White crow collective. How to join a new team and not be a black sheep

The first time you encounter this is when you feel bad. These memories will hurt for life. The “White Crow”, unfortunately, is not the most special, it is the one who is expelled from the pack.

School of life or ticket to losers?

“I was so tormented ...”, “Mom, I don’t want to go to school”, “It was some kind of horror!”, “I want to blow them all up”, “I don’t like to remember school. Dot - that's what White crow. This is not the plot of the film, in which a loner became a leader, a beauty, an oligarch, but a bitter resentment for life, problems with learning, health, and the psyche.

“I was the black sheep at school. I was transferred to a rural school from the city in the 5th grade, and somehow I didn’t manage to communicate with my classmates, but I went through such a school of life in these 4 years, I got such a tremendous experience! I had to fight and run away ... everything was. I have become a strong personality, I know how to stand up for myself and for my family, I know how to defend my opinion. And for that I am grateful to my unfriendly classmates. Of course, I really would not want my children to go through this hell, but if I have to, I will teach you to stand up for yourself ... ”writes a participant in one of the Kharkov forums.

Start over

Why does the child find himself in such a situation, becomes a "black sheep", an outcast in the team?

There may be several reasons:

1. “Not like that” according to some formal sign: skin color; nationality; does not dress like this because her parents are poor; too full; too tall and thin; speaks another language; moved from the countryside to the city...

2. Psychological reasons. child in preschool age he was not used to communicating with children: he did not go to kindergarten, he sat at home with his grandmother or mother, he was often sick. He understands the language of adults well, can study well, but does not understand the language of children, children's jokes and pranks. Why do they laugh when it's not funny at all? How can you just walk up and push another person?

3. Too "bright personality." The child is completely absorbed in some kind of hobby, does not show interest in classmates, in common affairs, avoids communication.

I am not a very cheerful girl!

What should we do as parents? Where to run and who to contact - to the teacher, director, school psychologist? Whom to trust - the child or his classmates? What if this is a whim and soon everything will pass? Is my child afraid of difficulties or does he have developmental difficulties? Maybe it's enough to hire a tutor?

First you need to understand: what is the problem? Is it that our kid is not accepted by the team (class), or does he misbehave, or is he just making everything up?

Yes, I don’t say in vain - a baby, a junior high school student. We will start from this age.

A few words about adult teams, from the "white crow with experience."

“Not like everyone else” I have always been, but this does not mean that it was difficult for me everywhere. On the contrary, in elementary school I was a leader, in new teams I was both a leader, and a quiet loner, and just a participant - noticeable, but not "extreme". But she was always on the lookout. And I noticed one thing: a group of randomly assembled people always elects the "extreme". Some qualities of the group are unconsciously recognized as the "norm", and the one who does not fall into it is extreme.

At one of the jobs, already in an adult team, I observed how the kindest and calmest employee became such an “extreme”. The rest of the group knew how to stand up for themselves, to fight back, but he did not even try. They joked about him, they sent him on assignments ... but he did not mind! When he retired, it became clear: we miss him! With the help of the extreme, the group relieved stress. And since he was a calm person who accepts his role, and we are all adults who understand the line of what is acceptable, the group worked calmly. And here we are feverish. The new "black sheep" was the most irritable worker, who reacts sharply to jokes. The next candidate is the weakest worker in terms of character and working qualities. I give this example because it is the most constructive. We adults did not wish each other harm and were not proud of our behavior.

Children are, as adults like to say, "cruel".

Children are cruel

Why are they not friends with me? (narrated by Evgenia Levinshtein)

The child comes home from school and says: "The children are not friends with me." What is the mother's response to this? “Options from: “does it seem to you?” to “it’s just that you’re smart with me, and they are fools if they don’t appreciate you.”

My good, intelligent parents answered me something like this. They could not even imagine what the situation was in my school. And we had uniform hazing! I got into the “white crows” for many reasons: I came from the second grade, a Jewish characteristic appearance, excellent student, unsportsmanlike ...

What could my parents do if they realized how critical this was for me? Would you like to talk to teachers? Would you like to attend a parent meeting? On the Classroom hour? I am afraid that the situation would not have improved from this, but only worsened.

The only school a child from anywhere in the city could go to was math school, and I didn't want to go there. As I now understand, in vain - it was an excellent school, and not only in major subjects. There was a completely different atmosphere.

The only thing that saved me was that I had a strong rear - my family, that my classmates needed me on tests, and that in high school I already had real friends outside of school. All this helped me to survive as a person, but I would never do such experiments with my children. I don't want to teach them to "stand up for themselves" in this way!

Now parents have more opportunities to make the right decision.

