but can it not be that the drawing was applied before the disaster? and where do they all go? And by the way, as a builder, I am very surprised that you consider the pyramids to be a primitive object. Even now, with our technologies and construction machines, we will not be able to repeat them - because there the stone was polished after it was laid, and at the same time the stones were picked up in such a way that when they lay on top of each other, it was hard to push the pin through, and without any solution. And the purpose of the pyramids is still unknown - it was then that Tutankhamun restored the destroyed parts of the pyramid (as evidenced by different masonry walls - stones are perfectly fitted on one wall and clumsily laid and made on the other) and adapted for his own tomb.
Well, again, you miss the possibility of a planetary-scale catastrophe. Let's discuss what happens if tomorrow there is a disaster with a handful of survivors. That man will continue to fly into space? save the blueprints for the aircraft and spacecraft? But will these drawings be preserved on paper even after a thousand years? But the drawing of children of survivors hollowed out in a cave is easy. Why in a cave? so you think you can build modern house having lost all factories and building materials? can you at least produce cement, not primitive? And how much do you know the arrangement of at least sewerage and water supply in your own house? And how many ways do you know how to supply water to the house in the absence of electricity? Or do you know how to make a generator in the absence of copper and iron factories? Or can you make wire at home? I am sure that for you even getting a fire without matches is already a problem, but I am generally silent about the manufacture of glass. So it turns out that with high intelligence, survivors will be happy to eat from a pig trough if there is food.
And the survivors will be preoccupied with survival (getting skins and food - since factories and a refrigerator with food are already gone) and will not be able to pass on their little knowledge (within a small group of people) to their grandchildren, even write and read maximum, and then because of the small value this knowledge in the process of obtaining food in wild nature and they will be lost, only to be reinvented thousands of years later.
In general, take scientific works for all inexplicable facts and finds - there are many interesting things. Previously, even a series of brochures was called Knowledge with a scientific approach to every inexplicable find, including the Maya and the pyramids and a hammer made of pure iron (still unable to get pure iron) and rivets made of titanium (began to process since the end of the last century) and geographic Maps all of the earth made before Columbus's voyage, including Antarctica without ice cover (the accuracy of which was only recently verified using the echo sounder method).

I listen to you every time and the 10th time I ask you the same questions. You either theoretically invent something, then you avoid answers, then you ignore it. If you do not have answers to my questions, first of all, do not redirect them to me. I repeat once again, your faith is no proof of anything! I didn't give you the facts? Those. development of the embryo, archaeological excavations, not facts for you? I ask the question how does the development of the embryo confirm the existence of God? God is a geneticist? Those. he monitors every birth, but doesn’t have time to punish adults? if there are deviations, is it God's punishment? What kind of ignorance? It is ignorant to believe in something without the existence of some facts. As always, you have the same assumptions. If humanity flew into space, at least some artifacts should remain. You can’t fly into space on blocks of stone, it’s not like trepanning skulls. Here! The evolution of animals is an adaptation to the environment, but this evolution has a limit, strengths and other things, so animals began to develop a brain! It is not just the fit that survives, but the smarter!!! Who knows that it's easier to do smart, find a cave, make a fire, than just sleep in the snow and rely on your own warmth. About the drawings, I said, you are apparently not attentive, I will repeat to you. If there were such devices, where is something from them, except for the drawings? those. various antiquities have been preserved, but there are no parts and mechanisms? evaporated? And where is the evidence that the pyramids did not help people build someone with big mind And technical means? not earthlings, but aliens? then it is clear why everything in a person is overwhelmingly underdeveloped and primitive, and why there are no machines and mechanisms, they were taken by aliens. What an electoral disaster you have, it took away all the equipment! thinking world then? intelligent meteorite? highly developed tsunami? Now about personalities. I know very well about the sewage system in my house, I did it myself. I am also well versed in mechanisms, internal combustion engines and electric engines. It is not at all a problem for me to light a fire in such conditions, where you will die of hunger and cold. I repeat the question for backfilling. Where did at least some parts and details of machines, aircraft, spaceships go? Regarding time and decay, iron products of a much older age than the pyramids have survived to our time, and often in almost excellent condition. where are the very factories for the manufacture of these machines, metal casting and so on? also disappeared in a mysterious and mystical way? another smart disaster? Why destroyed items selectively? I will repeat several times. You can see, I don’t need to expose your faith to anyone and with fairy tales about many world catastrophes from your book. I'm waiting for an answer to at least one question. About scientific literature and the unknown. Who said that it was all done by man or humanity? Blind faith again? If a man did and went into a cave, became stupid to the beasts and the cave, how could he get back, without evolution, the knowledge that he had lost? And again the question is, where are the remains of mechanisms, apparatus, factories for the construction of these things, for the production of metals, minerals, and so on and so forth? where? disappeared? So selectively and consistently, or did people create mechanisms out of thin air, like they believed and materialized, and then, after death, everything dematerialized? I look forward to answers to such simple questions.

Do you even read what I write or just browse? I don’t tell facts, I tell the theory just like you - you also don’t have facts, but the development of the embryo proves absolutely nothing. But many archaeological excavations suggest exactly my thoughts - it feels like you are not interested in these very excavations at all and are trying to build your evidence on those excavations that you were told at school - look beyond your nose.
Also, you do not even know the essence of evolution, but you are trying to argue. So in evolution, it is the fittest who survive, not the smartest. The point is that you will be smart if stupid and strong neighbors will take your food away and you will die of hunger. That is why in nature animals are strong and hardy but not smart.
As for why the factories weren’t preserved - we don’t know, maybe human development was so great that factories weren’t required and everything was produced by some kind of energy (again, why are the pyramids needed?) and the fact that a person now knows this is 1% of those knowledge. By the way, there was such a scientist Nikola Tesla at the beginning of the 20th century, so what he did with electrical energy still remains a mystery, how did he do it? (read at your leisure - the Tunguska meteorite is also associated with his name).
Have you ever read anything other than a school textbook before arguing? and then I got the impression that I was arguing with school curriculum. And in general, read at least something other than the embryo.
Good luck. If you cannot refute at least one of my assumptions other than "all this is not true," then I have nothing to talk about with you.
P.S. If you understand the internal combustion engine - assemble it with my own hands in your garage, but not from engine parts, but from scrap metal, while the engine itself simply lies nearby as a sample (and at the same time, you must also make metal processing devices yourself in your garage, because where do you get it after a disaster), and if it starts and then I will be the first to admit that I was wrong and nothing should be lost in any catastrophe.