The right decision

So, "I don't want to go to school." My friend, the mother of a 2nd grade student, did the same. She talked a lot with the teacher, with the psychologist, she analyzed the situation. The child did not complain, but he did not sleep at night. He was objectively ill. The class, in which 33 students gathered, was not a close-knit team, the teacher and the psychologist did not control the situation. Apparently, not only this child was bad. He was not poisoned, but he could not study normally. His whole feature was that he was often sick, and every time after the illness he went to school "like for the first time." The boy changed schools. He began to study in a class where there are few students, the teacher is attentive, the children are friendly to beginners. The boy's parents also tried, they continue to monitor the situation.

Something is wrong?

The decision was correct. Sometimes it is enough to change the class or school. Psychologists confirm that changing the team in a difficult situation is beneficial. Provided, of course, if the whole thing was in an unsuccessful reputation, in a place that the baby took by accident. What was a disadvantage in one group may be a plus in another.

But I emphasize - in this situation, the parents tried to understand what is wrong with their child ! They continue to work on it, this is the key to success, and not just a change of team.

The American Dream, or "Always Alone"

"We are one team!" - you hear from the screen in numerous films. Sometimes it really annoys me. "Leeds, don't break away from the team!" - a voice from childhood haunts me - the whole kindergarten, school, pioneer camps.

Leeds, don't break away from the team!

The team is good only the team should be . And I had no problem getting my team together or doing without one at all. My problems started when I didn't want to play someone else's game by someone else's rules. Against the background of guys who go against everyone alone, my problems are just nonsense. That is, “I am a schoolgirl” would not say such a thing ... but now I do. Three "nerds" or two "calanches" - this is already a force! By the way, this fact explains why there are so many signs of “features”. The narrow-minded big man is included in the group of "three-year-old boys", the fat quiet one is in the group of "solid quiet ones", out of five "aliens" they scoff at only one. Yes, according to my observations, the worst thing is being alone. Why is he alone?

Two white crows - already a small flock

It often happens that in a new team a newcomer does not have time to respond to jokes, to a test. He did not understand what was happening, by what rules they play here, and why he needed all these people. Every day the pressure continues, and it becomes more and more difficult for a beginner, everything gets worse.

The key words here are "why"? And who"? In your team, you know why you need these people, you solve communication problems, you make efforts.

I specifically highlight this point so that parents are not in a hurry to label the child as “sociopath”, “cannot communicate”, “autistic” and other buzzwords.

Yes, a child has the right not to be able to communicate with a team of 30 people, if he does not understand why he is here, if he has not found a friend, if he does not feel help and support.

He came to class like that - teach him to be different!

If you do not pay attention to this, leave everything as it is, in a few years you will get a “sociopath”, or rather, a student who is very, very difficult. New communication problems can be added, you will notice them!

Sometimes a child falls into the position of a “white crow” because of the attitude of classmates, and sometimes thanks to a teacher.

My funny trio

Mom says: “The eldest daughter was eager to go to school, and although she was exactly 6, I decided to pass her, especially since it is now mandatory.
The teacher was quite nice and intelligent, she said: “It does not matter that the child cannot read and write - we will teach. We do not rate. We don’t carry textbooks, we don’t ask d / z. ”
A week later, it turned out that d / z still ask. After 2 weeks, it turned out that textbooks still need to be worn. After 3 weeks, it turned out that the grades (in the form of “good”, “well done”, and “see.”) are still given. After some time, the daughter said that the teacher told them: "You, Anya, well done, and you, Lena, NOT well done." At the parent meeting I say: “Why are you talking about children's failures in class? I don’t want my daughter to feel like a dull threesome!” And the teacher told me: “Do you want her to become a fun threesome?” And I honestly answered “Yes!”
We moved to another school and after a while the learning problems disappeared.

In one article for older schoolchildren, they are advised to be proud that you are a "white crow", to accept yourself as you are. True, but... But maybe the parents should have started thinking about this situation earlier?

Many adults continue to be nervous all their lives because of their features, let alone children! “I am blue, speckled, scratched ...” and this is forever. Society does not accept this, I myself am against it, and parents are nervous, fussing, saying something: “It’s okay, baby, that you are blue, you will outgrow it.” But it's not true! It's not normal to be blue! I don't want to study in a class where they don't like me! I don't want to go to blue school! I want to be like everyone else!

What can be done? I know this way: to love your baby, it will give him protection and self-confidence. Accept him for who he is. Together with him to suffer and look for a way out of the situation. We adults have more experience, though, and we can find many ways to stop being blue-speckled, or learn to live blue, if it doesn't get better.

There is no need to pretend that this is normal, that it does not hurt. But we can help you live with it. For every case why the child was ill "because of this", I know more cases when kids grow up with it and become normal adults. Moreover, I know examples when “not such” children were not white crows expelled from the flock. They were members of a group, a little special.

So white crows find each other

big feelings

Adults don't understand!

For little people - great feelings. It is difficult for them, they are the first time. How to respond to an offensive joke? For aggression? To what they say out loud to you about what they are silent at home? What to do if the patient is hit with words? If underline errors? If accused in person?
At home, no matter what parents we may be, we do not offend the child as much as his classmates will. A teacher can offend and humiliate, and by accident. Children react - cry, fight, and it's good if they forget. A child may become a "white crow" not because of external differences but because it reacts sharply. He becomes a target.
Have you thought about it? Have you prepared your child for this? But he will have to face this, no matter how you protect him.
To prepare does not mean to make perfect or rude, inaccessible to ridicule, but to teach you to feel and cope with yourself. Assess the damage, do not take jokes and stupidity seriously, and vice versa, be able to see the "collision", irony, anger.
As long as the child has not grown up and hears you, believes you, this is possible. What to do for this? Be with him, be "in touch", and help. This is an occupation for years, not for one day. For some reason, our difficult experience of the “white crows” was given to us!

Photos by Natalia Mashkovich, Marina Lidis, Igor Solunsky

Whether we like it or not, work occupies a significant part of our time and conscious life in general. And, therefore, it is also important with what mood and well-being we stay there. The lack of full-fledged contact with colleagues, not to mention conflicts or intrigues, is a serious test for an employee. Why is the worker in isolation?

Social inequality. In a broad sense, any significant difference can play a negative role: a very young employee risks not fitting into a mature team, the problems of a wealthy employee will be completely alien to his less wealthy colleagues, and a highly intelligent team will look down on the "ignoramus".

Lack of common interests. Enthusiastic fanatics are not familiar with this problem: even in the absence of any interests that the whole team shares, they always have a favorite job that will take all the time and even a little more. And if you are not a workaholic and want to communicate on topics other than work? It may turn out that Friendly team fans of "Forumula 1" will get an avid theatergoer who does not distinguish Vettel from Hamilton, and his joy from the new performance will be out of place.

Thirst for originality. From a psychological point of view, two opposing desires are constantly fighting in a person: to be accepted and to be oneself - to remain special without merging with others. The desire to stand out can play a cruel joke: designer jewelry over the uniform, “heavy” perfume in daytime, isolation or, conversely, excessive sociability can signal to colleagues: "he is a stranger, he is not with us."

What to do?

Remember that with your charter they don’t go to someone else’s monastery, and apply a number of simple rules.

Talk less, work more. Look around carefully and do not rush to express an authoritative opinion on each issue: firstly, no one has canceled the obligation to work at the workplace, and secondly, there is a risk of violating the unwritten rules of the team.

"Build Bridges". Do not remain silent, try the exact opposite approach.

Alexander Epstein

business coach, head of the creative association "Culture of Speech"

Communicate, communicate and communicate again! All difficulties and conflicts in teams are due to the inability to build communications. One prefers to remain silent all the time, another does not know how to behave when faced with injections or manipulations in his address, the third is not able to keep up a conversation or tell a funny story during a break.

Of course, there is no magic pill in this matter, communication is a real skill that is developed through intensive training. One of the steps: I recommend reading Eric Byrne's book "Games People Play", there you will find some answers to the causes of conflicts in communication. Try to build equal-level and complementary communication with colleagues. What is it and how to achieve it? E.Burn has the answer.

Mimic. Once you understand the unspoken rules of the work environment, you will have to stick to them. If colleagues love team building or after-work gatherings in a bar, you should not immediately announce that your personal time is sacred, and you are used to having lunch alone, so you won’t go anywhere with them. It is especially important to keep general rules at corporate events and

Assess the potential. As you know, geniuses usually do not have a glorious character and special benevolence, and therefore are usually doomed to loneliness. Before you decisively reject colleagues with their incomprehensible quirks, think about what will follow next? If you are a unique specialist, of whom there are only a few in the labor market, the difficulties of “synchronizing” with the team can be ignored, many things are excusable for valuable personnel. But do you overestimate your own uniqueness?

Don't lose yourself. If there is a persistent feeling that work has become “stuffy” and no efforts help, you may really be in the wrong team. In this case, it is important to decide for yourself whether you really like the work so much that you can sacrifice for it with colleagues? It is possible that the answer will be positive.

editor-in-chief of the information and legal portal GARANT.RU

You can become an outcast in a number of ways different reasons: being a professional (for example, in a team of not very gifted people) or, conversely, a “weak link”, being uncommunicative or not separating at all corporate values companies… In each of these cases there will be a recipe for solving this problem. But before striving to put it into practice, it is necessary to answer the questions for yourself: “What if I am a “white crow”? Does it really interfere with my life and/or work?” Very often, the majority seeks the approval of the team or "gray cardinals", and often not the most reputable colleagues ... But why? Why become "like everyone else"? I would advise you to keep your individuality in any case, not to pay attention to the unpleasant attitude of colleagues and conscientiously do your job.

Of course, you can't please everyone without exception. In every office from time to time there are conflicts between colleagues. But there are times when the whole team unites against a common enemy.

Irina got a job not at all for the sake of money. Irina's husband earned very well, the children had grown up a long time ago, and Irina was frankly bored as a housewife. And therefore, at the family council, it was decided that Irina would start looking for a job. A suitable vacancy appeared quite quickly, and soon Irina went to storm her career heights. The team in the organization where Ira got a job was predominantly female. At first, Irina liked her new colleagues - they were all about the same age as her, and common topics for discussion, like parenting and favorite shows, soon found. But over time, Irina began to understand that in relation to her, her colleagues were gradually becoming irritated. When Irina talked about what stores she used to buy clothes in, where her children study, and what a gift her husband gave her on their wedding anniversary, the faces of her colleagues were instantly distorted with anger. And then they stopped talking to Irina altogether. If colleagues needed to discuss something, they left the office, Ira was no longer invited to dine and invite colleagues to birthday parties. Her documents were constantly “lost”, Irina was “forgotten” to tell about the meeting with her boss and his requests were not passed on. The situation became unbearable for Irina, and she was forced to write a letter of resignation.

Psychology of the victim

According to statistics, in Europe, every 25th office employee at least once in his life felt like a black sheep. We do not keep such a "record", but experts are sure that the figures are approximately the same. A similar phenomenon has existed at all times, but not so long ago a special term was coined for it - mobbing. Initially, the word "mobbing" was understood as the behavior of herbivores, which, united, can oppose a predator. AT public life this term has become a definition of aggression in relation to one or another member of the team.

So why, one far from perfect day, the inhabitants of the office begin to unite with the sole purpose of making life difficult for one of the employees? There may be several reasons: this is the struggle for a “place in the sun”, and elementary envy, and the fear of old-timers to seem incompetent compared to a newcomer who has come to the team. Both ordinary employees and the boss himself can take part in bullying.

But whatever the reason for the attacks, psychologists are unanimous in their opinion that the victims of pressure are most often people who lack self-confidence and for whom the opinion of others is very important. If a person is chosen as an object for harassment, in whom the dislike of the team does not cause any emotions, colleagues quickly leave him alone. After all the main task pursuers - to unbalance the victim. And therefore, if you find yourself in the role of a white crow, in no case show your opponents that you are offended by their ridicule or an announced boycott. Of course, it is not easy to keep a good face in a bad game, but try not to give vent to emotions. By the way, you should not respond with an insult for an insult either. Your anger is an indicator of your weakness, and colleagues will not hesitate to take advantage of this.

However, if work in this organization does not promise you magical prospects or fabulous enrichment, consider whether it is worth spending nerve cells in order to improve relations with the team. After all, the unfavorable working environment has the most sad effect on the health of employees, and therefore it is necessary to decide whether the game is worth the candle or it is better to find another job.

Why are you not loved?

Not always the attacks of colleagues are caused by their evil disposition or the desire to take your place. Perhaps you somehow deserved such an attitude of the team. Here is a rough list of the main office "irritants":

Complaints. Constantly telling colleagues about your problems, you evoke in them a feeling of pity and contempt at the same time. It seems that colleagues are obliged to listen to you, sympathize and offer their help, but in fact they do not want to do this at all. Such dangerous mix sooner or later, it can lead to the fact that, instead of empathizing with your troubles, colleagues will begin to take out their irritation on you. By the way, constant requests for help work in the same way. Of course, there is nothing wrong with asking colleagues to help you deal with paperwork from time to time or replace you for a while, but you should not turn such a practice into a system.

Snobbery. Even if it seems to you that your colleagues in their mental development have not gone too far from ciliates, you should not show them what you think of them. If you meet every statement of colleagues with a dismissive chuckle, be sure that your colleagues will not treat you well.

Boasting. luxury apartment, Vacation home, weekends spent in Paris - all this awakens a feeling of envy in your colleagues. And not always white. Therefore, it is better not to talk about your material wealth, especially if your colleagues cannot boast of a similar set of values.

??Breaking the unspoken rules. The longer the team exists, the more various traditions it has. Neglecting them can also turn the team against you.

Too active flirting. The new girl, who in an instant managed to drive all the men in the team crazy, can hardly count on good relationship with the female half of the inhabitants of the office. Jealous glances, vulgar jokes and gossip are the most harmless manifestations of discontent on the part of your female colleagues.

Poll

Bad boss

The National Union of Personnel Officers polled 916 employees of Russian and Western companies about what exactly makes the boss bad. For 40% of those surveyed, the worst quality of leadership is inconsistency. The two most terrible shortcomings that can forever ruin a working relationship are the boss’s inability to listen to subordinates and unprofessionalism. The manager's inability to listen to his team annoys 28% of the respondents, and his lack of professionalism – 24%. Further, among the shortcomings, the inability to admit one's mistakes, indifference and despotism were noted. Excessive kindness as a quality inherent in a bad boss was named by five respondents.

Incredible

Right to beer

Some workers manufacturing enterprises in Denmark on the verge of a strike. No, they are not demanding to raise their wages. Their dissatisfaction is caused by the attempts of the authorities to wean them from drinking alcohol in work time. Three years ago, in the country, 75% of canteens at enterprises sold beer during lunch break. Now only 13% of such canteens remain. Employers were forced to take such steps in an attempt to increase productivity, as well as out of concern for the health of workers. But their good intentions ran into serious resistance on the part of the labor collective at some enterprises.

"White Crow" in the work team

Go to the mirror and take a good look at yourself. Try to objectively assess your appearance. If you are prone to experimenting with your hair, eyes, arms, legs and other parts of the body, consider whether these experiments are too bold and if they do not make you a “black sheep”.

If the answer is yes, you must mentally prepare for the fact that you will be perceived inadequately, or change your appearance, bringing it to the norm accepted in society.

Let's consider the first option. If you are a “white crow” with principles and do not want to change yourself for any good of the world, then you should know the following.

Public prejudices can relate to so many things. For example, the appearance of a person (clothing, hairstyle, height, weight, etc.), behavior, profession, social and marital status etc. Frankly speaking, practically everything that is connected with us fits into certain prejudices that constantly weigh on everyone and turn all attempts to stand out and show their unique individuality into the causes of conflicts.

There are two possible reactions to the imposition of a person public opinion one image or another. The first is acceptance and following. An individual who has fallen under the pressure of imposed norms sooner or later loses his unique features and becomes one of the many similar to each other, completely devoid of originality of beings.

The second type of reaction is completely opposite. This is rejection and protest. He can express himself different ways: attempts to become even more prominent, sometimes reaching the point of absurdity, attracting the attention of everyone accessible ways, the desire to protest and make accusatory speeches in any suitable and inappropriate place, etc.

It must be said that both the first and the second way of reacting in extreme forms are pathological and should be considered by specialists of a narrower profile. We can give recommendations only to those people who are aware of the absurdity of trying to break through and understand that society cannot but develop such prejudices. But stereotypes of them can still find a niche in order to express their uniqueness, and not be like anyone else around.

Indeed, the "white crow" is one of these stereotypical prejudices. It means that the person who deserves this nickname is not only different from others, but these very others have difficulty communicating with him. And the problem is not in the "white crow". Impossible to find mutual language due to the fact that those around them simply do not know how they themselves should correctly respond to someone else's uniqueness, all their difficulties are purely ethical and personal in nature.

However, the human psyche has one peculiarity: he would rather blame a completely innocent person for his problem than admit his guilt. That is why people on whose path the “white crow” meets, starting to feel inconvenience and difficulties in communicating with it, naturally blame the one who caused these inconveniences for their discomfort, without trying to look for the cause in themselves.

And in order to somehow understand this individual (and this understanding is a necessary part of human thinking: after all, everything should be placed in a coherent system of our worldview and worldview), we give it a name, having heard which, each of us immediately understands what in question. But, perhaps, this image does not depend in any way on the real qualities of the person being discussed.

Thus, if you still decide to defend your position as a “white crow”, get ready for the fact that not only employees, but also most of the administrative staff of your institution will rise up against you.

You will be taught how to behave properly, how to dress, cut your hair, make up, talk, etc. These teachings can be the stricter than more prestigious job and the higher your position.

If you want to avoid such an attitude towards yourself in any way, just change your image to a more acceptable one, follow generally accepted norms, try to stand out with something that is much less able to offend others (for example, become the most punctual worker, the most accurate, the most professional). And you will never be called a "white crow".

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Social research conducted by psychologists and social workers those interested in the issue of "White Crow" in the team showed that in almost every school team there is "White crow”, - a creature different from all the others, and it doesn’t matter in which direction: bright leaders or downtrodden pariahs. That is why everyone has a different attitude towards them.

A study was conducted in high school, the result was as follows. For 50% of the respondents, the “white crow” does not cause either negative or positive emotions, so we called this group of guys "tolerant». 16% have a negative attitude towards it: they, relatively speaking,, "persecutors". 14% - "enchanted"the brilliance of an exotic bird. Finally, 19% of the respondents consider themselves"white crow".

"CHARMED"

Only 22 out of 156 respondents (14%) can boast of their boundless love and respect for the "white crows". In their imagination, the “white crow” is a kind of romantic image: a unique (82%) and strong (20%) person, who is treated with interest in the class (20%) and even considered the pride of the team (another 15%). Even the “white crows” themselves did not dream of such idealization, which, to be honest, tend to embellish their life with all sorts of different trinkets.
Fans of the "white crow" believe that the latter are endowed with expressiveness from birth (59%); a mysterious hereditary factor gives them such a dazzling halo that all the real disadvantages of isolation fade before it. Of course, at a young age, you can wear rose-colored glasses, but the chest opens simply: 20% of the "enchanted" "white crow" just ... came up with (it is not in their environment). And some secretly consider themselves to be this rare species of birds, but are embarrassed to admit it (10% did not answer the question about the color of their own plumage).
"Charmed" tend to embellish reality, they want to have a bright landmark in front of them. For them strong personality possesses attractive magnetism: in 50% of cases they will definitely accept the friendship of an exotic bird and in 9% of cases they are ready to try on its plumage. Another 55% would do it on an experimental basis.
They do not believe that in adult life The “white crow” is in for big problems, but the “charmed ones” still have some doubts about the cloudlessness of the future of such people (41% believe that one should not hope that the world will bend under the “white crow”).
Yes, our romantics want to believe that originality is a trump card in life (36%), and they don’t want to admit that they can, on the contrary, be hit on their foreheads for it (only 20% believe that the “white crow” is an object of aggression ). And yet, if this happens, the "enchanted" believe, it is necessary to protect such people, although without the intervention of adults.
Of course, if suddenly the “white crow” turns gray and becomes like everyone else, then they will stop pushing it, but how boring the world will be without it! And not a single "enchanted" wished our "black sheep" such a fate.
So, dear "white crows", know that there are only 14%, no, as many as 14% of the guys who admire you, envy you in a good way and are always ready to be friends with you!

The only wish from this group:

“Be yourself and give people joy!”

"TOLERABLE" MOST

"White Crow" is a rare phenomenon, but even among people who are neutral towards it, and such 50% (78 people), no one considers it the pride of the team. Most of the respondents admit that in the class she is treated with aloofness (24%) and even with disdain (25%).
On the question of the origin of the “white crow”, the opinions of the “tolerant” differed. An equal number of votes received hypotheses about some problems (in the family, financial, injuries) - 34% and about the congenital "whiteness" of the bird - 33%. But along with them, there were other opinions: this is a product of education (14%), such people are simply arrogant (6%), and in general that the “white crow” is still new and they just get used to it.
But, in spite of everything, unlike the ardent opponents of the “albino”, among the “neutrals” there were only 7 people who would never become friends with the “rare bird” (9% of respondents).
Of course, no one would like to be in the place of the "white crow": despite all their "tolerance", 72% of the respondents do not even want to even think about becoming one even for a minute. But still, there were daredevils who, for a short time, as an experiment, would agree, perhaps, to be in her place (28%).
The “albino” itself is considered by most of the “tolerant” to be a peculiar person (70%), the smaller one is downtrodden (21%), and only one individual thinks that our “bird” is strong. Apparently, because of its originality, the "white crow" often becomes an object of aggression - half of the respondents think so. But adults, such as teachers, should not interfere in these relations, since it will only get worse - the opinion of the overwhelming majority (83%). But it is still necessary to protect the "white crows" (62%)...
Who is to blame for the isolation of the "white crows"? 3% of respondents think that transitional age is to blame. Skeptics (13%) pronounce the verdict: "the humpbacked grave will fix it." And the majority thinks differently: 42% believe that the "white crow" is not a permanent state at all and life will make its own adjustments, 40% - that in another team this person can be accepted as one of their own. In short, the “neutrals” believe that the “white crow” still has a chance to enter the “flock”.
What about further fate rare bird, many "tolerant" find it difficult to answer (38%). 15% of respondents believe that she will be able to take a worthy place in life only if she changes. 22% predict big problems for her. And, finally, 20% think that our "albino" will definitely find himself in life.
But still, one should not hope that “the world will cave in under the “black sheep”: it is pointless - this is the opinion of the majority (53%).
But not everything is so scary. Each person is an individual and an individual. And the dissimilarity of the "white crow" to others is quite natural and even adorns it. And sometimes in bad attitude not only she herself is to blame for her, but also the team in which such a “valuable and rare view". So if YOU feel bad in your “habitat”, our “tolerant” majority advises, just change it.

And most importantly: "Be yourself - do not let YOURSELF DRY!!!"

"PERSEVERERS"

About 17% of all young people surveyed (26 people) expressed negative attitude to the "white crows". Such radical teenagers, of course, can be found in any team. According to 35% of the "persecutors", in the class the "black sheep" are treated with obvious disdain.
The negatively minded group, unlike the rest, believes main feature"white crow" her behavior and habits. This is a "man in a case", downtrodden and taciturn. Among today's energetic and advanced youth, he stands out for his fading. His appearance (and even movements!) Cause aggression from others. Almost half of this group (46%) think so. The reason that a person has become a "black sheep", "intolerant" consider education. Their diagnosis is radical and irrevocable: "the humpbacked grave will fix it."
But in their forecast for the future, they are in solidarity with other teenagers: it is pointless to believe that “the world will bend” under the “black crow” - she herself will have to “bend” under this complex and sometimes unfair world. She's in big trouble. Only one "persecutor" did not agree with this statement.
When asked about the possibility of friendship with the “white crow”, they answered “no” for the most part namely the "intolerant", although some of them did show signs of pity! Most of them, under no pretext, would like to be in the place of the “white crow”, because they do not see any advantages in her position. And the main disadvantage is the lack of communication, loneliness and complexes: “She has no friends, no love and friendship. She is separated from the world - this is not normal. You can’t live in isolation!”
In order for the “white crow” to return to the “flock”, according to the “intolerant”, it urgently needs to master the feeling of “herdness”. Many of them regard it as positive trait, and in life they try to be like others, so as not to stand out, not to attract attention. The "white crow" needs more self-confidence, openness and goodwill. And then she will feel like a part of a single team, which will certainly affect the attitude of those around her.
Some high school students, despite the rejection of the "white crows", gave some advice to people who find themselves in a similar situation: communicate more, listen to the opinions of classmates, not stand out from the rest, "love yourself the way you are ... in general: do not be sad , crunch, and everything will be ok.

"WHITE CROWS"

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We know that many of the guys we interviewed were simply afraid to admit the true color of their feathers, despite the fact that they are the very “white crows”. We express our gratitude to those who nevertheless decided. To our surprise, there were quite a few of them. 19% of the respondents (30 people) consider themselves white-winged. Of course, it was this group of guys that was of the greatest interest to us. She also turned out to be the most difficult. Each gave his own definition of the "white crow". “Birds” came across different, sometimes they did not lend themselves to any classification.

However, three groups can still be distinguished.

"Become the leader, and people will follow you!"

Party" href="/text/category/vecherinka/" rel="bookmark">party . Such teenagers feel powerful because of their otherness: "People are much more downtrodden, helpless and uninteresting than I am." In the classroom, they are often leaders, the pride of the team, but more often they are considered just arrogant, although they are treated with respect and even sometimes afraid.But whether they are able to become close friends to someone is the question.
“It will be easy for such people to break through in life,” classmates think. “They don’t depend on others, others depend on them.” However, this role is not as easy as it seems. Often they turn out to be hostages of their chosen position: one should never lose authority in the eyes of others, one has to remain silent about personal problems and always remain optimistic. You should never share your failures with anyone: the image requires sacrifice. As they say, what they fought for, they ran into. And it's still flowers.
At school, teachers find fault: they don’t like know-it-alls, on the street, young people’s earrings are pulled out of their ears, etc. You must always be on the alert in order to defend your individuality. But after all, just give these “kites” a reason to fight for their rights, and they will do it aggressively, but with brilliance. They are not going to despair yet, just as they are not going to change anything in their position (they fought for it so much!).

With pleasure they philosophize on the topic of their chosenness:

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As you can see, the direction with the flock is still chosen one. The next group of "white crows" is not in a hurry to get into the ranks of the absolute leaders. But such teenagers always have their own opinion on everything and are not afraid to express it to anyone. They simply do not want to accept "alien rules of the game" and do not keep anyone around them by force. In the class, such people are more often treated with interest (27%), and if negative, then by no means all: “I have many friends, but a person always has enemies, it’s just that these enemies express what they think to the face of the “white crows” .
They are independent, do not tolerate command over themselves, or simply do not need to communicate with those who are not interested in them. The reason for the isolation of such "white crows" inside them: their own independence, honesty, decency, unwillingness to merge with the "flock". 52% answered this way. This is - bright personalities! Even judging by the profiles, smart and interesting. Among them, the most popular definition in self-characteristics is peculiar (64%).

The "herd" feeling annoys them.
Why did they become like this? In most cases, the "white crows" said that they were simply different from others in character, without indicating any reasons. But, of course, the upbringing, the way of life of the family also influenced, for example: “ Frequent change schools, random business trips of my father to other cities, countries: living in Europe, I had the opportunity to communicate with interesting people.
83% said they would leave everything as it is and just move on with their lives. They already have everything: themselves, their individuality, a unique inner world, extraordinary thinking and, as a result, interesting life. Undoubtedly, time will pass and they will find their place in life.

Their motto: “We should not bend under the changing world, let it bend under us.”

“We need to change ourselves completely ...”

14% of the "white crows" consider themselves downtrodden. It seems like they are trying to "average", but so far it has not worked. Shy, shy, insecure and defenseless "white chicks". They blame themselves and only themselves for this situation. Here the real complexes may well develop. Yes, and in life for such people, oh, how hard.
People around them often ignore them and treat them with disdain. 12% of all "white crows" see absolutely no advantages in their position. True, you can focus on learning something, such as music or a language, and not waste time and emotions on “stupid people”. “Keep your opinion to yourself”, “you need to change yourself completely” - advice to brothers in misfortune.
Sometimes the "white crows" are seized by despair: "I will stop communicating with them (the class) at all." They (such 20%) categorically do not like their position in the class. They urge those around them to be patient: “White crows” are also birds, do not judge and you will not be judged, for each is a “white crow” in its own way.
Probably, “white chicks” need to change something in themselves first: maybe go to a psychologist, and then even change schools to make it easier to create a new image.

We really liked the advice to the “white crows” in one of the “normal” questionnaires:

“Love yourself first!” And then, perhaps, a real strong will grow out of the "white chick"

"white https://pandia.ru/text/80/093/images/image017_6.gif" alt="(!LANG: WHITE CROWS' APPEAL TO OUTSIDE" width="723 height=87" height="87"> !} What connotation does the concept of "white crow" have for you?

a) positive, b) neutral, c) negative.

2. Is there a “white crow” in your class, in your environment?

a) Yes, b) No

3. How do they treat the "white crow" in the class?

a) she is the pride of the team; b) with interest; c) wary; d) detached; e) negatively; f) with obvious disdain

4. How do you see her different from others?

a) in the peculiarities of the worldview; b) in the peculiarities of behavior, habits; c) in unsociableness, isolation, low self-esteem; d) in individuality, originality; e) in high self-esteem; f) in appearance, clothes

5. Why do you think the "white crow" turned white?

a) she was born like that; b) some circumstances led to this; c) problems in the family, material nature, trauma; d) it is a product of education; e) this person is just new in the team and they get used to him; f) arrogant

6. Do you think being a "black sheep" is a temporary state or a permanent one?

a) the hunchbacked grave will correct; b) life will make its own adjustments; c) transitional age is to blame; d) in another team, even today, this person can be perceived as their own

7. Would you be friends with the "white crow"?

a) yes b) no c) depending on circumstances

8. Would you like to be in her place?

a) yes, b) no, c) for a short time as an experiment

9. Have you seen the advantages in the position of the "white crow"?

a) I don't see b) she is a bright personality; c) she has her own outlook on life; d) it is independent and natural; e) she is well treated by others; e) it is easy for her to break through in life

10. What about the cons?

a) I don't see b) she is lonely; c) she must constantly fight for authority; d) it forms complexes; e) downtroddenness, isolation, pessimism; f) she is in public isolation; g) they mock her, envy her; h) it is difficult for her to break through in life;

11. What does the “white crow” lack in order to be accepted into the flock?

a) sociability, sincerity, openness; b) self-confidence, courage; c) "herd" feeling, flexibility in communication; d) feeling part of a team; e) adequacy of thinking, mind; e) the adequacy of behavior; g) normal appearance, clothes; h) another society

12. Continue the description of the "white crow" - this is a person ...

a) strong; b) peculiar; c) clogged

13. What is your personal antidote to social exclusion?

a) I communicate a lot, I am sociable; b) cheerful, have a sense of humor; c) natural, sincere, straightforward; d) benevolent towards people; e) do not differ from the "flock"; e) value friendship

1. Do you like the position in the class, the team?

a) yes; b) no; c) has its pros and cons

2. What do you see as the main reason for your position in the team?

a) to yourself; b) surrounded; c) in oneself and the environment

3. If the reason is within you, then what qualities prevent you from merging with the "flock"?

a) lack of sociability; b) my independence; c) lack of self-confidence; d) shyness; e) honesty, decency, modesty;

4. If the reason is in the environment, then what features of the class do not give you the opportunity to be one with it?

a) misunderstanding b) snobbery; c) cruelty and intolerance; d) contempt of others; e) people are downtrodden, uninteresting

5. Were there cases of aggression of others against you?

a) yes; b) no

6. Do you consider the current relationship intolerable?

a) yes; b) no

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